by ANONYMOUS
The last time I had sex with my husband was the middle of the night a couple of nights ago; he’d woken up with a hankerin’ for some lovin’, and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, happily surprised by this wake up call.
It lasted a total of about four minutes, and while he fell back to sleep more satisfied than I felt, it was nice to feel loved and wanted by him.
This is the reality of my 50 Shades of Grey. Not exactly worthy of a blog post- or even a paragraph of a blog post, but there you have it…
So whoever it was that said that men had a higher sex drive than women obviously didn’t take into account that women had ANY sex drive at all. I mean, I surely can’t be the exception to the rule in enjoying the occasional “cheeky” rendezvous? But surely enough, he’s ‘too tired’, or simply can’t be bothered with the physical exertion whenever I proposition him- I was once even told, ‘only if you do all the work.’ I mean, really? What does that mean?!
So we’ve been married almost a year, we are both young, still attractive and still in love, but suddenly all our “romance” has disappeared. When we first announced our engagement, all of his mates slapped his back and made jokes about him not getting any sex once the ring is on- you know the type I mean, like being married is the end of all things good and free in a man’s life. I took all this in good humour, knowing that there was no way it would make any difference to the way I feel about him.
What I hadn’t expected was for the tables to be turned and for him to be the one that no longer had a sex drive. And on the occasions that we do have some special times, it was usually after my suggestion, and usually ended once he’d has his share of fun and without bothering to lend me a helping hand…
Call me crazy, but I am feeling almost like I’m some sort of nymphomaniac by comparison- and usually have to ‘do all the hard work’ myself as it is anyway. So here it is, I put this to you: What do you do with the person that you love, when everything is perfect in every other department is perfect? We have the same values, dreams, ideals and have a great respect for each other, but all of a sudden we’ve gone so far south in the love-making department that I think it’s almost completely frozen over.
Before you suggest it, no he’s not having an affair: Yes, I am positive, and no I haven’t had to snoop through his phone/emails/wallet or anything else private to reassure myself. He loves me- of that I have no doubt- and he’s the most morally upstanding person I’ve ever met, and if he didn’t love me, he’s straightforward enough to tell me. I am not doubting his love, nor doubting our marriage or our relationship; I’m simply baffled at our bedroom antics, or lack thereof.
When did this occur? When did men suddenly stop wanting sex and settle for companionship? I don’t remember this being in any of the rom coms and romance novels. When does Christian Grey stop feeling his loins twitch with desire and start fantasising over a cup of tea and a discussion about how nice the garden will look with a few extra plants and the removal of an ugly hedge that gives us allergies? And since when did Prince Charming come home from a day at work to a dressed-to-impress Princess Charming and pat her nicely on the head and comment on how hot she looks, and then settle for a shower and sleep? Have I been lied to my whole life or is this some strange phenomena that is mysteriously plaguing my relationship alone?
Comments
136 Comments so far
I am 51 and have always enjoyed sex. I thought the sex life of my 17 year marriage was good. However the last 13 years with my partner has been exceptional!!!!!!
I do believe I have a stronger libido than my partner & over the years there have been many “bumps along the way” for different reasons, I felt he didn’t desire me, & I took this very personally.
Now I understand the situation so much better, I know that he loves & desires me but sex isn’t the be all and end all for him.
We have fantastic sex (& at my age I know the difference between average & amazing sex) about once a week and I believe we are both happy.
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Wow, what a tremendous relief to read this article and especially the comments from the gallery. As a man whose wife has virtually zero sex drive I have been told to do everything from offer more romance to house work. All of this advice offered without any consideration of the status quo in our household. And then there are the “get a divorce” people. Gosh, I have five children. I suppose I should put my needs above theirs!!
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Hi
Been there, also in the first year of marriage.
You didn’t specify the length of the relationship though. For me it was 7 years before we got married. We were young and by the time we married we were best friends but the passion had gone. We were both young and on different paths. I left my husband while I was still in love with him as without that intimacy I could see the relationship eroding and falling apart.
