Mamamia Team Sunday 26 August 2012 8:30am

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It’s a letter full of fierce emotion: jealousy, bitterness and passion.  Take a look at our latest erotic fiction finalist ‘The Letter’ submitted by Anonymous.  Think you can do better?  Why not enter our Erotic Ficiton competition and win the opportunity to have a full-length manuscript published by Mamamia Publishing.  Meanwhile, you can read our other finalists here, here, here, here and, well, even here …

 J-

I’ve decided I’m not giving you this to read until Thursday.  You can open an envelope on the plane after I’ve seen you off at the airport.  And with that in mind, I’m going to take a slightly different approach with this letter, hoping that the tone will change in the next few days and there’ll be three pleasant entries to offset this one.  Because right now; I’m actually a little pissed off.

And I’m not sure whether I have any right to be or not, that’s how I feel.  The only thing I know is, I’ve wanted to see you for the past two days and haven’t had the chance, because of the time you’re spending with Daniel.

And I get it; he’s still your “boyfriend” or whatever, so you should be spending time with him, not me.  I’m nothing if not patient, so I’ll wait and see how this eventuates over the next week – but I’d be lying if I said this whole thing wasn’t playing on my mind, and I’m actually angrier about it than I’ll allow myself to admit.

It’s not your fault.  But at this point in time, I am feeling pretty left out, and it’s got me worried.  It’s not about the past two days, it’s the past week.  I don’t know if you missed me or not.  You were busy ice skating, watching sports you hate, spending time with Daniel… did you forget about me?

You can go right ahead and play the happy couple, but we both know that’s not the case.  If it was, we wouldn’t be having the hangouts, the late night phone calls, the emotional texts and these secret letters between us wouldn’t exist.

I know you don’t know what you want.  And I’ve never tried to force your hand, to rush you into a decision.  Quite the opposite actually, I’ve given you the support you need to get through this shitty time where your work, family and friends all want something from you, and you don’t know how to juggle these balls all at once.

I’m the only one not riding you, the only person you can’t disappoint, the only person on your side through all of this, despite how irrational that might seem from my perspective.  You might not know what you want – but how can you not know what you don’t want?  Are you happy spending your life being called “bitch” and fetching drinks, watching sports on television day in and day out, sitting in silence and not even being told how pretty you look?

You told me Daniel hasn’t tried to kiss you all day – are you fucking serious?  You’re going to settle for that?  I know you’re not ready to make any kind of decision about your future, not yet anyway – but why let him think that he’s making an effort and it’s all good between you if you’re having the doubts you are right now?

I hate the idea of you two together.  On so many levels, and in so many ways.  And I wouldn’t dream of spelling this out for you before you left, because it’d make things impossibly difficult on you at this point in time and as I’ve said before, that’s what I’m trying to prevent.

But at least you can read this now, on your way to the States, and know how I feel – because in your week away, you’re going to be thinking about all of this and trying to assess it.  I hate thinking about you two spending time together like nothing’s wrong.  I hate the way he treats you, and doesn’t offer you anything you need, and more importantly, that he’s oblivious to that fact.  I hate that you know you’re settling for less, and you’re stuck in a situation where, for now at least, you can’t really do anything about that.

I hate the idea of you two together, the same way you hate thinking of me and any other girl.  Then again, he probably won’t try and sleep with you because he doesn’t even try and kiss you – and I hate the fact that you’re okay with that. For someone who says they’re so passionate; about life, relationships, work, music, anything – yet you don’t consider passion to be important in your primary relationship?  That’s paradoxical, so of course you must – in which case, why are you settling for a relationship without it?

Don’t you know what it would be like with us?  Just imagine.

I throw you into the wall the second you open your front door.  My left hand grabs your face under your chin and holds your cheek, my right hand grabs your wrist and pins your arm to the wall.  I kiss you – you kiss me back… your lips soft and supple, your tongue so warm and welcoming, working your way into my mouth to taste me back.

Pressed against each other and writhing with lust, eyes closed, both of us totally enveloped in the moment – there’s nothing else in the world right now.  Heavy breathing, sharing the hot air between us like a cloud we’ve gotten lost in.  As our kisses slow, we maintain our embrace, and my face moves around to your cheek towards your ear and neck.  I can hear and feel your ragged breath in my ear as I whisper in yours… “I missed you baby”.

We wait a little longer, savouring this instant in time. We hold each other close as the familiar hug squeezes tighter for such a brief moment.  We draw our faces back, our cheeks brushing together, and open our eyes at the same time.  Our faces are so close our noses almost touch each other.  I look into your eyes, and that eye contact says more than words ever could.  Another brief kiss, lips only this time, then we catch each others’ eyes again.  A smile flickers across my face, as it does yours.  I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week, even if it’s only been for a day.

That’s how we’d say hello.

At least writing that last paragraph made me forget how angry I was a few moments ago.  And that’s how it is with you; I could never stay mad when it’s not your fault.  Timing is our nemesis right now, and you are doing the best you can to see that no one gets hurt.  Since I understand that means I can respect it.  You see; if I can respect it, then regardless of how it makes me feel, I’ll forgive it.  I don’t want to be just another person in your life demanding an answer or some action, but you deserve to know how I feel, that’s the point of all of this.

Besides, if I ever feel myself becoming bitter or resentful due to our current situation, I just think about kissing you again and it seems to put it all back into perspective.

I’ll write again tomorrow. I wish you a safe and happy flight. Aloha.

-D