Felicity Harley and Melissa Barberi, captain of the Matildas.
by FELICITY HARLEY
Hello, my name is Felicity. I’m 26 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I’m happy with my body… now.
You see, two weeks ago I went for a routine check-up with my midwife who informed me – or I should say freaked me out – that I had gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time and I needed to take stock of my diet.
“You can’t gain this amount next time you see me,” she muttered. As I sat there zoning out of her lecture on low GI vs. high GI foods, I went into a mental spin. How can a seemingly healthy woman – who preaches good nutrition to the women of Australia – be told she’s risking getting fat in pregnancy?
Sure, I’ve relaxed a little on the eating front (chocolate bullets: yum!) and my fitness levels have dropped faster than Peter Slipper’s popularity but overall my kilojoule intake has been on par. I think. Ok, maybe I have been eating more.
The following Saturday’s pre-natal yoga class was the perfect place to compare my shape. I sized-up the women around me (come on, you know you’ve done it) and concluded that I was kinda normal for this point in my pregnancy. Many thanks fellow yogis for the reassurance.
As I drove home it got me thinking about how pregnancy has challenged my usual positive body image and perhaps we don’t talk enough about this prenatal side effect. Some women relish their baby body and I admire them for that, but for others a supersized version of themselves can mess with their heads – you welcome this amazing creature growing inside you but you’re growing lumps and bumps (stomach not included) in places you never knew existed.
In fact, I know I’m not alone. In 2009, white coats at the University of Minnesota, US, studied changes in 506 women’s weight and body satisfaction from before pregnancy to one month after delivery, and found that yep, pregnancy weight can lead to negative body image or “body dissatisfaction”. Post-delivery mums were, on average, 2.5kgs heavier than before getting knocked up, and were less satisfied with their weight and shape.
Felicity Harley
Weight gain during pregnancy is confronting; stepping on the scales in the obstetrician’s office each week/ month can be terrifying (I’ve heard of women who stand backwards. True story). Knowing whether you should eat more or less or the same or a little bit more or eat for two … can be damn confusing.
So what have I learnt from this experience? Well, firstly to chill the hell out and remind myself it’s not just about “me” anymore. Yes, I’ve reassessed my food intake, pulled apart my meals and realised I can cut back on portion sizes and pack in more fruit.
Secondly, I need to respect the awesome way in which my body deals with pregnancy and highlight the positive bits each time I stand nude in front of the mirror – helllllooo boobs! My light bulb moment in all of this: you might not be able to control your weight in the way you used to with tomato-faced gym sessions but you can control every other aspect of your health and your baby’s, and no midwife will tell you off for that.
This is Felicity’s third ‘baby’ – she is the editor of Women’s Health and pregnancy magazine Bump (new issue out now!)
Did pregnancy challenge your idea of positive body image?
Comments
109 Comments so far
I am glad you took the midwife’s advice regarding exercise and diet as it sounds like your rapid weight gain was nipped in the bud because you did.Our hospital provides routine weight gain guides antenatally for a reason- out of this range increases risk for mothers and babies. Lets not shoot the messenger. She gave you good advice, following up her comment about the rapid gain with constructive ways you could improve the situation. Midwives are paid to keep us well, and to help us reduce our risks. These conversations can’t be easy as pregnant women often feel very sensitive; thank goodness they care enough to talk to us about these issues despite it possibly being tough news to hear. Sounds like a lot of people took the midwife’s advice as just an insult. What a shame. Let the health professionals be honest with us if they are concerned.
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When I was pregnant I had horrible morning sickness, and had so much trouble KEEPING weight on. I lost around 10 kg all up, but by the end of my pregnancy had managed to get back to my pre pregnany weight.
However, In the eight weeks since I’ve given birth all I’ve done is put on weight. So much for the breast feeding helps you lose weight theory. I was totally fine with the idea of putting on weight when I was pregnant, and yet it didn’t happen. I was NOT prepared to put on that weight post baby.
I feel horrible about it. Normally I wouldn’t care but with the lack of sleep/hormones and the ickiness of always having spit up on my shirt I am really illequipped to deal with weight gain.
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My obstetrician never weighed me for either of my children. His words were, “Your weight has nothing to do with me – that’s up to you and your body.”
Best advice ever.
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I am 38 weeks pregnant and was weighed once by my GP as part of my birth centre admission form at about 4 weeks, and have not been weighed or had my weight queried or commented on once since.