I didn’t want to hate him and that was going to happen as my confidence was faltering.
I hope you can work it out but without that open communication it will be a whole lot harder. It he really loves you, no matter how difficult he needs to address the issue.
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And now?
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Ahh I feel for you, and I’ve been in this exact situation. I worshipped the ground my partner walked on, and he did the same. The only issue was the sex. He had a low libido from the beginning, whereas mine is very high. I had intense sex dreams every night because I was so sexually frustrated – but it just meant I woke up hornier every day. I tried to reason with myself that no relationship is perfect and “it’s just sex” and that we were perfect in every other aspect. Then one night many years in I got too drunk and had sex with a friend of a friend.
I was absolutely gutted by my actions, because I would have thought I was the last person who would ever cheat – but I can’t regret it, because it made me realise that it was a HUGE deal. It was eating away at me. I was young, beautiful, sexy, desirable…my partner just didn’t think so. I didn’t want to spend the next 70 years repressing my sexuality.
I’ve now been with my gorgeous new man for three years and he makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive. There are other give and takes in the relationship (eg our sense of humour is slightly different, whereas with my ex we had the exact same sense of humour) but I’m engaging in a side of myself which is really important and makes me feel connected to my partner and to my body.
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There is a website called ExperienceProject.com where groups are formed around common interests and experiences.
One of their biggest groups, with over 33,000 members so you are not alone, is “I live in a sexless marriage.”
There is an incredible amount of sympathy and support in the group.
You may well find some answers there:
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/332
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Wow I was in a very similar situation too but we weren’t married just in a long term relationship…
I always thought it was his low libido that was the problem until I found out he was taking every opportunity to watch porn when I was out of the house or after I had gone to bed and that is what made it a deal breaker for me.
I hope this is not the case for you.
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I thought I was the only one with this problem. Here’s my story:
I met a guy on an overseas holiday. We hit it off straight away and had a really exciting holiday romance including great sex. We were both Australian but he lived in Europe. We went our separate ways at the end of the vacation and had a six month long distance relationship before I went over to see him for a European holiday which was his suggestion.
In the lead up he talked dirty, told me about all the things he wanted to do to me and I couldn’t wait to get over there. But when I did, the bedroom action wasn’t what I had expected. It felt like it was a huge chore for him, like he had to really psych himself up to it.
I brushed it off for a few days thinking it was just nerves but he started to say things like he was ‘tired’, didn’t feel like it, commenting that he was an old man and couldn’t keep up with me (he’s 31, I’m 27). It made me feel like a predator.
The clincher was when straight after a rare bedroom romp on my last night he said ‘oh I actually didn’t really want to do that’. Yuk! It made me feel sick.
It was such a shame as we seemed to get along so well in all other areas. But I didn’t rekindle the long-distance relationship when I got home.
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Recent research into divorce found that couples seem to be losing the ability to be intimate outside the bedroom. With the biological differences between men and women, or with the differences in sex drives between couples – whichever way it falls – maybe we need to start focusing more of our energies as a society into the emotional relationship, since the physical one can be so dysfunctional. Our society is so sex-driven, it’s like we are setting our relationships up to fail with our expectations.
If we continue to get married and recite the vows ‘for better or worse’, aren’t we saying that we’re committed, even if the sex isn’t good? Or is it those vows or even marriage itself that needs to be put aside? The 40% divorce rate is trying to tell us something…
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I think the divorce rate is a sign of our instant gratification society. When people would try and work on their problems and come out the other end happier and stronger, now its just easier to walk away from a marriage and find someone else.
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There have been books published on this very subject. I’m in the same boat.
Boyfriend devoted, waits on me hand and foot, doesn’t want to socialise alone with anybody else. Just no sex, ever. I’ve grown used to it but it is tragic. Yu do forget what it is like. I wish I hadn’t stayed in this relationship so long.But it is easy to stay when it is so comfortable and so hard out there.
