I don’t get why people get so wound up about breastfeeding. If it suits you, do it until the kid’s seven. If it’s not for you, don’t do it at all.
I breastfed my three kids for six months. Pretty much on the knocker. Sorry.
I didn’t love it, I didn’t hate it, but I was blessed with big, healthy babies. So when I was ready to wind down supply, I spoke to the local clinic sister about the best way to go about it. Her reaction couldn’t have been more dramatic if I’d decided to put my son on eBay.
‘But why would you want to deny bubby your magical milk?’ she said.
‘Well,’ I replied, ‘Because I would like to drink wine again and stop wearing bras designed by NASA.’
‘Right.’ Her lips became not dissimilar to a cat’s bum and she handed me some leaflets. I was on my own, clearly.
At the other end of the spectrum is Tracy Moore, who’s rarely alone. She’s still breastfeeding her toddler, for the most part happily, but sometimes she feels weird. And she feels weird for feeling weird. This is what Tracy wrote for Jezebel:
“The other morning after I finished nursing my 21-month-old baby, she sat up and smiled, looked me in the eye and said in a tiny little happy baby voice: “Tink you, mommy.” Awww, you’r e welcome, sweets — wait, what did you say? Uh, is this weird?
Maybe I should already know the answer, but like certain holidays and The Oscars, instead I’m just confused about whether I’m supposed to care. It reminds me of this story my friend told me a few years back about her son she’d nursed. After seeing a baby being breastfed in public, he remarked to her later at home that day that she had fed him that way, too.
“Sure,” she said. “But you don’t remember that, do you?”
“Yes, Mommy,” he said matter-of-factly, pointing to a blue recliner. “We sat right there in that chair and I would drink from your boobs.”
We both laughed at his word choice, but it made me uneasy. Was it weird for him to remember? Wasn’t nursing the stuff of early infancy, lost to infant amnesia like accidental falls, bad holiday outfits and pureed asparagus?
Strangely, now that I’m the one with the toddler who’s drinking from my still-open-for-business boobs, it is the uneasiness that seems absurd. I started out figuring I’d nurse for a year, but that year blew right by, and it was obvious baby very much still needed and wanted the comfort. And with all the research pointing to sustained benefits the longer you do it, before you know it, boom — you’re nursing a toddler, two years and counting. Hang on, I think I hear The Lifestyle Channel calling.
Not like you didn’t already have enough weird, judgy parenting shit to deal with, but yay, now it’s not just whether you nurse and whether you like it but how long you do it for — and don’t forget to feel bad about where, you human gargoyle.”
Kate Hunter is an advertising copywriter with 20 years experience and hundreds of ads under her belt. She’s also written two novels for young readers: Mosquito Advertising, The Parfizz Pitch and Mosquito Advertising, The Blade Brief. You can visit Kate’s website here or follow her on twitter here.
How did you make the decision to stop breastfeeding? Or did someone else decide for you?







Comments
260 Comments so far
I don’t think that a parent should leave it up to the child to ‘choose’ when to stop breast feeding, because it will continue way beyond the point when it it beneficial to either the mother or the child. As a psychologist, I see the child of my friend, still breast feeding at 5.5 years, and no plans on stopping. I see that the child is slow to reach significant stages in her development when compared to her peers. When she is asked to follow basic instructions, or told that she can’t do something, she refers back to her mother’s breast for comfort. It seems that her mother continues to breast feed in order to feel needed by her daugher, rather than finding other things in her life that give her purpose and meaning also. I can see this situation comming to head- a mother who will have a hard time adjusting to life when her daugher grows up and no longer needs her, and sadly her daughter will not have the strategies to deal with the trials and troubles of everyday life.
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I fed my first until she wasn’t interested anymore, which was at thirteen months. I weaned my second at eighteen monhs, because I was over it and wanted to return to the regular pill.
After a month of being weaned, she’s pretty much obsessed with nipples, repeating mmm boobies, frequently and pointing them out wherever she gets a glimpse, including men’s underwear packets in the supermarket. I never imagined that at 18 months I’d be weaning her too soon.
Breast feeding is hard to start and hard to stop, for at least one person on either side of the activity. If it’s not a happy place for both of you, then it’s not worth it. Irrespective of what our mothers/health nurses/ self proclaimed experts tell us, bottle fed babies grow up into healthy children too. There are plenty of other things in life to cause us grief, so breastfeeding shouldn’t be added to the list.
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haha that was funny – I also had a few “hmmm am I weird moments” when my ‘baby’ who was just over 2 said “yummy boobies” and gave his favourite one a squeeze and giggled after a feed one day. Is there something wrong here? Nah he like it, I liked it and we kept going another couple of months when I didn’t like it so much anymore and he seemed to think it was more of a personal dummy and more amusing than anything else, rather than food. I do think its funny that now as a 6 year old he tells me “I love you so much Mummy” and he gives me big cuddles and rests his head on my boobs and says “they’re still so soft………. buuuut a little bit smaller”.
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Four simple words… To Each Their Own…
If you have an oppinion on what someone should or shouldnt be doing, keep it to yourself lest you be judged also…Simple
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Both my kids were exclusively breastfed until just over 5 months old. My daughter was 19 months old when I asked her if she wanted some milk (boob) and she ran to the fridge! That was the end of that I guess! My son was 2 yrs 3 months old and said no more. I was upset, i would have kept going, i had stacks of milk. He is now 4yrs old and loves my boobs, keeps asking me to get milk again lol. We even now still have ‘milky cuddles’ where he assumes the breastfeeding position and we cuddle. I loved breastfeeding. My husband was very supportive and so were my friends. We used to joke that I would have to go to school and feed my son at recess lol. My Mum said she was breastfed until she was 5yrs old (not bad for 1940 with a 16 yr old mother!!) and asked me not to go that long haha.
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I have a sister who got mastitis TWELVE times in the first few months of breastfeeding. She struggled on til the six month mark, pumping most of the time and using nipple shields the rest of the time. She suffered the worst of both worlds – the pain, and time of breast-feeding and constant sterilising and the need to be close to power of bottle feeding. It was awful and she gladly started weaning her bub at six months. I have a friend who, despite her healthy diet and lifestyle, just had no milk after a month and a half. It dried up completely and she had no choice but to give it up. Another friend struggled for the first 2 months of her baby’s life as her baby screamed constantly and would barely feed – it turns out she was lactose intolerant and needed to be put on special formula.
My objection is that the “breast-feeding mafia” have created this judgmental attitude about women who don’t breastfeed for the first year or two (or longer) of each child’s life. They frown and tut tut at women who are bottle-feeding. The thing is, not everyone CAN do it, and some don’t WANT to do it, and that is up to them and they shouldn’t be judged and showered with facts about the nutritional values, especially when some (obviously not all) of those facts are more like urban myths that well-researched truths.
And then, to be honest, I can’t help finding it weird when kids, not babies, but kids are still breastfeeding. I know that I just talked about choices and absolutely women should have this one open to them too, however I just can’t help thinking that those kids are going to wish at an older age that their mothers hadn’t breastfed them until they were 7. Kids are cruel and they pick up on differences and perceived weaknesses very quickly, and they exploit them ruthlessly. I can’t help thinking that kids who are still breastfeeding at the 3+ mark are going to suffer at the hands of other kids as a result. As someone who was bullied as a child I really feel that this is an issue that is being ignored in this particular discussion thread. I hear mothers going on about the beneficial nature of the “Comfort” it gives and a little voice in the back of my head says: “they’ll need that when they’re getting tortured for being a baby who still breastfeeds at school every day!”
So there, I said it! Maybe it’s hypercritical but I think at some point it should be less about the mother’s choice and more about what is best for the child, and my feeling is that the child will most likely end up suffering if they are still breast-feeding when they start fully socialising with other children.
Finally, the self-weaning thing to me is silly. I was a very clingy child and my mother had to force me to do things. I wanted her to carry me everywhere, I refused to get out of the bath myself and would sit in a cold bath having a stand off with her because she was trying to teach me to get out myself and I just wanted her to get me out. If my mother had let me self-wean I never would have given it up and all of this would have been that much harder. You teach your kid to give up all sorts of habits and begin new ones, I really don’t understand why weaning is any different.
Anyway, those are my thoughts!
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I will keep feeding her until she decides she’s had enough. x
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Yep! I’ll admit it – I’ve ‘forgotten’ to stop breastfeeding. My ‘baby’ not only turns 5 next Thursday, but has her first day of school! SO what am I doing???
Well, we had a difficult start, so much so I thought I was going to give up the pain, crying and hungry baby at 3 weeks… yet here we are, still having “feedies”.
