Do You Like This Story?

A few weeks ago, we issued a challenge:  could any Mamamia readers write a piece of erotic fiction that could rival Fifty Shades of Grey?

And Mamamia readers rose to the challenge – we’ve received plenty of stories that are definitely NSFW. As promised, we’ll be running a selection of our favourite entries over the coming weeks before we announce a winner.  (It’s still not too late to enter!  Click here for more details.)

Here is the entry from our third finalist, Lily Lane. In it, a fortysomething woman bored with her suburban life goes looking for adventure online. It’s called “A Rose in Bloom” …

erotic 380x252 Read this post alone. Sex toys for Her.  Click.  Swingers parties in Melbourne.  Click.  Erotic lingerie, free delivery.  Click.  Clunk.  The dishwasher shuddered and shut off.  Gently, she lowered the lid of her laptop and went to the kitchen to check the damage.

Sandra Rose, 47, part time bookkeeper, mother of three, wife of 22 years, was surfing the net.    Night after night, when the kids were in bed, her husband away, she turned on her digital connection to a world of weird and increasingly forbidden delights, and explored.  A little guiltily.  A little furtively.

What was Sandra looking for?  She couldn’t say for sure.  She had read reviews of erotic books, knew the comparative advantages of rabbit versus bullet vibrators, knew – in theory – where to press to find her elusive G-spot.  Were there others like her?  She, who after so many years of not caring if she never had sex again, suddenly felt an insatiable yearning deep in her belly for something wild, passionate, perhaps even a little rough, with . . . . she didn’t know who with, but certainly not her husband.

The dishwasher attended to, she focused on a screen image of a gorgeous woman clad in low cut black bra, suspender belt, and stockings.  What would it feel like to wear something like that; to be intensely desired, to arouse?  Distractedly, Sandra began to stroke the soft skin of her inner thigh.  She imagined a man, a stranger, approaching her, and wordlessly unhooking that black bra from her own body.  With the tip of his finger, he began to trace around each breast, teasing her nipples with a featherlike touch.  Now one finger traced down to where the suspender belt hugs her hips and slips under the belt and down into the soft fuzz over her mound.  Very slowly, very lightly, the finger sought out the little nub of delight nestled under the fleshy hood, which was becoming hot and engorged . . . .

“MUM!  I forgot, there’s a note in my bag you gotta sign!”

Sandra froze, and quickly withdrew her hand from under her skirt.

“OK darling, I’ll fix it up.” she called to her 13 year old son.  She was relieved he had chosen to scream at her from bed, rather than creep into the lounge room unnoticed.  She retrieved the offending note and returned to her computer.

The spell of the black lingerie had been broken.  She typed ‘Male Escorts in Melbourne’ into the search line, and found several photos of smooth, muscled torsos.  No heads.  Certainly not above the neck, anyway.

“Finding the right man is just an email away. . . Add some spice into your life. . . maybe the thrill of being with a gorgeous new man if only for one evening is the thrill you’ve been looking for.. . .”    Sandra closed her eyes and imagined pressing her face into one such seductive, sophisticated chest at only $500 an hour. . . . .

Her phone rang.

“Hello dear.  Everything alright there?”

Her husband, calling from Perth.  He was a good man.  She loved him.  She liked him.  They got along pretty well, given 22 years of kids, bills, renovations, mismatched desires.  The sex was regular, once a month or so.  It was routine, quick, mostly painless, usually uninspiring.  He tried to give her pleasure, but didn’t really know how, and she couldn’t be bothered showing him. Which she knew was unfair, but in all honestly, she didn’t really know either.  Since the birth of their second child, she had no desire anyway. She didn’t so much as make love with her husband, as allow him to have sex with her largely dormant, passive body.

“How are the kids? Can you pick up my drycleaning tomorrow?  I’ll be home around 6. What are we having for dinner?”

She hung up the phone and sighed.  “Where was I?”  Lifting the cover on her laptop again, she gave up on the male escorts and sat staring at the home page of her search engine, wondering what would satisfy the unfathomable yearning.  She typed in random words, seeing what came up. “Sex”(too broad), “Clitoris” (medical stuff), “Female Orgasm” (clinical descriptions), “G-Spot” (I don’t think I have one), “Marriage without Sex” (what a terribly sad chat room that brought up!), . .nothing seemed to hit the spot that ached for stimulation.  There was so much sexually explicit material available, but she was careful to steer clear of anything overtly pornographic: it made her wince, queasy, sometimes even cry.