Anyone else – get out now, It will never change,
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I’m so “happy” to know I’m not alone in this. I was married before and stayed well past the use by date (please pardon the flippancy) in part because the sex was amazing and often. Fast forward to a new partner with a very low libido and I’m so confused…. I’m so used to a different level of sexual activity that sometimes I honestly wonder if I can become accustomed to the gear change or if it will grate over time. It also wreaks havoc with my insecurities. Maybe I’m not attractive enough etc. you know all that stuff that intellectually you don’t believe but sometimes in the dead of night…
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i think too, that sometimes pressure can be put on the guy when trying for a baby.
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Love sex – but gee it’s like going for a three k run in the middle of the night!
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If its like a 3km run you are most definitely doing it right!
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I love 3 km runs.
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All I could think of when reading this was i hope to god the author gave her husand the heads up that it was being published lol
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My situation is exactly the same as yours, except I’m the one who doesn’t want sex. He is very attractive, we are young, and we love each other a lot. I just can’t seem to get up the motivation for sex, although I do make an effort to satisfy him at least every week or two.
Maybe one difference is that I’m really unhappy with the situation. I don’t think I’d have this problem in the lust/love phase of a new relationship… so I suspect it’s not 100% just me, but maybe my perception of him/me/us… I don’t know. I do know that I love him deeply and value our marriage, although sometimes I wonder if we’re doomed if I can’t change.
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Hi Rach,
I’m in this exact situation except were not married. I love my boyfriend and he is already family to me but I just don’t ever feel like sex or being physically intimate with him. He is the most beautiful man inside and out and treats me like a queen so I don’t know what to do! We’ve tried putting the spice back in and nothing really works I think it’s Just that the sexual attraction has faded for me. How is your situation going? Sorry I don’t mean to pry! – I’m just so confused right now and don’t know whether to stay with a partner and loving bestfriend or leave whilst I’m young. X
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Hi Ashleigh
TBH, I was relieved to read your story, because it matches mine. My partner and I have been together 8 years. I can count on one hand, sometimes two, how many times we have sex every year. When I try to discuss it, i always get the ‘there’s nothing wrong, it’s not you, blah blah…” story. Even after I say how much it upsets me and makes me feel unwanted, nothing ever changes. I even have to ask to be kissed, and even then, odd excuses come barrelling out of their mouth and they avoid it.
I have a very strong sex drive, but more so, I’m a very romantic and passionate person who shows this through intimacy. But when I get none… well… it saddens me greatly and makes me feel unloved, even though I know I am loved by my partner very much.
If you find the ‘magic cure’ let me know…. I’m not sure how many more years I can put up with this.
I truly believe in my heart that if a person is in love with you, they’ll want to show that for the rest of their days. I believe this because that’s how I am. There is no ‘honeymoon period’ for me. I never ever grow tired of my partner… actually I grow more attracted and feel more deeply over time. So for anyone who says that the intimacy dies down, I don’t believe it, because it never has for me.
The only difference between you and I, Ashleigh, is that your partner is male, mine is female, so what you’re experiencing isn’t just a ‘male thing’!
I hope it all works out for you. The point I’m at now is really the edge. Do I continue in an otherwise healthy, stable, loving and comfortable relationship without any intimacy, or do I risk it all for true love?
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My husband of 3 years comes prematurely and over time his ego has made his sex drive die. On occasion if we are having a few (too many) drinks he will make a move. However our relationship is amazing. I am as in love as ever and am more than happy to never have another “romantic” moment for all the rest of my years. The most amazing man I could ever have hoped to spend my life with is worth this sacrifice. And if I am lucky enough to live to 100 years with him I will and already do resent the 1 year I bemoaned our lack of a sex life. In love is not even close to how I feel for my amazing husband.
