Last night, we watched teenage boys cry openly on national television. It was a beautiful moment worth celebrating.
It happened on Man Up, a programme anchored by comedian/radio host Gus Worland that explores what it means to be an Aussie bloke.
Wednesday’s episode looked, in part, at blokes-in-training; Year 10 boys, including Worland’s son, replete with long hair, lanky limbs and awkward laughter.
The boys challenging traditional masculinity with workshop coordinator, Tom Harkin. Images: ABC.
We became flies on the wall in a masculinity workshop staged at their high school, a program designed to help them tackler gender stereotypes and re-think what it means to be a man.
They began by painting their finger nails, to highlight one of countless unspoken "rules" about what's acceptable for guys. Among the others they suggest: "not to cook (unless it's bacon and eggs)", "like sport", "be popular", "don't get caught crying".
But before long, that's exactly what happened.
These larrikin boys became vulnerable, they exposed their insecurities to their peers; they not only admitted to crying (only "at home", "where no one can see you"), but articulated what makes them do so.
There was a boy who confessed to acting like a "smart ass" to hide embarrassment about his height, another opened up about his parents' divorce, another about getting teased for his facial deformity and fears about his father's illness - suspected bowel cancer.
But as much as their honesty and emotional courage was incredible to watch, more so was the way they react to each other.
To the boy with the sick father, a fellow student said, "I just think it must take so much guts for you to do that, about your dad. And I'm so sorry if I ever said anything to you, man."
Breaking down in tears, he continued, "I hope that you can be strong through that. I just feel so bad for you man. I'm so sorry if I've ever said anything to you. I'm so sorry. "
It seems as if that such raw emotion is not something that's ever left these boy's bedrooms, let alone been displayed in front of their friends.
And for the workshop's coordinator, Tom Harkin, that's entirely typical.
"Men and boys all over the country have that waiting under the surface," he said on the programme. "Humans have emotion and if you put a bottle on it, it's going to explode and people get hurt."
To fathers of young men, like Worland, he offers this thought:
"I think a lot of Dads would say, without hesitation, that they want their sons to talk about their issues and get support if they need it. Would they say the same about themselves? Would they willingly go in to a counselling session if they were having a hard time? Or would they willingly talk to their best mate and shed a tear talking about some of the challenges they face?
"I think that until we re-frame tears rolling down your face and you wearing it with strength, that is courage."
p.s. The boys kept the nail polish on.
Top Comments
Too bad many young men are denied access to their fathers when they need them most thanks to the breakdown of the traditional family. Unfortunately many will interpret this as a need to infeminize boys thru education rather than allow men & boys the private spaces with their peers & elders wherein they can develop their comfortable range of expression while retaining their masculinity.
Denied access? What a load of shit.
Family court no longer lives in the 1950's. If fathers request 50/50 the courts give it. Most fathers just don't bother, they just whinge about it instead. The stats of broken down families that go to court is so low, because men are usually happy just doing the every other weekend arrangements, or abandoning kids completely. (I know some mothers do too, but its much less likely)
Did you even watch the program? Your last sentence is the problem! It's why suicide is the most common cause of death in boys/men because they are not developing ways to express themselves in such masculine environments.
LOL, so we are in accordance then. I'm actually saying that the environment depicted in this show is a masculine space that shows the enrichment of expression men & boys experience when allowed male only spaces. The idea that all masculinity is toxic is a feminist ideal that has no basis in reality. Like women, men feel every emotion humanly possible, but must balance this against their responsibilities in society. Otherwise our society would become unviable. You agree that more & more boys are growing up without fathers; By what means is unimportant; But this breakdown of the traditional family & the consequential fatherless households results in boys seeking out masculine roll models wherever they might find them. These often 2 dimensional caricatures of masculinity in media can never replace the nuanced approach of an involved father or caring male mentor. The first step to achieving a world wherein men can be raised to care about women is to stop hating men for being men & allow them the space to grow.
There is a difference between family court rulings and what some women will allow the father to have. I know 2 cases of men who desperately want to have access to their kids, they pay child support and have been granted access. But the women just don't allow them to have the kids. There is always an excuse they can't have access that weekend. They fight it through the courts but eventually you run out of money. Men ares not always the bad guys.
There is nothing stopping fathers picking the kids up from school on the days they have them. Why aren't they doing that?
Are the mums just hiding the kids away? If that is happening the courts would change the rulings. I have seen it done.
I am aware men aren't always the bad guys.
Excellent stuff. I hope this program can be rolled out to all boys in high school.