A few months back I wrote a piece about the location of a missing child. In the days after the piece was published I was interviewed on the radio about my thoughts and the question that came up was whether or not our kids are safe. I was asked about whether or not the idea of a person prowling the streets in a white van was a legitimate fear. I was a bit stumped by the question and after reading and thinking and researching the question my simple answer is I don’t know.
The idea of a white van prowling the streets has long been an image that parents, school kids and the media have perpetuated. We hear the conflicting messages about childhood obesity and children needing to be physical and then we receive circulars home from school warning us about attempted abductions in the local area. It makes it difficult to let our kids roam free.
A research study by Deakin university found that one of the top four reasons why we don’t use our local amenities is a fear of strangers – our fear of allowing our children to move about in our local area affects not only the well worn path between home and school but our attempts to let our kids play in our local area.
The data around attempted abductions is a little difficult to capture – some attempts might not be reported, some kids might not tell parents or maybe they are captured under different sub categories. Its difficult to confirm whether or not the white van actually exists. Most recent figures from the Australian Institute of Criminology state that just over 750 abductions occurred during one calendar year and that just over half were by a stranger. Children made up less than 20% of the cases.
My daughter’s school recently sent home that warning. We tread a difficult line as parents of wanting to up skill our kids with the right tools so that if the situation arises they know what to do but you also don’t want to scare the bejeezus out of them.
The Local Police suggest that if a child is concerned about the behavior of a stranger they should yell ‘GO AWAY, I DON’T KNOW YOU’ to alert the attention of passers by. I guess it’s a way of telling people that the kid is not simply arguing with a person they know.
I practiced this with my six year old who thought I was joking for the first 5 minutes but then once she realised that I was suggesting this actually happens her little eyes welled up and she kept asking why someone would do that to a child. We finally (after some significant anxiety, stress and chocolate) managed to get to a place where we could practice the yell and then the usual ‘what’s the number for the police’ dance but I walked away just not entirely sure that I had skilled her up?
The image of the white van circling our streets isn’t a myth but it isn’t an everyday occurrence either. The balancing act that parents, carers and educators have to manage is the need to inform versus the need to not trigger anxiety. Our kids need to have a balanced idea of what to do when something they don’t expect happens but the skill of being able to assess the scene isn’t something that most kids know how to do when they are little (or even when they get big!)
I guess all I can do is make sure my kids can yell really loud, that they feel confident in telling me when something happens and that the community is a safe place, most of the time. Other than that I’m not quite sure what else we can do?
Sarah Wayland has been working as a social worker in the missing persons field since 2003. She is a mum of two and is currently completing postgraduate studies in the field of hope and loss at the University of New England. Visit Sarah’s blog here.
How do you handle stranger danger with your kids?
Top Comments
A [child] alone IS easy prey. If it were so easy for a child to fend off a committed attack from a child predator then surely no adult woman or man would ever be raped, mugged or assaulted. But they are. So if you are a parent and you don't think YOU could fight off a rapist or mugger then how do you expect your child to? Hope is not a strategy you want to rely on. So what to do? First; think like a predator to stop a predator. Does a lion conjure up a cunning scheme to trap the gazelle? Or does he simply sit off the watering hole and wait for the weakest, easiest looking prey to arrive? It's opportunity the predator needs. Public toilets, public transport, parks, schools - predators lurk there because they know they'll find their prey there. So either avoid the watering hole (sometimes not possible) or at the very least don't go alone. The buddy system has worked to dissuade predators since time began. Make children use it - like you should use it too! It's not about being paranoid but it IS about remembering that our urban environment STILL contains a host of predators like the animal kingdom equivalent. Keeping our heads in the sand is not helping. We need to educate ourselves on who these predators are, how they work and how to stop them. Early detection is the gazelle's most trusted weapon against the lion - and their ability to bolt away at the sign of danger. It's the best weapon we have too. Learn to identify dodgy, unusual and out of place behaviour and then avoid it and report it. (And that's not even touching on the issue that 93% of all child sexual abuse is committed by people the child already knows!) Resources for those interested are 'The Gift Of Fear' book by Gavin de Becker. Also his 'Protecting The Gift'. Organisations such as The Daniel Morcombe Foundation. Self defence programs such as 'Impact' and Tony Blauer's S.P.E.A.R. system. Protective Behaviours Australia. Jayneen Sanders' 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept' and Holly-ann Martin's 'Matilda Learns A Valuable Lesson.' Live fully but stay safe folks.
My husband and I have 2 children and this fear has plagued me for some time, I agree, it seems the fear is worse than the actual threat, but we decided to be proactive and look for a group to teach the kids self defence, we were so dissapointed with what we found, either it was a total waste of time or the instructors were too harsh - one club was teaching my 7yo son to elbow people in the head. After a few months we decided to fill this gap in the market, we designed our own self defence group specifically for kids, we teach them how to avoid danger first, then how to scare off an attacker with Tell, Run, Tell, then various skills to escape a grab and basically make it hard to snatch them, We add games and fitness. We have been at it for 2 years and the kids absolutely love it. This education should not only be discussed in schools but the kids should get the chance to actually practice. So what if they never need to use it, at least as parents we know we gave them every opportunity to survive.