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Hi – my partner has really low sex drive, like you I thought i must too be “nymphomaniac by comparison”. It played huge havoc with my self esteem. We talked about it and finally my partner went to his GP who ran some blood tests. Turns out his testosterone is ridiculously low and he has been referred to an endocrinologist who will further investigate the reason. As somebody who works in the medical profession, I always believe in open communication and seeking help (ie. discussing this with a doctor) who can then help determine whether there is an underlying medical reason which can then be rectified. All the best and hang in there!
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‘Just a thought’ maybe that’s just how your husband was made. Why does everyone have to have a high sex drive? Why does this have to become a medicalised problem that needs fixing? Love him for him, not his penis.
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Low testosterone could be an indication of a bigger health problem so it is best to get it checked out. Even if you are abstinent and have no interest in ever having sex again.
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Alright one older person’s comment. My first husband was great to talk to, we agreed on so much, sex was so/so, I could mentally hear him going through the manual” put hand here, move that “.
Even though we remained friends we divorced. My 2nd husband and I are still working out what we think about things and it is nearly 40 years. It means we never get bored with each other, new situations open a whole new area of ideas and beliefs. Of course this has meant a lot more “working” out things through the marriage, many spectacular fights.
But we always make up before going to sleep, but sex, sex is our release. I would be devastated if he didn’t take the time to make sure I was enjoying this as much as he was. And yes it does mean me having sex sometimes when I don’t feel like it, but it also means him making a lot of effort on the nights he doesn’t feel like it (he has the problem of having to keep the erection) and trying lots of different ways.
Sex is important because when “Hollywood “ love is gone , when companionship is full of clashes you can always make each other happy.
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If you are not having sex, you’re JUST FRIENDS. Sorry, I think you are now in the ‘friend zone’.
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Totally disagree with this comment. Deep love and intimacy can exist without sex.
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You’ll only see it that way if you’re the one who is happy not to have sex.
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Somehow I really don’t think that every single sexual relationship on this planet can be painted with the same brush/es here. This wouldn’t be such a hot topic of discussion if it was that cut and dry.
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There may be a medical reason… Low libido in men can be a symptom of many things, including Testicular cancer.
If it is not medical, I would be very concerned about your relationship. Intimacy is a very important part of the bond between a couple, and a lack of intimacy is not to be dismissed.
Good luck.
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I can relate to this post too. We’ve been married 5 years, trying to have a baby and I feel like I’m always suggesting and wanting it way more than he does. It’s fustrating. I’m hoping it changes too!
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s an active sex life vital to a good marriage? If your marriage is happy in all ares but the bedroom is it really doomed? I would hope not but it seems everyone posting seems to think you can’t have one without the other??? I’d like to hear from some older married couples. Is this really true?
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‘Older married couples’ is completely different to married one year.
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Is an active sex life vital to a good marriage? If your marriage is happy in all areas but the It’s nice to see such understanding and support out there. I tried to post earlier in agreement with WHO but perhaps I was too concise because it was moderated off. It was not intended to offend but rather represent another voice. I do believe this may be a sickness, and I undetstand that some may be born with it. Michelle, it sounds like you had it pretty rough and you have been incredibly brave. Your courage is admirable and I wish you nothing but the best because I dont think you are hurting anyone. But amidst all the supportive comments here I thought it was important to say. bedroom is it really doomed? I would hope not but it seems everyone posting seems to think you can’t have one without the other??? I’d like to hear from some older married couples. Is this really true?
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We’ve been married for 12 years and have been in a similar situation since being married. The first couple of years I put it down to having kids and a mortgage. I could count how many times we did it in one year on one hand! We could even work out when each child was conceived. I persisted and just got on with life. But after 10 years I felt like the loneliest person in the world and told him we needed counselling. He also saw a doctor that didn’t really help. As for the counselling it was good to have my say with someone else present. Even though I tried talking to him numerous times he finally heard me. I have to say it helped for a few weeks but I’m sad to report we’re back to square one. Sex to me is the most intimate thing you can do with the person you love. When we do the deed it is mechanical, no kissing, and it lasts only a few minutes. In other aspects of our marriage he is a good father most times and is very hands on with the kids. He is very dedicated to his work. But as a husband he sucks. I in desperate need of affection and the love one expects in a marriage. I feel like I’m in a prison. I have 4 kids and just can’t leave the marriage and break their hearts. But I know they have picked up on the dysfunctional marriage.
