Emily Jade with her husband and baby daughter Millie
So it turns out I’ve been starving my baby. More about that in a moment.
Last night, I was breastfeeding while watching the news – as I’ve done so many times since I brought my beautiful little girl home from the hospital 8 weeks ago - when one story seemed to speak just to me.
BREASTFEEDING figures are in steady decline, even though national health guidelines recommend feeding infants the old-fashioned way.
A report by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare found only 40 per cent of mothers still exclusively breastfeed their babies at three months and 15 per cent of mothers are still breastfeeding at five months.
This is despite health guidelines that recommend breastfeeding for the first six months.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare surveyed more than 28,000 parents, with the data to be fed into the national breastfeeding strategy.
According to the survey, the biggest reasons for using formula were wanting to share feeding with a partner (28.5 per cent) and the belief that it was as good as breast milk (26 per cent).
Only 7.8 per cent of mothers said they used formula because they wanted to return to work.
Since it is so close to Christmas there is nearly four generations of women staying in my home and so we muted the news and discussed the issue as it and my breasts were staring everyone in the face. Not only that, yesterday I picked up a script from the Chemist to help me produce more milk because I have been starving my baby.
That’s not the nicest thing to realise, I’m not in a third world country, I shouldn’t be starving my child, and yet here I was doing exactly that because I was determined to do what was best for my child, and yet I really wasn’t.
It started when I got home from hospital. The beautiful nurses did their best to help me feed, and it did work. By the time I left, after a lot of agonising coercing and pushing and pulling of my nipples and boobs into my child’s mouth I left with a beautiful baby latched to my breast. It really is the most beautiful thing in the world, seeing your child nourished from your own body, those big trustful eyes looking up you gulping away at a substance that gives them all they need and more. I was on top of the world and everyone around me was patting me on the back and congratulating me for conquering such a difficult task, and it really is difficult.
As I gingerly walked out of the safe confines of the hospital afraid of the outside world and the evils it potentially held for my helpless child, posters advertising breast feeding were plastered on every notice board. I got the point, breast is best, my breast is best and together me and my boobs would protect my baby from harm.
Two weeks later I was an emotional wreck, if my baby wasn’t crying she was latched to my chest sucking for dear life. Visitors would come and coo and first ask how breast feeding was going and then tell me that this was the best time because all babies do is eat and sleep.
Millie
Not my baby, all she would do is eat and cry.
She has colic one tribal elder would say.
She has reflux another.
Maybe she’s windy, give her Infacol, Infants friend or at least 20 minutes of winding, that should fix her.
I tried it all, I had too. I had already walked around Westfield with half my boob flapping in the air conditioning after desperately trying to console her in the long line in Medicare and popping a boob in her mouth to settle her and then frazzled and fatigued I had forgotten to put it all away.
I simply couldn’t get a single thing done, not even a small five minute trip to the shops without having to feed her to keep her happy.
Then the health nurse picked up that something was wrong. She hadn’t put on any weight and after some gentle probing discovered that she hadn’t pooed in nearly two weeks. A sign that she wasn’t eating enough, I wasn’t feeding her enough.
I was the problem, a breast augmentation 10 years previously where my nipples where re-aligned was probably the culprit. Most women can breast feed after a boob job, but sometimes when nipples are realigned the breast ducts are damaged making it difficult for your milk to flow.
I was devastated at first. Not only was I starving the thing I would now lay down and die for, but a choice I had made in my youth was the reason I couldn’t do what I was longing to do. But you know what? I got over it so fast. When I put that bottle of formula in her mouth and she drank the bottle dry and then slept for 4 straight hours I knew I was doing the right thing FOR HER.
However, having said and done that, I still desperately want to breast feed my child for all the reasons they tell you, immunity, bonding and ease and so I haven’t given up.
I started milking myself like a cow daily on the breast pump to increase my milk. That was and still is the most disheartening thing I have ever done. Watching the tedious drip drip drip of my milk into the bottle, struggling to get past 50 mls after 40 minutes, while my ample next door neighbour jumps on it and 150 mls gushes out in 10 minutes. One day, after two weeks of persevering I managed to squeeze out 100 mls, I wanted to throw an expressing party with breast milk coctails to celebrate.
And yesterday I collected a script for Motilium a drug that was made to stop stomach issues like nausea and vomiting, but strangely also increases your flow.
Can I tell you I’m scared to take it. The instructions came with list of possible side effects, like a rash, ulcers or cold sores and worse the swelling of my face, lips, mouth or tongue. I have the potential to spend her first Christmas looking like the elephant man, but I’m willing to try because I still believe breast is best.
And so today, as I feed for as long as I can, and then top my hungry little munchkin up with formula I am preparing myself for the worst yet hoping for the best, but ultimately all I really want is a happy healthy baby and right now she can’t tell the difference between formula or breast, but she sure can tell the difference between full and empty.
Emily Jade O’Keefe was the female voice in The Cage Breakfast team in Brisbane on 104.5 Triple M. She freelances for Channel 9 on Kerri-Anne, writes for the Courier Mail and on the weekends moonlights as a Marriage Celebrant. Visit Emily Jade’s Blog here.
Would you (did you) breastfeed exclusively for 6 months if you could?
Comments
375 Comments so far
I find it so interesting that as women we have evolved and grown to do so many things and yet our bodies, health and mind-set have changed so much that so many women can’t (or don’t want to) breast feed their babies.
I must have been one of the extremely lucky ones…I was able to breast feed both of my children up until they were 14 months.
I found breast feeding to be more than adequate for my two children, convenient and inexpensive and am glad I didn’t have to do it any other way.
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So glad to read this! I am currently watching the tedious drip drip of breast milk into the pump after nearly an hour and only have 50mls, I am already taking motilium, mothers milk tea, fenugreek and blessed thistle and nothing helps. I express all day long. It is so disheartening and I hate giving bub formula. Sometimes I pump for 2 hours just to get enough for one bottle for my little 6 week old. It is so good to read someone else’s experience!
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I found this a rather disappointingly written article. Apart from it’s clunky structure and poor writing style, it failed to address exactly what the issue with her and her baby was. She says this was “probably” breast augmentation, but nothing more than that – I would have found the article more informative if she’d made it clear that it was definitely the cause, and all other issues had been ruled out.
If formula was her only option, then of course no mother would choose to “starve” their baby on limited breast milk, but this article isn’t particularly clear about the diagnosis.
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I have breast fed both my children, one to 15 months and I am still currently feeding my 19 month old. I have had every problem in the book thrown at me with my feeding, nipple thrush, cracked and bleeding nipples, breast refusal, low supply, no weight gain…. I could go on. I have been on motilium since my daughter was 3 months old and will continue to take it until she weans. There seems to me that there is this constant battle between breast feeding mothers and formula feeding mothers and this is what I think. We will never agree, but who cares, do what is right for you. If a women has breast fed congratulate her, its a tough job and takes a great deal of determination to get through it. If a women has tried to feed and hasn’t for whatever reason, congratulate her, she gave it a red hot go and thats all anyone can do. She was probably devastated by the decision to stop. Enough of the excuses and the superiority/inferiority….. We are all just doing the best we can and that in my books is great parenting.