When she was a baby/infant/under 12 months, no one raised an eyebrow. Then she made it to 2 years and was still going strong. After a day at daycare – great re-connector and comforter. Time to go to bed – lovely, quiet, relaxing way to wind down and drop off to sleep. Waking up from a nightmare – breastfeed make it all better, and back off to sleep. Bliss.
At three years of age, I started throwing questions at her. Why do you still have feedies? Cause its nice. How do feedies make you feel? Little face scrunched up in thought: they make me feel better!
By four years of age, it was down to one feed a day, At bedtime. The end of the day, inverably filled with adventure, fun, frights, seperation. This was her time, and one way she could ensure she had me all to herself – ask for a feed. Dad can’t do THAT!
I don’t know when she’s going to stop.
Now, a week before her 5th birthday, she asks for a feedie about twice a week, only at bedtime – and then she gives each side a critque!!! (Well, I find that amusing…)
I never thought I’d be feeding a 5 year old, but here I am. We like it. It works for us.
And I ‘get’ that it doesn’t work for lots of other people, and its not everyone’s cup of tea.
Just enjoy your precious children!!!
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I understand that society’s discomfort with older children breastfeeding is socially constructed and that in the past privileged children were often breastfed by wet nurses until they were quite old (9 or so). However, I can’t help finding myself feeling incredibly uncomfortable when children can walk up and ask for the boob. The problem for you and your child is that this reaction is really widespread and society – and children in particular – is/are cruel. Your child is starting school, all it takes is one slip – telling the other kids that she still breastfeeds – and her classmates will tear her to shreds. I was bullied atrociously as a child and I know from first-hand experience that any “weakness” or “difference” is picked up on by other kids like a shot and exploited mercilessly. I only wonder if she will thank you for not weaning her at a younger age when she is older.
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Thank God I’m not the only one! Lol
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There is always SOMETHING that people have to say about the issue of breastfeeding isn’t there?
We have just gotten back from a family holiday and I was furious by the end of it that every time my baby boy wanted to be fed or was being fed someone HAD to comment about how frequently he feeds!
He feeds about every two hours some days and I really don’t know why? He has done since he was born and he is now 6 months old. He is not a big fan of solids and only has one tiny meal a day. He completely refuses bottles and dummies and just likes his sustenance a la naturale! He is a big, chubby, happy baby boy who just loves his Mummy’s milk!
EVERY time I sat down to feed him though I had to deal with the comments/judgements and it nearly drove me nuts! What do they want me to do? Leave him to scream for a couple of hours just so that they feel better about me not feeding constantly? Then when he would actually stretch out for 4 or so hours I got all sorts of positive reactions/congratulations like I had achieved something wonderful!
People can be so judgemental and queer about the whole issue. it drives me BONKERS!
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I am up to baby number three – all of them have fed two hourly during the day – the first one until about six months, the second until ten months and number three is four months and still two hourly. Baby one also fed two hourly all night but baby three sleeps for two five hour blocks at night. They are all different and they all have different needs. I too get comments like “is she feeding AGAIN” and it bugs me beyond belief. Yes, she is feeding, she is hungry, and I’m happy to care for my baby in the way she needs to be cared for. I understand how frustrating it can be, after three of them though I have learnt to tell people to mind their own business (politely, but firmly).
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I’m not sure that you can really pick an age that works for all babies. A lot of the comments here say you should stop breastfeeding a baby at 12 months. So when they turn one you just stop giving them breastmilk?
I’m trying to let my eight month old daughter self-wean. I’ve introduced solids and she is eating breakfast, lunch and dinner but she is still getting breastmilk as well. I’m hoping that as she gets better at eating solids she’ll gradually stop wanting to nurse. She does love it though.
I do find the whole idea of breastfeeding older children strange but I also recognise that’s a socially constructed idea. Why is a child allow to derive comfort from a dummy or a blankey or soft toy but not allowed to be comforted by the breast? Society has sexualised breasts which is why I think we find the idea of breastfeeding older children weird.
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Just so you know, you can drink whilst breastfeeding. And get sexy nursing bras from places like Hotmilk, or forego the nursing bras. Good on you for breastfeeding.
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A side issue re breastfeeding and for those who have had troublesome sleepers… Has anyone had difficulty getting their kids to ‘sleep through’ (ie anywhere between a five to 12 hour block) while still breast-feeding? I couldn’t get my older daughter to sleep more than a 3 hour block until she weaned herself at 1 (and then she began sleeping 12 hours! And I currently can’t get my younger bub to sleep either and he is breastfeeding several times a day and night and also approaching 12 months. I don’t want to give up breastfeeding…but I do wonder if it sometimes inhibits the self-settling impulse. But maybe it’s just my kids…I’m sure there are many great sleepers out there who also voracious breastfeeders.
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Hey hon – my 2 were exclusively breastfed and slept through (eg from dream feed at 10pm to waketime at 7.30am) from 4.5weeks and 10 weeks. Yes, really
just sharing not to make you feel bad but to say that I think the BFing = not sleeping thing is mostly a myth. I think my two slept well due to a great routine that worked for us (Babywise) and they BF till past a year. maybe work on your day time routine for some change… or are you comfortable leting them self soothe? if formula fed babies do sleep longer its bc formula (not being perfectly suited as breast milk is) takes longer for little tummies to digest. chin up, Mama, you are doing great!! hope the nights stretch out for you soon! x
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My first son was exclusively breastfed on demand for six months, then continued to breastfeed until he was 22 months, and was a terrible sleeper who didn’t sleep through the night for the first time until he was 15 months old. My second son is now four months old, is being exclusively breastfed on demand, and has been sleeping through the night since he was eight weeks old. I have done things almost exactly the same way – the only difference is that I make sure I sometimes put my baby down when he’s still wake, so he gets used to sending himself to sleep (I never let him cry though, and am very anti controlled crying, strict routines etc.), whereas with my first son, I got into a habit early on of always breastfeeding him to sleep, and he came to rely on this. He’s now three, and still requires my partner or I to be in the room with him until he’s fallen asleep! I have no idea how we’re going to break that habit… Anyway, my point is that I think every baby is different, and it sounds like you’ve just been unlucky to get two babies who are difficult sleepers. I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that your baby is being breastfed, and think the idea about formula-fed babies being better sleepers is probably a myth, and I know friends with formula-fed babies who’ve also had difficult sleepers…
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My guy is 13 weeks and had a few nights recently where he slept 2 four hour blocks, but he seems to be back to 2 or 3 hours! Grrr!
I’m going to try a new wrap or swaddle to see if that will help him get through another sleep cycle or two. Did you try this at all?
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Thanks for the info people – good to know it isn’t the breastfeeding that is inhibiting the self-settling. I’ll just keep patting away and hopefully one of these days I’ll get a four hour block of sleep!! I’ve never believed that breast-milk isn’t as satiating as formula – I guess just part of me wondered whether the ritual of putting the bub on the breast during the first few months meant they then used it as a crutch to get to sleep later on. But if it wasn’t the boob, I’m sure it would be the bottle or the dummy or needing to be rocked. One day I probably won’t even remember the broken sleep…!
PS Clairek – I always a terrible swaddler but the only thing that has worked for us in re-settling a bub (apart from feeding!) is patting/shushing. I know swaddling has worked wonders for a lot of people though.
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I think they are all just different. My daughter is 6 mths old and she sleeps through from her final feed at 9pm till 5am. She has been like that since she was about 2 months. I am very lucky I know.
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Fabulously written Kate (especially the part about wine and NASA – I hear ya!) – my personal perspective is that it is entirely up to you. I am all about educated choices in terms of feeding, birthing etc. However I must say I find it a little odd when toddlers demand feed … e.g. the walking up to mama, demanding some boob for 0.3 of a second, and then walking away. I have no problem with long term feeding but when toddlers are using your breast as a comfort at that age I wonder if it really is building independence? I suppose what I am trying to say is I wouldn’t let my toddler have a bottle/dummy every 5 minutes, so I wonder about that comfort sucking beyond say 12 months? I know not all toddlers who feed do this but just some food for thought.
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Geez, these sort of topics really shit me. They’re only ever posted to prompt debate (which isn’t a bad thing), but it just ends up being a big judgement-fest, something us women tend to do very well. “Oh, the WHO says we need to breastfeed for 2 years”. Yeah well, health authorities are always changing their mind on stuff like this (are eggs good for us this year or not? I can’t remember).
Bottom line, consider the advice and options available and do what’s best for you and your child. Relax people!
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I’m fairly sure all opinions are judgements. Even the opinions that say it isn’t weird to breastfeed a five year old. I think we all need to just accept that some people have different ideas and opinions to us.
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The WHO’s guidelines for breastfeeding were put together with women from developing countries in mind – where formula is often sub-standard and water is often not clean. These guidelines are not really applicable to countries with high quality formula and clean water and yet people harp on about them and make women feel guilty.