Finally she typed in the words ‘married affairs’.  A website came up, called Manhattan Alliance.  Its home page featured two bold sentences “You only have one life.  Why only have one lover?”  She stared at it.  Could there really be a dating site for illicit affairs?  She was intensely curious to see what sort of people had joined such a service.  But she soon discovered it was impossible to pry without first creating an account.  Her hands flew furiously over the keys as she began to weave herself a new secret identity – first a fake name – Saucy Suzannah – then a new email account for this adulterous alias, then finally a profile for the secret siren living on the dark side of Sandra.

“Profile – 166 cm tall, 58 kg, shoulder length chestnut hair, felatio – yes, cunnilingus – yes please, sensual massage, I am happily married but looking to regain that sense of excitement and wonder with another – kissing, caressing, sucking, and hot wild sex.”  Sandra actually blushed as she typed.

Exactly ten seconds after posting her profile, her computer chimed.  Someone was on live chat -’Niceguy69′ was apparently his name.

“Hi, you’re new.  Let me be the first to welcome you.  I bet you’ll be popular!”

Sandra gulped and stared at the screen for a while, terrified that some strange man might actually be there looking at her.  She moved to shut the site down quickly.  She hadn’t expected this.  She wasn’t ready for this. But instead she typed a reply.

“Hello.” She could feel her cheeks burn and her heart thump.

“Why do you think I will be popular?”

“Believe me, I know you will.  I’d like to meet you.  Would you like to?  When are you free?  Are you ready to play?”

Yes. . . . I think I am. . . .

You can read the first finalist’s story here and the second here.

Comments

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46 Comments so far

  1. Joe Melfi

    Well – good effort for first chapter. I guess in the following chapter Sanda Rose will welcome her husband home, and after a good shag they will talk about their sexual needs. They will hopefully both agree that monogamy is not the best concept humankind has ever invented. They will take an unusual decision to treat sex for what it is – an enjoyable activity that is fun and healthy, unlike a dirty taboo subject portrayed by the religious tradition that permeates our culture. Sandra will get hubby’s blessing to find a “friend with benefits” to satisfy her cravings for physical satisfaction, and in return he will have a weekend every second month for a fishing trip – which is the activity he enjoys without being blamed for it… In the meantime sensual erotic masseur advertising exclusively online will stop being pestered by police for soliciting :-) Happy ending for everyone!

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  2. Olen Mikolon

    A few comments.
    As a freelancer for more than a decade, I have never ever set up my own site for my do the job.
    However, I do have got a Facebook site that focuses on me being a writer.
    Websites are fine-if you may have enough do the job to fill up one particular.
    My recommendation is start out with a Facebook site-plenty of traffic there.
    Also, I’d personally recommend having a presence on sites like Linked In.
    Editors will not mind you sending them your do the job.
    That’s a tip from? a smartass.

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  3. Huh?

    This is erotic? I find it kind of sad and depressing.

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  4. Anonymous

    Enjoyable – personally I would have preferred she jumped her husband after a week of having a new toy or something. just saying :)

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  5. highettathome

    I have to laugh! Really? This writer is condoning infidelity?

    Get off your high horses and perhaps kick up your heels. Couples that have a healthy fantasy life, which may or may not include erotic fiction together or solo generally have the happiest, open relationships.

    Tonight, I will look forward to Zorro ravishing me once the kids go to bed. Just hope my husband doesn’t find out ; )

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    • Yuk

      You just made me feel sick

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      • highettathome

        I’m just wondering why you are reading these posts if you are left feeling sick? I don’t think there is anything wrong with a married couple engaging in consensual activies; whatever they may be.

        Perhaps, you did not realise Zorro is my husband? If you did, well that is sad : (

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        • Yuk

          Lol, no nothing like that. YOUR post made me feel sick, not eveyone needs to know about the games you and zorro/husband like to play. Perhaps they should stay in your bedroom, in your home, in Highett? lol.

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        • Cass

          Lol. Good one.

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  6. neola

    Good work, Lily Lane! I thought it raised the bar for the finalists, it reads really well and had me intrigued.

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  7. Girlfriday67

    I liked it, it ended too soon!

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  8. Mandy

    Testing testing 123, where are my comments going?

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  9. ethel formerly known as guest

    I just know that niceguy69 will turn out to be her husband

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  10. Writer in Training

    For all the naysayers, writing is hard, writing and putting it out there for all to read is even harder.

    I found this submission easy to read. Where there things I didn’t like about it? Of course there were but then there is with most things I read, nobody writes perfectly that will please every reader every time.

    A pet peeve I have with any type of erotic and/or romance writing is when the author tries to use fancy descriptive pseudo names for parts of the anatomy, so NOT a fan.

