Imagine your four-year-old son’s teacher pulling you aside and telling you that your son has been inappropriately touching her.
This recently happened to one mum and it’s led to a very heated discussion on Mumsnet.
The mum, who goes by the username MoanaMoanaMoana, said when she picked up her son from school the teacher asked her whether her son “grabs people and inappropriately touches them”.
When the mum replied her son doesn’t do that, the teacher said he had done it to the teachers at the school and demanded the mum have a talk to him about it – or she would.
"I spoke to my son at home and asked him to show me what happened, he said that the teacher was talking to another teacher and [he] patted me on the leg to try and get my attention," she wrote.
"I asked him whether the teacher talked to him today about him touching her and he replied no."
The mum explained her son was currently undergoing a diagnosis for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and he had always hugged his teachers and they'd never complained about it before.
"I'm shocked and quite sickened that this has been brought up about my four-year-old, he has obviously patted her to get her attention and touched her [there] accidentally and they pulled me up on the playground about this around other parents, and to be honest I'm fuming.
"I'm going to talk to the teacher and ask her the exact scenario that happened tomorrow and go from there."
MoanaMoanaMoana said she's now explained to her son if he wants to get a teacher's attention, he should only touch her on the hand and not anywhere else on her body.
The post received a huge response on the forum, with many standing up for the mum and her four-year-old son.
"Seriously, he patted her on the leg because he's four and like many four year olds he gets easily impatient and wants attention. Something that can be slowly addressed because learning social norms and expectations is a big part of the reason kids do a [pre-school] year. Calling this 'inappropriate touching ' is utterly ridiculous," one person commented.
"He's four! Literally only just started school. It's all new but he will soon will start to learn various etiquette and behaviour. Gentle reminders should suffice, not making it sound like he groped someone," added someone else.
Waytoogo suggested the teacher sounds a little inexperienced and this was just normal four-year-old behaviour.
"She should have reminded him to put his hand up or wait patiently, end of. There was absolutely no need to suggest there was anything inappropriate," they wrote.
While others believed the teacher was well within her rights to complain about the student's behaviour.
LISTEN: Dear parents, this is everything teachers want you to know. Post continues...
"It is inappropriate for pupils to touch the teacher," wrote Migraleve. "I can't see why you are shocked or sickened that it has been brought to your attention. Obviously you need to work with school to put strategies in place to help your [child] when he is feeling impatient. It's not the big deal you seem to think it is?"
"By telling him to touch the teacher's hand you have set him up to have to unlearn that. Children learn to put their hands up, they don't touch teachers," someone else added. "You need to teach him the appropriate boundaries, not just a variation of the one he is getting wrong."
"Could a teacher not just have been trying to give a parent a heads up that they need to talk to their child?" another person commented.
What do you think? Do you think the teacher was right to talk to the mum or was she overreacting? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below.
For more Mamamia parenting, read:
- HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: “In defence of older mothers – life doesn’t always follow a tidy script.”
- “Stop gaslighting your kids.”
- NAMA WINSTON: ‘I was approached by a woman holding $50 in the supermarket…’
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Top Comments
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I think people are going overboard with the term and destroying their meaning.
Inappropriate (when it comes to touching) is generally reserved for touches in a sexual place or nature. It is very VERY difficult for a four year old to be touching someone, intentionally, inappropriately. (Difficult does not mean impossible)
But it seems some people use it to also reference anything that makes them remotely uncomfortable. Sorry to say these people are a blight and need to seriously sit down and get some thick skin.
Not a single human being alive is capable of reading minds. Unless we TELL someone that something bothers us, they aren't going to know. I don't care how 'common' a particular distaste is. Nothing is universal.
Instead of being vague (yes I am making an assumption) the teacher should have told the parent EXACTLY what happened right from the start. Instead of using 'hot topic' terms followed by 'talk to your child'. Communication is important yet it is the one thing we fail to teach children, and fail to execute as adults.
We only have one side of the story here and the mother only has extra information about what happened from her four year old. I wonder if the teacher has a different version of events. It's pretty standard for little kids to do a whole lot of touching their teachers. I've had kids stroke the hairs on my legs when I haven't shaved recently. Once a child licked my leg to see if it "tasted ad good as it smells" I was wearing strawberry scented moisturiser. This is part and parcel of the job, you just speak to the child and move on. So for the teacher to mention something I wonder if there's more going on than is explained here.