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I dunno, maybe I’m mistaken.. but I would have thought if your kid can eat solid food, then it should. And therefore should not need boob. It’s your own business how long you breastfeed for obviously, but for me it is about nutrition and I can’t see any reason to keep breastfeeding if they are eating solid food. If they’ve got a full mouth full of teeth I’m not having em anywhere near my boobs.
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I actually spoke to Tresillian today about what KDot should be having, as she’s starting day care and it’s too much for me to express for her for every day, so it’s formula for daycare. Nutritionally for her age, she should apparently be having 4 “food” breast/formula feeds, as well as her solids. She has breaky, lunch and dinner and snacks, but also breast. Mostly at night and one in the morning and back to sleep. She is learning to drink from a sippy cup so gets water from that.
The teeth haven’t been an issue for us at all – and she’s had her bottom ones since she was about 5 months old. I have heard of others biting though.
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Of course there is always a transition period – Kdot is still a baby. I was mainly just speaking of older toddlers/children being breastfed. Society’s perception or not, I just don’t think there is any physiological necessity to breastfeeding when they can drink water and get enough nutrition from solid food. Those three, four, five year olds who still breastfeed do it for comfort and nothing more and that to me is weird. People might not like the judgement, but that is how I feel about it. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing and natural, but not when the kid can walk to fridge and help themselves to a drink of water and a cookie.
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They also carry around blankies and stuffed animals for comfort and get hugs and kisses for comfort. That’s not weird?
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I’m guessing you don’t have children? For me, my eldest son getting teeth made no difference. A baby can bite you before their teeth come through, as they’re still sitting just under the gums, and likewise there are women who breastfeed their children well into toddlerhood who never get bitten. Breastmilk can still provide a great deal of nutrition to children after six months as an accompaniment to solid food, and the WHO recommendation is to breastfeed for at least two years. If you look at the ABA site, they have many articles on the benefits of breastfeeding beyond six months – as well as continued nutritional benefits, extended breastfeeding also provides protection against disease, a reduced risk of allergies, improved cognitive ability, as well as comfort and bonding.
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I know what the health benefits are, I know about babies. I know about child development. I don’t need to have children to know, and you don’t need to be condescending about it. I was referring to children older than 2 that have all their teeth completely and can eat and drink water out of a cup. For me, if they can do that then they don’t NEED to be hanging off someones tit. It isn’t necessary in most cases.
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I didn’t mean to sound condescending, but the comment you made about babies’ teeth made it clear that you probably hadn’t breastfed before. With respect, you clearly don’t know all about the health benefits etc., or you would know that there continues to be many benefits (including health benefits) to breastfeeding after a baby has started eating solid food (which usually happens some time between four and six months in Australia). In fact, breastmilk should be a baby’s primary source of nutrition up to the age of one, according to most current advice. And as I mentioned, breastfeeding for longer than the socially accepted norm (which seems to be six to twelve months) has other benefits too.
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With respect, I know many health benefits to breastfeeding during infancy and early toddlerhood. And I know that for sicker children with lower immunity, or problems eating solids that it may be harder to wean, and if mum can keep passing on some immunity for a while longer then that is good. But there is actually no research to show that there is any physiological benefit to breastfeeding beyond 2 years old, other than comfort. There is lots of research about breastfeeding babies and young toddlers, but none that suggests any particular benefit to continued breastfeeding of healthy older toddlers who are receiving adequate nutrition and fluids without breast milk in the equation. Parents can make their own decisions, I am fine with that. How long will I breastfeed for? Well who knows, there other factors that will influence that and I know that. But I stand by my intitial point that there are no proven benefits to extended breastfeeding.
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My comments were in reaction to your original statement that “for me it is about nutrition and I can’t see any reason to keep breastfeeding if they are eating solid food”. My point was that there are many benefits to continuing to breastfeed beyond the age at which babies start on solids – which for most Australian babies is between four and six months, and there is substantial research to back this up. You are right in saying that there is little research on the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding beyond the age of two, but it is known that breastfeeding even once or twice a day (which is all most mothers would be doing at that stage anyway) can continue to provide a substantial percentage of the recommended daily allowance of a number of essential nutrients, and in this day and age when many children are not getting adequate nutrition from their daily food intake, there is an argument for continued breastfeeding, although I would imagine most mothers who practice extended breastfeeding are unlikely to be feeding their children a diet of junk food at the same time… Still, one could view breastmilk at that stage as an ‘insurance policy’ in the same way many people view multivitamins. Additionally, according to La Leche League in the UK (the equivalent of the ABA in Australia), a baby’s immune system only begins to function at adult level around the age of six, which would suggest that extended breastfeeding continues to have immunological benefits even if the nutritional benefits are less relevant at that stage. The longer a woman breastfeeds, the less chance she has of developing osteoporosis and ovarian and breast cancer, which is another obvious advantage of extended nursing. And even if the only benefit of breastfeeding beyond the age of two was comfort, what is so wrong with that? If the baby gets comfort and security from breastfeeding and the mother is happy to continue, why should anyone else have a problem with it?
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Lower chances of osteoporosis and breast cancer are via extended breastfeeding is not something that is proven either.
I don’t particularly care how long mothers nurse for, and I have never said there was anything wrong with providing your child comfort. The only thing I have said is there are no proven PHYSIOLOGICAL benefits to extended breastfeeding, no matter what people want to believe. You can rebutt this argument as much as you like, but my stance has not changed.
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even beyond 2 most people give thier toddlers cow’s milk. My question to you would be why do you think another mammals milk is better then what we produce? the immuniological benefits, the stem cells and all the other ‘goodies’ that are present in human breastmilk don’t disappear just because a child is 2 and 1 day.
So I disagree that feeding beyond 2 is just a comfort thing, I believe that they are getting other benefits as well.
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I don’t think other mammals milk is better than ours. Humans don’t actually need milk after breastfeeding at all. It is a myth and has been quite extensively studied. We may like cows milk but it is actually something that can exacerbate things like asthma, and there are an ever increasing number of people who are lactose intolerant. Cows milk is for baby cows. Human breast milk is for baby humans. : D
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I’ve already said it once here but the WHO recommendations were put together with women in developing countries in mind – where formula is often sub-standard and water is often unclean.
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Babies/kids who eat solid foods still need fluids. Breast milk is just another way to provide fluids. It’s also still very nutritious and beneficial for the child and can provide antibodies to help keep illness away.
I’m not here to push breastfeeding, I have formula fed my first two babies early on. But the idea that breastmilk is no longer nutritionally beneficial once a child is on solids or hits a certain age is a myth.
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If you have fully transitioned your child to solids they can drink water though. I am saying that for me there is no reason to keep breastfeeding if they can eat.
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Of course they can drink water. Although, they also need some form of milk still, and to be be honest, when my youngest child was eating solids (starting at 6 months) she refused all cups and bottles.
Just like some babies refuse the breast, what a lot of ppl don’t realise is that there are a lot of babies out there who are breastfed who refuse cups and bottles too.
Even when she was drinking from a cup (we were never able to get her to drink a bottle even when she was older), she still was adament she wanted to be breastfed. And to be honest, I was happy with that, because in the time she breastfed, she very rarely got sick, and when she did get sick it was barely noticeable.
There may be no reason for you to breastfeed, and that’s cool. However, some babies are completely addicted/obsessed with it, and it’s not as simple as saying no you can’t have it, and some of us don’t see a reason to stop them
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I am only referring to the lack of proven physiological benefits to EXTENDED breastfeeding. I know that every child and mother is different and weaning is a different experience for all. I just don’t believe breastfeeding a four year old is necessary. It is just not. The parent might enjoy it and the kid won’t know any different… but it is not out of a physical need and that is all I am pointing out. : -)
Also, humans don’t need cows milk at all. After breastfeeding, milk is something we drink for an easy way to get calcium, but lots of studies show we actually don’t need it at all. Milk actually cause/exacerbate a lot of health problems in many people.
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Ah, but there are physical benefits! I didn’t feed any of my kids til four and didn’t want to, but I can’t deny that if I had, then they would’ve reaped a great deal in the immunity stakes.
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There is no research showing that breastfeeding a four year old has any benefits in terms of increased immunity. None. It is a comfort thing and nothing more.
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Replying to your comment below:
first off, what’s wrong with a child breastfeeding for comfort?
As for the immunity thing: I can honestly say that from my own experience, breastfeeding does make a huge difference to a child’s immunity. When I stopped breastfeeding my two and a half year old, by the time she was three, she got ‘properly’ sick for the first time ever, and she didn’t understand what was going on, because she’d never really been sick before!