    “Very slowly, very lightly, the finger sought out the little nub of delight nestled under the fleshy hood,”

    This just made me screw my nose up! Why, oh why do erotic/romance writers find it so difficult to use words that describe parts of the anatomy accurately, rather than flouncy ones?

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  11. Lucinda

    I’m just going to put it out there that I think this is a good effort and I actually think the idea of infidelity is something that would actually be relatable in a story – should she cheat or not? Will she ever be able to leave or will she work things out with her husband? It is something that a lot of women will have been through.

    The problem that people are having is that they feel the character has no guilt about it, or that they are doing it without thinking it through. That isn’t a problem with the story itself, it is a problem with the word limit. I feel this writer could have spent the first thousand words talking about how the main character feels about her life, her husband, her kids, the history of her marriage and whether or not she would feel guilt if she had an affair. Or maybe she feels guilty because she thinks she should feel guilty and doesn’t. If it was a real novel it wouldn’t even begin to heat up in the first thousand words. Maybe Mamamia needs to change the word limit to encourage high quality writing.

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    • Writer in Training

      Lucinda, I agree with your post completely. I think the competition was worded to encourage a version of 50 Shades eg erotica but then it says it’s to be a first chapter? I know of hardly any books where the first chapter opens with erotica, which is seemingly what the competition was encouraging people write?

      “Maybe Mamamia needs to change the word limit to encourage high quality writing.”

      I think it shouldn’t be a first chapter as such, I think it should rather be an excerpt from a novella/novel/story. I also think the word limit should be extended as well.

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    • Yeah I think you’re right Lucinda, not that it’s a good effort, but that people are having a problem with the character showing no guilt. That’s what my problem is, she can’t be bothered to try or even communicate with her husband. She hasn’t given her marriage a chance before looking elsewhere. The character kind of contradicts herself, she states that she has ‘no desire (for sex) anyway’ but what she really means is that she has no desire for sex with her husband. Obviously she does have some sexual desires or else she wouldn’t be looking for an affair on the internet, for which she shows no guilt. To me, even though she says she loves her husband it sounds like she’s already left the marriage in her head.

      The word count is low so the MM ladies can read the entries quick and get through them faster, but it does make it hard to get a good story

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  12. Mandy

    I think this is great! I’m actually wanting to know what happens next, it’s exciting and adventurous unlike the other two stories.

    It’s funny, I’ve just come from the 50 shades post where I’ve made a comment or two about the terrible messages of that story and it appears people are saying the same about this! I can’t see anything morally wrong with this scenario. I’m sure there are plenty of women in long term relationships who have entertained the thought… And what better way to explore it than with a good book. Another reason I may not see the problem is that this excerpt is SO much better written than 50 shades.

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  13. Anonymous

    i have read previous 2 entries and so far this is theone i like most. The writing is at least in first chapter-ish, the other 2 were very jumpy and i found the story lines a bit hard to latch onto. This sets the scene well so to speak. I dont think its glamorising infedelity ( its the first chapter, we dont know what happens, she might get her freak on with her husband!!). I liked it and would have kept reading. But i also liked the 50 shades trilogy. ; 0

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  14. O's Mum

    Wow that’s sad…
    I thought the exercise was to write ‘erotic’ fiction… Sorry – found nothing erotic about that character’s life choices.
    Truthfully, would have been much more entertaining and sexy if she’d spent her efforts working out how to spice things up in the bedroom with her hubby.
    Found the whole thing depressing really.
    Bit like reading the prelude to a divorce… And there ain’t nothing funny, sexy or certainly erotic about that!

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    • My thoughts exactly! There is nothing erotic about this piece of writing at all. Personally shuddering dishwashers, 13 year old sons, talking about the birth of her second child and her ‘largely dormant passive body’ (omg!) topping off with cheating on her ‘good’ husband who she loves and blatantly lying about herself on an affair website (I’m sorry but 166cm/58kg is not large at all) is not a turn on, but that’s just me. On reading it again, it made me sad and kind of angry, really she should try a little harder rather than happily skipping to an affair website, lol.
      I thought it was an erotic fiction contest – not a boring lame romance fiction contest :D

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  15. laura

    i think some of you commenters are taking this way too seriously… to suggest she is advocating infidelity is a bit of a reach in my opinion.

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  16. Katie

    Reading this actually made me feel sad, and a little sick. Not my cup of tea.

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  17. Anon

    I just found that a little depressing more than anything. That whole scenario is something I hope to avoid when my kids are older, in no way does that do anything for me. Although the writing was the best of the three

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  18. Last post

    My God, this site is going downhill, faster than a Jaffa down the aisle of your local cinema. Sad.

