Today’s Question:
My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but recently I’ve found myself getting a little curious about introducing a vibrator into the mix. At first he was extremely doubtful about this and not too keen to tell the truth, but as we began to talk it through more he has become a bit more accepting.
However, he mentioned a concern about using a vibrator during sex with me (I suggested a clitoral vibrator rather than anything too threatening). He says he’s heard that using a vibrator close to the penis can cause blood vessels to burst and so we “couldn’t use it like that anyway”. Is this true?
Tracey Cox says:
No it’s not true, though I have to say I don’t know too many men who like a vibrator used on the head or shaft of the penis, even though it is perfectly safe. Men tend to get more pleasure if you use it on their nipples, testicles or the perineum (smooth, hairless bit between his anus and testicles).
I think the whole idea of adding a vibrator to the ‘mix’ is a good one and yes, a small, non-threatening clitoral vibrator would be just the thing! A bullet vibe is around the size of a tampon but nice and strong and a great one to start with because it’s not phallic shaped. Let him use it on you during penetration to show him just how much more effective and easier it is to provide much-needed clitoral stimulation during intercourse using a vibe.
Fingers (yours or his) are fine but sometimes it’s awkward to reach the clitoris, they get knocked around and it’s hard to keep the stroke gentle if he’s thrusting hard (bit like trying to rub your head and tummy in two different directions or speeds!). Your boyfriend sounds like he’s still a little nervous about being ‘replaced’ by your vibrator, so I’d strongly suggest you don’t let him see just how easily you can climax with it, when compared to his mouth or fingers. Instead, use it to ‘tease’ yourself rather than sprint straight for the finish line, even if you are tempted to show off!
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot Sex, supersex, superflirt, Hot Relationships and superhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here.
Do you use a vibrator? Are you tempted to try? How does your partner feel about it?
Top Comments
From years of experience the secret is communication .... if there's something you want to try with your partne, then verbalise it, no matter how embarrassing it may be. Once you get over that and start enjoying the things yuo want to try you'll wonder why you didn't mention it earlier!
Also, as for toys ... the more you know about them the better. Try http://www.ToyWithMe.com.au ... lots of great reviews on all the latest products.
my husband bought us one and we use it together. If you put it on the outside over the clitoris while he is penetrating from behind it stimulates the clitoris and the head of his penis too. Gets us both going wild!
the best turn on for a man is seeing his partner surrendering herself to complete pleasure. let me tell you, vibrators do that very well.
we don't want to be replaced, forget those phallic looking plastic substitutes.
the clitoris is where it is all happening. my wife found this vibrator here on this site. she is telling me to write this as all her friends talk about how unsatisfied they are with their sex lives. get out of your comfort zones and experience excitement . oursex life is only getting better. ps be be vibrator lovebeingwoman.com