celebrity

Jason Derulo feels discriminated against because of his big peen, and... sir.

You may remember that approximately two weeks ago, something weird happened.

Precisely all of us saw Jason Derulo’s penis without… consenting to.

It all started early on a Friday afternoon with an Instagram post. Singer-songwriter Jason Derulo (or Jaysssonnn Derrrruleeooo) shared a photo of himself wearing nothing but a pair of very tight black undies, with the caption 'Good mornin''.

Good mornin' to you, sir.

While the 30-year-old was pictured staring very intensely down the barrel of the camera, humans with eyes found their attention drawn to a distinctive bulge on the right side of his underwear.

It was a bulge. Where his penis. Should be.

Upon second thought, the bulge was, unequivocally, the man's penis.

Let me demonstrate:

It was... a lot.

Obviously, because women are far more vulgar than anyone gives them credit for, they immediately commented with unbridled enthusiasm.

"Zoom in to this bad boy," wrote one woman.

"How long is your schlong," wrote another with no question mark, because the answer was directly in front of her.

Thousands of people tagged each other, posted eggplant emojis, and wrote slightly creepy messages to Derulo like, 'Hello there Daddy'.

Ladies, please.

Watch: What is big dick energy? Post continues after video.

But now, almost 14 days later, Instagram seems to have just noticed that the photo was somewhat... rude.

Derulo posted a screenshot of an Instagram notification informing him that his photo "goes against our community guidelines".

"F*k u mean?" he wrote. "I have underwear on... I can’t help my size.."

You poor, poor man.

He also spoke of his frustration in a video to his followers.

"Y'all ain't gonna believe this. Instagram took down my Bali pic," he said.

"All these girls be on Instagram showing their a** and all kinds of crazy s***."

We're pretty sure there's a sexist insinuation there but... okay.

"I've got underwear on, in Bali, and they took my pic down. It's discrimination. Look, I understand, I can't help my size. But you can't take down my pic."

  1. They very much can take down your pic, and
  2. One commenter very cleverly referred to Instagram's decision as 'dickscrimination' and I enjoyed that very much.

It's sad, because the performer clearly liked the photo so much he made it his Instagram profile picture.

 

Some people believe Derulo intitially shared the very obvious photo of his actual penis to distract from the negative reviews of his new movie, Cats. But a) what movie and b) what negative reviews - THERE'S A PENIS ON INSTAGRAM DON'T YOU SEE.

Of course, Derulo isn't the first male celebrity to share a photo that very much shows a bulge.

In May last year, UFC star Conor McGregor shared a photo from his son's first birthday. It was a wholesome image - cute baby, beautiful wife, very tattooed McGre - dear God there's a penis and it's staring at me.

McGregor's white shorts clearly gave away the outline of his peen, and even now, people still tag their friends in the photo and write, "omg remember".

Yes, I remember.

And we'll now always remember how Jason Derulo showed us all his peen, and then Instagram took it down, because: nudity.

But also, dickscrimination.

Related Stories

Recommended

Top Comments

Gu3st 4 years ago

'without our consent' Zoom. Zoom. Red Arrow. Zoom. Red Arrow. Zoom. Freshen article with a little more content, put it up top of the front page. Zoom. Double red arrow.

Just dragged. Kicking and screaming. Unwilling participants in this penile pecadillo.

You guys must feel so, so violated.

Actually, more a grande pecado.

Plus, I hope everyone now gets the thrust of my point about male 'revelations' being more socially policed than women's.


Anon 4 years ago

I think his point is valid. No pun intended.