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I just had my 32 week check up with my ob and midwife and although I am weighed every appointment there has never been any mention of it. I actually asked them about it as I have already put on 15kg and so much of it on my hips and bum. My midwife assured me my body was just storing the extra fat it needed for breastfeeding.
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I’m currently treating a lady in her 50′s whose battle with anorexia is still being waged some 27 years after her obstetrician remarked that she was putting on too much weight during her first pregnancy. Times may have changed, but the insecurity of many women at that time remains. She clearly remembers that comment as the moment she decided to restrict her eating, and she has been unwell mentally ever since
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Great article, Felicity, but honestly, I think you’re lucky that your (pre-pregnancy) body image is positive in the first place..
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It blows me away that some people get weighed so much in their pregnancy!
My sister got weighed at each appointment in her pregnancies and I just thought her OB must have been a bit over the top (and slightly outdated!)!
In both of my pregnancies I was not weighed once by the OB. Not once. I don’t actually recall it even being mentioned. I might have mentioned my weight once in my second pregnancy when I said around 14 weeks or so that I had actually lost 4 kg (due to all the vomiting in my first trimester) but that is it. Just in case you might think its because I must be some kind of ‘Skinny-Minny’, I started out at about 72kg (I am about 172cm tall) and I stopped looking at my own scales at home once I hit around the high 80s! Second time around I didn’t put on near as much weight, but at no point was it mentioned other than probably amongst the routine general enquiries into how I was going. I certainly wasn’t required to prove anything by actually stepping onto a scale.
I feel sorry for people feeling like they have to still care about their weight while their body is doing the most incredible things – growing a baby!
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My OB hasn’t been remotely interested in weighing me, except when I expressed concern at loosing weight while pregnant.
I’m now 34 weeks pregnant, with gestational diabetes, however my weight is still 5kgs under my pregnancy weight.
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Gestational diabetes isn’t all about excess weight gain. I was diagnosed with it at 17 weeks when I had put on 3 kg – yes, 3 kg. Granted due to my PCOS I was at a higher risk of getting GD, but it isn’t all about a how much weight you put on.
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The midwife wasn’t commenting that the author was fat – she was concerned with the RATE of weight gain. Good on her for doing her job I say.
I’m gobsmacked that nearly everyone posting here is nursing hurt feelings regarding the comment and only one commenter mentions the primary adverse effect of gaining too much weight in pregnancy – Gestational Diabletes. THATS why the midwife started mentioning low GI foods, because developing an eating plan that stops your blood glucose spiking goes a long way to keeping blood glucose levels under control, and avoiding the possibility of insulin injections if you do become diabetic.
Educate yourselves ladies, 3-8 % of you will develop it during pregnancy, it is a spot on indicator that you are at risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes later in life.
Stick with that midwife – she’s got your best interests at heart. And rue the day that midwives become politically correct so as to not add to the body-insecurity issues so many seem to have.
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i’ve just been doing some research on this. this is what Diabetes Australia says are the risk factors for gestational diabetes:
Risk Factors
While there is no one reason for why women develop gestational diabetes, you are at a greater risk if you:
· Are over 30 years of age
· Have a family history of type 2 diabetes
· Are overweight or obese
· Are from an Indigenous Australian or Torres Strait Islander background
· Are from a Vietnamese, Chinese, Middle Eastern, Polynesian or Melanesian background
· Have previously had gestational diabetes
· Have previously had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
· You have previously given birth to a large baby
· Have a family history of gestational diabetes
Lots of factors impact but weight gain in a person in the healthy weight range isn’t on the list.
In my own family, my slender sister developed gestational diabetes, whereas I (just a little overweight at the time) didn’t and my very overweight SIL didn’t.
also i do wonder why so many obstetricians don’t bother with weighing… perhaps they have found it unhelpful for predicting anything much? I suspect maybe some people are getting carried away and it’s not helping.
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This midwife had no right to tell you that you are too heavy. I am overweight, I know what it looks like and you are not overweight. Your arms are slender and your face is not chubby. In short, you look fabulous.
The midwife was probably comparing you to a chart, these charts are taking us over, in a few months another health professional will be charting your baby. People are all different, their bodies are different and react differently to pregnancy.
I would request a new midwife, if I was you.
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Relax! Overweight woman cant wear sleeveless dresses – you look amazing!