I was under the impression that there’d been lots of studies done about it also
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Sharon every child gets sick at some point while they build up their immune systems – breastfeeding is not the only influencing factor. Breastfed children who go to daycare still get sick, believe me. They build up immunity through exposure to germs and viruses. Breastfeed your child as long as you like, but if there was any research proving a physical benefit beyond about 24-30 months old, it would be well known and we would have far more mothers nursing until their child is at school. As it is there is very little. I haven’t ever said there was anything wrong with wanting to provide your child comfort – I am merely pointing out that there is no physiological reason to breastfeed your children until they are at school. That is my opinion based on the research that is available, and my stance will not change regardless how long you want to argue the point with me.
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Replying to your last post.
I don’t agree that more mums would be breastfeeding until kids were in school just because there are physical benefits. I believe there are benefits even at the age of 8, but I still chose not to.
Many of us are aware that there are benefits for very little babies, but we don’t all choose to stick with it. I breastfed my first for two weeks, and my second for five weeks. I knew/believed there were physical benefits, but I still stopped!
And honestly: my baby that was fed until 2 and a half, hardly got sick at all! Our whole family got the swine flu when she was 13 months old and breastfeeding.
She had a slight fever for a few hours and a bit of a cough at the same time and got over it in the same day. Meanwhile, the rest of us took 4 weeks of extreme suffering to get over it. That’s the only ‘illness’ I remember my daughter having during the time she was breastfed.
Not all kids go to daycare, none of mine did.
Also, I believe that there are far more mothers doing ‘extended’ breastfeeding than any of us know. The trouble is, they’re hiding away at home doing it because society shames them!
Also, I’m not trying to change your opinion, it’s obvious you believe what you believe, but I’m sharing my opinion also:)
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You keep saying there are no studies and you’re right, but there are no studies either way i.e. there’s no evidence to say there is no benefit because no studies have been done. But researchers extrapolate and conclude that while breastmilk becomes less important post-solids, it doesn’t have no benefits. So those benefits, though lesser so, continue for as long as you continue to feed i.e. to, as you say, 4 years old. It offers more than comfort though comfort alone is arguably still valid.
Other research too suggest that it’s biologically normal for humans to breastfeed till ~7 years old. Sadly we’re so used to seeing many mammals – mainly pets and farm animals – also prematurely weaned. But left to their own, mammals drink their mother’s milk for ~10% of their life e.g. a kangaroo for ~2 years and lives till approx 20; an orca for ~5 years and lives till approx 50.
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iAmandaroseI don’t get why women think it is weird to fed a child. No big deal. Not sexual and if mother and child are happy then who cares?
I only fed to six months and my kids quit me- I was happy to keep going.
I was fed for an extended period as a child( I remember breast feeding) and I am not emotionally scared by it.
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If your child is old enough to lift up your shirt and help themselves….ITS WEIRD
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No, Australian society says this is weird. If you lived in a less developing country, this is normal.
It’s attitudes like this that need to stop. If people don’t want to ever breastfeed, that’s fine. If they want to breastfeed for 6 years, that’s fine too. End of story.
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yes. A less developed country. meaning the child needs it for nutrition. They don’t keep doing it for comfort, or dessert.
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There’s nothing wrong with a child breastfeeding for comfort. I agree with those who’ve said that it’s not women who breastfeed for longer than six to twelve months who are weird, but rather it’s the attitudes of a lot of people in our society who can’t separate breasts from sexuality…
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Not only do women in underdeveloped countries do it for nutrition though. It’s culturally accepted and appropriate. My issue was more to do with the fact that people are quick to label this as ‘weird’ or abnormal, when really, it is one of the most normal and natural things you can do.
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It isn’t wrong as such, but I think it is unneccessary, that’s all I’m saying. We breastfeed to give our children nutrition – thats the physiological reason for it. It may be socially accepted in less developed countries (stemming from reasons of nutrition and high rates of starvation), but so are a whole lot of rituals in those countries we don’t follow, some of them sexual or totally unacceptable in this country. Like foot binding. Just because they do it in another country it doesn’t mean it needs to be the norm in ours. after about 24-30 months, there really isn’t a physical need to breastfeed anymore. Parents will decide what is best for their children and they should.. but when you start talking about children who are school age being breastfed, they are being set up for ridicule and there is no reason for it.
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Maybe society needs to stop ridiculing them, though? Why do these families have to change?
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Lol @ dessert! I’ll defo use this one IRL. My son turns 5 next week and he likes to tell me what my milk tastes like on different occasions. Sometimes it’s apples, sometimes strawberries, sometimes he says it tastes like a cuddle! Hehe. I look forward to offering him dessert tonight
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I’m still breast feeding my 16mth old just morning and bedtime and putting so much pressure on myself to wean because I feel that I am being judged. If one more person says as long as you are not like in the Slap I think I may slap them. I wish I didn’t care about others views and just did what was right for us. I don’t judged women who bottle feed or wean early so why should I be judged?
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Jenny – you need some new friends – ones who’ll support your decision to not stop breastfeeding your baby. 16 months is still way under the WHO recommended minimum and WAY under the worldwide average breastfeeding duration. Follow your instincts.
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I am a HUGE fan of breastfeeding my babies. I love it for a number of reasons including convenience – no sterilising, heating, getting out of bed in the night, simply lift the shirt and all is good. I do however acknowledge that I have had it easy wih all three babies and I am so very grateful for that – I have watched two friends struggle with trying to feed because of unhelpful advice and judgement from professionals and family members. It was not healthy for the mothers and stressful for the babies to push on for way too long when a bottle was the sanity they needed.
My first two children weaned themselves – one at 13months and the other at 19 months. Baby three is four months old so we will see what happens with her, I guess she too will stop when she is ready (even if I am not). All children are different, all mothers are different, my theory is do whatever it takes to survive and keep your mental health intact.
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I’ve never understood the argument that you should stop breastfeeding once a baby “can ask for it”. Some children start speaking at one, some at two, and some later… does that mean that the children who speak earlier should be denied extra months or years of beneficial breastmilk just because they can ‘ask for it’ with words?! I breastfed my first child for nearly two years, until he weaned himself, but would happily have breastfed for longer. I think how long you breastfeed for is a very personal decision. which should be influenced by current health guidelines, but also by what feels natural for you and your child. I don’t think I would feel comfortable breastfeeding beyond the age of about three or four, mainly because in our society, once a child goes to school and is socialising with children who are not being raised the same way, it could become a potential teasing issue, and I also think beyond two or three, the nutritional benefits wane somewhat, and it becomes more about comfort, which can be sought in other ways, but to each their own – I admire any woman who breastfeeds for an extended period if it’s what she believes is best for her child.
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Human Gargoyle – too funny!
I BF my eldest two babies until 11 months because it worked for both of us. I literally woke up one day and decided I don’t want to do this anymore. Lucky for me, neither of them missed a beat.
In the case of my eldest, he was an early walker and a very big boy so I was quite relieved when we stopped. My wrists were also shot from supporting him. Eventually they had to be operated on.
I’ve had a bit of rough start with my third baby (now 7 & a half weeks old).
He still takes 6-8 feeds a day at up to ONE HOUR a pop. So I’m not committing to even an 11 month long BF relationship in his case.
With a pre-schooler and toddler in the wings, I’m struggling to dedicate the 6-8 hours necessary to continue. He’s still on a nipple shield and I don’t even have the drive or energy to bother weaning him off of that!
I’ve always been a fan of comp feeding so perhaps I’ll just do more of that this time.
Has it become highly unfashionable to be a BF Nazi these days? Or is it because I have two other little ones?
I only wonder because every.single.medical.professional I’ve come across this time around has been unquestioningly supportive of whatever I decide.
It’s very refreshing!
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The longest I ever breastfed was my third child; I breastfed her til she was two and a half.
I don’t understand what is wrong with a child being able to ‘ask for it’? When they are a newborn and screaming for a feed, they’re asking for it! What’s the difference? ‘congratulations son/daughter, now you can speak, I’m taking away your favourite thing!’ WFT???
I have no problems with ppl breastfeeding up to 8 years old, I just know that it’s not for me. Thankfully, when my youngest self weaned, I was also ready to be done by then. I just wanted my body back to myself.
I love everything that breastfeeding did for my kids, especially my third child who breastfed long enough to get more benefits than the other two. We got our family through the swine flu, and my then breastfed daughter came out of that virtually unscathed! She was about 13 months old, and if I’d have listened to all the ppl who said it’s too old, I hate to think about a little one that age suffering with swine flu, as it’s a terrible thing to have.
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I completely agree – my mother in law told me I should stop when she could “ask for it”. I asked her if I should also refuse her a sandwich, or piece of fruit if she could “ask for it”?
Interestingly, we did baby sign language, so from about 6 months my bub could “ask” for milk when she wanted it. It made my life even easier!
