The hidden meaning behind the Christmas presents no one wants.

Let’s be honest.

Every Christmas we all receive our fair share of what can only be described as truly appalling presents. Socks. Earrings. Books. Bath bombs. Bags. Hair accessories. Just…trinkets. Unwanted trinkets.

We assume we’ve been given these gifts because the person who bought them just didn’t know better. They innocently bought you a khaki bum bag because they thought that’s what you actually wanted. But this year, I have a different theory: maybe bad gift giving is intentional – and maybe these objectively awful gifts are sending some very clear messages.

These are the hidden meanings behind the Christmas presents no one wants – analysed by the only person who had the time to work them out: me.

Book:

It’s definitively impossible to make a sound judgement about the type of book another human being will be interested in. But this one was on sale, so…SURPRISE.

Jam:

I'm genuinely really poor.

CD: 

I hate you. Like I actually hate you.

Wallet:

You suck at adulting. Grow up. Your disorganisation and general lack of planning stresses everyone out.

Notebook:

You're still at school...or uni...or something, right?

Socks:

JESUS WOMAN COVER YOUR GODDAMN FEET.

iTunes voucher:

HAHA. HAHAHA. Ahhh. Na, seriously stop breaking the law for like five minutes.

Bath bomb:

All I know about you is that you're a female. That's literally all I know.

Movie voucher:

You need to get out more. We've all spoken about it when you're not around.

Undies:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Perfume:

You're not woman-ing well AT ALL.

Candles:

You're lonely. I get that.

Alcohol:

I went to the bottle shop on the way here because I'm organised AF.

Makeup:

I don't know your skin tone. I don't know what you wear. I don't know what brands you like. I don't know where this came from, but I wrapped it for you.

Shoes:

These were cheaper than either of us will ever admit.

Magazine subscription:

I'm not in a good place and I've officially given up on impressing other people.

So use these helpful hacks to decode the presents your receive this Christmas. Just know the gift-giver really was thinking of you when they bought it - just in a way you never wanted to acknowledge.