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i loved being and looking pregnant.
during fertility struggles, fertility treatments and emotional eating during the years of trying to conceive, my weight crept up 20kgs, i barely even noticed how big id become except that i would never wear jeans and never wear anything except a maxi dress.
when i was pregnant though, it just didnt matter, i was so happy to be and look pregnant. i wore tight tops again (with long flowing maxi skirts) . i gained about 13kgs while pregnant however due to the excess weight i was carrying before i was pregnant, had about 30kgs to lose once my beloved bub was born.
even though i ate pretty badly while pregnant ( i scratched up the side of our brand new family car on a pole going through maccas drive through after work…most expensive cheeseburger ever!!), i was lucky because once my son was born the weight came off pretty easily, i was inspired and happy and started bundling my baby up and going for long walks around the water with the pram and my ipod, he would sleep happily and the excerise made me feel good, which in turn made eating better alot easier too
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My OB never took my weight at all during my pregnancy so I have no idea how much weight I gained. Would like to have known…or maybe not?.
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So the scales might say you’ve put on more than you should, but was that midwife using her eyes? You do not look to be at an unhealthy weight by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t think it’s right for her to make that kind of comment when from what you’ve said you are active and eating reasonably. Silly!!!!!!
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My first pregnancy I gained a total of 23 kgs starting from average weight. Although I was humongous, I actually felt beautiful throughout. When going to my doctor’s appt.’s I was to weigh myself and write it in my folder–by the end of the pregnancy I just started lying! Second pregnancy, gained very little due to gestational diabetes, but my doctor informed me that babies who are too big do face problems, ranging from getting stuck in the birth canal and breaking bones to stillbirth.
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I get weighed each time in the public hospital system and the midwife jots it in my book. As much as I dread it I do like to keep track of how my body’s changing in my first pregnancy…at my 28 week appointment last week I’d gained 13 kilograms! 5kg in first trimester alone…and another 5kg between weeks 24 and 28. I was aiming for 13kg in total for pregnancy – alas, still have 11 weeks left. BUT…each midwife I see has been great and said the weight gain is normal and that I look healthy
While I’m not exercising I do eat quite healthily so assume it’s just what my body needs.
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I put on over 20 kg and was weighed each visit to my OB. I was carrying I’d twins with one placenta. I put on weight early on due to IVF drugs.
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Very thankful I was never weighed throughout any of my 3 pregnancies.
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Me too! My ob said there is no need
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Yes, I’m kind of surprised to hear that weigh-ins are standard practice, I’m in a birth centre program and my midwife has never even mentioned scales (I’m still exercising-moderately- at 28 weeks and have put on about 7kg from my start weight).
Also, chocolate bullets are the best!
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me neither!!!
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Of course you body will change while you’re pregnant, but I think the point is not to fill it with biscuits, cakes, ice cream… all the crap I’ve been eating for the last 36 weeks basically
Being pregnant is hard enough already, doing it carrying extra unnecessary fat is just making it harder for yourself. Similarly, dealing with a newborn is hard enough without loathing yourself every time you look in the mirror. Trust me, I know!
When you’re pregnant, eat well, exercise as much as you are able and step away from the biscuit tin! It’s best for you and your baby!
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I have had 3 appointment so far, two at the doctors and one at the hospital with my midwife. I have been weighed every time and have even been told that my BMI is too high, im an athlete who trained every day until i got pregnant. i cried in my first appointment as she weighed me fully clothed and said i was already too overweight and should see a dietician during my pregnancy…i wear a size 10-12!!!! i have never felt so horrible and judged! i dread my next appointment in a month
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There’s generally no reason to stop exercising just because you’re pregnant. I’ve had 3 and ran 5kms most days until I got to about 27 weeks. Did yoga, lots of walking and light weights for the rest. As long as you dont get too hot it’s fine.
Don’t sweat the kgs, just eat well, try and resist the junk and let your body do the rest. Good luck!
ps you’ll get lots of good, bad and contradictory advice from midwives and doctors. A normal pregnancy isn’t rocket science so just be as healthy as you can be and try not to worry.
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There is no reason to stop exercising. I have friends who were in the gym up until 36 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy is not the time to start a NEW exercise regime, but if you already have a good fitness base, you can do most of your regular activities, modifying as you go along. The main guidelines is not allowing yourself to overheat and push your HR too high. You’d have to drag me kicking and screaming from the gym!
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Why oh why do people do that? Surely to look at you they could tell you’re not over weight. Our eyes are so underestimated as assessment tools.
