by TRACEY COX
Ever lied about how sexually experienced you are? This bloke did. And Mamamia sexpert Tracey Cox has some sage advice…
Question: My new girlfriend is way more experienced than me with sex. She’s had threesomes, slept with a girl – the lot. I’ve only done normal stuff so I lied a bit so she wouldn’t think I was boring. I told her I’d been a swinger and had gone to an orgy and she seemed impressed. She asked lots of questions and so I just made up the answers and we had great sex afterward. Later she asked me what else I’d done, so I started making up other stuff.
Each story I tell turns her on. She says she finds it hot hearing about my ‘adventures’ but none of it is true! It was a bit of a laugh to begin with but now I really like her. Do I tell her it’s all a lie or keep going with it all? I worry she’ll go off me if she thinks I haven’t done much with sex.
Tracey says: The trouble with telling one lie, is that it usually leads to another, then another and before you know it, you’ve got yourself in a right mess. Happily, this is one mess that’s not as bad as you think it is…unless there’s a chance a friend or family member are likely to drop you in it. If she hints at your ‘studly’ past, is there anyone who’s liable to say ‘Who Steve? No way!”.
If you’re reasonably safe and it’s mainly pillow talk, what’s the real harm here? Lots of girls would be horrified if you really had done all you say you have. Your girlfriend, instead, finds it all a turn on. She’s clearly experimental sexually and likes men who are the same. Sure you lied at the start, but it’s understandable. Lots of men would do the same when faced with a women who’s done more than they have. And it was her response to your story that kept the lie going: she liked it and you had great sex. There’s no real difference between this and making up sexy stories as fantasies for dirty talk.
If she ever asks you outright if you lied, admit you did and explain why (I suspect she’ll find it funny rather than be upset). But from now on, instead of saying you’ve done other ‘naughty’ things, turn it around and say ‘This is something I’m gagging to try but never have..”. Then tell her what you’d like to do. It’ll have the same effect but you won’t feel bad for lying.
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here.
Have you ever lied about your sexual experience? Would you ever lie?
Top Comments
tell her you lied because the more lies you tell the closer she would find out to know herself so she would be more angry with you.
I have never understood how knowing a number makes ANY difference. There isn't any right or acceptable number. It'll get judged as too high or low one way or another.
We ought to all take our partners as we find them with *us*, not how we imagined they once were with others. Having lots of partners doesn't make someone any better - in fact a high or frequent turnover sometimes lessens the quality. I find, a bit like dancing or humour, someone's either 'got the moves' or they don't. It has a lot to do with their confidence.
Here is what matters: How are they in bed with you? How's the connection between you physically, emotionally, mentally? Are they loyal to you? Imaginative? Respectful? Attentive? Responsive? Passionate?
Asking for a number only leads to speculation and insecurity. And how likely are you to get the truth anyway? The only remnant I'd be interested from the past is their sexual health.