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I only just stumbled across this post and its so great to hear Emily talk from the heart and tell her story, I can feel her pain but am sure, without really knowing her personally, she always seems like a great lady and I’m am entirely sure she is a wonderful mum!!! Breastfeeding, no breastfeeding it does not the be all and end all of parenting. I am incredibly fortunate to have breastfeed my little girl exculsively to 6mths and gradually decreasing over another year and now my little boy is on the same path but that does not make me an amazing mum if that’s all you know about me… Sorry I can go on a bit but I just wish mums that didn’t breastfeed didn’t feel guilt or feel heart ache etc etc if they can’t but I also wish somehow there was a way to promote breastfeeding as best without offending the vast majority of mums who don’t. We should be able to say Breast is Best! But by all means the last thing I would want to do is put into question a mothers circumstance I believe ALL of us do the very best we can. I do worry that so many mothers say before their baby is even born, oh I’m not sure if I’ll breastfeed or plan to bottlefeed for whatever reason, without even trying, but that is their choice. Plus one more thing to get off my chest, it seems to me we do read more about the problems and bow hard it is to breastfeed, before I had my little girl and people would ask me if I plan to breastfeed I too would give the answer, well if I can, almost expecting I would have trouble as that is all you hear about. I won’t say it was easy and of course it hurt in the begining while she learnt to latch on but really for me that was a few days… I was really fanatical about drinking water because that is the one word of advice a doctor gave me, so apart from being possibly a little too obsessed with that, I did find it easy and I well I should be able to tell my tale too without hurting anyone, it’s just a part of my story and we all have one. I just don’t want new pregnant mums worrying that breastfeeding is going to be this enourmous battle of pain because sometimes its not… Anyway that’s enough! And really I don’t want any mum to feel bad, none of us are perfect and things like this should not define that anyway… And Em I think you are pretty amazing x
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There is nothing wrong with formula feeding. There, I said it. I FAILED at breastfeeding due to my baby’s weight loss, my chronic low supply, his undiagnosed tongue-tie and nipples that were so damaged they almost fell off. He also completed weaned himself at 8 weeks! You know what? That failure caused me to sink into a black pit of depression. I started having extremely dangerous thoughts, staring at the walls instead of interacting with my child and then I realised… hang on… My baby was starving with breast milk and crying ALL THE TIME and now he is thriving on formula. He sleeps! He laughs! He is happy! Sorry, I just don’t have time to worry or feel ashamed about it anymore. I was so completely pro-breastfeeding before this experience. I never even knew anyone who used formula. Now I am SO angry at the breastfeeding lobby for shoving it all down my throat and causing me to feel so guilty that I don’t even want to breastfeed next time. The fact that the Australian Breastfeeding Association is allowed to spin all this claptrap about formula being “dangerous” in Australian hospitals is outrageous. Feeding should be a woman’s choice. Who are we to say what other women should do with their breasts anyway?
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I did breast feed for well over 6 months without using formulas. But since I’m not living in a 3rd world country with inadequate food options and questionable hygeine, I do believe in adding suitable foods gradually when the baby gives signs showing occasional need and interest in food. My first went through a growth spurt. While I was able to feed him as much milk as he’d down to get his calories, it was becoming torture on his overful tummy and bit of reflux.An elderly infant welfare nurse said try cereal. So I gave a tablespoon of cereal after the breastfeed. Baby had at last a blissful uninterupted longer sleep. He only wanted the same twice more over 2 weeks. So much more settled with his few calorie catch up hits. It’s mean to be rigidly idealistic on breastfeeding and not feeding your baby as your situation indicates. There is so much happy relief seeing ones baby relax with contentment after feeding, no matter what it took. At 5 months he had regular little meals. I didn’t use formula since I ‘d accepted breast is best and had eventually mastered that. I would have been tempted to use formula on a few occasions, but was far too tired to master correct mesures, temperatures and mixing it up properly. I’m distractable so found with a small gift can I’d try it on baby so knowing if it would be an option for the rare outing instead of my just learning to hand express for any bottle left for his Dad to use. Wait for baby to be hungry, then make formula. Lost count of scoops. Tip out , start again.Count right, but now not enough cooled boiled water……”so what if it’s a bit strong”. Finally looks mixed enough, warm it, got too hot so put it in the fridge. Baby makes interspersed angry little cries, though trying to watch me , looks perplexed.. Bottle still a bit too warm, but safe enough temp. Baby looks at me as if I’ve lost the plot and gulps it , then squishes teat, gets nothing , then chomp -sucks with bubbles fizzing, teat leaking . Baby leaves nearly half and has has swollowed extra air. Next day I boil washed teats and dummies. Forget about them untill smelling the worst burnt rubber plastic smell and see smoke . Got clearly toxic gasas now. Evacuate flat for over 2hrs , Dad, baby and me wandering the city streets. Back then, I had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD and new practical tasks task weren’t quickly mastered.Breastfeeding by default as much as idealism.
Breastfeeding in most cases is better for the baby in the first months if it’s going well enough.If the mother keeps eating a healthy diet it would remain good to continue.
Yet I don’t believe a healthy baby at three months who ends up moved fully onto formula will be at all less healthy when evaluated later on in life. Studies implicating positive differences of a longer time breast feeding can’t eliminate the correlational factors of class, education, income, relational style, diet and excersise choices etc..which have the stronger influence on an infants life outcomes.
I also have huge respect for women today keeping up breastfeeding even when working. These mums are bothering to use and manage their pumps and looking after the milk collected. The effort is of having like 2 babies to feed, one breastfed and the other bottle fed.
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I breastfed my first child for 7 weeks and 4 days with a daily ritual of feeding for 30mins each side with a nipple shield, then expressing and topping her up before the whole cycle would almost be ready to start again. Emily – I feel your pain. I am an ex midwife and when I gave in to the exhaustion and stopped feeding it nearly tipped me over the edge. And 4 1/2 years later I still feel guilty for not trying for longer. My second baby – I was petrified about trying to breastfeed. Thankfully the gods were smiling on me and from day 1 my second baby just got on about the business and fed successfully for 18mths. There is no rhyme or reason as to why – I had so much help first time round, but it just did not come together.
Happy baby, happy mummy, happy family – no matter how it all comes together. Good on you for all the things you did and the successes you had. Enjoy your beautiful baby and blessings on you all.
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Such a familiar story – whilst my little girl latched on perfectly and did everything right, she too screamed and only ever catnapped. I persevered, did everything I could to increase my breast milk – took tablets, baked muffins that were meant to help, expressed after every feed (getting an average of 30 mls!) but nothing worked for me. Both she and I were miserable but the reality hit when she was classified as ‘failure to thrive’ due to her weight loss. So after 3 long months I reluctantly swapped her to formula and I was met with a completely different baby. She fed well at every feed, slept well and was generally much more content.
It was a hard and painful lesson to learn but I can tell you I won’t repeat the same scenario again. I’m now 8 weeks away from baby number 2 and I’m going in with a much more open mind. Whilst I know breast is best, I also acknowledge that in some instances it just doesn’t work. I won’t beat myself up this time and I won’t waste the first 12 weeks of my little ones life beating myself up over what I haven’t been able to do. I will cherish every minute – even if that means I have to do so with a bottle of formula in my hand.
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Emily, I haven’t had a breast augmentation but still experienced the same sort of thing as you. The Bean was 5 months old when she actually started *losing* weight. Talk about feeling like a bad mother!
Without going into tedious detail, I tried everything, and I mean everything, to increase my supply. Motilium was the last thing on my list and it was BRILLIANT. My initial goal had been to get to 6 months, but now at 10 months we are still happily feeding thanks to this drug. No side effects either – not one.
Good luck
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God, I must be one of the lucky ones. Breastfeeding for me has been a walk in the park. I breastfed my first (at 17years of age) for 9 months and I am currently Breastfeeding my 9 month old with no intention of stopping in the near future. My 9 month old wa exclusively breastfed until 6 months when he was slowly introduced to solids. He was average size at birth (only 7lb2oz)but since the first couple of weeks when he exploded in weight he had sat above the 97th percentile on the weight chart and all from only my milk (until 6 months). It is a great feeling and I must have super milk. I just wanted to put it out there that while a lot of people find it difficult, some people find Breastfeeding an easy process and I would hate for women to get turned off trying by just reading the stories of women who have had a harder time with it.