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I have to work hard to keep to a healthy weight. I love my gym classes and eat pretty well, but during pregnancy this is hard. Rolling nausea and fatigue take away any desire to exercise, and pregnancy (currently 14 weeks) changes what food is palatable. I crave fruit and bread and can’t face veges. This high carb diet and reduction in exercise lead to weight gain, and that’s not good for me. My OB has told me no more than 8kgs weight gain (I gained 15 to 20kgs in previous pregnancies). I’m dreading each visit as I know I’ll get told off for already being 3kgs up
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I LOVED my body when I was pregnant. I am overweight and in pregnancy, at least once I had a bump, being overweight meant nothing! My obstetrician was fabulous. He knew I ate pretty well on the whole and encouraged my to exercise – but never once did I step on a scale in any of my 4 pregnancies. As luck would have it I actually lose weight when pregnant (throwing up heaps will do that to you!).
So so disappointing when scales are part of determining a ‘healthy’ pregnancy. Eat as well as you can, get some exercise and enjoy the bits of pregnancy that don’t leave you feeling foul!
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Pregnancy was the worst experience for me. Had never heard of ‘poly-hydramnios’ – but man did it suck. Went from 65 kg to 100. Hideous.
Corrective surgery required and due in December. Really not looking forward to it.
Lucky for me I got two cute kids but
PS Love the dress!
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Lottie, I had polyhydramnios too, and it was NO fun! The day they were about to take the big old needle to start draining the fluid from my massively overfull uterus was the day it started to reverse itself thank goodness! But four weeks of bed rest in hospital, and another four at home was horrid. I feel your pain!
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OMG Shaezy how bad is it? They wouldn’t drain me as I was considered high risk (had already had three miscarriages) but OMG. So awful. I remember being so relieved when my second bub was born that I didn’t ever have to go through that again (I was warned to not even think about a third baby with this condition)
Glad you survived!
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I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child. Funny I came across this article, coz I was just in the bathroom checking out all my new lumps and bumps (stomach not included). Part of me can’t wait till the baby’s born so I can run back to the gym and work it all off. I promised myself that being only 30 with two kids, I want to be in the best shape possible after this birth for the sake of my family and for me.
But then again, part of me thinks, who gives a shit? I’m not unhealthily obese! I’ve put on a few kilos, gained a bit of cellulite, but hey – I’M GOING TO HAVE A NEW BABY!!! Put it into perspective people!
The science is that in the third trimester, the little bubbas are zapping all the nutrients from their mums so you’ll eat and eat and eat, and still feel hungry after that. But I say, give in to the cravings. Its your body telling you what you need. You’ve got the rest of your life to eat healthy, low GI foods. I think its ridiculous to subject a pregnant woman to diets.
And as for the midwife – get rid of her, or tell her where to go! Throughout my two pregnancies, I have never been weighed.
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Surely when you are growing your precious baby is when you should be eating all those healthy, low GI foods??
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Umm… I have nothing to contribute to the pregnancy discussion (sorry!) but Felicity, you look like the picture of health! I think you have a wonderful attitude towards positive body image and living your best, healthy life. Please don’t let that grumpy midwife rattle you x
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Oh Felicity, your midwife sounds horrible, get a new one mate! I’m 29 weeks and my obstetrician doesn’t weigh me at all – he is more interested in blood pressure, belly size and overall how I am feeling, things that are so much more important than whether I’ve put on a little extra weight in the process of producing a new human being!
Good luck and enjoy it. xx
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Pregnancy weight gain is such a huge issue for some women, when the priority should be the little baby growing inside you. I get really upset with friends who diet during pregnancy because they dont want to get fat! And then they have tiny little underweight babies – any wonder they can put their skinny jeans back on within a few weeks of birth!
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I thought lower birth weight babies were more commonly linked with overweight mothers?
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Not with the women I know. Very skinny women who diet to stay skinny tend to have underweight skinny babies.
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Mmmm… chocolate bullets… I’m with you on that one!
I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first and started monitoring my weight from about 7 weeks because I was curious. My OB weighs me at each appt and so far I seem to be on track. So far I have gained 3.5kg.