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Isn’t it funny? It’s only the breast that the ‘asking for it’ argument is raised. Not with formula, not with a nappy, dummy, hug, other foods or anything else in life. But don’t you dare verbalise that you want a boob feed!
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I breastfed my first child for a month and my second and third chid not at all.They are healthy,intelligent,athletic children who love me and their father and have suffered no ill affects whatsoever from their lack of breastmilk,that was my decision and as an adult mine to make without any feelings of guilt.
I support any persons right to breastfeed or not breastfeed,do what you think is best for your child for as long as you want,I just get so sick every 6 months or so reading in the papers what we should or shouldn’t do in regards to breastfeeding and covering the same ground all of the time.You are the parent,do what you think is best for your child and you,I did and my children are great kids.
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I really hope I don’t get hounded for my comment, but I disagree with breastfeeding your child over a year. That’s my personal feeling and I breastfed my first baby for close to 6 months (he died in a car accident). It was a beautiful and bonding experience but I probably would have stopped soon afterwards. I feel strange when I see a friend of mine still breastfeeding her son and he is 1.5 years old and how he acts when he wants milk. He has a temper tantrum, hits her breasts, screams for milk and she is trying her best to wean him but gives in nearly every time. A friend of mine with 3 kids said to me, if he’s old enough to ask for boob milk then maybe it’s time to stop. I tend to agree. Maybe that scene with “bitty” got to me – done for comedic effect but makes me think when I see toddlers being breastfeed.
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I’m sorry for your loss.
The WHO guidelines suugest breastfeeding for at least 2 years and now, I think, they say formula for 2 years if you’re not breastfeeding, too.
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The world health organisation is providing guidelines to people in third world countries as well as the rest of the world, so I’m assuming the recommendation for breastmilk for the first couple of years is really aimed at countries where babies/toddlers don’t have enough to eat. I could be wrong though.
I’m not sure what the WHO formula recommendation is, but I would be suprised if it was 2 years. I do know that all the Australian doctors and midwives who I spoke to (bar one who thought I should keep expressing) recommended I go straight to cow’s milk, when my son gave up the boob suddenly at 8.5 months.
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For the record, if someone wants to breastfeed or bottle feed for longer, I think that’s wonderful, and if they don’t, that’s fine too! As long as you are feeding your baby and helping them grow up healthy and strong, you shouldn’t have to deal with judgements from anyone else in regards to how you feed your child.
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WHO…WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION. Not ‘Third World’. The guidelines are for all infants. Now, excuse me while I go feed my 13 month old daughter.
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I just think the advice should be taken in appropriate context, and recognition should be given to the profoundly different lives of mothers and babies all over the world. If you take a look at the WHO website, you will that the vast majority of the advice is aimed at third world areas.
I personally would prefer to take the advice of Australian doctors and midwives, many of whom have an approach that takes in to consideration the health and well-being of individuals as well as the family as a whole, and don’t have a blanket set amount of time for breastfeeding that is meant for everyone.
Now, excuse me while I go feed my 5 year old daughter (some food).
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Sophie, I agree, I was about to comment the same thing, using almost the exact same words!
I also remember reading in a book written by a naturopath, that children should breastfeed until they have their eye teeth, as that is when their digestive system is ready for a ‘regular’ diet.
I fed each of my first 3 babies until my milk dried up during the next pregnancy. My first recommenced feeding when the second came along, she had only had a few months break and could remember her feeds and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have it now that there was a new supply. It continued for another 3 months, when we agreed that at 2, she was now a big girl and didn’t need it anymore (to be honest, I was getting quite worn out and needed to start feeding just the one)
Baby number 4 fed until 3 1/2 and that was my decision to stop. He would come into my bed during the night and have a sneaky feed – I would wake up and think ‘Damn… he got me again!’. I tried many things and ended up resorting to wasabi sauce to stop him. Funnily enough, it was the texture he didn’t like rather than the taste
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This is my personal opinion as I find it creepy seeing a toddler breastfed. Like you mentioned, it’s a recommendation. So why are women breastfeeding their children upto 6 here online? I find that strange.
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Well, golly. I’m sure we’ve all been refreshed and enlightened by your unique point of view.
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I can understand with your watching your friend why you would feel like that. I do wonder if you would also feel uncomfortable if he was tantruming for a bottle in the same way.
I know that when I first had my son I couldn’t imagine feeding beyond 12 mnths but it came and went so fast that just because he was 12 mnths and 1 day didn’t make his need (both nutritionally and for comfort) any less. I will say that he also never tantrumed over not being fed.
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I am one of the lucky ones. I love breastfeeding, have never had any major problems and find it such a special, bonding time. Plus I’m lazy, so I love not having to faff around with bottles etc, PLUS five times a day I HAVE to sit down and put my feet up! What’s not to love?
I fed my big girl for 20 months and I was so sad when she weaned herself. My baby is 6 months and my favourite time of the day is lying in bed with him before I go to sleep, with a warm little body pressed up against me. When my daughter (5) is playing with her dolls and her ‘baby’ is hungry, the ‘mummy’ usually lies down to feed! I am so happy that breastfeeding is such a natural thing for her. A lot of her little friends are very interested in how I feed the baby and once their parents see that I’m happy to talk about it/let them have a gander they like that their kids are getting that experience as well.
I really hope this bub will feed until he’s two, but in the end it’s up to him. Would I wean him myself? I can’t see it happening, maybe when he’s 3 or 4 I might insist that he only feeds in private but until then, bring it on!
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sorry a PS
Just finished reading the rest of the comments and have a few more to add:
1) My best friend bottled fed her child next to me and we chatted and didn’t care, people are too hung up over which they do
2) Breast feeding is good for the child, easy for the mother ( nobody could tell me to fix tea while they feed the child) but really who cares in 30 years
3) I very much doubt a 30 year old remembers when he/she was 3
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I breastfed my first son without a hitch, for 26 months. Neither of us had any reason to stop, and really, the only reason I did was because my husband and I wanted another baby and we thought breastfeeding might have hindered things…I still wasnt ovulating regularly.
Fast forward to Feb 2011 when my second son was born and I had a totally different experience with breastfeeding this time. Unable to have him latch until 24 hours old (due to respiratory distress and NICU admission), we had a hard time getting things going. I was stressed over his condition, exhausted going up to the NICU every 2 hours and in pain from my section. He was starving and my milk took over ONE WEEK to come in! I gave up…he wasnt having enough milk, my nipples were in TATTERS and I was over it. Then. I got Mastitis. As dreadful as that was, it was a blessing in disguise…having to express the plugged duct out, my supply increased and breastmilk alone began to sustain him. He is now 11 months old, and still breastfeeding strong. No desire to stop. Have to go now, and feed him!
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I think it all depends on the child, my first weaned himself at 7 months, he just had to look around he was much happier having a bottle that he controlled( still a control freak at 32) , the 2nd was feed until he was 3. (and yes my father kept telling me i would be feeding him through the fence at primary school), but he was happy with a night time feed once a day there at the end.
No i didn’t do it to feel needed etc, i actually was back at work, but he liked it, i taught him never to ask in front of people, he would say :i need a drink” and that would be that.
why worry about it, at 28 he has no memory of this and he seemed to need the whole thing then.
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I had breast reduction surgery which involved a lot of gland tissue being removed when I was 18. I was skinny with ENORMOUS boobs and was developing severe back and neck problems. I was told that I may have difficulty breastfeeding. When my daughter was born I had trouble right from day 1 with lack of supply. I saw an ABA woman who told me the surgery would not affect my ability to breastfeed which totally contradicted the advice of my surgeon. In my sleep deprived haze I stupidly took the ABA advice and kept away from the dreaded formula. I tried expressing but even when my milk let down I could never get more that 20ml (and that was after 45 mins pumping and a bad case of purple nipples!). I ended up depressed and suicidal and admitted to Tweddle in Melbourne. Even there they continuted to push the breast feeding in conjunction with controlled crying. I left there with a baby that still hadn’t slept for more than 2hrs straight for 7 months and who looked gaunt and was losing weight and me at my wits end. My mother then talked me into giving my daughter a bottle of formula. She gripped the bottle so hard her fingers went white, she downed the lot in about 30 seconds and from then on was totally weaned and a brilliant sleeper (she’s now 7).
When my son was born I took formula to the hospital with me as I’d made the decision to BF/bottle feed for as long as I could. The result was a much better sleeping baby, and I managed to tandem feed for 14 months until he started to bite me!
I have such bad feelings toward the ABA over my experience with my daughter. I worry that they are blind to the whole picture of the wellbeing of the mother as well as the baby. My cousin has just trained to be an ABA consultant and she has absolutely no medical training prior to this, and I really worry that people like her are giving advice to very vulnerable women who need more expertise than the advice of somone who is just extrememly pro BF.
