Welcome to hell Harvey Weinstein and all the many, many men like you. The men who thought your power and your money and your fame made you untouchable.
The women you groped are coming for you.
That sound you can hear? It’s women roaring back at the men who have screwed us over, using their power to harass and silence us for decades. For centuries. It’s the sound of a shifting power balance.
The first time I was sexually harassed at work, I didn’t know what it was. Same with the second and third and fourth times.
It happened when I was working as a waitress in a restaurant after I’d left school. The owner was a loud, charismatic guy in his 50s and he was always there. There were two of us working the floor, me and another girl. I was 18. She was about 21.
It began as comments about my appearance – often in his native language, which he would helpfully translate. “Beautiful wet girl” he would growl at me sexually as I walked past him throughout the night between the restaurant floor and the kitchen.
It was creepy and off-putting and it made me intensely uncomfortable. Later, it would make me quite scared. But I had no name for it. “He’s a bit of a sleaze,” I said to the other waitress one night when we were out of earshot. She nodded and rolled her eyes. She’d been there longer than me but she was travelling on a working visa so she knew her position was more tenuous. Neither of us had any recourse, not that such a thing ever even occurred to us.
I decided the best approach was to ignore his comments which were growing more overt and explicit, escalating with each shift I worked.
He soon started brushing up against me in the kitchen – away from the eyes of customers who all thought he was a large and lively legend – after I’d cleared tables. My arms were full so I couldn’t push him away. I soon began to dread going to work. I worked night shifts and I was starting to feel unsafe after the customers went home and I was there with just the other waitress and a kitchen hand, clearing up.
Mia: 'When I worked nights, I started to fear what would happen when the customers left.'
It never occurred to me to report him or lodge some kind of official complaint. To my 18-year-old mind, he was just a sleazy guy being a sleaze and I just had to cop it. It's not like the restaurant had an HR department. Small businesses rarely do. It never occurred to me to tell any of the men who worked there either. Not that I needed to tell them. His disgusting comments and pushing up against me happened in full view of them. There was a tacit understanding that this was just the way it was. Just the way he was. It was all fun, yeah?
Not for everyone.
One of the most telling, heartbreaking tiny details in the Harvey Weinstein decades-long horror story uncovered by the investigative reporters at The New York Times and the New Yorker was the fact that so many of the victims told their parents. I told my mum, said Ashley Judd and many others - facts that were corroborated by the New York Times. I told my dad, said other victims of Weinstein's appalling harassment. How powerless and furious those parents must have felt.
Listen: I dive deep on the allegations lodged against Weinstein with Rachel Corbett and Jessie Stephens, on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues after audio.
I didn’t tell my parents about it. I told nobody except the other waitress at the restaurant and she didn’t do anything. What could she do? I knew even then that it was something I had to deal with on my own. I remember feeling angry but helpless.
I quit.
Five years ago, I wrote here on Mamamia about sexual harassment. Naively or perhaps optimistically, I said: “How times have changed. Sexual harassment is now widely recognised as a crime. You can't pinch the bottom of a female (or male) employee or co-worker. You can't make suggestive comments or sexual propositions.”
Nah, who would do that? Who would systematically abuse and harass and coerce and threaten to destroy women for sexual kicks in this century? Who would do that?
The abuse of vulnerable women at work stops now.
That’s my story. What’s yours?
You can listen to our full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, below.
Top Comments
My story is a mild one. happened 16 years ago, however who knows if this famous Australian Ad Man, now in his 70's, did it to other women. He's certainly had many wives. When I first joined his Agency, I was surprised at how this significantly older, very unattractive, but the ultimate boss, commented on my attire and then patted my bottom. I was shocked and felt taken advantage of, as it was uninvited and in my work place.
Shortly after that, I was waiting for a cab, and he appeared and suggested we share it as we were (genuinely) going in the same direction. He then proceeded to point out how significant land marks outside the car window were his doing.
I feigned polite interest and determined then to avoid being in a situation where he could speak to me again. I could tell he was grooming me, and I could also tell that he registered my complete disinterest in his power and status, as well as him. So thankfully, it stopped there, with me.
Smart girl! Make sure you pass this level of knowing & confidence onto all the young girls & women you know.
25 years ago I started a job at a pub 1 week after turning 18. My first job was to help set up the band room for a function with the thirty something female assistant manager. When we were in there alone she tried multiple times to kiss me and feel my genitals. I was not particularly experienced and it really effected me. This continued on thereafter whenever we were alone, until I quit the job some weeks later.
Everyone I have ever told, men and women alike (with me telling the story in a serious tone) has found the story to be a big joke. Quite the laugh.
At work several years ago I was out with a group of female collegues. The subject got on to the topic of harassment. They each reeled off their examples to group sympathy and hushed tones. I decided to therefore add my story, and surprise surprise, the entire group burst into laughter. I just do not talk about it therefore.
I wonder how many men have similar stories.
I imagine there are many, many men who have similar stories. And those stories are equally as valid as the ones that have women as the victims.
F*ck anyone who laughs at a man who has been sexually assaulted. Foul behaviour, no matter the gender.
I don't think it is rare
Working in a Government Office, my older manager cupped my balls and ran her hands over my butt while I was bent over drinking from a water fountain. I was too suprised to do or say anything and stood there like a stunned mullet - she laughed and said I wanted it for bending over like that.
Same Department, my gay Manager mentioned how he would like to "do me"
Another job, my Manager and direct supervisor were sitting laughing together and asking me about my oral skills and performance in bed, I laughed it off and said I do ok, but you'll never know. My manager, wearing a skirt spread her legs and said prove it. The supervisor laughed, the Manger laughed. I left as an embarrassed awkward mess and quit that job soon afterwards.
I did not make a complaint because it was unheard of, I have not ever told this to anyone until now - since I'm safe as an anonymous person here. There is no way I'll be telling this to anyone IRL