I have had some issues with body image. I was slightly overweight before falling pregnant (Size 14 – 16) and was doing my best to lose weight via good eating and excercise. Once that BFP and the associated nausea came though, I had very little control over what I ate – bacon & egg sandwiches were the only thing that cured the nausea! Then at 8 weeks I had to start on progesterone pesseries which made me very bloated. So up until yesterday, I just felt fat and bloated. I didn’t have a definite baby bump so I just looked fatter than normal and my clothes look awful. I have discovered how flattering maternity clothes are now and I think my fat belly has turned into a baby bump overnight- finally! So maybe I have turned that corner now I seem to have a proper bump. It makes so much difference when you actually look pregnant, I can honestly say that I feel so much better today than yesterday and feel like I will now start to enjoy this amazing time.
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I’m actually really worried about this even though pregnancy isn’t on my immediate agenda. My partner (who is normally otherwise a very decent and respectful person) always makes positive comments about women who are nothing but belly. He thinks they look really attractive. But when it comes to women who put weight on in other areas, face, bum, hips etc during pregnancy he gets really judgmental and says pregnancy isn’t a licence to eat whatever you want. This isn’t helped by someone close to us eating ridiculous amounts of sweets in early pregnancy to the point that she stacked on serious kilos before 12 weeks. I’ve attempted to set the record straight and tell him its normal to put on weight in pregnancy other than the belly but I don’t really know enough about the science of it to back up my argument. Can anyone help?
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Kate, my husband is very much the same. We don’t want children so thankfully I am never going to have to deal with that but, for example, his best friend’s wife is second with their second child. They have a pretty shitty marriage and best friend has confessed she has turned into a fat cow t cow and he’s not attracted to her at all. Before everyone jumps up and down, I think there are more men that think this way than would admit it….
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I understand what you’re saying – that there are men out there who ‘dislike’ overweight pregnant women. But a man who is truly in love with their wife would surely see beyond the fact that they’ve put on a few extra kilos?? She’s sacrificing her body to give him a freakin’ FAMILY for gods’ sake! Not to mention all the swollen feet, nausea, vomiting, heartburn, waddling that she has to deal with…
If that was my hubby, he’d be in the dog house for sure.
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I need some help, because I’m 8 weeks pregnant and over the last 2-3 weeks have been suffering all day nausea. This has really restricted my eating and I’ve in fact lost 3 kilograms. I’m worried this is going to impact my baby. I’m eating a lot of fruit as that seems to be about the only thing I can stomach and having a lot of juices, but should I be worried about weight loss and how much is too much, I’m quite a small frame already and if I lose another 2 kilos it would be the lightest I’ve been since my teens!
Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
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Hi Jo, I experienced severe morning sickness with my first baby (now 6 months). Couldn’t eat, couldn’t even stomach water and vomited up the anti nausea meds I was prescribed. Lost weight and was completely bedridden for about 5 weeks. My husband had to take me to hospital. My son was born weighing 4.375kg (9lb 10oz) and is the biggest, healthiest baby I have seen. I firmly believe the reason I was so sick was because he was zapping me of every bit of goodness I could provide in order to grow strong. Just my experience – good luck with your pregnancy!
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The same thing happened to me, except I lost about 7kg. I was eating like half a banana a day at one stage. The OB was not concerned in the slightest- the baby will get what it needs nutritionally speaking and you get the leftovers. He or she will be growing even if you are losing weight. I gained all that weight back and more in the third trimester!
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Hi Jo
I suffered 24hr day sickness for 17 weeks and lost 11 kilos in that time. The only thing that I could keep down was brothy chicken soup. I was really worried but my Dr wasnt concerned at all as I wasnt dehydrated.
Once the sickness left I resumed normal eating, put the 11kilos back on and my weight gain resumed a normal pattern. And my baby was born fit and healthy and weighed 4.5 kilos. Good luck!
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My advice would be to relax. With any luck your morning sickness will ease up after the first trimester and you’ll be able to eat well again. During this phase, they don’t need that many calories, so as long as you’re keeping your prenatal vitamin down, the baby should be doing ok. They only stack on the weight later in your pregnancy.
I lost 3kg of my also tiny frame in the first trimester and even though my morning sickness persisted until week 22, the baby was completely healthy and grew well.
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Thank you all, I feel relieved now and relaxed – I’m well hydrated and eating what I can and more importantly keeping the vitamins down. Sincerely hoping this sickness fog goes away soon! xx
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Today I had an ultrasound where I was told that I had put on ‘too much tummy weight’, I am 22 weeks pregnant. It can’t be a poor diet thing, my appetite has decreased due to incredible nausea.. It can’t be the baby, it is of normal size. I walked out of there feeling like crap.