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Inspiring story… I admire your willingness to persist with breast feeding… I breastfed my first baby until 12 months, and am still feeding my 2nd at 10 months (hope to continue until 1)… I have been super lucky with both babies in the latching on department, I had them both at Cabrini hospital and used the midwives at every feed for my first, they were an awesome support… Both babies had lulls with their weight gain, with the first baby I stressed out and did everything I could to get her weight up, but watching her grow, she is now a very tall 97th% and average weight little girl that eats like a horse and dances circles around me… So when my little boy has had lulls in weight gain I was not so stressed, as long as he continues to have wet and dirty nappies, sleep well, be happy, thrive – hitting milestones early – then I am not going to get stressed… But there was so much stress and pressure attached when it happened the first time, and guilt like I was starving them (even though they were both settled, good sleepers with wet and dirty nappies and loads of milk), the whole thing just makes you feel guilty, if only when we had our first babies there was the right kind of support – not just a maternal health nurse saying ‘just add in another feed’ ‘what? I am already feeding 6/7 times a day!!!’… All power to all mums, as someone else said, we all do our best, one day at a time!
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Emily Jade, I have been in your shoes. It was a horrible sinking feeling. My poor baby was admitted to hospital at 6 weeks to fatten her up. She is a fine young woman now thankfully. I must say though that luckily for me I went on to have 3 more babies that fed between 12 – 18 months. They were exlusively breast fed for the first 6 months, so you never know. Next time might be totally different for you. Good luck with what you are doing.
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Good on you for realising beast feeding (LOL) isn’t working to its best for you right now and it’s great that you’re still looking at ways it might work better soon.
I was neither here nor there with beast feeding before I had my first child. I thought I’d give it a crack though and ensured I had a great lactation consultant there to help.
While all the benefits are great I think my main motivation is that I can’t be bothered with too much washing up and it’s free food for the baby while I’m not working.
I express one feed a day for my hubby to do. Bub 1 self weaned at 10 months ( I was like: what do you mean you don’t want a boob in your mouth?) and #2 will be similar.
Either way – whatever works for you, don’t beat yourself up over breast or bottle. It’s not the only way to identify to others what your parenting style is anyway.
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Hi Emily & Happy New Year!
Firstly, good on you for persevering against the odds with breastfeeding.
You say “I was the problem, a breast augmentation…was probably the culprit…sometimes when nipples are realigned the breast ducts are damaged making it difficult for your milk to flow.”
In reality ‘the problem’ was more likely due to the procedure used by your surgeon. Even 10 years ago it was well-known that trying to minimize damage to the nerve pathways which transfer hormonal signals from nipple to brain is the most important consideration re future capacity to produce breastmilk.
After reading the first 20 or so comments I feel saddened but not surprised by the general level of anger, resentment, bitterness & disappointment coming through. As a Lactation Consultant of 18 years, I have read & heard many sentiments like these and not much has changed.
Along with many others in my area of health, I have grappled with the question ‘So what’s at the bottom of such strong emotions?’ Is it one thing or a combination of things? Research tells us that it’s many, but I think the feelings expressed in the post before mine really get to the crux of the matter.
Firstly … “The bfeeding literature tends to imply that b/feeding is the only way to truly bond with your baby. I say rubbish!” Positive social interactions and skin to skin contact are what humans need most, above either breastmilk or formula. The (reliable) literature doesn’t say it’s the ‘only way’. It says what the physiology says – that bonding goes more smoothly for us (along with other mammals) when maternal nurturing behaviours are triggered by skin to skin contact – preferably at birth or when possible – and then maintained by lactational hormones. This is not ‘rubbish’ it’s science. But shouldn’t we be learning this in high school?
Then … “Please don’t feel guilty if breast feeding doesn’t work for you.” What else is the ‘doesn’t work for you’ bit saying – that some women are ‘not able’? In reality, some are not – a bit less than 2 per cent; those needing dangerous medications eg for cancer, radiation, anti-psychotic; those with abnormalities in breast anatomy, and a few more. I think this is more about lack of support ie practical, emotional & clinical during those first few weeks at home, and the knowledge-base of individual mothers.
Then … “We still love our babies just as much”. What else is implied here? To me it’s that not breastfeeding equates to not loving your baby as much as those who do. Of course, we all know this is nonsense, but where does that thought process come from; why does it persist?
In all other areas of health we expect the government of the day to provide us with the latest research and evidence-based practices to back it up. But when this happens re human lactation it usually turns quickly into this silly ‘breast is best’ debate; a convenient catch-all phrase for the media; encouraging the equally silly ‘we vs them’ dialogue.
It’s interesting that the infant-feeding survey showed 26 per cent thought formula ‘was as good as breastmilk’. This is simply not possible and never will be. Among other things, this figure highlights the success of unethical marketing strategies and lobbying power of multi-national formula manufacturers. Do we really believe that their bottom-line is anything other than ‘less breastfeeding equals more profit’? Like blood, breastmilk is a living substance and just as complex. Its composition changes during each feed and in response to babies’ changing growth needs. A list of the components of formula is about as long as one-third of an A4 page. The list for breastmilk takes up four full pages.
Shouldn’t we be directing most angst at the government? They already have the information needed to make things easier for women becoming mothers, but changing research into policy and implementing practice has to be financed by federal & state health budgets. They won’t ‘show us the money’ until enough of us ask them to. This is where the buck stops.
Many readers commented on sore, cracked & bleeding nipples. This is not par-for-the-course; the human race would have died out thousands of years ago if breastfeeding meant enduring that much pain. In the majority of cases these result from inadequate clinical competence eg health professionals not staying up-to-date and/or allowing ‘leftover’ strong emotions from personal experiences to influence their practice.
Again, the government can change this by legislating that any facilities providing maternity services work towards BFHI Accreditation (Baby Friendly Health Initiative – bfhi.org.au). There are currently 77 accredited hospitals in Australia.
Cheers, Julieanne
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Not sure how “the government” would have fixed my supply issues!
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Hi Lyn
Yep, I get what you’re saying. Just trying to make the point about the government being where legislation happens & the role that can play in cultural ‘norms’ ie the public should be able to expect that what they are ‘officially’ advised about/told about/taught about is backed up by best-practice policies & protocols in maternity facilities.
The biggest complaint I have heard from new mums over many years is about conflicting advice. As I said in my original post, mandatory Baby Friendly accreditation of maternity facilities would go a long way in reducing this ongoing problem.
I am very much aware of the ‘damage’ done & still being done by conflicting advice. Like other mothers, I did the ‘best I could do’ with the resources & information available at the time – that’s all any of us can do. As a professional in the field of human lactation I keep doing the ‘best I can do’ to make things better for new mums now & in the future.
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I had a terrible time tryng to breast feed my first. He just wasn’t interested. No amount of discussions with him about ‘breast is best’ (:-)) endless lactation consultants, mother and baby unit, shields eg etc made any difference. He wasn’t having a bar of it. Am also not sure that ‘the government’ could have fixed that. Started bottle feeding and he was as happy as Larry, healthy as, and hit all his milestones very early.
But then with number two, no problems. he was happy to bfeed.
So the issues aren’t always with mum!
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Hi Janey
No, the issues aren’t always with mum & I didn’t intend to imply that. What I have found though, is that a lot of the time, if there’s a problem with formula-feeding, the milk itself is more likely to be perceived as ‘the problem.’ When there’s a problem with breastfeeding, it’s most often the mum who’s perceived as ‘the problem’, regardless of all the ‘other’ issues you alluded to.
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Can I make a comment about bonding?
I comp fed my two until 20/12 weeks then bottle fed exclusively.
The bfeeding literature tends to imply that b/feeding is the only way to truly bond with your baby. I say rubbish!
I found our (bottle) feeds to be a lovely cuddly time, with my boys nestling in my arms held close to my heart and gazing into each others eyes while I relished the fact that I was nurturing and providing my baby with high quality nutrition that would enable him to grow and thrive. My husband also loved the chance to do the same, and both of us would often do skin to skin bottle feeds. With my free hand I would stroke them and hold their little hands.
Please don’t feel guilty if breast feeding doesn’t work for you. We still love our babies just as much.
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Just t hought I’d remind – it is NORMAL for breastfed babies to go up to 2 weeks without a poo, it is NORMAL for them to feed ALL THE TIME for th first 6-8 weeks or so, and it is okay for there to be only a slight gain some weeks (as long as there’s no loss).
The amount you express means absolutely NOTHING – even w hen I was feeding two fat babies I could not express a thing even with a hospital grade pump. It is a totally different form of stimulation and some women’s breasts just do not respond.