I would suggest to seek help early. Seek medical advise and then seek counselling. I wish I had before I had kids. All the best!
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Has anything else changed?
If he’s working the same hours now as when you were dating maybe there is a problem with his health?
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Your not alone – I could have written this article myself – word for word you described my current situation. I have been down the road of feeling like I doing things that might fix it but I just end up feeling rejected so there is nothing I can do. Just live with it and hope something changes….
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same, unfortunately.
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Same here, 12 years into our marriage, nothing has changed except my frustration (both sexual and in his lack of drive). It does eat into our relationship, its hurts so much not to feel wanted…
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Don’t fret, there are plenty of guys out there who don’t feel that they get enough sex, they all feel unwanted too.
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If prior to your engagement you had a good sex life and this is a big drop for you then there are a few things I’d consder
Health – has he had a medical? A sudden drop could be a symptom of a health problem or depression.
Kids – Are you trying or discussing having kids? My partner went off sex for a few months due to his feelings of pressure & guilt when I was unable to get pregnant.
Finances – Is he feeling stressed over financial concerns because that can be a big mood killer.
Hope you both find a balance that your both happy with.
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Hilarious! Can’t wait until you decide to procreate – you would be gold in the labour suite!!
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I have more thumbs up than you!!!!!!!!!!!!
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And because you do all those things I bet your sex life is awesome…thanks for the support
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Sorry but your hubby is selfish and self centered and you’re in denial. Have the talk with him if that doesn’t change things move on. Either divorce him or find a lover.
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“Either divorce him or find a lover.” Actually sounds a bit selfish, what if he is having mental or health problems? What if there is an underlying problem here? A marriage is based on trust and understanding, not ultimatums.
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I agree – if you are in an exclusive relationship there is an implicit expectation that you will provide a reasonable amount of sex and if you don’t you’ve unilaterally terminated any expectation of faithfulness – but I’m curious as to whether you’d have the same view if the genders were reversed? In that case the attitude seems to be that the husband should just suck it up (as it were), not bother his wife and if he strays he’s a bastard.
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Funny, imagine a story about a woman with a low libido, and imagine people in here calling her selfish and self centred. No, they would try and understand her reasons, have sympathy with her etc. Newsflash, it happens to men too, we are affected by work stress / general life etc. The difference in treatment based on gender re this topic is sad.
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Wow, would you say that if the genders were reversed?
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Some manners and mystery are not such a bad thing. Thanks Kathy W for that! Look i feel as though its the minority that do the wrong thing in the sense that the partner has a lower sex drive, this being the reason for my post before and in saying that i am guessing that might be the reason for for this thread and cranky, bra burning females having a go at me.
I have a very happy relationship and i’m simply trying to pass on some of my knowledge so that you all can be happy in the boudoir.
Take this if you will but i’m guessing that the ones blowing up are the main offenders? Your telling me to “grow up” and that “you feel sorry for my girlfriend”, but i find it funny that we are both happy and have a very active sex life. Maybe its time you females have a look in the mirror and change a few things.
Yours sincerely
Sam Robson
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I’m one of the “bra burning” “females” who commented on your previous post. If you are both happy then great! But I don’t feel your “knowledge” is beneficial to a lot of women. You’d be surprised but I am a size 8 mum who enjoys cooking, keeping a clean house and taking care of my child. I am not a feminist, I believe in gender equality. My partner helps me clean, he enjoys cooking (even more than I do) and takes care of his child. I wouldn’t accept it if he refused to do his share around the house just like he wouldn’t accept it if I didn’t do my share. We are both humans, we both deserve respect and compassion in regards to the things we do for each other. The way you spoke about your girlfriend (i.e. “training” etc) isn’t respectful. I respect every woman’s choice and some women prefer being housewives and if it makes them happy, all the better but they still deserve respect from their partner. If you respected your girlfriend, you would applaud her choice and the fact that she assumes her own choices 100%, not that you have “trained” her to do what she “should be doing”.