I understand where you are coming from Felicity (and others experiencing this). The last thing a woman ever wants to hear is that they are ‘too fat’ or ‘overweight’. It’s made me feel like I’ve done something wrong or am risking the health of my baby. Most mums to be want to do what is best for their baby… I thought I was doing just that.
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Get a new mid-wife / obstetrician! The most important thing during pregnancy is yours and your baby’s health. Who cares what you weigh if you’re both healthy?!
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I put on 22kg and 19kg with my two pregnancies. I generally ate healthy food but probably had a bit too much of “sometimes foods”. My obstetrician didn’t weigh me at all – she was more interested in blood pressure, belly size and overall how I was feeling. I had two healthy babies and took my time getting back to my ‘normal’ size. Now aged 7 and 4, both my kids are strong and healthy and in the past 2 years I’ve got back into shape myself so that at age 40 I am probably the fittest and strongest I’ve ever been.
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My OB doesn’t weigh me but (in answer to my question) told me how much an average baby plus it’s “stuff” (placenta etc) weigh so that I would know what is left – meaning what would be left on me post baby.
I gained a lot of weight with 1st pregnancy- I could say I didn’t eat differently, but then I’d be lying. It didn’t really bother me at the time – baby was growing beautifully and all else with the pregnancy was fine. BUT – I hated my post baby body…4 months post-birth I did Weight Watchers and came 1 kg above my goal before starting to try again (we do ivf so there’s lots of drugs that come with trying and I gain weight with the drugs). I was/am very happy that I didn’t start pregnancy 2 with lots of excess weight (I lost over 18 kgs on WW – I would say 15-16 of those were excess kgs gained during my pregnancy – that’s a lot!).
With this pregnancy, I’m being a bit more careful but have also come to terms that I gain a lot of weight while pregnant and I will need to be serious again about losing it after…and I will start sooner than 4 months post-delivery as it came off quicker when the baby was exclusively breastfeeding than it did once the baby started solids.
To ignore weight gain and what it means for post pregnancy is silly in my opinion – but that doesn’t mean you have to be obsessed with it during pregnancy either – just to be aware that if you gain a lot (like I did) you will need to do something more than breastfeeding and casual walking to lose it afterwards.
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I’m in the very early stages of pregnancy and experience the most horrible pregnancy bloat.
It’s difficult to look at yourself in the mirror, still in the 1st trimester – wearing previously flowing tops that now give the slight impression of what could be to anyone else, a food baby – and think that there is in fact something amazing growing inside of you, you’re not just on the fast track to a Biggest Loser 2013 audition.
Health professionals should be focussed on the well being of the whole individual – not just the number on the scales. If they’re not as supportive of you as they should be – then a well placed retort (blamed on the hormones, of course) should put fussing midwives back in their box!
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I have a three year old and one year old and i was never weighed by either my private obstetrician or his midwife during either pregnancy. He advised me that it was unnecessary and a mothers weight had no strong correlation with the baby’s health. There are many other more reliable indicators that a baby is well and thriving.
In saying that, with both of my pregnancies I was at the opposing end from felicity. I didn’t show very much, didn’t gain a huge amount of weight (about 8kgs per pregnancy) but I had every second person asking me, “is the baby small?”, “your not as big as so-and-so who I know” and the kicker “are you sure your eating enough?” Is really great when you are full of hormones and not sleeping to be basically asked “are you starving your unborn child?”.
i had a rehearsed speech to tell well meaning people that “I’m 6foot tall, I have a lot of abdomen space, not everyone is the same shape when they are pregnant (or in life for that matter) my obstetrician is more than happy with the way the pregnancy is going”.
But the sad thing was, the most judgemental and the most concerning (read: bitchy) comments were from other pregnant women. I think maybe every pregnant women is trying to justify the shape they are, but I’m definitely more aware of what I say to any pregnant woman about her bump size since being pregnant myself and being on the receiving end of the unnecessary judgement.
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I really hope I can be as positive as you were in the face of such ‘concerning’ judgement! thanks for sharing
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i was exactly the same with my recent pregnany – oh my gosh, you’re tiny, is the baby getting enough food, are you eating enough’ it was. Endless, and yes, it does make you feel sh** to have someone basically tell you that you must be starving your unborn chilfcand therefore failing your very first motherly duty!
