Modern Etiquette: 'I'm a nanny, these are 10 things I wish I could tell the families I work for.'

Handing your little darlings over to the care of a relative stranger must be one of the hardest things you can do as a parent.

Or, maybe not. Maybe you’re the kind of mum or dad who kisses the heads of their small ones and then blissfully skips off to work, ecstatic for a day of adult conversation without any childcare responsibilities. 

Either way, for those who have one, a nanny must be literally a godsend. 

Watch the hosts of Mamamia Out Loud talk about whether career women make bad mothers. Post continues after video. 

An actual fairy godmother comes to wrangle your kid into PJs, car seats and dinner times. Not just a babysitter, they’re a professional carer, and if you’re lucky enough, they become like family. 

But, in a world where parenting styles trend like fashions and nannies are given a full-frontal view to life inside the home, aren’t you just itching to know what they really think? 

So we asked one nanny to dish the dirt and tell us 10 things she wishes she could tell the parents. 

1. You are leaving your child in their most important years

“The first five years of a child’s life are the most important – educationally and developmentally – and you are prepared to leave your child with a stranger for such an essential time in their life. 

“So many people say, ‘Oh, they’re only a baby, it doesn’t matter’. But it does matter, so I will try my best to shape your child and mould them what I hope you want them to be – but there is no guarantee!

2. I will try to ‘normalise’ your child from daycare

“For a lot of the families that I nanny for, the children are in daycare four days of the week and I’m the relief on the fifth day.

“So I will try to ‘normalise’ them, and give them a quieter time during the day and let them have their own toys that won’t be snatched away by other children. And I’ll do normal, fun stuff, like go to the zoo. Daycare kids don’t go to the zoo unless they’re tied to each other and in a line. So I do family-oriented things with them.

“Also, I may only get your child for part of the week, and only for a certain amount of years, before eventually they go on to school and you no longer need me. To put your child in my trust is a massive thing, and I enjoy spending time with happy children, so I will do fun things with them.” 

3. There is a dividing line between grandma and nanny

“When we’re out, a lot of people think that I am your child’s grandmother, and I am proud to be seen as the grandma and will stand tall. But if your child misbehaves, I will move them on quickly.” 

“There has to be a dividing line between being part of the family and it being a job.”

4. I don’t want your child to have screen time

“I have seen the effects of too much screen time so many times now. It’s horrible. 

“Children just block out. They’re just totally focused on the device. There’s no conversation. There’s nothing. They just go into a zone and zone out literally. You can’t get them to do anything, you can’t get them to move. Nothing happens. They are just zoned in, and as soon as you try take the device away from them, they scream and yell and carry on.

“I’m not paid to have a child watching a screen – and why do you want to pay your nanny to put your kid in front of a screen. So please don’t tell your child that they can have screen time on my watch. 

“You are not paying me enough to like the zombie that they will become.” 

Listen to the hosts of This Glorious Mess bust myths about having a nanny. Post continues after podcast.

5. Don’t micromanage me

“I’ve had parents following me around, telling me what to do and how to do it. You don’t have to tell me that. I do know. 

“I understand that the parents want you to do things their way, but the nanny needs to have some space. She’s her own person and to her it’s her job.

“So please don’t micromanage me, or it may be me having the tantrum.”

6. I will ignore your toilet training routine if it’s not working

“I will follow your toilet training routine, but if your child is still wetting itself all the time and pooing everywhere – I just think, 'What am I doing this for? It’s not working.' On goes a nappy. 

“It’s all very well you saying, ‘toilet train them’, but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. If the child isn’t appropriately ready, then it’s not going to happen.” 

7. I will insist on table manners

“None of the children that I look after eat with a knife and fork anymore. It’s disgusting, absolutely disgusting. They eat with their fingers, they put food all over the place, and then they walk around, and I think what is going on? How are they ever going to be socially acceptable?

“Parents just can’t be bothered. They come home at the end of the day from work, and it’s just easier to shove some food on a plate and let the children walk around and eat whatever they want to eat. 

“So I may ditch the plastic bowls and plates early, and use china plates instead. I will ask the little ones to get the place settings and knifes and forks out and we will use serviettes and they will know that they have to behave. They have to sit down at the table and eat properly (it also means less mess for me to clean up!). 

“Table manners are my bugbear and I am training your little monsters for a five-star restaurant – yes, I have high aspirations for your child!”

8. I don’t want to kiss your kids goodbye

“Please understand that I don’t necessarily want to kiss your kids goodbye every time I leave. I am not related to them and their snot is in no way genetically mine. 

“I don’t like the parents asking the children to kiss me either. The child needs to be able to make that decision for themselves. When the parents are trying to push them into it, I don’t feel that’s right.

9. Don’t be late

“Even though my scope of practice often includes skipping down the street and making up the answer to questions I have no idea about, please treat me like a professional.

“Don’t give the kids the money to give to me. I hate that. And don’t be late. That’s not ok. I don’t mess you around, so don’t mess me around either.” 

10. Give me time to say farewell

“When you no longer need me, please tell me in advance. I need time to say goodbye. 

“I’ve invested my time into your child emotionally, and they’ve invested it into me, and we’ve had an amazing experience together. They have become extended family to me – the whole family, not just the children – and to say farewell is a wrench.” 

Images: Disney.

Calling all internet users! Take our survey now and go in the running to win a $100 gift voucher!

TAKE SURVEY ➤