The way to judge input is by output – wet nappies.
It is a damn shame that we still dont know these basics. When you have a baby, *expect* to spend the first 6 weeks permanently attached -t his is baby’s strongest instinct, the more a baby sucks in the first weeks, the more breast cells are activated for longterm production. It is a finely tuned mechanism for baby to both ensure milk supply for the longterm and bond with Mum.
When my last baby was born I had an established milk supply as I was still feeding my previous baby (14 mths). She still fed non-stop, pooed infrequently, I couldnt express, etc. But I certainly had a load of milk,
It is totally possible that the author had insufficient milk supply. But I just didnt hear of any signs of it in that story,
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What a refreshingly inspiring and encouraging story! I am really pleased to read about someone who tries really really hard and is determent to breastfeed/keep breastfeeding.
I have breastfed my firstborn until she was just over one year old, and hope to do so with my second daughter too(now 8months old). I had problems too to start with. My first one had some infections when she was born, and had to be in the special care nursery, could’t do the first feed as normal and had to be formula fed via syringe for the first couple of days. Then when we started with breastfeeding she would have a few sips, then cry/scream for no known reason(I had enough milk, as it was pouring out of my boobs while she screamed), then also would fall asleep during feed, just to wake up as I put her down. My nipples started getting sore, because she wasn’t latching on properly and also I had to express because I was discharged without her for a few days. Every time she would latch on and feed I just wanted to cry out of pain, yet I didn’t want to give up, because I thought that’s probably normal. Once at home the story pretty much continued for about two weeks, when we had an appointment with a lactation nurse. Finally they re-educated me about latching on and how to give her long feeds as opposed to change breast during feeding(she also seemed to either have colic or something), so my nipples could slowly recover and I could continue breastfeeding.
With my second daughter I was lucky to experience the first feed just after birth and the first few feeds went well, then again my nipples started getting sore. Now I didn’t want to endure the pain and called the nurses every time when she wanted a feed, but we still couldn’t figure this latching on out, went home continued trying, nipples again sore like mad, then my midwife told me to visit an ABA centre and also buy some gel-pads which help the nipples to recover-thank god for those pads, they worked a treat. And at the ABA centre they showed me a video and re-educated me again in such a patient and lovely manner. After that I didn’t have any problems. I am so glad and proud that I didn’t give up breastfeeding, because once established it’s so easy, convenient and the most beautiful thing to do.
Also I want to say in my friends and family circle there are only about 3 women (out of 30+ in my generation) who exclusively breastfed for 6 months and continued until leaning off, all other women didn’t/couldn’t for whatever reason. When talking to them, most times the answer is I suddenly didn’t have enough milk(and that after several months of BF). Maybe there is more behind that answer, but I wander why didn’t they try harder and I’m disappointed for them because it just seems to be the easy way out.
I get a lot of surprised looks when asked if still breastfeeding, as if it’s a miracle. I don’t want to judge anyone, I just think: there is nothing to loose, so why not trying really hard!
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There is WAY too much guilt out there – don’t new mothers suffer enough from what they impose on themselves? Sometimes breast-feeding just doesn’t work. I breast-fed exclusively for 6 months and was devastated when my baby still got sick – so don’t get caught up in the hype, breast-feeding isn’t the be-all-and-end-all. I supplemented with formula and solid food – it’s all about making sure baby has enough. On top of that, it amazed me that something so “natural” could possibly be that hard; I was in toe-curling pain with tears streaming down my cheeks for the first few weeks. Eventually it became much easier and it was hard to remember the initial hardship. I was glad I persevered, but despite expressing on top of direct breast-feeding, there was no way I could have given her enough after 6 months. I was so glad I’d made it that far and refused to beat myself up for not getting any further. Just do what’s right for you and the baby – don’t listen to the judgemental people out there, they know nothing about your individual situation.
I also suffer guilt because I had to have an emergency c-section at the last minute…..while we’re at it, let’s beat up mothers who didn’t have a choice about this…….
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I think its great when Women can breast feed. I just wish those women wouldnt have made my life so MISERABLE when I was a new mother. due to the medication i take daily (and have done since i was 21 days old) i was strongly advised against breast-feeding. The midwife was quite relieved (she told me) when i said i wasnt BFing as it meant she didnt have to have an emotional chat. We then talked about the better formulas on the market. The one the hospital used child didnt take too, so i took her other recommendation on board when it seemed she wasnt eating and switched. She ate beautifully.
I received so many nasty comments and judgements, including a woman who said i should be breastfeeding regardless of medical advice. Sorry, I prefer my daughter alive. I got so sick to death of it. WORSE though? were FATHERS. I am sorry, but because I am a new YOUNG SINGLE mother you think you have a right to lecture me about not breastfeeding and telling me how i should look after my body? I know the female body is public property, but surely at a time like this my Breasts are my concern.
Oh, wait… no, thats not right. No part of the female body is her own at any point.
I get a bit sensitive when it comes to breast feeing. I believe it is a womans choice, and I believe that we have no right to pass judgement because you have no idea what a woman has gone through or her medical history. A friend freely admitted she judged me harshly in private until she had massive issues with her third child and was starving him inadvertently like Emily. It is unfair to assume a woman formula feeds because its easier. I can assure you, it is not the easy choice. Though, to be fair, if you enjoy having snide comments, rude looks, and lectures from strangers hurled at you for a good 12 months, then sure… maybe it is easy! and while for some women, convenience maybe the key, its not true for all women, and none should be judged. Our Bodies. Our Privacy.
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I had no problems whatsoever breastfeeding my babies. My problem was that I had severe Post Natal Depression with my first and gave up feeding him at 9 months because I was a wreck. I was underweight and having suicidal thoughts and my baby was wanting the breast every 2 hours. I hadn’t bonded and was desperately sleep deprived. I felt guilty enough as it was and was made to feel more guilty by the child health nurse. The health, both mental and physical of the mother and baby is the most important thing. If the mother is not coping or stressed because she’s having problems and stopping breastfeeding will make her life easier then so be it! Once I stopped breast feeding and my PND was treated my baby was much happier and so was I. That baby is now a healthy well adjusted 14 year old.
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Trying to breastfeed caused me far more anxiety than should be allowed.I should have been loving my baby, putting her to sleep with a good routine and feeding her lovingly with a bottle. Instead I struggled and was too proud to think I couldn’t breastfeed. I am educated, aware of nutrition and had good support. I feel guilty for trying to breast feed my baby for so long.I can’t look at her early baby photos now without cringing. That was 24 years ago at a time when they told you 97% of women could feed successfully. Doing what is best for your baby can be confused by well meaning advice.
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If you can’t do it or want to give up then who cares! For every argument for there is an argument against. “Breast is best only when you have a perfect nutritious diet” “That’s not true breast is best no matter what you eat”
“Don’t eat this while breast feeding, eat this and this oh avoid this”
It is hella overwhelming and harder than I had ever anticipated. When you have a baby the emotions are worse enough than having the feeling of failing at the fact you couldn’t do it, you couldn’t handle the pain, you couldn’t put your body through all of that. My flow was horrible, they wanted to give me that medication but I felt if it wasn’t naturally flowing in then he’s not meant to have it. He was already being topped up on formula because he was a low birth weight and the NICU ward wouldn’t let me exclusively breast feed.
At the end of the day it was a painful traumatic experience for me, it was not ‘beautiful’ or ‘natural’ nor did it help me bond one bit! (this is MY experience i’m not saying this is how it is in general’
Once he was on the formula we were both so happy and could properly bond and spend proper quality and happy times together. Once that tremendous stress was over it was a breath of fresh air. He is 9 months old now and as healthy as a baby can be, had no problems whats so ever.
Every baby and mother is different and it sickens me that society looks so far down their hideous noses at mothers who can’t or simply don’t want to breast feed.
