I blame Kylie Minogue.
The year was 1988 and every girl in my class was sporting a spiral perm. There I sat, also with a head of curls but with one distinct difference – mine was natural.
So desperate was I though to be part of the defined curl brigade, I saved every penny I could and naïvely turned up to the hairdressers and requested a “spiral perm”. It was not to be the last time I would be laughed out of a hairdressing salon, but it certainly was my first.
“Honey, you already HAVE curly hair that (she wiggled her manicured, skinny finger at my head) cannot be permed!”
I’ve learned a lot about naturally curly hair since that day and following are the struggles only those of us who share this genetic
curse trait can truly understand:
1. People continuously ask you if your hair is ‘naturally curly’? Oh no, no. I always go to the hairdresser and ask for them to transport me back to 1988. Do you honestly think I’d spend money to look like this?
2. You can’t casually run your fingers though your hair because you may never get them back.
3. Your hair looks great damp but when it dries naturally, not so much.
4. A fringe is just not an option.
5. You retrieve bobby pins from your hair in the shower. Three weeks after you last remember putting them in there.
6. You’ve had to stop buying sunglasses with nose pieces after they kept getting caught in your hair.
7. You spend the budget of a small developing nation on hair products because you are certain that the perfect one is just hiding from you.
8. You have heard the following backhanded compliment more than once. “Your hair looks so amazing, you should get it chemically straightened!” Translation: your hair looks shit the rest of the time.
9. Your hair is always curlier on one side than the other. It is also perfectly curled underneath, the bit that no one ever gets to see.
10. It takes an hour to have your hair straightened. Two if you’re attempting it yourself.
11. Despite using the exact same method and product that worked yesterday, you can never quite reproduce the exact same look the following day.
12. Someone you live with will inevitably find one of your long, curly hairs in their underpants.
13. You go through one bottle of shampoo and 50 bottles of conditioner in a calendar year.
14. You still seem to have the exact same amount of hair despite losing what looks like a small bird from your scalp each day.
15. Humidity is not your friend.
16. Cutting off one inch of your hair equates to six due to shrinkage.
17. The only place you can brush your hair is in the shower. Unless you want to look like a triangle.
18. It takes an entire day for your hair to dry fully.
19. Your hair will randomly decide that the day it will look good will be the day you have nowhere to go.
Look, it’s not all bad. For one, no one actually has any idea if I bother to do my hair each day and also, when I can’t find a hair tie, I can just use my own hair to tie itself up with.
How about you? Any curly haired problems (or advantages) you’d like to add?