Today my daughter and I caught up with a friend for coffee and she said; “I have wondered if you always get nice photos of Everly at brunch because she’s incredibly well behaved… but I see now that she’s not.”
After I got over being mildly offended, (was she saying my child isn’t perfect??) it made me think about how often you see other people’s Instagram feeds and think they’ve got it all together… when in reality, it’s just a normal person choosing to share the nice parts of their life with you.
So, what are some things to remember when you’re looking at Instagram feeds? To start with, feeds are generally ‘curated’; planned ahead, often with edited photos using a preset for a consistent look, or ‘real’; a day to day look at someone’s life with candid, realistic photos.
Of course there are MAAAANY other categories in between, but very basically, it boils down to these two. Neither is better, worse, fake, or less important than the other, they’re just different. They might appeal to different people or they might appeal to the same people but in different ways.
As an example, we’ll look at my own feed (curated) and a good friend of mine Elisha’s (real).
Elisha’s feed is a peek into her life with her gorgeous toddler, Billie, her partner, Jimmy, and the activities they do, clothes they wear, milestones they’re celebrating… anything and everything is there.
You’ll see pictures of Billie on the swings at the park next to a picture of a cake they made that morning, dress up days at kindy and puppy dog filters on photos. It’s adorable, warm, real and it makes you feel as though you’re living their day to day life with them.
I get inspiration from Elisha’s feed for almost every aspect of my parenting journey, from play ideas to recipes to toddler clothes and homewares. And I get just as much enjoyment from her Instagram feed as I do from curated accounts that I follow.
But while I do also share real parts of our life, my feed is most definitely curated. Not a lot of it is shared in real time. Generally, the things you’re seeing have happened a few days prior.
This is so I can arrange my photos in a way that the colours and images meld together to create one long ‘flow’ when you scroll through my feed. I also use presets when editing, so the colour scheme stays relatively similar from one picture to the next.
My reason for having a curated feed? Firstly, I enjoy it. (This is important!) Secondly, I have the time to do it. And thirdly, when Everly is being a ratbag, when I’m tired, when we’ve had four wake ups through the night, when she’s refusing to eat anything other than yoghurt… the last thing I want to do is take a photo.
We have crappy days where I don’t get out of my pjs, we relax, have a nap, cuddle and do whatever it is that will get us through the day. And those photos just wouldn’t fit as seamlessly into my feed.
This doesn’t mean that I’m trying to trick you all into thinking I have the perfect life. Yes, I’m constantly aware of and grateful for the fact that Everly is a placid, happy kid, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a pain in the butt sometimes, or a total ratbag on other days. Everly can throw her avocado on the floor with the best of them.
But my Instagram feed, by my choice, shares the best and prettiest parts of our life. The love, the joy, the beautiful clothes (on Everly, not on me #kmartislife), the toys, the cooking and the smiles.
Our reality is still there in the captions, amongst the edited photos, in the stories and the DMs. Just remember, if it looks like a rose-tinted life… it’s probably a preset.
This story was originally published on All About Everly and has been republished with full permission.
Top Comments
So what do these parents actually get out of this whole posting highly curated photos of their kids on Instagram thing? Ok yeah your kid is cute, most kids are. In reality though why are you going to these efforts to try and convey false perfection of your kids and lives? Are the parents that starved of attention? Imagine all the amazing and fun experiences that could be had engaging with your kids in the time you spend trying to get these perfect and "candid" photos, to basically please strangers on the internet. It's weird. Kids don't need a fan club or social media following, they should be playing and acting naturally as children do and not posing for photos so parents can get a good pic for the gram. Not criticising, each to their own, but I'd be curious to hear why parents do this and for who's benefits if any.
I agree. Why ? It does not make you the worst parent in the world or anything but you are really just playing dolls. Tracksuit, snot, mud & chasing beetles without an audience of half wits for me please.
I think part of the answer to this question lies in the money. They create a curated feed because it results in sponsors who pay them to maintain the facade. Bloggers and influencers who choose to monetise their child's life and sell their right to privacy are really making a deal with the Devil. Better to get a real job than pimp your kids on social media. Nothing good can come of it in the long run.
BUT sometimes also these Mums want to stay at home with their children, and not have to do the 9-5 slog (been there, done that). Sometimes blogging, influencing and generally being paid to do this sort of work helps someone be home more and not miss out on these "moments" and you spend possibly up to 15-30mins on getting that staged "photo" then your child does play, wrestle, get dirty, read, make a mess, just like every other child for the other 99% of their day!. All the hard work is in the edits, engagement, blog and IG promoting, which many (including me) spend the evenings once the babes are down doing! but like you said, each to their own!