So I guess my point is that I couldn’t care less how long people do or don’t BF for, but I really have issues with bad advice being given by people with agendas and no medical/psychological training.
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I’m so sorry that breastfeeding didn’t work out for you – what a tough start to your parenting journey. These days many surgeons are breastfeeding aware and in many cases they are able to maintain the bits and bobs that will be needed to make milk and nourish a child in the future. ABA counsellors are extremely well trained in this very natural part of life….they do not need medical training as breastfeeding (or birth for that matter) is not a medical issue.
What is needed when it comes to breastfeeding is support and accurate information. I am an ABA counsellor and also an IBCLC – I have met many many other ABA counsellors and can confidently say that we have no “agendas” other than to support mamas in their parenting choices. Artificial baby milk has its place in our society for situations such as yours and thank goodness! However, I do feel very sad for those mothers who have been given inaccurate breastfeeding information and don’t find out until it’s too late and their milk supply has all but disappeared.
WHO guidelines quite clearly state that infants should be breastfed as the first choice of nutrition, if that is not possible then they should be fed their own mother’s expressed breastmilk, if that is not possible then they should be fed another mother’s expressed breastmilk and then the final choice is artificial baby milk. Perhaps this is the “agenda” you are referring to? The health and nutrition of our babies?
I’m so sorry that you were unable to breastfeed your babies but I am very pleased that you were supported to exhaust your options before resorting to the fourth nutritional choice for your babies. The ABA is a great organisation that is womanned by amazing, professional and well trained volunteer mothers. We have at our fingertips the most up to date scientific information regarding infant nutrition – we are extremely well placed to be supporting mothers in their infant feeding choices.
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You may not have been pushing an agenda but plenty of ABA counsellors and Drs (influenced by the political power of the ABA) do.
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Political power? Gosh – I wish ABA had political power….then we might be just powerful enough to counteract the almighty and crazy power of pharmaceutical companies pushing artificial baby milk.
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power is always linked to money
seen anyone selling breastmilk lately?
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ummm no?
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The ABA counsellors may be well trained, but in my case and other I know of they pushed BF when it was contrary to my physical and emotional wellbeing and the wellbeing of my baby. I just cry when I look of photos of her at that age as she looks absolutely terrible. I was sucidal and had to be admitted to hospital after following the advice of the ABA woman who had no agenda other than to push breastfeeding to the detriment of my baby and I. I would argue that this particular volunteer was not well trained at all and most certainly had an agenda. She also told me that controlled crying was child abuse – I really do think she could have expressed her opinion about that subject without being so tactless. I wanted to try formula and I can promise you she was NOT supportive of that choice. I not only exhausted my option but myself in the process and surely that is not in the best interest of my baby or family?
And for the record, as I mentioned in my post, I BF my second baby until he was 14 months old (with the help of formula).
I am sorry if I’m coming across as bitter about this, but it’s because I am.
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I strongly believe that the ABA should take feedback like this on board, rather than just refuting it.
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The ABA councellors need to be more flexible and less judgmental. Women should NOT be made to feel guilty over their choices. WHO guidlelines on breastfeeding are mainly aimed at women in developing countries with unreliable formula and often unclean drinking water. They are also guidelines and by definition are simply a suggestion.
I object to councellors who are supposed to be a support system guilt-tripping women. Sure, give your advice, but save your judgments and don’t harangue people into what you think is best – simply outline the options and information unemotionally and leave it for them to choose.
The nutritional value of breast milk is not always the most important factor – the mental and emotional state of the mother is incredibly important for a baby’s well-being and should take precedence. The particular way in which you talk about formula as the final choice is inherently judgmental and I’m sure this is exactly what these women are talking about. The health and nutrition of THEIR babies is of course important, but the baby also needs a happy healthy mother and formula is not poison, it still manages to create many a healthy child.
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I’m so sorry you had such a rough time. I also had very bad advice given by the ABA. My child and I ended up in hospital after trying to follow the advice. I am about to have my second child and will only take any ABA advice with a grain of salt. Sure, these counsellors may have had success breastfeeding and had training, but that does not mean they are medical professionals and that should be remembered. And I am also a trained counsellor, and the “support” I received left a lot to be desired. Lots of judgement which I strongly feel contributed to PND.
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Thanks Anon and I couldn’t agree with you more. I totally agreed with the counsellor that breast was best, I mean, I think everyone knows that these days. I think they are trained to know the benefits and mechanics of breastfeeding, but I believe that they don’t see the big picture. Rosie (above) is right, all the ABA do is refute any criticism and maintain that their counsellors support your choices. Yeah right, just try mentioned that you want to use formula and see how supportive they are!
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I was just wondering is it normal for a baby to self wean at 5mths?
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Yep… Mine did at 6 months x
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It is very uncommon for a baby of 5 months to truly self wean. It is more likely that a baby of this age went on a “nursing strike”. Babies rarely wean on their own before 18-24 months, and self-weaning is almost never abrupt.
This is a great piece on self weaning:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html
Kellymom.com is a great resoure and they have a fact sheet on nursing strikes and how to get through them:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html
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Thanks canberramumma. My partner has a four year old and he told me his child self weaned at 5 months. He kind of joked about it and said his kid musn’t be a boob man. I was just curious as I really haven’t heard of a baby self weaning that early once breastfeeding has been established and is going smoothly.
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No worries at all
It is hard to say what might have happened in your partner’s child’s case but it is unlikely that if he was exclusively breastfed that he just stopped in a dramactic way. Nursing strikes can be very frustrating (for mother and baby) but they can be overcome with a lot of time and support.
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i breastfed for four months when unfortunately i lost supply due to a viscious cycle of depression +stress+constant feeds= more stress+ tiredness+less supply so more feeds and on it went. the day i switched to formula there was just such a dramatic change in my daughter (for the good) that i got extra guilty for trying to keep going so long.
the best thing i was told was each baby is different so i will be trying again with my second. and hopefully i can do better this time!
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You don’t need to “do better next time” – you did awesome under difficult circumstances. You did the best you could absolutely, and no one can do anything more than that!
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I have breastfed all my children until the natural weaning has occurred and I would so swap it for anything! Beautiful moments to treasure forever.
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As a breastfeeding mother to a 2.5 year old and a newborn, I am totally loving the experience. I had no idea about breastfeeding when I first started, how to do it or that there was a specified timeframe. I love the time out we all share when feeding and knowing that it is nourishing my newborn as well as protecting my toddler from all the toddler bugs out there. My toddler has/is rarely sick and I know that they have something to fall back on if that happens because I love feeding and my toddler loves mummies milk.
I am not for or against formula when used correctly in our society, but remember, human milk is for human babies.
And if anyone asks when my toddler and I are going to wean, I tell them it’s not my decision, because just like toddlers have a favourite toy or security blanket, this is my toddlers, and if you want to take that away, feel free to come over and explain it to them and deal with the tantrums and insecurity that this would create.
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Good on you!
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fully agree, as i have stated above
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At the primary school where I work we had a mum breastfeed her pre-school child while on a tour of the school with a male vice-principal and male classroom teacher. The men are still in shock 5 years down the track. Lol!
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luv it!!
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Just a little note.. A Commodore is a Holden
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I remember telling my younger sister, while BF my week-old baby, that a child is too old to be BF if they are walking or talking. My first was walking at 11months but breastfed until 20months, and my second was walking at 9months and I finally weaned her at 28months. So much for my naive expectations.
I loved breastfeeding and it was the best thing for me and my babies. I get that the same cannot be said by every mum, and that’s their choice. I guess I’d just like to add two more things as a bit of a response to some of the comments I have read:
1. I have found that there is a lot of judgment and defensiveness among mums because of ‘implied criticism.’ By this I mean that when I talk to some mums at playgroup about the fact that I have never let my babies cry themselves to sleep, the mums there who use controlled crying get really defensive, taking my choice as a criticism of their choice. That’s actually not my intention, but I see this all the time with mums (in particular)and it puzzles me. I mean, if I drive a Holden and you drive a Commodore I’m not criticising your choice of car, just picking one that suits me better. It doesn’t seem to work like this with kids though, which I find really interesting.
2. I always hear, in kind of a superior way, comments from people that mums get too heated over issues like this, that women are too judgmental and we shouldn’t get so worked up. Well, as much as I do agree with this sentiment I think it is a little unfair. As I mum, I have to feel strongly and be passionate about the way I raise my children because it’s hard work. Breastfeeding was very hard for me to establish, both times, and if I didn’t feel strongly about it then I would not have been able to persist. So yes, I have strong feelings and thoughts on the matter, but I also respect that in other people. My issue is with people who aren’t passionate about their kids, not people who are but make different decisions than me.
Okay, rant over…
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Great response Kellys!