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‘I am not a feminist, I believe in gender equality’? Lol
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I think that’s a reasonable comment. If you don’t identify with aspects of the feminist movement then you don’t identify as a feminist.
It’s a semantic argument more than anything (in my view, and I’m fully expecting to be ‘educated’ by the many who disagree with me), and laughing at charliemama for a detail of her argument rather than any of the substance is mean spirited and snarky, if you ask me.
If you believe in women’s rights (feminist or not), why work against someone who is arguing FOR them?
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Thanks Distracted, I thought of the word egalitarian to describe my views but am not sure if it is used specifically in this context (since Sal is forcing us to be specific). Feminism has evolved since the 60s (Sal if you’re reading) and I think it is used in a much more specific context these days. Probably because women’s rights have also evolved, feminism tends to be associated with more extreme views these days. As you have pointed out Distracted, I don’t identify with the more extremist views inhabiting the feminist debate.
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I’m with Sal.
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I agree with you Charliemama – I found the word “training” hard to take seriously, and had him as a troll.
If everyone just takes care of their own stuff firstly and supports others in their home, then we wouldn’t have all this gender war stuff around household chores and bread winning. Really, to me, its a no brainer.
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I was in a marriage like this. I thought it was all my fault. I tried to suppress my sexuality. All the books I read about mismatched sex drive were written about men with high sex drives and women who had low sex drives.
We talked about it a bit and he said ‘I just don’t fancy you because we were friends first’. It was awful.
In the end, I met a man who fancied me crazy and still does, seven years later. I left my husband. I’m not someone who ever dreamt they’d be unfaithful, but after seven years without sex…
I’ve spoken to a counsellor about it and in retrospect, I really think it was a control thing. I don’t think he meant to do it, but he knew sex was important to me and therefore denied it. When we did have sex, it was cold, mechanical and very one sided. Horrible.
Don’t let people tell you sex isn’t important, because for some of us, it absolutely is. When you meet someone with whom you’re sexually compatible, it’s amazing.
I think sex can be a barometre in some relationships. Some couples are absolutely fine without sex, but if you love it, then it’s so important to be with someone who does too.
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Can i ask a genuine question? Is he masturbating? If he is then he could still be interested in the release but not actual sex…if he isnt then he may have totally lost his libido.
Something to think about.
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Excellent question – you might need to ‘bust him’ in the shower in case he’s trying to be discreet.
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What to do?
I would talk about it. I have found that sex drives fluctuate over time and other factors in life can have a big influence even if you don’t know it at the time. There was a patch for a few months when my partner seemed to have his sex drive drop off almost completely. Turned out he just needed a holiday. After a few days in Thailand, a few sleep in’s, some cocktails, a bit of sun and a swim and suddenly it was back!
I have had times myself when my hormones seemed to temporarily change and sent my sex drive plummeting. Then I’ve had others where a heavy training schedule and feeling really fit have sent it through the roof (which was unexpected- you would think I would have been tired. NOPE!)
It is quite possible that the timing of this drop off and the fact you got married is purely a coincidence.
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I have to agree – this guy has a point. Some manners and mystery are not such a bad thing. I had a friend who walk around the house in hair dye and face masks, discuss her cramps no matter who was around and even the size of her number twos – this is NOT a joke!
And guys – how about shutting the toilet door, putting the seat down, rinsing your nasal hair and whiskers down the sink – and that goes for the gobs of snot you leave in the shower that you think we don’t notice. Oh, and brush away the skid marks while your in the toilet too.
Instant libido killer = peeing loudly into the toilet followed by rapid fire trumpeting farts. You guys are SO guilty of this.
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I smell a troll…
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lol
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UGH. Stop the world I want to get off.