As long as a baby is happy and healthy, who really cares?! Who is anyone to judge. I said loud and proud when people asked me if I was breast feeding “No, i’m not” I didn’t feel I owed anyone an explanation, I don’t care what people think of me. I’m happy and my baby is and to me that is all that matters. I got so over beating myself up because I couldn’t do it, I wasted so much time that could of been spent happy and bonding with my baby. So for all the “If you can’t breast feed you’re a failure of a mother” people then here is a big middle finger to you.
I had a shit pregnancy, a painful labour I was not sitting around wasting time feeling like shit putting my body through anymore pain and trauma. It was affecting who I was a mother, not to mention a wife. All my time was consumed on trying to get this right.. when it wasn’t right for me. And I couldn’t be happier.
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I have been very fortunate and have breastfed my three children to 14months of age. My first son was a brilliant attacher and made the experience very easy.In saying that, I did get toe-curling:pain when he was attaching. and it did take a couple of weeks for my nipples to toughen up. He was generally a very settled baby, so the whole experience was enjoyable and I never had any reason to doubt that he was thriving. My second and third sons were not as good at attaching, but having a history of successfully breastfeeding my first, gave me the confidence to continue. I saw my sister struggle to breastfeed her two children and she also faced stiff opposition from the ABA when she wanted to try formula. We had such different experiences and it really made me aware of how fortunate I was. By the same token, I have had friends who have had enough milk to supply a small village of babies – so every woman is different physically and emotionally.
PS I find it strange that the same society that judges women who choose not to breastfed (either by choice or necessity) is the same group that vilifies woman who choose to breastfeed in public. Come on! Give mums a break, we are all just trying to do our best one day at a time.
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Imagine if I bought a car, and assumed that the car salesman would teach me how to drive. I see people driving, it looks easy. And yet this is how many women approach breastfeeding; unprepared, uneducated and with absurdly high expectations of themselves and their health care providers.
There are three steps to successful breastfeeding;
1. Get educated. This can be via websites like Kellymom, books such as ‘breastfeeding made simple’, most of which can be read for free on google books, via videos on YouTube like the excellent series by breastfeeding newzealand, or in classes run by organizations like the ABA
2. Get experienced. Spend time with breastfeeding mothers, or read about breastfeeding experiences and learn what is normal, like sore nipples, and how normal breastfed babies behave.
3. Get support. Peer support before and after you have a baby is essential. You’re not supposed to do it all by yourself. The ABA mum’s groups will be able to support you through the early weeks of establishing breastfeeding. They also have an online forum and a free phone line where support is available round the clock.
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I rang the buzzer every time I needed to feed in hospital. Every single time. So the midwives could come in and help me out and make sure everything was OK – I have big boobs which were like bowling balls and a very little baby, and I couldn’t see or really feel what was going on (I didn’t know how it was supposed to feel, obviously).
Afterwards I went to breastfeeding drop in clinics and got referred to the baby health centre nurses (sort of like a mini Tresillian). We also watched dvds at mothers group.
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Absolutely, such important points
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When our son was born my wife tried to breast feed. She really couldn’t produce enough milk and she suffered painfull nipples as well. Trouble was the breast police kept at her that she should do it and ever time I visited her in hospital she was more and more distressed and suffering feelings of guilt.
This was not the way it should be: having our fist newborn should have been a time of pleasure, not physical and mental pain. Having seen the pressure they put on her I had to do something and made it clear to her that the way to feed our baby was HER decision: that striving to achieve some unacheivable goal was not good for her or our son: that many babies survive on formula without being disadvantaged. I encouraged her to reject the pressure and focus on our son and herself.
After a while she realised that bottle feeding did not make her a bad mother and our son could survive and thrive without breast milk. From then on things developed as they should although she did suffer from a degree of post natal depression which I believe was due in part to this unhappy experience.
Every time I see the one-eyed advocates of breast feeding pushing their line on TV without any consideration of the practicalities experienced by many mums our own experience comes to mind once more. I only wish the interviewers would step in, as Lisa Wilkinson did a few days back, and remind everyone that breast is not always best: there is more to baby’s care than the milk!
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Howard I could not agree more. I also had a very similar experience to your wife with my now nearly 3 year old and very healthy and happy little girl. I simply could not produce milk and I was starving my baby as a result. I think that women are punished for they not being able to do naturally as many can. I was instantly stigmatised in hospital and beyond the hospital. It was as if the breast feeding consultants thought I was doing it on purpose? Not being able to feed a baby is so stressful and women should be receiving support for this not be vilified. The media extols the ‘Breast is best’ message but hardly anyone gives any support to the many women that have no choice but to bottle feed. Thank god for Lisa Wilkinson. There really needs to be a push to support women full stop and to stop this stigmatised narrow minded view that many people have.
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What I find so annoying about the ‘breast is best’ mantra is that there is no acknowledgment that breatfeeding and formula can be used side by side. Topping up with forumla if you need to or having a bottle ready for the babysitter is not the end of breast feeding or of life as we know it, its just another tool mothers are lucky enough to have. My first child was 85% breastfeed until she was 11 months. The 15% forumla did nothing to jeopardise that.
And don’t get me started on the ‘breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt’ propaganda (cracked nipples anyone?). I think a lot of stress about the whole issue could be removed if the pro-breast camp were a bit more upfront about things and stopped treating realities as problems.
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hi amc
did anyone suggest topless sunbathing while you were pregnant?
it sometimes helps
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Do you mean airdrying the nipples in between feeds? I’m doing a lot of that, as well as bi-carb washes and concentrating on the latch, and things are improving (number two is only a week old). Never heard of doing it while your pregnant and I’m too fair to sunbake ever!
Don’t get me wrong, I think breastfeeding rocks, I just think everyone needs to relax about it being an all or nothing situation.
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I had a nipple shield which helped K latch on at the start and also protected my nipples.
Mum suggested the formula thing for me too, but she just won’t take formula. So I’ve always got a few bottles of expressed milk in the freezer ready to go. She did that with my brother and sister because it was so exhausting breastfeeding twins.
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hi amc
yeah airdrying between feeds helps but no i meant a few minutes per day while pregnant
it helps some mums to “toughen up ” area around nipples
of course our ancestors went topless fulltime!
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there are gel-pads for sore nipples which help them to recover too . you put them on between feeds, and they have a cooling effect. also before baby latches on and after a feed, make the nipples wet with some breast milk. worked for me.
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I had twins six months ago and have exclusively breastfeed both of them. I have a girl (in the 60th percentile) and a boy (in the 95th percentile). I think it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I plan to continue to breastfeed until they are 18 months old. There have been so many times where I could have given up; waking up 6 times a night to feed has been exhausting to say the least. But the thing about it that isn’t heralded so liberally as its benefits is that it takes persistence, hard work and a hell of a lot of determination. I express a lot but get up to 600mls at a time. That figure varies wildly, of course, but it is never less than 300mls (usually in about 15minutes). I am not superhuman but I am very conscious of good nutrition and have found eating more protein and very few grains not only helped my milk supply but meant I didn’t put of ridiculous amounts of weight and bounced back within 2 months of giving birth. I sort of feel a lot of women ignore the importance of eating good quality food while breastfeeding thinking they can just eat anything because they ‘need the energy’. Really, it is when we are breastfeeding that we should be eating the most nutritionally dense food and not empty, caloric junk. I think the author of this post had other things preventing her milk supply but it is too easy to jump on the bandwagon of ‘breastfeeding is too hard’ without really looking into (aside from medication) ways of increasing milk production. I mean, I had to build up to the level of milk supply I get today from only getting about 50 mls at a time and if I can do that with twins then I’m sure a lot of people are giving in before they’ve really given it a good go. I mean, only 15 percent of mothers are still breastfeeding at 5 months? That, to me, is really sad.
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Sorry Bonnie but I feel your post is very judgemental. You are making a generalisation when really you can’t judge anyone else’s reasons to/not to breastfeed. Everyone’s situation is completely different and people who don’t breastfeed or stop breastfeeding do so for a wide variety of reasons. It’s great that breastfeeding worked out for you so well and good on you for working so hard at it, but the undertone of your message is that mothers who don’t breastfeed are lazy or give up too easily when that’s not always the case. I personally don’t understand why some people are so judgemental of other mothers when it comes to breastfeeding, it’s not their own child being affected so why are they so concerned about other peoples children.