Sadly, women are often their own worst enemies.. from the one upmanship of horror birth stories to vaginal vs caesarian births (or epidural use) to brest feeding or formula feeding and everything in between…
Implied criticism is what gets all those debates heated up… the assumption that a breast feeding mother looks down on a mother who is formula feeding.. or for any other reason… whether it stems from guilt or not, vast majority really don’t care as long as DoCS don’t need to be called because you aren’t feeding your children at all!
It’s about choice.. as simple and as complex as that.
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u cant win can u!?!?!
I get sooo much crap for not breastfeeding at all(i wont go into the reasons for not breastfeeding) and i have people telling me my child wont be as smart or as healthy or as tall?!?!??!? and then if u do breastfeed your babies u get crap if u stop at a certain time, or if u go “too long” for fuck sake….everyone needs to just worry about whats right for their babies and their life and their families and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing! Its fantastic if u are one of these people who can feed your child…no matter where or how…as long as the baby is being loved and fed then HIGH FIVE u are an awesomesuperduperparent! and dont listen to everyone else! for the record…my little man is super above average height, never been sick(touch wood) always slept, has no learning problems and just a delightful little person that eats all his veggies and fruit. Clearly choosing to feed him and give him love was the best thing for him
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Human Gargoyle! LOL!
I am still breast feeding my almost 16mth old son but unlike some others, I don’t feel even remotely weird about it. I am proud of the fact that I am a single mum, working and still able to breast feed.
I will breast feed him until at least 2yrs old as recommended by WHO.. and if he wants to, some time beyond that.
It is suggested regularly by members of my extended family, that I shouldn’t be breast feeding anymore with the comments “If he can ask for it, he’s too old for it”… By this theory, him being able to actually make a choice whether he wishes to breast feed or not, should be the time that I then remove that choice from his life… how sad that antiquated ideas and strict rules regarding the most primal and natural form of nutrition and comfort for a child is seen as a negative in our society..
The only people affected by my choice to breast feed my child whenever, wherever and for how long, is myself and my child. I feed him very discreetly and If someone feels uncomfortable with that.. they have the issue, not me and are well within their rights to walk away or at very least, avert their gaze…
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I think saying your 2-year-old can make an informed decision about whether or not to breastfeed is a bit of a stretch.
He cannot think into the future of when it might come back to haunt him, like being teased at school about it.
What about when he becomes sexually active? Will he look at his partner’s breasts as a sexual part of her body or will he only think of sucking at your boobs to get milk?
I think if they’re going to be old enough to remember it, you are being selfish and not thinking about their long term future.
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A 2yr old can make a choice if he wants a cup of water or an apple or even what shoes to wear.. what makes you think they can’t decide if they wish to have a breast feed when it is part of their daily nutritional intake??
The rest of your reply is simply hilarious. Either you don’t have children or have never been around them… or people who are sexually active for that matter!
If you genuinely believe that breast feeding a toddler can cause psychological trauma due to seeing breasts as a form of nutrition instead of as a sexual part of a woman’s body, then perhaps it is you with the problem.
Self Weaning allows babies/children to wean gradually and at their own pace. There is no force involved.. there is no trauma or deprivation or witholding of comfort involved. You cannot force feed a breast so it IS the child’s decision if they feed or not..
How can that possibly be selfish?
My older son is an adult and he sees me breast feeding his baby brother often (and he too was breast fed).. I assure you, he is NOT thinking of my breasts while he is with his girlfriend! LOL!
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besides so what if when he grows up he thinks of boob’s being for feeding babies. for a start thats what they were made for and for second who’s to say that it could ever stop them from being seen as sexual. when i was breastfeeding my husband still saw my breasts as sexual. sometimes even more so because of the respect he had for the connection between me and his child. a child that he helped bring into this world.
go shove your small minded issue up some other persons nose. if your to ashamed to put your name a a derogatory comment then that should tell you to bloody well keep it to yourself!
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What happened to this being a place people could share their opinions without getting nasty?
The entire reason I didn’t put my name to this is because I knew some people would get so ridiculously uppety about it.
First of all, have been around many children and am sexually active, thank you very much (draw your own conclusions there).
In terms of your child seeing you feeding someone else, that’s not the point I was making at all.
I full support breastfeeding, I think it is definitely the better option if woman can do it, and the bonding benefits between a mother and her baby cannot be undervalued.
In my work, I have come across people who have been breastfed until a late point in their life and it has impacted negatively on their sex lives as adults and on their perception of breasts in general.
This is why I brought this up, not because I am “the one with a problem.” (Thanks for that though, Cordelia, that’s a lovely show of respect you offered there) and want to rock the boat needlessly.
I was breastfed as a child, as were my siblings. But we were weaned early enough that we don’t remember it. I hope my kids also don’t remember it, because it can provide some confusing feelings later in life if they do.
Yes, breasts are primarily a normal, natural way to feed a child, but I don’t think you can completely discount that they do become sexual objects later in life and some people (not all, some) might have difficulties distinguishing the two.
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This comment disturbs me.
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This comment is very, very odd, “nameless for this one”. I suspect a troll in our midst.
Following your line of thinking, perhaps we should all stop bottle feeding babies as well, lest they realise that the bottle is a “fake” nipple and develop some sort of sexual hang up about that?
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I breastfed my daughter until she weaned herself at exactly 12 months, I would of loved to do it longer but she wasn’t interested. I am still breastfeeding my son who is 13 months, he has it only through the night (He is an unsettled sleeper and still wants it at least once.) I am very pro breastfeeding, I think all babies should be able to have the best start to life, But I also understand if a woman has trouble and feels its all too stressful to continue. And some women just choose not to all together. Its everyone’s own choice, mine was just to choose boob!!
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I breastfed my first for nearly 7 months (and had enough expressed milk to see her to 8 months) when she dramatically weaned herself on the first night home from our first ‘family’ holiday, I was very sad that she wanted to finish. With my twins I hoped to go to 6 months, but that time came and went and it was much more convenient (apart from the enormous boobs I had) to feed them rather than fuss with bottles, and one of them continued to wake twice through the night until she was about 15 months.One of the twins weaned herslef during an ear infection at 18 months (I was sad again) and the other I weaned at two years for work reasons. I was sad that this time had ended but the alst twin to wean was a wild little drinker and a little toothy sometimes for my liking! It is a lovely thing to do because noone else can do it which means the mother has to stop and sit down and look at her baby.
My father started making comments about how long were they going to be fed and so I told him that I promised that the day I dropped them at University that I would give them both their last feed in the car (so it wouldn’t embarrass them in front of their friends!) He was so grossed out by this he never asked again. I was thinking of the scene in Little Britain where the adult man asks his mother for ‘bitty’ at highly inappropriate times.
The decision to feed or not feed and when to feed until rests with the mother and the baby.
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bitty! LOOOL!
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I b/f my daughter until she self weaned at about 14 months. We had a difficult start with about 2 months of pain, frustration and tears from both of us until we got the hang of it. Luckily I had a good supply and I was determined to make it work, otherwise I would have given up after the first few weeks. I feel breast feeding is really important and there should be more support to help mothers & their babies in the first few critical months. But I’m also a realist and believe that most mothers (given the right support) will make the best choice for themselves and their baby. It’s a shame that we are judged on this along with everything else that comes with parenting.
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You keep feeding your baby Kate, and f__k what all the other people say!
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hallelujah! a breastfeeding perspective from a real human being. Not a hippy earth mother determined to push the limits but a relaxed “every-woman” who’s managed to “do what’s natural” without turning her breastfeeding into a personal crusade.
Disclosure : I breastfed #1 for 16 mths (overnight weaning on miscarriage of 2nd baby), #2 for 12 mths (on demand after 12 mths meant see-ya the day after his first cup of cows milk) and #3 for 14 mths (not interested at all – i pushed it for at least the last 3 weeks – it was ME that needed weaning!!!!)
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I have an 11 day old and just reading this post has made my boobs leak…
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I was always a bit weirded out by the thought of breastfeeding. Now I have an 8 mnth old who is breastfed and I love. People ask me all the time, when am I going to stop. I didn’t realize there was a time frame? I’ll stop when she doesn’t want any more.
It’s definitely a great bonding time, I can’t explain the closeness you feel when you are feeding but it’s wonderful. She has bottles as well so my husband and others could also feed her, as it is restrictive when it’s just you being a walking milk machine! But each to there own. As long as your children are happy and well fed its noones business but your own!
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I breastfed until my daughter was 28 months old. After she turned 1 I started getting lots of snarky remarks and dirty looks in public, so from then on we kept the feeding private, because I never wanted her to think there was anything wrong with it. Because there isn’t.