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Not sure telling us all how your hubby doesn’t want it is going to help you get any more luv! Surely his mates will be rubbing his nose in this article? Won’t that be embarrassing for him?
In any case – totally agree – women can have great sex drive in long-term relationships. My take is some men (I’ve known) like the thrill of the chase and once caught, can become a bit apathetic (aka busy, tired, uninterested). Wouldn’t want to generalise any of this though. Horses for courses. Good Luck – sounds like a spot of counselling for you two? (probably better than publishing your thoughts on MM?!).
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It is anonymous…
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It wasn’t anon until recently, when they first published this article it had the authors name AND twitter handle attached #awkward
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Dear God, I hope that’s tongue in cheek.
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Rule 1 – Never crap in the en suite.
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Oh god you cannot be serious?!?
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I’m really horny now.
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I just hope you’re joking… or I hope you are very young
I don’t know if you’ve been on this site before but it is def not the place to post sexist comments… you’ll get a proper bashing from the site’s main audience!
FYI: a woman is being a woman when she wakes up, when she goes to the toilet, when she hasn’t had time to wax… yes, news break… we are not barbie dolls. Just like a man is still a man when he doesn’t fart publicly out of respect, cooks, cleans and takes care of the children. Welcome to the 21st century. Have a nice day
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Can men be more like women too then? I don’t want to hear my husband in the toilet, or hear him burping or farting either. Why can’t he spend time on his hair and skin before getting into bed with me? He should also get up early to brush his bed hair & brush his teeth. & It wouldn’t hurt if he wore something sexy to bed instead of his usual socks & boxers. Don’t get me started on the foreplay.
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You need to meet a woman then
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‘only if you do all the work’ im sorry but he sounds quite mean and selfish. I don’t always feel like it but I would never say that too my partner. And I try not to say no too often as it would make him feel bad about himself. Which is clearly how your boyfriend is making you feel at the moment. Maybe he is not as nice as you think.
side note: I wonder how your man feels about you publishing this under your real name?
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I worked with a man who lost all interest in having sex with his wife. He had Madonna and the whore issues. He use to say he “couldn’t do dirty things to his wife and still respect her”.
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I thought I was reading about myself when I read this. The only difference between you and I is that my boyfriend and I are not married. My bloke, like yours wakes me up in the middle of the night, for about 10 mins then goes back to sleep and I accept my best actress logie.
About 6 weeks ago, we had a conversation and things are beginning to change. I don’t get a logie anymore because quite honestly I don’t need one!!
Ashleigh, there are two things I can suggest to you, that helped me. Have the conversation, have it over a wine/beer if you need the Dutch courage. But have that conversation. And secondly, until things change (and hopefully they will) go and buy a battery operated device.
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Is he really perfect in every other department? Because his attitude sounds phenomeally selfish and self-absorbed, and very dismissive of you feelings (sorry to be blunt but you put the topic out there). Is this really an isolated area of him totally ignoring your needs and wishes?
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Amen sister! Its rubbish that men have a higher sex drive than women, maybe when we are 18, but as we get older lots of women catch up and overtake in that department. No wonder there are so many cougars out there.
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Well so far everyone has suggested he might be depressed, passive aggressive, might be gay and basically turned on the warning alarm system when in fact, he may just have a lower sex drive.
it is not what we are bought up to think in regards to men v’s women’s sex drive, but hey, we don’t exactly stand around barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen anymore do we?!
My hubby probably wants less then me, I have learned to compromise with quality not quantity and with a bit of effort it doesn’t take long for him to get into the swing of things either!!
It is like anything else in marriage – a bit of compromise here and there.
Good luck and all the best for a long and happy marriage.
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A lower sex drive wouldn’t make him get his rocks off briefly then go back to sleep leaving her yo finsih ‘herself off’. That’s just a crappy selfish attitude. What she’s saying is the sex is not only rare but it’s not intimate, loving and mutually satisfying.
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