Talcum powder + ground up instant coffee = mineral foundation.
Please enjoy this accurate depiction of us digesting this information:
Chances are you’ve never stopped and thought to yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder how women in prison do their makeup?”
Well, do we have a Friday treat for you.
Let us impress you all with the fascinating world of jail beauty, because it’s possibly the cleverest thing we’ve ever witnessed.
We can’t look away from a YouTube beauty tutorial by former inmate Christina Randall that shows step-by-step how she did her face behind bars.
Watch a snippet here. Post continues after video.
Bit of background: Christina started getting into trouble from the age of 12 and spent her teenage years in and out of juvenile detention for violence, underage drinking and escaping custody amongst a string of offences.
Aged 21, she was locked up for three years in a proper adult prison due to a culmination of all of her run-ins with the law.
Her makeup tutorial, based on her former life behind bars, is so insanely clever we had to share.
After applying the coffee infused face powder mentioned above, Christina informed her 253,000 YouTube subscribers of one of the most nifty makeup tools you can find in your cell – a toothbrush.
“I’d comb out my eyebrows, the toothbrushes in there are nowhere near as nice though. The bristles on these are very soft,” she explains.
For eyeshadow, the trick is to get yourself some deodorant and a magazine. Yep... stay with us.
You have a flick through the magazine and pick what colour you like (in the pages of the magazine) and then rub the deodorant directly onto the colour on the page.
Christina then used her finger on the slightly wet page to 'scoop up' some of the colour, while also getting the stained residue left on the deodorant bar.
How... did they even think of this.
Glittery birthday cards are another trick regularly used if an inmate wants more of a glam shimmer eyeshadow look.
For eyeliner, the trick is Vaseline.
You can't get it from the commissary, so in Christina's words "you have to get it from the nurse's station and tell them it's for your lips".
Christina and her cellmates would slather the Vaseline directly onto a cement wall, and using a pencil make a dark coloured paste with the lead.
Ta-da - liquid eyeliner and eyebrow colour. Gotta love a two-in-one product, right?
(We're trying to act cool about this, but we're still emanating Milly Bobby Brown right about now).
For blush, it's back to the magazine.
"It has to be a pretty dark colour though, otherwise it won't show up," advised Christina.
Mascara was made with deodorant, coffee and a dash of water.
"Take a toothbrush, put the paste on there, and do your lashes," demonstrated Christina.
For lipstick (and this is by far our favourite) the humble Dorito saved the day.
"Doritos will stain your fingers, but they'll also stain your lips," said Christina.
What is this strange magic.
Who looks at a simple chip and thinks, this'll work a treat as a faux lipstick.
We have also learnt since being introduced to the world of jail makeup - M&M shells soaked in hot water are another way to create a lip stain.
If you've got the peanut variety, the nuts can then be crushed and blended with lotion to create protein face masks.
In prison, they don't have mirrors, it's more reflective sheeting where you can kinda make out your features.
"I thought I looked cute, and then I'd see my real reflection in court or something and was like... hell no," Christina tells her YouTube followers.
She adds that in prison, they only really bothered with their "makeup routine" if they were headed to a court date or if there was someone coming to visit them.
We are impressed.
Very very impressed.