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I actually had no milk supply and after trying for weeks on end I literally could not watch my baby starve any longer. I think that decision alone says alot. I am a very well educated person and know what nutrition is but even so….. that did’nt make my milk come in.I think it’s a real shame that women are persecuted for the often unforseen choices to be made in regards to motherhood
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Yeah well, I work in the medical field and know more about nutrition than you probably ever will. I persisted with breastfeeding my children for as long as I could (weeks only), which was mainly via expressing. I used Lactation consultants, nipple shields, supply lines, the works. The reason for my lack of success? Inverted nipples. Somewhere between 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 woman have inverted nipples – the nipple points inwards, not outwards. There is absolutely nothing that would have changed the physical impossibility of breastfeeding. This issue is generally not discussed because affected women are too embarrassed to discuss it. So when you read the stats about breastfeeding, just think of this silent group of women who would dearly love to breastfeed but can’t. If I’d had normal anatomy then with the amount of effort I put in I would have been home and hosed. So take your superior attitude and ignorance and shove it.
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300 mls in 15 mins!!!
You should be feeling privileged rather than so judgmental. I never once got more than 80 mls in 45 mins, and even struggling with that almost destroyed me. And that was while taking motilium drinking buckets of breastfeeding tea and eating a feeding diet
Some women struggle with supply such that breastfeeding will be a problem. My lactation consultant admitted this quite openly, but the breast-feeding nazis never do.
The days I gave up trying to bfeed at around 20 then 12 weeks for number 2 were the happiest of my life, and my babies were the healthiest in my mothers group unlike those of other mothers who persisted regardless of their own supply probs and whose babies dropped to the 5th percentile as a result.
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Agreed! I bet it would be a different story if you could not do it. Don’t judge someone until you’re in their position.. assuming mothers who give up are lazy is really un called for and could not be further from the truth!
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I feel your post is very smug and you come across that you obviously feel superior to mothers who do not breastfeed. Don’t judge until you walk in others shoes.
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Well done on exclusively breastfeeding twins Bonnie. That is quite a feat!
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Maybe you don’t mean to sound smug and condescending but your post comes across this way. Well done on your efforts with regard to feeding your twins however you need to understand that breast feeding does not work out for some individuals despite good support, breast feeding education and good nutrition. You really do need to understand that.
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amazing that no one seems to have mentioned magnesium
or the negatives like caffiene and contraceptive drugs
or even topless sunbathing
surely a case of the 5 p’s
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I was able to breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months with my bub, and we both really enjoyed it! That said, it would never occur to me to judge another woman for her breastfeeding choices or situation. As long as bub gets fed!
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My 2nd comment on this: I find it very distressing that there is such negative attitudes out there towards breast feeding or not. You either can or can’t do it. There are all sorts of reasons but really support from everyone would make a big deal breaker, often it is this lack of support that makes things difficult.
I am really pleased to find that there is still an Australian nursing association, the support of other mothers is the best thing possible, and if they are like the organisation I was in 33 years ago they support both breast and bottled feeding mothers.
We would all sit around and talk babies. I had no problems with breast feeding and feed my 2nd until he was 3 ( gasp from many) and my best friend sat next to me as she bottled feed her child. I worked full time once my children reached 4 months(yes the old breast pump was the best thing out), and there are many funny stories about colleagues trying to take my milk from the fridge etc.
I feel so intense about this that I might track down my local branch and offer support help for mothers; I am retired and have done a lot of mediation courses over the years. I find it distressing that woman are put in a place of a feeling of inadequate over this.
And attitudes haven’t changed that much, when my first cried now stop the first few months my mother would tell me it was because my milk wasn’t “rich” enough, I persisted and later found that he had asthma and found it difficult to feed. My daughter in law had similar problems with advice from the visiting nurse 13 years ago, and finally told her not to come and I would go after work every day and support her (cracked nipples are no fun) until she decided that a bottle would be better, and I supported her.
Good luck all you new mothers: the one piece of advice I got from a woman with 6 children was to relax, let the house go, read a book, have a cold drink or watch tv while feeding. NEVER let someone feed the child with a bottle “to let you do other things”, let them do the other things while you relax with your baby. If you have to bottle feed, then again don’t let others do this while you “catch” up, you need to relax and enjoy.
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Good on you Jade and thanks for sharing your story. So many of us would have given up if we were in your shoes, particularly if there was possible milk duct damage from breast surgery, so I really admire you for persevering despite all the difficulties. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. And if for some reason it doesn’t and you end up stopping breastfeeding, don’t beat yourself up because you’ve tried everything possible.
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Sometimes if breastfeeding doesn’t work, it just doesn’t and we have to stop judging mums for this. Sometimes bub doesn’t get it, sometimes it doesn’t work for mum, sometimes there’s a mechanical issue. Having said that, I’m a big supporter of breast feeding and I’ve fed all three of my bubs that way. I still think a happy bub and mum are the most important.
I came close to giving up this time around but found saviours in Fenugreek tea (to get the supply up after I had MY whooping cough vac and the milk dropped off) and in nipple shields earlier on (my little angel’s delicate gum ridges where slicing me like knives each feed).
Good luck Emily. If I’d had implants I don’t know that I even would have bothered breastfeeding. Good on you for giving it a red hot go.
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Well done Emily. It sounds like you are doing a great job and doing the best you can for your little girl. Don’t forget to look after yourself as well though. The other thing your baby needs to thrive is a healthy and happy Mum. Expressing and breastfeeding and bottle feeding can get so time consuming. make sure you have time to rest and enjoy your time with your baby as well.
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There is way too much pressure on Mums these days in regards to breastfeeding. As a new mum I believe that you really have to do whats best for YOU and your new baby. Don’t beat yourself up about having difficulties breastfeeding – you have to take your own mental state into consideration. Those first few weeks of motherhood are really difficult and you need to make it easy for the both of you. I think I would have ended up in the looney bin if I’d continued breastfeeding – I was in such a state about it!
Good on those mothers who persevere with breastfeeding but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t continue.
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My 17 month old boy just finished breast feeding a month ago. When he was 10 weeks he hadn’t gained weight for a few weeks. He was found to have a high palate which affected his attachment to the breast. I was put on Motilium (had no side effects) and had my dose doubled within a week. I changed my diet and took lots of herbs. I recommend the book Making More Milk by Lisa Marasco – brilliant. We had weekly meetings (and traumatic weigh-ins) with two lactation consultants. Our regime was feed, express, feed him the expressed breast milk, try to put our hungry boy to sleep, wash all the equipment and start again! My husband and I grimly called it “the worst of both worlds”. It was dreadful, there were many tears but it worked! I got him to 5 1/2 months exclusively breast fed (we were lucky not to need formula), when the EC nurses advised starting solids .He’s the healthiest little boy now, has never had excema or asthma that is prevalent in the family, no ear infections, no allergies, nothing worse than 3 colds in his 17 months.
I’m now 4 months pregnant and terribly worried about having problems feeding this baby. Dedicating myself full time to breastfeeding this time won’t be possible with a toddler. I fully understand why so many Mums find it so hard and give up. That may be me next year. There’s a saying that most Mums can breast feed but that not all can do anything else at the same time. (Shiela Kitzinger?) I think she’s right.
If you don’t want to give up breastfeeding, get your GP to refer you to a lacatation consultant (LC), contact the Australian Breastfeeding Association, get the book, and don’t be deterred.
If you do want to give up, know that so many Mums have been there and understand.
Emily-Jade, I forgot to mention the herbs – Fenugreek and I agree with a previous poster on Blessed Thistle. My Medela Freestyle electric pump was a godsend – it pumps both breasts at once which takes advantage of your letdown and increases the amount you get. I used mine off and on for 12 months so got lots of value out of it.