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  19. Anonymous

    It’s offensive, making infidelity sound appealing, very bad taste.

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  20. Argh! Totally didn’t do it for me unfortunately, piece of fluff compared to what I wrote lol. I like ‘The Dark’ the best by far ;)

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  21. its just me

    This almost reads like my life. A husband who works nightshift, I was lonely and bored and craving attention. Somehow ended up on an internet dating site and found myself a lover. Hubby now knows and has his own friend too. Our relationship has improved ten fold, we communicate differently and far more effectively. And our sex life is off the scale!

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  22. Jen

    Her life is my worst nightmare. Seriously.
    A life where she forgot or didn’t know about good sex- even with her husband?! A life revolving around kids? Yuck!
    I can imagine some readers liking this story.. But for me I don’t like the main character- she has no self respect- it’s her fault her life is boring. If she doesn’t like her life, she only has herself to blame. Cheating on her husband is just going to make me disrespect her more.
    That being said, I think the writing is good! I just prefer to read stories where I like the characters.

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  23. Luna

    As someone who almost lost her parents to infidelity, this is not entertaining at all. Especially with the mention of the kid.

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  24. Son

    Pure Mills & Boon!

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  25. Anony

    Hi I’m only 28 (…not a typical prudish-type age haha) but I’m married and la-la-loving marriage and I just thought I should let Mamamia know I will no longer be visiting the site as I was pretty miffed at what this kind of story promotes. I’m only one reader but there you go. C’mon….have a look around girls, I can’t see how this kind of fantasy can appeal to anyone when the real-life consequences are so damaging. It’s only fiction but all I can think is woman, disconnect your bloody computer and go hug your son.

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    • Molly M

      Really? Leaving Mamamia alltogether because you don’t agree with the morals of this story? If you apply that logic you will never visit a bookstore, newsagent, or Big W, Kmart, Myer or Target just to name a few. They all stock and promote this type of literature, but do you make a stance with them??? Fine if its not your thing, but I in no way see how Mamamia as a site can be seen to be promoting infidelity. Genuinely baffled!

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  26. Guest

    Lily, congratulations on submitting. I thought it was a pretty enjoyable read. I suppose the thing that turned me off it a little is that the fantasy is based on the concept of infidelity. I feel for the husband, especially at Sandra’s admission that she has made little effort to improve their sex life. I suppose I then feel like I don’t care too much about the next steps.

    The dishwasher and the child calling out were unwelcome distractions reading it – I personally didn’t like it but, on the other hand, it provided some realism so probably other readers can relate.

    The writing is simple – not particularly evocative or descriptive, but I think that is fine for this genre. I think that, in some respects, this is more effective than the previous two stories, in other respects less effective (the scene it sets is pretty domestic and, as such, not as effective for me in establishing a mood).

    Anyway, I applaud you for putting it out there – it was an entertaining read for a lazy Sunday. :-)

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    • Rach

      I thought the distractions were kind of a good introduction, making it more real, something that we can relate to. Not sexy- but I presume that will come in later chapters!

      The thing was, yeah, I felt really sorry for her husband. I could relate to her, but presuming she’s going to cheat on her admittedly nice husband- who she loves but hasn’t put much effort into reconnecting with sexually- that will really put me off the story. Sorry. If she wants to hook up with random strangers on the internet, make her leave the marriage first, please?

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  27. Juniper

    This is DEFINITELY the best so far!! Only change i would make (if was being super picky) is I’d make the woman younger, say 38.

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  28. Lucinda

    I copped flack for criticising the previous entries (though I think it was warranted), but for this one I am just going to say Lily Lane, thank you for at last giving us a piece that reads like a book. Is it a best seller? Maybe not. But it has structure, an identifiable main character with a name and consistency in the use of tense. This is easily the best entry so far.

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  29. Nat. A.

    Totally hot. Loved it! Feeling quite hot under ths err… collar, yes that’s it, collar.

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  30. sarah

    this is my favourite so far… it actually sounds like a first chapter. i liked that it didn’t just go “bam!” straight into the action.

    not a big fan of the word ‘mound’ though, but that’s just me. well done lily! i definitely want to read more.

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    • Mandy

      Ha ha, my eye twitched a bit at ‘mound’ too, I have to say!

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  31. Petal

    You mention this is the third finalist. I read the one about the destination wedding, but can’t find the second one?

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  32. Petal

    Hmmm, not sold on this one. Don’t like the idea of an affair. Would probably put it back on the shelf if I was in a bookshop.

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  33. Olympia

    Wow, that was terriffic! I really enjoyed it. I would love to read the rest of the story. I thought you captured the character and the scene brilliantly. Definintely the best story so far.

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