7 things we learned from celebrities this week

Celebrities have so much to teach us. This is because they are supremely wise. Last week we posted a hugely popular segment on lessons learnt from celebrities, so popular in fact that I asked celebrity tragic Acacia  Stichter to  to come back and tell us what she learnt this week.

She writes…

 

1. Bring a mountain of shame upon yourself and Oprah will give you your own show.

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, may have finally caught a break. After publicly humiliating her way through life (her most recent episode: getting drunk with an undercover News Of The World reporter then selling access to ex-husband Prince Andrew) the Duchess has reportedly been offered her own prime time show on Oprah’s new network next year.

Oprah was so impressed by Sarah’s poise when she sat on her couch after the News scandal that she called her up and offered her a show. If it is that easy to get a show on Oprah’s new network does that mean we will be seeing people like Paris and Kerry Katona with their own prime time shows again? And I have also humiliated myself on occasion … can I have one too?

2. Walking through an airport with your kids will help sell tickets to your new movie.

You know when you see pics of celebs with their kids at airports or in a local park right around the time they have a new movie out, they aren’t your usual paparazzi shots, right? Nine times out of ten they are staged or paparazzi are tipped off by the celebrity’s publicist.  Take Angelina Jolie who arrived at Japan’s Narita airport this week with Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh all holding hands like one happy family.

This was no doubt a cleverly thought out photo opportunity to make Ange appear less like an ice-queen and more like a working mother. You see, it is very easy for celebs to be ushered out the side door and escape the paparazzi at airports, especially A-listers like Angelina, so for the actress to parade through a sea of paparazzi has to be of some benefit.
CELEB FACT: Brad and Ange have just splashed out $40 million for a luxury villa in Italy. They are only expected there once or twice a year as it will only be used as a holiday house.

 

3. It’s not enough to just be an actress anymore. You need to diversify and be an actress/mother/web queen/exercise fanatic/published chef … and a singer!

Not content with being an Oscar winning actress, mother to Apple and Moses, web guru with goop.com, spending more time exercising than most other humans and releasing a new book of recipes, Gwyneth Paltrow is also now a country singer. Yes, I know she sang on the soundtrack for Duets but I doubt she puts that on her resume so neither will we. Gwyneth has just recorded a ballad, Country Song, for her upcoming movie of the same name. The track is one of many she is recording for the movie and soundtrack. Listen up C-listers … THIS is how you make it to the A-list!

4. If you are over-tanned and swear like a mother#$%@# then you can become America’s latest reality superstar.

Have you seen Jersey Shore? I have and I can’t stop watching it even though I hate it. Take eight Italian-American Guidos (guys) and Guidettes (girls), put them in a share house in Jersey for the summer and film it and you have a hit show! (Why didn’t I think of that?)
The breakout “star” is Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi who has just been the subject of a New York Times article. This is like getting Laurie Oakes to interview party boy Corey for the Financial Review … i.e., a pretty big deal. This week the cast went on strike demanding a pay increase. They feel they can make more money from appearances than filming the actual show. Their current deal was $10k an episode but MTV caved and they are back to filming season three as I type.

 

5. You’re not too old to pose nude at 55.

The world’s first supermodel, Janice Dickinson, has done a shoot for a UK magazine wearing nothing but killer heels and perfume. The veteran clothes hanger, who is currently filming the latest instalment of Celebrity Rehab, says she is proud of her surgically enhanced body. “I love my body, but it’s a compulsive obsession. I have to make sure I exercise and that the ingredients that go into my body are completely organic.” Ummm….Is Botox organic?

6.  Chelsea Clinton’s wedding cake is costing $12,000

Chelsea Clinton will marry her investment banker partner Marc Mezvinsky this weekend in a spectacle that the American media has dubbed ‘A Royal Wedding’. There are rumors that Chelsea, who, if you don’t know, is the daughter of former president Bill Clinton and current Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, is reportedly spending about $11,500 per head on each of the 500 guests once you add up how much has been spent on tents, flowers, crockery, security and porcelain port-a-loos. Estimates have her spending up to $5 million for the event. Seeing as mum and dad made about $121 million in the last nine years, I’m sure that they can afford it.

7. If you don’t make an appearance at this weird event, you aren’t considered a movie star.

Every superhero, leading lady, villain (and anything in between) in the known universe showed up at Comic Con this week. For those who actually have a life and don’t know what Comic Con is, allow me to enlighten you. It is a three day convention held in San Diego that attracts 125,000 geeks comic book, movie and television fans. Since comics and sci-fi books are now made into some of the most popular movies and TV shows, this means the convention now has some of the biggest celebrities on the planet on show and available for questions. This year’s convention attracted stars like Angelina Jolie, Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig, Vanessa Hudgens, Chris Evens, Hugo Weaving, Kenneth Branagh, Will Ferrell, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Sigourney Weaver, Ryan Renolds, Samuel L Jackson, Robert Downey Jr, Blake Lively and the cast of Glee (no idea why there were there but the Gaga episode had some sci-fi moments so I guess it counts). Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter for the muggles reading this) was a no show and actually had to issue an official apology to fans.

[You can read Acacia’s blog and follow her on twitter]