Two nights ago, whilst partaking in my usual night time activity of sharing my every waking thought with my Twitter followers (eg. “Also, can @kanyewest stop shouting at me? My Twitter feed is full of his capital letters.”) I came across something far more disturbing that Kanye.
A Tweet from the lovely Sam Frost.
To the fake accounts heavily trolling me online & into my personal life. If you wanted to break me.. Congratulations you have won. #broken ????
In fact I myself was upset only the night before after stumbling across some particularly cruel comments written about me on the Daily Mail.
For those who believe I might be crying wolf, allow me to give you just a small insight to the kinds of comments and messages I receive on a daily basis:
On an article about me being clucky, featuring a photo of me cuddling one of my friend’s new born babies: “Thank God no one is desperate enough to have a baby with her. And I’m thinking solely of the welfare of the child.”
On an article about me spending time with a male friend, who also happened to be on a reality TV show: “She is a cum-guzzling attention seeking degenerate.”
Sent to my blog message inbox: “You should probably go top yourself now. You’re going to die alone anyway. You do my fucking head in, I can’t stand you. Please shut up.”
And finally, one of my favourites, left on an Instagram photo of me and my ex-boyfriend enjoying a road trip: “I hope you both crash the car and die.”
Now I’m almost used to this kind of dribble. Three years on from Big Brother and I’d like to think that I’d grown thicker skin… or developed some kind of invisible protective barrier.
I’d like to think that…
But what really hurts, what really makes these kinds of comments penetrate through that barrier and infiltrate your brain, poisoning your self-confidence are those comments that play on your self-doubt. The ones that touch on something you already think or worry about, deep down inside. Those insecurities that you have because fuck, you’re only human.
They are the ones that are stick, the ones that make your heart hurt. The ones that put a lump in your throat that just won’t budge. The ones that make you feel like you just want to stay home, under the covers where it’s safe and you can’t accidentally “offend” anyone.
“Maybe I WILL end up alone? Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved?”
“Maybe I SHOULD just give up? Go back to a desk job, stop chasing my dreams, stop being a fucking idiot.”
And then you stop yourself and try to remember that these are faceless trolls, these are people who don’t know you personally (although they may think they do).
These comments come from cowards… bitter little people sitting behind their computer screens. Sometimes they don’t realise the power their words can have, other times they know full went and want to hurt you anyway.
So you try to remember this… but unfortunately the damage has been done.
You’ve read the words, you’ve felt the hurt. Those irrational insecurities and the crippling self-doubt have already started to bubble and fester away in your brain- replaying on a loop, keeping you awake at night.
I guarantee there will be people reading this now and thinking “Oh come on! You’re not even a celebrity? Why are you still talking?” or the classic: “You knew what you were signing up for! What did you expect?”
My answer to those people is that I wish this were only a problem for “celebrities” or people in the public eye.
Unfortunately however I’m talking about the universal issue of online trolling… the “bullying” of 2016.
Nobody is exempt and this shit has GOT to stop.
Watch famous women read mean tweets about themselves. Post continues after video…
Whether you’re tweeting Taylor Swift or Jess from school… your words matter.
They might not mean anything to you, you might think you’re “just joking” or that the person you’re sending all this online hate to won’t even notice but I’m telling you- they will and your words are damaging. The people you are directing these awful comments at are human beings.
It is not okay.
Now, this might seem like a really simple concept but clearly it’s not getting through to the masses:
If you wouldn’t say it to your parents… if you wouldn’t say it to your sibling or your partner… what on earth makes you think it’s okay to say it to a complete stranger? To somebody who goes to your school or who works in the next cubicle?
How would you feel if your little sister was the one crying herself to sleep?
How would you cope with losing a loved one due to online tormenting?
Enough is enough.
This world is already such a troubling and scary place.
Let’s not add to the darkness.
(If you or anybody you know has felt the effects of cyber bullying or just wants somebody to talk to, call or hit up Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636).
This was originally published on Tully Smyth’s blog Young Blood Social. It has been republished here with full permission.
Top Comments
Taking to heart comments from total randoms, complete strangers, or even people who think they have somehow summed you up with the very controlled public persona you put out on social media is giving your power to them. And something you do have control over.
'It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.' Epictetus
Can't you make like an incarnation and after you've said the magic words, push the magic button (delete) and poof, they're gone!
I agree with what you say but what about the people who can't or at least can't all the time? It does affect them! It's like the bullies get off scott free and the bullied have to find ways to deal with it.
Its sad, scary and just not ok!
Sometimes and for some people it is not that simple. I am a super sensitive person and have been bullied since kindergarten by people close to me and those who don't know me and regardless of all rational thinking in that they don't know me, it says more about them than me etc etc it still hurts. Especially if you have multiple people saying it day after day and I am lucky enough that no one has told me that I should/ deserve to die. But if someone was to it would be rock bottom. There has been so many studies on the impact bullying can have on a person. If you can react the way that you say then all power to you but for some it isn't as easy as what you describe. Those people who do it should be held to account.
Good on you Tully for speaking out about it.
Mon, I am so sorry that you have been unjustifiably attacked in the manner which you describe. And I am sorry that it has hurt you so much. Truly. The eloquent way in which you have articulated your pain speaks volumes about your beautiful, gentle soul.
I was in no way trying to belittle the hurt that can and is caused by these cowards. I was, in a very clumsy way attempting to empower the target of these trolls because if we can't control the pathetic behaviour of losers, we need to try and garner the power we do have.
I agree, it's not okay for bullies to get away with it but there doesn't seem to be a solution. At least, not in the foreseeable future. I'm concerned that conceding defeat is only further empowering the bully.
These people writing these obscenities need to be prosecuted, if there is no law covering it, we need to enact one now! You do they think they are pushing vulnerable people to misery.
There is a law : 's.474.17 Criminal Code – using a carriage service to menace, harass or cause offence'. That guy who posted those offensive comments about Nova Peris has just been prosecuted for it - 8 month suspended sentence.
i so agree. Should we as a community allow people to treat others like this, at home or publicly. Its like emotional abuse in domestic violence cases. We don't say to them oh, just ignore it, that's the way it is. No, it's unacceptable.
There is, it's just not taken that seriously.