"I'm calling it: The bouquet toss is humiliating bullsh*t".

Last year I attended a grand total of six weddings (that’s right, SIX).

And while each one was completely beautiful and lovely and magical, there was one part that I grew to dread – the special hell that is the bouquet toss.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I know it’s the bride’s big day and that for some, catching the bouquet is a treasured tradition.

I’m sure it’s all fun and games for a lot of girls and women. YouTube tells me there are many, many women who will literally fight to the death (or at least to ripped dress and bared teeth) to win, so there must be a lot of people out there who are Team Bouquet Toss.

But if you are attending a wedding with your very long-term partner who you are not yet engaged to, the bouquet toss is worse than being forced to chug orange juice after brushing your teeth.

It’s worse than sitting through a High School Musical marathon. It’s even worse than having to awkwardly dance with your partner during Beyonce’s Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It).

That’s why I did a little happy dance when I saw this image which was recently posted on Reddit:

That chick on the left? The one holding the booze? She is Just. So. Over. It.

She is my new hero – and she looks EXACTLY like I did during every Bouquet Toss Time.

Because at every (otherwise delightful) wedding, this is what always went down. I’d try to casually head towards the bar/toilet/anywhere else in an effort to avoid The Toss – only to be physically grabbed and propelled towards the front by over-eager wedding guests.

“Oh no you don’t!” they’d squeal. “You have to catch it – then you’ll be next!”

Nudge nudge, wink wink.

So my partner would stand there smirking at me, while I stood as far back from the action as possible, and wondering what I was doing with my life. While most women greeted the bouquet toss like this:

I was always more like this:

But why is everyone so hell-bent on having all single women participate in the bouquet toss, anyway?

Because, newsflash: let’s not forget that some women might not want to get married at all. Some just don’t like being the centre of attention. Some feel less than confident athletically leaping for flowers in a maxi dress and high heels. And some – gasp! – don’t actually believe that the act of catching a bouquet will lead to their man-friend getting down on bended knee.

As for me, I found it cringe-worthy for many reasons. I’ve never been known for my athletic ability. I don’t like the idea of women being forced to compete, Hunger Games-style, for the prize of MARRIAGE. And it was also just mega-embarrassing that everyone had apparently decided it was high time that I was married off, and that the only way for that to happen was to make me catch some second-hand flowers. It’s just plain undignified, in my opinion.

I ended up getting engaged over the Christmas break, so I guess that means I’ll no longer be expected to take part in the humiliating ritual that is the bouquet toss. I’ll be able to finally look on smugly, without any winks or “you’ll be nexts” coming my way. But as great as that will feel, I solemnly swear to never become a smug, bouquet toss Nazi.

Are you a fan of the bouquet toss at weddings? Did you have a bouquet toss at your wedding?

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