WARNING: This article deals with an account of rape/sexual assault and may be triggering for survivors of abuse.
By MIA FREEDMAN
Let’s say you have a daughter. Or a little sister. And let’s say there was something you could tell her that would dramatically reduce the likelihood of her being sexually assaulted during her lifetime.
Would you tell her?
I would. And I will, when my daughter is old enough for it to be relevant to her.
I’ll tell her that getting drunk when she goes out puts her at a greater risk of danger. All kinds of danger. I’ll tell her that being drunk impairs your judgement, slows your reflexes and dramatically reduces your ability to asses risks and escape from harm.
I’ll tell her that there are opportunistic men out there, evil people who will not hesitate to take advantage of a drunk girl. I’ll tell her that there is a crystal clear connection between alcohol and sexual assault, both for the victim and the perpetrator.
Will I also teach my sons about this connection between alcohol and sexual assault? Sure. I will teach them that binge drinking will obliterate their ability to make good decisions – about getting into cars, getting into fights and having sex.
To me this is common sense and part of my responsibility as a parent. Just like I will warn my kids about wearing their seatbelt and using sunscreen and looking both ways before they cross the road.
But my conversations with my daughter will be different because women are physically more vulnerable to sexual assault than men. I’m not going to pretend that’s not the case. And I’m not going to pretend alcohol isn’t a factor.
So what’s the problem? Some people are angry at the idea of highlighting the link between drinking and sexual assault. Some people insist that when we mention the connection, we are victim blaming. Somehow, in some quarters, the right to get wasted has become a feminist issue and this troubles me greatly.
Let me be clear: sexual assault is never the fault of the victim. Neither is being hit by a drunk driver. The sole person to blame for such crimes is the perpetrator. But teaching girls how to reduce their risk of sexual assault is not the same thing as victim blaming. It’s not. And we must stop confusing the two.
When Slate columnist Emily Yoffe, whose daughter is about to start college, wrote a plea to young women to stop binge drinking because it was increasing their risk of sexual assault, all manner of merry hell rained down upon her head.
No matter that the evidence is compelling, Yoffe cites a 2009 study of campus sexual assault which found that “…by the time they graduate, almost 20 percent of college women will become victims, overwhelmingly of a fellow classmate. More than 80 percent of campus sexual assaults involve alcohol. Frequently both the man and the woman have been drinking.
“Sometimes the woman is the only one drunk and runs into a particular type of shrewd—and sober—sexual predator who lurks where women drink like a lion at a watering hole. For these kinds of men, the rise of female binge drinking has made campuses a prey-rich environment.”
This is not just a college phenomenon, nor an American one.
According to a study into sexual asssault by the Australia Bureau of Statisics: “Victims of sexual assault were more likely to believe alcohol and/or any other substance contributed to the most recent incident they experienced if the offender was a friend (76%). This was significantly higher than the overall proportion of victims of physical assault who believed alcohol and/or any other substance contributed to their most recent incident (59%).
Wherever there are drunk girls, there will be predators. And opportunists. And yet Emily Yoffe was widely abused on social media this week for making this connection and for telling her daughter that “it’s her responsibility to take steps to protect herself”.
Is that where we are? Where advising our daughter how to reduce their risk of sexual assault somehow betrays a feminist ideal and counts as victim blaming?
When I interviewed Caitlin Moran earlier this year, we spoke about this attempt at shutting down the warnings we give to women about staying safe. It was in the aftermath of Jill Meagher’s tragic murder, when all the women I know were wondering out loud what we could do to protect ourselves against evil, opportunistic monsters like Jill’s killer. At the time, some prominent feminist commentators tried to shut down those conversations because they insisted it was every woman’s right to walk the streets at any time in any condition and expect to be safe. To suggest anything else was victim-blaming, they said.
I disagreed and I wanted to know what Caitlin felt about it.
She told me about lying in bed at night with her husband and listening to women wearing high heels click clacking down the street on their way home at 2am and what a terrible idea she thought that was. Not only did it alert a potential predator to their presence, it meant they couldn’t run if they had to escape danger.
When the interview was published, some feminist bloggers expressed outrage at both me and Caitlin for what they saw as victim-blaming. Many confused the observation about shoes with the thankfully outdated idea that so-called provocative clothing – like short skirts – could increase your chance of being raped. But we weren’t talking about ‘leading a man on’. We were talking about running away.
Regardless, some women were pissed off.
It’s very easy – I’ve come to understand – to have idealistic views about how the world should work. But those views mostly exist in the theoretical realm. Apply them to real life and real people, people you know and love and fear for and they evaporate.
In theory, I believe every woman (and man, but this is a post about women) should have the right to live her life free from the possibility of abuse, assault and rape. And we must continue to shame and prosecute those who don’t respect that right because they are criminals.
But theories can’t always withstand the conditions of real life. Which is why I believe it’s crucial to educate girls about the link between alcohol and sexual assault and warn them about the increased risk to their safety that comes with getting wasted. This is not an issue of morality. If you want to have casual sex, go for it. Safely. Just make sure it’s your decision and one you’re still comfortable with the next day.
