“I have the WORST period pain. Pretty sure my uterus is about to fall out,” I text messaged my sister Katie, hunched over my knees, sitting on my decades-old couch, preparing for imminent death/uterus shedding.
“I know. Simon told me,” she replied.
A second later another text beeped through: “You left him a little present.”
I paused. Then I felt all the blood drain from my face. I read the message again. Then again. My mind whizzed through a very silent, rapid panic attack. Then I realised I hadn’t inhaled oxygen for about a minute.
“… what?”
“Lol he’s traumatised.”
I had spent the previous evening sleeping in their spare bed – they have a swanky two-bedroom townhouse on the outskirts of the city – but I was certain I didn’t leak. I checked the sheets that morning and was delighted to see I hadn’t created my own interpretation of the Japanese flag. Thank god for the ‘tampon, then pad at the back’ method. My old trusty faithful.
By ‘present’ did my sister mean Simon found a… cylindrical parcel? A soggy one wrapped in… toilet paper?
Listen: Dr Ginni shares the biggest misconceptions women have about their bodies. (Post continues…)
I mentally took myself through all my ‘waste disposal’ trips while I was staying over. I could have sworn I put all my used sanitary items in the bin. I wouldn’t just forget a used tampon while being the guest in another person’s home, would I? WOULD I?
Oh god, that must be it. I must’ve left one next to the toilet bowl. He’s picked up my used tampon. F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck F*CK.
I dialled my sister’s number. Her boyfriend had become acquainted with the delightful gift of my menstrual blood and will probably never make eye contact with me ever again, this was too serious to discuss via text.
“What the f*ck are you talking about? I swear I didn’t leak…”
“Mon,” she stopped me. “Think about how guys use the toilet.”
“… yeah?”
“Right so they lift the lid up to pee, and your… lady stuff… was under the lid.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
And that was the moment I realised period blood doesn’t just go down the bowl and into an abyss of bodily gunk. Sometimes, somehow, it flings up and underneath the lid, for all the men in our lives to stare at while they take a whizz.
It defies physics, yet it happens.
Apparently, lots of men just wipe it away and never say a word… meaning the man you love might be confronted with your period blood on a semi-regular basis, and you had no idea.
“Simon just wipes it off,” my sister explained. “He still gets majorly grossed out by it, though.”
WELL OF COURSE HE BLOODY DOES.
The world feels very different now, right?
What’s your period horror story? Tell us in the comments below?
Top Comments
Wait, the horror story is that her brother-in-law had to wipe a few drops of period blood off the toilet seat? Goodness, I hope he recovered from the trauma! Jesus Christ...her blood was on the toilet seat - not on his pants, or his couch. Get a square of toilet paper, wipe it off and it's gone. Get the bleach out if you really have to. What is the big deal?
If my boyfriend reacted this way to finding my sister's period blood on the toilet seat, I would have no qualms about telling him how silly he was being and I certainly wouldn't mention it to her, like it was something she should be embarrassed about.
Hey, I thought we were trying to normalise periods and make ladies and gentlemen alike realise that they are not gross and icky and all that jazz... then this gets published to once again shame all of us ladies with their super gross bodily fluids and what about THE POOR MEN THAT ARE CONFRONTED BY THIS?!? Good one, MM- winner!!
"I thought we were trying to normalise periods"
Why not normalize human feces or peeing as well?
I am all for normalizing things but let's not cherry pick.
"THE POOR MEN THAT ARE CONFRONTED BY THIS?!?"
Most men don't really care. To be honest. I don't enjoy the sight of human waste anywhere. Period blood, or any blood is no different. No need to see it if I don't have to.
As long as I don't shame women, nothing wrong with that.