Sssshhhh.
Osher’s here.
And he has a single date card.
He explains to the boiz that the whole point of this show is for them to spend time with Ali.
One man seems genuinely… confused.
But there's a more pressing issue we need to address.
It's... Ivan.
He seems to have stumbled onto the wrong reality TV show and he can't understand why the judges aren't giving him high scores for his dance routines.
Robert gets the single date because Ali would like to kiss his face again. Bill/David doesn't use his wild rose because he's still having a hard time with his... transition.
Robert arrives at his date with Ali and says he'd like to go on a nice romantic cruise around the harbour and sir this is not that kind of TV show.
Instead, they travel to Cockatoo Island on a comically large speedboat, write their "past issues" on some giant white boards, and then... drive through them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Robert mansplains Ali's feelings to her which seems... unnecessary.
Back at the mansion, Generic Brand Magic Mike be dancing.
Paddy and Taite are talking to some alpacas and the alpacas seem... unimpressed.
PAUSE.
It's group date time and the boiz are dressed up as gladiators and Osher is beside himself.
He's been planning this for years and trawling through Sydney's best costume shops for weeks now.
The first challenge is a chariot race and someone's grandpa is yew-hewing with excitement.
The second challenge involves a complex tug-of-war in which they have to work as part of a team - and also for themselves - to get some fancy lil' flags that say "strength".
Honestly, it's some of Osher's best work.
Bill does a bit of a shove of Charlie and ends up getting the flag.
Charlie then becomes all of us after we've slightly exerted ourselves while wearing some nice sandals.
Ali says "they were tugging war over me" yes sweetie, they were.
Generic Brand Magic Mike gets the alone time with Ali and he does a... dance.
He then wastes no time telling Ali that he works as a tradie to fund his dream of becoming a shit version of Channing Tatum.
"I sort of want to be on Step Up," he says. "I'd like to be in a Magic Mike movie with Channing Tatum."
He asks Ali whether she would move to the US with him to follow his dance dreams and she looks genuinely terrified.
Sssshhhh.
It's cocktail party time and the producers have some manufactured drama up their sleeves.
You see, the boiz would very much like to discuss the "beef" between Charlie and Bill/David but they're interrupted by Ali who would like to get to know them better.
It's then decided between the boiz that this would be the best time for Generic Brand Magic Mike to do a choreo for Ali.
We unpack Ali's latest week in the mansion on our Bach Chat podcast. Post continues after audio.
But then Bill/David does a sneak and steals Ali for a chat.
When they start walking back towards the stage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ali whispers like a frightened child who's just seen a ghost at the end of their bed, "Ivan's in a singlet".
Generic Brand Magic Mike does his dance and makes it into the next round.
Charlie then decides Bill/David has to go home because he's broken the sacred code of bro dancing. Everyone knows if a bro wants to do a choreo for a girl he likes, you musn't get in the way.
Also, he picked on him while he was wearing Osher's fancy sandals.
Bill/David claims he didn't know about the planned dance routine and Charlie says "The birds in the trees knew" and true.
Charlie starts doing a swear and Bill/David continues to seem genuinely confused about his identity.
There's a rose ceremony. Generic Brand Magic Mike gets a rose and he... he... dances.
Wes, the man with a face like a chiseled angel, and someone's grandpa get sent home.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
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Catch up on the recaps here:
Episode 1: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: A kiss leaves the men fuming.
Episode 2: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: One man breaks the bro code.