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My friend and I were just talking about this on the weekend. I was able to feed both my sons beyond 12 months andwas able to push past those awful first weeks of cracked nipples and boobs as hard and pointy as Sherrin footballs (I had a condition which they call Venous engorgement – by god, it was painful!)
I have to say, one of the main reasons I persevered so avidly was because I couldn’t be bothered with bottle feeding. Buying all the stuff (including the ongoing cost of formula) washing and sterilizing – it was all too confusing for my already befuddled brain and breastfeeding (once I got through all those initial dramas) just seemed so convenient and easy. It also happens to be heralded as the best food for your baby. Win, win!
Having said that – and this is what my friend and I were talking about on the weekend – it makes me so angry when women can’t breastfeed for WHATEVER reason and are looked down upon for it. It’s up to the mother, surely? My friend told me about a friend of hers who couldn’t breastfeed and had someone (an expert – I can’t remember whether it was a midwife or someone from an organisation – but they had some sort of credentials) in her ear about formula being poisonous. Being a new mother and very emotional and vulnerable, she went along until, yep, her baby was in dangerous starving territory. Not only was her baby at risk, she was in a state about succumbing to the evils of formula. She, apparently, saw the light and is now angry at the woman and is going to write a letter of complaint.
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I’m breast feeding my 6 month old. We’re very lucky in that we work well together as a tea, and I totally agree that it doesn’t come naturally and we both had to learn how to feed. We’ve struggled instead with bottle feeding (needed to give me a little break every now and then).
I’m surprised at those stats. I’ve met probably 20 new mums over the last 6 months and only 2 were using formula exclusively at 3 months and another 2 were mix feeding. Which means 80% in this very small sample size were exclusively breast feeding at 3 months. And those that gave formula did so because their babies were still hungry or they just couldn’t breast feed. A small sample size and very unscientific, but interesting none the less!
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I know, i am totally surprised by these statistics! i am the only formula feeder i know and most people i know and meet breastfeed up until a year! My cousin and her group of girlfriends are all breastfeeders too and try to exclusively breast feed up to 6 months at least….I am not sure where these statistic are found but from what i see in every day life breastfeeding seems to be getting more popular! Maybe thats just the area i live? but i kinda think if they are going to create statistic maybe they should ask every single woman in Australia? i certainly wasnt part of this research!
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Can I just say the statistics make me feel a bit sad? This reply is not anything to do with Emily’s private battle, and there are heaps of reasons why breastfeeding does not work out for people. I just find it incredibly sad that only 15% of babies are being breastfed by 6 months. I can’t believe it is that low! Even if we assume that 50% (I’m plucking a big number but I don’t think it would be near that high) of babies/ Mums just aren’t going to be able to B/F, I think it is really sad that I think there are people making the personal choice to stop so early! I was a bit shocked once when my similar age (also a Mum) relative asked me if I had stopped B/F yet and my baby was about 7 months or so. What shocked me was that she saw something really ‘wrong’ about me still feeding!! Have we forgotten what these things on our fronts are actually originally for? I would hate to think that beliefs like this are a big reason why so many people stop!They weren’t put there for the porn industry! There is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to breastfeed in that first year – for goodness sake I was talking about a 7 MONTH old not a 7 YEAR old! A little someone who still primarily relied on milk (whether it was from Mum or a bottle) – is it really so weird to think that they could be still getting it from Mum?
Sorry, these stats just make me think some things have changed in our society and not for the better.
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you are right
the WHO suggests breast feeding for at least the first two years as much for the mothers benefit as the child’s
its official recommendation is exclusive bfding for the 1st 6 months and then continue bfding (without any reduction) while gradually adding other foods
it specifically warns against using bottles at any stage ie use a cup or spoon to introduce other foods
it also recommends mothers have 16 weeks off fulltime (paid) work
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I completely agree.
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Hi Emily,
I am sure you have been given heaps of tips (sorry, I haven’t had time to read the replies yet, but I’m sure even if you haven’t you have probably heard heaps from the people around you. This can be both a good and a bad thing!).
I just wanted to give you the one tip that really helped me with low supply with my first (I know sometimes other mums are a great source of information). I had difficulties with low supply with my first bub. I think in my case it was largely because my bub just never really sucked well enough to really get my supply going (there were a few reasons for this).
The best suggestion I ever had was from a beautiful midwife that I found through the local chemist. She had been a midwife for years and years and was now just doing a few days a week helping out. Blessed Thistle!! I can’t recommend it highly enough! If you read the suggested use on the bottle (I’m not sure if I’m allowed to post the link, but this is the product I used – http://www.pregnancy.com.au/shop/products/Nature%27s-Sunshine-Blessed-Thistle-100-Capsules-300-mg.html , I didn’t buy it from there, I got it from the chemist, but just wanted to show you the product) it will tell you that you need to take it regularly. This isn’t the way I used it (or was even suggested to use it by the midwife). She told me that on the days that I had been running around madly, hadn’t eaten well enough (I had no clue that I needed to eat plenty more while I was B/F! No one had ever told me that) or was really tired etc and just felt like my supply was low that I should take this supplement, and as soon as two hours later I would feel a boost! She was right! It wasn’t like it was pouring out of me, but I definitely felt fuller when I went to feed next.
II only fed this bub until around the 6 month mark, and was supplementing towards the end until bub worked out it was much easier to get milk from a bottle than from Mum, so wouldn’t feed from me anymore (we later found out the bub had low muscle tone, so obviously sucking hard was just too difficult for this child). Second time around was a different story, and I didn’t have any problems breastfeeding which was a really nice surprise after everything being so difficult first time around.
I never tried motillum so I can’t speak on that one. Like you, I was concerned about the effects. That was also recommended to me by the same midwife though.
The thing is though, that sometimes even with all the tips, advice etc in the world, sometimes it just doesn’t happen, and that is ok! I had a friend who was going to be the original ‘earth mother’ – cloth nappies, B/F forever, natural birth etc. Sadly for her she had an emergency caesarean before she even went into labour, and couldn’t B/F (because her milk didn’t ever come in) and I know how devastated she was. She tried so hard for 3 weeks and finally relented and went to formula and didn’t look back. She tried as hard as anyone could possibly have tried, and it just wasn’t going to work. When the same thing happened next time around (with the B/F) she realised that it wasn’t worth the stress that it caused both her and the baby, and she went to formula much more quickly. She was glad she had tried hard the first time around as she felt she had done as much as she could, but she was very glad she didn’t put herself through that the next time around.
Hang in there. Please don’t feel guilty about whatever works out as best for you and your baby. A happy and healthy Mum and bub are the most important things you are trying to achieve! I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!
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Thanks darling, I will go and get some xo
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I persevered for weeks to breastfeed my premature daughter and spent around $400 on a private lactation consultant. We got there in the end but had lots of ups and downs and she was weaned at 6 months onto formula. I ran into my lactation consultant a few weeks ago and told her she was now weaned but I was very pleased that I managed to breastfeed her for 6 months (not rubbing it in to anyone who can’t or is having/had troubles). She actually had the nerve to be quite disapproving and tell me what a ‘shame’ it was when I had persevered for so long. I was too shocked to argue but thinking about it later makes my blood boil! People who try to make mums feel guilty are just so out of line I think and really should mind their own business as everyone’s experience is different and no two babies will ever be the same. I also found out later that the lactation consultant doesn’t have children herself. Not being condescending but when you have never been in the position of having feeding troubles with your own child I don’t see how you can judge others.
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I can relate to lactation consultants being disapproving of choices mothers make that are in the best interests of the family. When I was in hospital I had a great deal of trouble getting my baby to attach properly. Every time I had to feed him I asked the midwives for help and saw the lactation consultant twice. A lovely midwife suggested I try using the breast pump which I did, with great success. Before I left hospital I saw the lactation consultant and I said to her I had been having so much success expressing milk that I was planning to continue exclusively pumping milk. She told me that if I continued doing this my milk would dry up in a week. After all my struggles I was INFURIATED that someone would ‘rain on my parade’ when FINALLY I felt like I was feeding my baby, successfully, with breast milk. I have news for her – I am still pumping after 10 months and will most certainly make it to 12 when I will then wean my baby. Next time I’m in hospital I will be requesting to see a lactation consultant that’s supportive of pumping.