Bonus came with getting a few extra ultrasounds to make sure bubby was growing well, which he was, 95th percentile!! So i had that to back me up…
Only my hubby kmew how much i really ate and it was a lot! I just ate very healthily and maintained my exercise routines… So he would be great at telling me to ignore the haters who were just jealous they gain EVERYWHERE when i just had a cute little potbelly out front – his words, not mine, so dont crucify me!!
We are all individual. I dont judge anyone else for what they do, so dont judge me was my attitude.
The charts during preg and for bubs afterwards are an AVERAGE, a guide, i hate it when health professionals ignore that… And from MY experience its really only SOME midwives that cling to it like their lives depend on it!
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I stopped getting weighed because I didnt like the number on the scales and after that I felt much better. I had a healthy baby and thats all that matters.
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More Felicity! Love her, love her writing!
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Totally agree with this
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I was just thinking about this yesterday whilst visiting my Obstetrician. He has not once asked me to weigh myself. My husband says it’s because I haven’t change only grown a beautiful belly (he has to be kidding). I have my usual external scans each month and the baby is healthy and at a healthy weight..which is the most important thing in the end. But is this unusual? most of my friends weighed themselves throughout their pregnancies. Maybe I am just living in pregnancy weight denial
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i am 34 weeks and havnt been asked to get on the scale since my first appt. my doctor measures my tummy and leaves it at that, and at home i avoid the scales also. i simply do not want to know. i can tell by how tight my pants get around my bum etc and know to back away from the chocolate lol
this is my 3rd and i have been able to get back to pre baby weight between each bubs so im not worried about my actual weight while pregnant, i dont need any negative thoughts in my head from a number.
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I wasn’t weighed during my pregnancy, instead the midwives would measure from the top of my pubic bone to the top of my uterus. They said this is more accurate way to measure the babys progress. I did loose weight at the start due to really bad nausea. Everyone is different and worrying a mother like that is not good. Dieting to loose weight at this time is never a good idea.
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The two magazines listed are her ‘babies’
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during my first pregnancy i gained 7kg. 4 of those kgs were gained in one month about half way through (during which i had been on holiday and eaten to my hearts content). my OB gave me such a hard time about it i didnt gain anything else until the last 6 weeks. my second pregnancy i gained 5kg and still i was afraid every time she made me step on the scales (every appt).
in a way i am glad because it meant i didnt really have to lose any weight post birth but it felt crazy that the only time i have ever been worried about gaining weight was when i was pregnant due to fear of being told off.
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I think I know you xx
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You are looking gorgeous and healthy and glowing! X
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Why do pregnant women put their hands on their stomach? I guess it is to “define” the bump and make sure no one thinks they are fatter than they really are? Every photo whether posed models or celebs has the same pregnant pose.
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I’ve never been pregnant, but it always seems like it is because “HEY YOU GUYS! TOTES PREGS, NOT FAT LOLOL”.
or maybe it’s instinctual?
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Its instinctual! I always wondered the same thing was it just to get attention? But now I find myself walking around the shops with my hand on my little bump like one of ‘those’ pregnant women! As far as the models go I believe its to accentuate the fact that the clothing is maternity wear.
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Def instinctual.. I never even realised I did it until my sister pointed I out..
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Um…Because its comfortable!! You naturally do it because part if you is protective while the other part of you instinctively wants to supports your tummy.
Seriously? That is what you got out if this article?
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I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with my fourth and I do not walk around holding my stomach. I am more inclined to agree with Michelle.
That was not all I got out of the article but didn’t think we needed the 45th comment about how my obstetrician isn’t weighing me.
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I put my hand on my belly because I’m afraid a foot is going to come poking through my skin! My baby likes playing football.
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Me too! And I like to feel it kicking against my hand.
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mine felt like she was going to burst my bladder(breech)
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I think it’t the same instinct that makes mothers ush prams back and forth. My “baby” is 7 and standing in front of a friends pram the other i still rocked it back and forth.
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I only got weighed regularly with my first 2 pregnancies (it was still the done thing antenatally) and when was pregnant with my 12 year old and seeing an obstetrician. It’s not necessary.
I would discuss diet at the booking in visit, but just generally (what to avoid etc and probably advise to continue eating the same as before otherwise).
I feel for karen 22 being told that her baby was malnourished. Poor weight gain of the foetus/baby is usually related more to placental function that the mother’s diet. It doesn’t sound like anyone explained that to her.
