This woman uses her vagina to lift everything from surfboards to mangoes.

Ok, so here’s the thing.

There is a lady in America (where else?) who, erm, lifts things with her vagina.

Yes, you read that correctly: she LIFTS things with her VAGINA.

44-year-old Kim Anami is a self-professed “Vaginal Kung Fu Master,” and has gone viral (poor choice of word) this week with her unconventional weight-lifting skills. To be specific, Kim has strengthened and trained her vaginal muscles to be able to lift everything from surfboards to mangoes.  

They include:

Two mangoes

A chandelier

A bowl of paella

A pineapple

A venetian mirror

A jar of pesto

A jar of truffle oil

Salvador Dali lips

A fan

A conch shell, and my personal favourite…

An Oscar statue.

But don’t think Kim is just a muffy-stunt-woman. She is a professional coach, helping women around the world strengthen their vag-jay-jays.

On her website, www.kimanami.com, Kim gets straight to the point, asking visitors:

“As a modern-day sexual savant, it is my experience that nearly every woman has a weak, under-performing, under-pleasuring vagina. Is yours?”

*Cue blank face*

I mean, do I have a weak vagina? I don’t even know. Is that BAD that I don’t know?

Kim goes on to explain on her website that weak vaginal muscles can lead to numbness, reduced sexual pleasure, and urinary incontinence. However, all is not lost: by training the muscles using a, ahem, jade egg, she promises you will:

• Have better orgasms. (By better I mean, mind, body and spirit altering orgasms that are longer, deeper, more intense, and include the ability to ejaculate.)

• Keep your internal organs (i.e. no pelvic organ) from prolapsing.

• Have an easier childbirth and recover more quickly afterward.

• Up your libido. When the vagina is weak, it feels numb. Sex is infinitely more pleasurable with a sensitive and articulate vagina.

• Eliminate issues of urinary incontinence.

• Increase circulation in the vaginal canal and produce lubrication more easily.

• Be able to shoot ping pong balls. This is every woman’s God-given right.

Although there is a big part of us being all like, leave my poor vagina alone, I don’t need a Schwarzenegger pussy; there is a small part of us wondering if this is maybe a REALLY GREAT IDEA.

But mostly we’re just wondering where the hell we could get away with practicing lifting a pineapple via a jade egg in our vagina.