I loved our breastfeeding relationship but all of a sudden I was over it and wanted my body back. It took another few months to completely wean her off it and a year later occasionally she still tries to have a go and then laughs hysterically. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding up to 6 months, 2 years, or not at all… I wish women would stop judging each other on this. As long as you’re a loving parent its not anyone’s business but you and your baby!
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I breastfed easily for 6 months with all my children – one singleton and a pair of twins. Then we weaned gradually, my supply dropped, and by the end they were feeding from bottles and starting to eat solid food. None developed weird food allergies, all slept through the night for 12 straight hours, all grew the requisite number of teeth and walked and talked in age-appropriate stages.
I know that I am lucky. I realise that breastfeeding is an emotional issue for some women. While I don’t have much of an opinion on the feeding-until- they-are-at-school brigade – whatever floats your boat, I guess – I DO have an opinion on midwives / child health nurses who use emotional blackmail to guilt mothers into breastfeeding when they clearly can’t or don’t want to for whatever reason. The ones who crow ‘breast is best’ with no regard for individual situation or physiology (or grammar presumably – breast is ‘better’ is surely more correct?).
They leave some mothers with inferiority complexes that they never shake off, and I can’t see how this can be helpful to mother-child bonding.
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I agree with you.
i find it scary that the pendulum has swung so strongly towards breast feeding that it is now seen as preferable to let your child starve while trying to build up a milk supply which may not simply happen – or being in so much pain you cry at the thought of the next breastfeed.
Guess what? Formulas exist so babies won’t starve. Enjoy your child. Anyone who meets your child after the age of weaning is going to have no idea if they were breastfed or not. Struggling through difficult circumstances to the detriment of your own health should not be seen as a badge of honour.
Happy mother. Happy baby.
I breastfed two kids, twice without any problems at all. I am literally the only person I know who was that lucky.
Some friends had minor problems which they worked through. A couple of friends had extreme problems and were put under a great deal of pressure from “professionals” to keep persisting way beyond the point of reason. Thankfully sanity eventually prevailed. Those bottle fed kids are now healthy teenagers. Just like our breastfed ones are. No one can tell which child is the bottle fed or breast fed one.
And as Kate said, while there’s a whole industry around assisting breastfeeding there is precious little on the weaning process…
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So agree with every comment you have made. Definitely Happy Mother, Happy Baby. You don’t want to spend the first few weeks of your babies life dreading every time they are hungry!!
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Thank you for your post Wendy!
I was racked with guilt for not breast feeding my son. I found it painful, no matter how many times we detached and reattached it just HURT. I would spend every minute between feeds dreading the next one. We switched to formula, everyone relaxed and I ENJOYED my baby. Now he’s a bright, energetic and social four year old. I know I did the right thing for us.
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Wendy thank you !!! It is so nice to read so many comments, especially yours that are supporting women for the best choices for their baby and themselves.
I still feel guilty I didn’t persist longer in trying to breast feed by five year old and 15 week old.
It’s great that it’s being acknowledged on here that midwives are drastically unsupportive to women when they choose to formula feed.
When I left the hospital with my 15 week old I’d left a note in the barren formula preparation room to try and pep other women as I knew they would be feeling like crap too!
So thanks everyone on here for acknowledging on here that all mums are just doing the best they can!!!! X
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I breastfed both of mine till about 17months – would have happily gone longer but pregnancy sickness stopped me w my first and the 2nd self-weaned. I say to each their own – and people need to get over their own squeamishness in judging others – breastfeed for as long as both are happy, I say! I think more people need to educate themselves on the benefits of breastfeeding and why orgs like WHO recommend 2yrs and beyond before dismissing it for trivial reasons like whether they can hold a cup or say thank you! Why wouldnt you want to give your child those BF benifits if you could?
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totally agree. why aren’t we all backing the recommendation of WHO? WHO recommends children be breast fed until the age of 2. Similar to the vaccination debate, why are we arguing with the science?
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We are so lucky in Australia, the presumption is that bottles can be cleaned properly, water won’t be contaminated and formula will be mixed correctly. People in third world countries can’t take those things for granted. And it’s a bit different to vaccination. If I choose not to breastfeed my child, there is no impact on the health of yours.
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Hey Lynne Daly IBCLC, Either you misunderstood me or I misunderstand you. My point is: allergies, cancer, diabetes etc are not contagious – unlike whooping cough etc.
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I’m sorry to disagree Kate, but even with lovely clean water and bottles, WHO (and all other medical/scientific communities) still promotes breastfeeding as preferable to formula. Why? Because it is simply and scientifically better. The only option? No! Better for a child to starve or a mother to suffer than formula? Of course not! But even science realises it cannot replicate the benefits of breastmilk and formula is a wonderful back up but it is NOT the same! I don’t mean to harp on as if formula is evil – that is not my point at all… but just that it grieves me greatly to see the lack of education about what breastmilk really is – and people acting as if it’s six of one, half a dozen of the other. It is not the truth… that is, all things being equal. (so not saying everyone can breastfeed all the time). I just think its important to emphasise that reality.
And to link it back to vaccination (which most everyone around here cheers as very important) – breastfeeding is also promoted by WHO, AAP etc because it also gives amazing immunity properties against the various diseases we are vaccinated against. Formula simply cannot emulate this.
Sorry to waffle on but I just feel the need to reiterate my point – it is fine to say you don’t want to, can’t or baby can’t breastfeed. Whatever the mother chooses or can cope with – that’s fine! But PLEASE, people, understand that formula and breastmilk are not the same. One is inimitable and perfectly made for human babies – the other is an excellent back up for when the need arises. x
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FULLY AGREE. They’re not the same. The research speaks for itself, the evidence of how a baby was fed lasts well into childhood, particularly in terms of IQ, social development and a broad range of health issues. It even impacts the rate of adult depression.
This doesn’t mean we can’t be understanding and supportive when things don’t work out, it’s really hard for lots of people and lots of reasons. Just don’t pretend it’s “six of one half a doz” as Alikely put it!
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I am 27 and very happily childless, and I don’t understand what makes the breast/bottle argument so intriguing that it’s covered in some format on MM almost weekly! I was a huge baby (ten pound eight) and was very fat and so was never breasted. Fair enough it was 1984, however I was raised on skim formula and then skim milk and I am one of the healthiest people I know! I have an awesome immune system and a great relationship with both parents. This argument of breast vs. bottle just seems to me to be another reason for women to judge each other; why can’t we just get on with our lives and respect each other?!
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Nice one Melski. I was bottle-fed from two weeks of age and I’m pretty healthy.
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I agree with much of what you have said, but am confused by why you weren’t breastfed because you were a big baby? Was that the recommendation in the 80′s?
Not attacking, just honestly curious.
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Ah I love it soooo well said!
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Personally, breastfeeding was of such great importance to me that I thought, read and dreamt more about it than childbirth!!
In hospital I drilled the midwives for information, tips and techniques. Thankfully I was able to breastfeed my daughter without any major hassles – no sores, no pain, no mastitis. I found breastfeeding to be a beautiful, natural and fulfilling experience, and I would have happily continued….. Alas, at 11 months Little Miss had other ideas and decided that she just didn’t want any more boob. We went from 3 feeds to 0 in a day! I was GUTTED, and my hormones were rampant, I was very emotional. After a month or so (when my boobs and hormones settled down) I realised it was probably the best thing for both of us.
I wish all new mums the best with their breastfeeding journey, and hope they also get to experience the joy I did.
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Mine self weaned too! Broke my HEART at the time and thanked my lucky stars I had a big milk bank
frozen in the freezer to see her through to 12m. You can’t argue with them – if they don’t want it you can’t make them! Felt secretly relieved after I got over the initial upset… great to have the bod back. Just in time for #2 to move in?!
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I was very lucky to have a great BF experience, no problems at all- my daughter seemed to know what she was doing, even if I didn’t. I stayed 5 days in hospital, and had a ‘routine’ of sorts by the time we got home. I knew I was returning to work just after her first birthday, and started gradually cutting out feeds from about 9 months. She was drinking milk from a sippy cup at 12 months.
I had lots and lots of support, I benefitted from having seen six babies ( my sisters kids) having been breast fed, and advice from my mum who BF seven kids. My sister had a baby about 3 months earlier then me an was fantastic support. I think it is the sad reality that this doesn’t happen for many women in a western culture.
My family comes from an Irish background where there is the tradition of ” lying in” – basically all the women ( but my dad should get an honorable mention here) gather after mum and bub have come home, with practical help – dinners cooked, washing and folding done, groceries delivered etc. So all the new mum has to do is rest and look after her new baby.
I would love to see some way to replicate this experience especially with mums leaving hospital 48 hrs after they give birth.
Bugger the baby bonus, send a new mum a cleaner and delivery of healthy meals and visits from experienced midwives.
Or even a telephone service to link experienced mums with new mums…
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