I must admit, 48 hours ago, I didn’t even know who Harry Kane was. But now I, and every other woman on the planet who has ever given birth, it seems, has an opinion about him.
You see, Harry’s wife just gave birth, after which he excitedly tweeted:
“Our beautiful addition to the family! Vivienne Jane Kane. So proud of @KateGoodlandx for having the most amazing water birth with no pain relief at all #mygirls #hypnobirthing”.
Harry Kane’s tweet made me reconsider, though. Aren’t I allowed to be proud of this? As parents, we teach our kids that you don’t need to blow someone else’s flame out in order to make your own shine brighter – so why do we try to squash it when people celebrate a drug-free labour?
I have a very ordinary body. I was never athletic at school. I never excelled at sports, never worked out and never joined a netball team. I literally cannot do one pushup (I’ve recently joined a gym in an effort to change this!) and I’ve been soft and unfit my entire life.
I’ve never known what it was like to have my body do something and think, holy sh*t. Holy sh*t! My body can do something amazing!
I didn’t realise I could feel this way about my body. Each time I gave birth I felt how I a marathon runner after running a race – exhausted, exhilarated, and so in awe of my body for being able to do this.
In other words, proud.
Importantly, I want to be clear that being proud of my own childbirth experiences is not a negative reflection against anyone else. It’s not a zero-sum game: me being proud of my childbirth experience, doesn’t imply anyone else should feel ashamed of theirs.
Moreover, I think we’re all missing the point of the broader discussion here. Which is: we shouldn’t be encouraging women who had drug-free births to pipe down. We should be encouraging all women regardless of their delivery method to be proud. To say: this is my story and I’m proud of it.
Pain medications, opting for no drugs, interventions, inductions, home births, hospital births, water births, c-sections, forceps, emergency measures: these are just some of the rainbow of experiences that can comprise our birthing experience.
For each of us, giving birth is our own deeply personal story, and none of us should be feeling bad for how our little ones arrived in the world – regardless of what the journey entailed.
Top Comments
I have had two vaginal births with epidurals and am not ashamed of it - if anything the drugs helped me 'enjoy' it (as much as it's possible to do so).
I understand where people are coming from with the shaming thing but I don't think he's post does this, he is just proud that his wife got through it - let's face it, drug-free birth is very painful and I take my hat off to women who have done it.
IF he had attributed the labour to her strong will, credited hypno-birthing for the intervention free birth etc - then yes, I would have an issue with this, as none of these things influence the outcome. But he didn't do that, and I think a lot is being read into his simple post.