You should be so proud of 6 months of breast feeding. CONGRATULATIONS
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I had a couple of mums in my mothers group ask me if I felt I had “missed out” after having an emergency c-section with our first baby, wtf? I had a baby, I really didn’t/don’t give a crap how she came out. If I hadn’t been able to BF I would have had the same attitude. Do your best, who gives a shit, so long as baby is fed and thriving and mum is happy.
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I was so lucky that I was able to feed for 14 months, and stopped when my girl started loosing interest, in fact, we both were I think.
I am all about breastfeeding, but at the same time, I have had friends and family members, who just couldn’t do it. One friend had similar issues to Emily-Jade, albeit without the same causes, and in the end had to make a decision between her own sanity and a perfect vs not as perfect solution for her baby.
Everyone was happier once the decision was made. The baby was content, sleeping and putting on weight, and my friend returned to a state of sanity that had gone missing along with the breast milk.
While it might not be ideal for everyone, it was certainly the best solution in her case.
We’ve all got to do what makes sense for ur, in our situation, and stop judging each other.
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Emily, you just have to do what’s best for you and baby.
IF however you do want to increase supply I found a very effective (but brutal) way to help is to express a few times between midnight and 6am. I was told it was something to do with hormones and the normal cycle of your body overnight. I have no idea if it has something to do with this “theory” or its just because you “feed” a few extra times in the day if you do this for a few days but my supply would increase after this.
My situation was very different – fully expressing for a child with a cleft palate (baby couldn’t suck properly) – but the baby was fully “breast fed” for seven months. This unusual situation did mean however, that I got to see the volume of breast milk I made and hence expressed all the time.
By the way, even for a great milker like me, hand expressing was wildly difficult. If you are going to persist- starve if you have to- but buy an electic pump for your sanity.
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I had a gorgeous little boy who, true to all men, loved the boob! Even when in NICU and supposedly unable to breastfeed, the little tyke knew exactly what he wanted. HOWEVER, I am not of the rose-coloured glasses tribe and know that it is seemingly impossible for some women to breastfeed, for one reason or another, or whatever one they choose simply, if a little perseverance has been put in and the milk is still not a-flowing there should be no guilt or judgement passed on going to the bottle, and if there are little murmurs being passed, let the sound of your sleeping angel drown them out, because at the end of the day that’s what’s important (:
and p.s emily, you are a breast-feeding trooper!
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Here’s a good story to counterract the horror stories. I’ve fed 2 children, both to 12mths without a single issue, not even a blocked duct. Both attached beautifully from the start and had no worries at all. Fingers crossed #3 who arrives any day now is just as easy as their siblings
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My first baby wasn’t putting on enough weight and was sitting at the 3rd centile for weight. Two pediatricians told me to supplement but I knew my baby was happy and healthy (he was gaining weight , had plenty of wet nappies and was very alert). I refused to supplement, took motilium for about 3 months and had a significant increase is supply. Having said that, I could only ever express about 40mls. I breastfed til my son was 20months. He is now a beautiful healthy 3 year old.
I know that worrying about milk apply and weight gain is stressful but if you can hang in there til 6 months it becomes much easier when they are having solids and you can relax and enjoy that special time with your baby.
Good luck. You can do it!
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as i’ve said before , how many “starving” australian kids have you ever come across?
more likely the problem is being overweight
a “normal” weight gain as infants could be leading to more obesity as adults
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Emily (coincidentally, also my 4-week old daughter’s name), we need to meet for a coffee. With the exception of the breast operation, this is exactly my story and it’s happening right now, today.
The molilium has increased my supply, but I’m still not even at half what my baby is eating. I am trying to pump every two hours to increase supply, but it’s getting exhausting. If I am brave enough to put her on my breast, my baby thrashes and cries most times, nipple shield or no nipple shield.
If my neighbour pumped 150 mls in 10 mins, I’d either fall over crying or hire her as a wet nurse. If only I could just go up to the Supermarket and buy all the supply of breastmilk my baby needed…
And as for kiwichick’s comments, starving a tiny baby is nothing short of dangerous. Small children don’t eat more than they need. Undereating as an adult may well have benefits, but lose the self-righteousness and realise that starving a baby is a terrible idea.
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I totally considered stealing my neighbours stored up frozen milk, but I think she would notice xox
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“starving” our children is probably the best thing we can do for them
and before you get your panties in a tangle have a look around you
how many “skinny” children can you see in Australia
recent research suggests a low calorie diet ( from memory 30% less than normal) results in longer life expectancy
type 2 diabetes, cancer , heart attacks are all linked to being overweight
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Babies and young children need a high fat diet (long chain fatty acids etc), it helps with their development, particularly their brains. This is not the time to put them on diets. You just take care when you introduce solids.
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it was the author of the post that suggested she was “starving” her baby in that it wasn’t gaining weight at the recommended rate
i was trying to make the point that if most babies achieve “normal” weight gain that could be leading to the huge increase in obesity in ‘western” countries
and that there is some research to back that theory up
like we now know that alcohol in early pregnancy can be bad news
or passive smoking can cause cancer
the point being that scientific knowledge keeps expanding
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Wonder how much ‘research’ that theory actually has behind it. The recommended weight gain for babies hasn’t changed in a long, long time. Somehow I think diet and lifestyle later in childhood has more to do with rising obesity rates than ‘starving’ babies, there is plenty of research to back that up too.
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The CDC website has the revised weight charts which tend to lean more towards normal weight gain for breastfeed infants. Not sure how many states in Australia have adopted these into their baby books though. As for the charts, if a baby gains length but not weight or crosses down the percentile lines, then one can safely say they are probably “starving”. Some of these babies also actually look scrawny too. I’m still not in favour of starving babies for an ideal, but what would I know? This is only my job….
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That is nearly word for word what my nurses told me about KDot when we were having issues.
I believe our blue books have the ones in my sister’s words “based on fat formula fed American babies” but the nurses who helped us had the other one and they showed me where we were at on that one too. It wasn’t that far different, as far as I remember. But yeah, what would nurses who do it for a living know?
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Sorry but that is absolutely ridiculous! Babies should definitely not be starved a baby who doesn’t gain weight can end up with failure to thrive which can be very serious. A baby should not be put on a diet! Starving a child is called abuse!
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Fuck i’d hate to be his child! There are actually babies who are not getting enough nutrition and who ARE hungry if they are not having enough milk. What an over the top ridiculous and pathetic statement to make… when a baby is just that a BABY it is ALL about them putting on weight ESPECIALLY when they reach the age where they start burning it off! It has nothing to do with obesity, that comes later when they are older and parents choose poor food choices. As for a baby on milk how dare you say they should be skinny and starving, my god you should be locked up!
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What an absurd statement, kiwichick, considering the context of the article. I know you love making reactionary statements, but, really?
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And kiwichick denies being Erwin. This kind of nutbaggery is right up his alley…
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Are you kidding???? Get your (age-appropriate) facts straight before you start sprouting nonsense like that.
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Wait…what? did u say “starving” your child was good? babies need lots of lovely fat to develop! kids dont need to be “skinny” they need to be healthy! When they are babies they dont need to diet and worry about weight. What an odd thing to say? Is that really what you meant? hmmmm its funny how i get abuse from people saying im a bad parent for bottle feeding, but somehow i think bottle feeding my baby is much better than your approach!
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jl
the fat cells that are laid down as babies stay with us
and that is leading to higher levels of obesity
which is a significant risk factor for cancer strokes heart attacks etc
just remember the medical industry is not fool proof
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No its not foolproof, we still have to deal with fools like you.
Ah hahahaha
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I had no trouble feeding my babies. As a member of the Australian breastfeeding association I was aware of ladies who struggled I know how heartbreaking it was for friends to have to put their babies on the bottle. I do have to say that as my kids got older and were still being fed by me I was shocked with the negative comments I received. Looks like we get negativity no matter what us mothers do
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