Binge-drinking dramatically changes your ability to make good decisions or protect yourself from bad ones made by others.
Do you think this is good advice to pass onto our daughters? Or do you disagree?
Top Comments
Hi all,
I understand that this article is trying to look out for women/young girls. It is taking on a cautionary approach on the assumption that 'we can't change the situation but we can change our behaviour to prevent situations of rape by not drinking till we are intoxicated' but I ask this, why do women have to 'moderate our behaviour' to suit rapists? How about 'rapists don't rape drunk women' and revisit what consent actually means. The notion that we should change our behaviour for rapists is very borderline victim blaming to me. It follows the same logic as looking at what a woman was wearing and whether she was asking for it. I think young women have the right to have fun and party and that includes the occasional drink and rapists shouldn't take that away from them. It's a right for youth. Taking away women's liberty but allowing men to continue drinking is a backwards step to feminism. Jill meaghers case was no exception she was walking home and lived 400m from the pub. She had every right to feel safe and did nothing wrong.The problem starts with rapists not women. The problem should finish with rapists. Loads of women get sexually assaulted even when they are not drunk. There is no causational link between alcohol and rape, the common link is rapists who rape women.
I totally agree with this well-written article. I'm sick of hearing so much about "victim blaming" when all we are doing is trying to protect our loved ones.
People that commit rape are cowardly predators who have a known operation of method, and will always find victims that are easy targets. When we as a society become educated about how these predators think & operate, why shouldn’t we make use of that knowledge, and make certain “adjustments” in our lives to minimise the chances of becoming a rape victim? This is not “victim blaming”, but rather just plain common
sense. Sadly, this is the world we live in…not some ideal utopia that some people think we can somehow create for ourselves if we try hard enough.
If we start labelling precautionary behaviour as “victim blaming”, and apply it to other crimes (not just rape), then it will sound absolutely ridiculous. For example, the crime of home burglaries is well known to most people. Society eventually learned that burglars
get into our homes through unlocked doors & windows, and usually waits for no one to be home, etc. Since we know this as a fact, it is now considered normal to at least lock our doors & windows. Some take it further and have sophisticated burglar alarms installed and CCTV cameras, lights coming on & off by timers, etc.
Now imagine how ridiculous it would be if a friend of yours mocks you for locking your doors & windows, and laughs at how much money you wasted buying a sophisticated home security system? Then imagine how stupid this friend would sound if he tells you that by taking these precautionary measures, you are blaming the victims of home burglaries. He goes on to say that the onus shouldn’t be on us to secure our homes,
but rather for burglars to stop burgling our houses (or for the police to freely assign 1 police officer in front of every house). Now it sounds ludicrous, doesn’t it? This is exactly how ludicrous it sounds to me when I hear that taking precautions to minimise rape is “victim blaming”.
In fact, I think it is really only the rape criminals themselves that “blame the victim” with their disgusting justifications. For example, they may justify their crime with thoughts like “she’s dressed like a slut, and drinking like a horse, so she’s begging for it anyway”. These are the thoughts that go through a predator’s mind when selecting their victims. They obviously fear getting caught, and also don’t want a lot of resistance from their victim, so they will choose a victim that gives them the best chance of not getting caught, and offers them very little resistance.
So please don’t label me as a victim blamer just because I want my daughter to take some common sense precautions to minimise her chances of getting hurt or killed. I would rather trust my daughter’s safety by her taking precautions, rather than trust the rapists to not rape her.
Rape crimes are well established in human history. Rape, like many other crimes, has been around with the human race since day 1. No amount of early education will stop these sick criminals from committing these crimes. The problem is the same with other crimes by the way…just like no amount of early education will also stop the criminals that commit home burglaries. Nothing will ever stop criminals from entering your unlocked car and robbing you. Imagine the look on the police officer’s face if you tell him “but officer, I
left the doors unlocked because the onus should be on people not robbing my car rather than me having to secure my car”. He would think you’re nuts! But according to this “victim blaming” logic, all those signs at parking lots that advises people to lock up your cars, is also victim blaming. But I don’t see any blogs or articles condemning those
signs by the way.
I think the best we can do in our society is to learn from past behaviours. Educating the mass population about the dangers that lurk in this world, and how to avoid them, is probably our best defence. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that educating the public to take precautions is a much better strategy than expecting criminals and monsters to behave themselves.
In an ideal world, we shouldn’t have to secure our houses to stop it from being burgled. In a perfect utopia world, no one is robbing houses, or raping people, or stealing online banking passwords, etc. I would love to live in that perfect world, but I’m stuck with planet
Earth for now. And I have a responsibility to protect my loved ones, myself, and my property. To do otherwise is grossly irresponsible and can lead to a very dangerous situation (raped, killed, robbed, etc).
Yes, we shouldn’t have to change our ways to stop people from raping us.But do you want to be morally correct, or safe & alive? Sadly, you can’t have both of those.