I was also one of those freaks of nature like Elizabeth. I put on standard amounts of weight for my first 2 pregnancies (12 and 15 kgs), but I started off very underweight and I have to admit the fairly rapid weight gain was a bit confronting. With my 3rd and 4th pregnancies I only put on 6 kgs apiece. I weighed myself at home when I left hospital and I was 5 kilos lighter each time. My metabolism must have kicked up a notch or two while pregnant.
TBH, I wonder how most women feel about their stretch marks. I wouldn’t know, I never got any and I know how lucky I am, because the majority of women get them. With weight though, you can do something about it (hard I know), but not stretch marks.
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I feel awful about my stretch marks. I lost all the weight both times at birth and think I will again this time (due any day now). I think my overall shape or at least my perception of it also improved. But thanks to stretch marks, the lower half of my belly will forever be a distended purple mess. Some of the marks are more than a centimetre wide and the skin is totally ruined. It’s had a big impact on my self esteem.
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I wish there was some sort of magic wand that you could wave over large stretch marks to at least minimize them. I know some say it just shows you’ve grown children in their, but gee it’s unfair.
Good luck with your birth and new baby.
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Great article. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and have been lucky to have a very easy pregnancy with few side effects, but I must say the weight thing has been the one of the biggest things throughout pregnancy to effect how I’m feeling.
I get weighed every time I go into the doctor – what is with the different standards in health care – some people getting weighed and some not judging by other comments to this article? At this public clinic, we all get weighed whether they like it or not, usually with a look or two from the midwife. So on top of some of the emotional stuff you get a weekly reminder that you’re getting fatter and fatter.
I’ve put on 17kg so far and have felt great – feel like I”ve got a healthy baby, healthy body and mind (most of the time). Still.. a little trip to the docs is all that is needed to make me feel like an enormous whale. Or…. a thoughtless comment from a stranger – don’t you just love them!
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17 kilos is a perfectly healthy weight gain.
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That sounds like normal weight gain to me!
All my friends who saw a midwife during their pregnancies were weighed each time however when you see an Obstetrician they don’t. I think because if you are seeing the exact same Dr each time your care is closely monitored consistently. Also the equipment they use allows them to complete a (external) scan which provides them with the exact length and weight of baby.
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I’m a midwife and I never weighed anyone in the hospital I worked at. Conversely, ALL the the doctors weighed the women at every visit.
Don’t rely on scans to tell you what the weight and length of the baby is: they are notoriously unreliable (by a few kilos, I’m not talking 100gms here). The best way to chart foetal growth is to measure from the pubic bone to the fundus at each visit.
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That’s interesting.. I have also been asked by a lot of people what size my baby is expected to be… no midwife or doctor has ever told me. I don’t think they like to, because as you say, I can be difficult to predict. Possibly best not to know anyway – particularly if he/she is going to be large
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It’s not common practice to scan baby at every visit either, if you mean an ultrasound scan. The issue with ultrasound scans too, is that the further along your pregnancy is, the less accurate they are, particularly for weight. I’ve seen an obstetrician scan a full term mother and tell her the baby’s weight was about 8lb and out came (with a great deal of effort mind) and 10lb baby.
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Indeed… I was sent for a scan at 36 weeks to see if my baby was going to be big. The scan results said ” a bit above average” but she came out 10 lb 12 oz. don’t trust the scan!
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I agree with the others here. I was told my last baby would be an average size. He was breech and turned himself at 38 weeks (ouch), only reason I know that was because I felt awful lurching and movement in my stomach and when I had my checkup the next day my Ob asked ‘when did that happen? Baby was breech last week now its not’…. when he was born weighing 4.5 kilos we were all shocked to say the least!
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My fourth was breech up until somewhere between the 35-36th weeks. She woke me up the night she finally turned with her scrabbling. I knew shed turned because i saw my stomach changing shape before my eyes (wnd i listened to her heart rate afterwards). She was a lot smaller than 10lbs though.
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I know the exact feeling you describe !
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I thought this was Felicity’s first baby (not third)? Anyway, great article!
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Her first human baby. Did you notice to inverted commas around ‘baby’?
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Nope – because they weren’t there when I read the article! Must’ve been added later due to the confusion.
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I think they mean third baby after her two magazines or ‘babies’
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I though that too but I think her first baby is Women’s Health Magazine and maybe the 2nd is Mamamia?
I don’t know. Great article though, completely agree!
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