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Goodness.
After months of teasing, last night we were finally introduced to the brazen and outspoken Hayley, who later in the season will have her toothbrush dunked in the toilet by her husband, David. Having just celebrated their wedding, the two seem to be civil and dare we say… happy.
We give it two-fifths of a day.
Wednesday’s episode also gave us the wedding of Vanessa and Chris. She’s suffering from low self-esteem after a battle with adult acne and he is a single dad with a good heart. They both seem like nice enough people and we are sincerely sorry for the turmoil they’re both probably going to encounter.
Here were all the moments you may have missed from last night’s episode.
MAFS’ contestant Hayley shares her traumatic past in Wednesday night’s episode. Post continues below.
1. Vanessa is… Bronson’s ex.
If Vanessa seems familiar, it’s because she is.
You see, Vanessa is the ex-girlfriend of former MAFS groom Bronson, who was married to Ines, who cheated with Sam who was married to Lizzie, who is back this season to marry AFL player, Seb Guilhaus.
After seeing her ex-partner on MAFS last season, Vanessa went on Youtube where she roasted the former stripper. Unfortunately, the videos have since been deleted.
“Behind the scenes… he keeps digging at you. It’s like talking to a brick wall,” she said.
“Ines’ reaction is how I used to react to Bronson because he fires you up. Something in your soul just burns at this guy.”
It also goes to prove that once again, ‘reality TV stars only date other reality TV stars’. And now the circle continues.
2. The experts are trying to straight-up break David.
You see, David is resilient. He’s come back from “rock bottom” and he’s re-learning how to walk after being injured and now they’ve sent Hayley to break him. David is from a conservative Christian family and he lives on a farm in Victoria. Hayley is definitely here to smash an entire set of china and maybe walk out of the competition with a protein powder endorsement.
Expert Trish literally says: “Will David be able to handle Hayley’s big personality?”
You could almost say marriage isn’t the appropriate way to test this out?
3. David's parents dead-set knew their son was going on MAFS.
When David went to tell his conservative Christian parents that he was getting married on reality TV, there was no way they weren't already aware of this.
To their credit, they tried really hard to do 'an act' but their eyes gave it away.
You see Michelle says she's disappointed at David's life choices (fair) but really she's thinking: this is also my chance to get on TV.
5. Hayley's beat boxing was definitely a throwback to Dean Wells.
"My name is Hayley, I'm practising my flow, yo," she rapped at her wedding... or at least that's what we think she said.
David, the husband, seems to find the whole thing pretty funny, but all we can think of is Dean's rap from the 2018 season of MAFS.
These were his opening lines: "Tracey my little lady/ you drive me crazy/ after last week on the couch you probably hate me/ but you gave me a shot/ you're so hot/ plus your brain is next level/ show me what you got'".
We demand Hayley reprise her vocal efforts in a later episode.
6. We noticed something about David's wedding outfit.
There's a joke in The Bachelor franchise that every season a contestant is seen wearing a maroon blazer. It was worn by Blake Colman, Jake Ellis and 2019 bachelor, Matt Agnew. Dino Hira was also seen in the suit on last year's season of Married at First Sight.
And the blazer is back again.
To be fair, David's jacket is embossed and not embroidered, but this just in from MAFS' costume department: maroon is still in for 2020.
7. Vanessa and Chris need to work on their love languages.
Credit to MAFS, tonight's episode did teach us something.
A guy named Gary Chapman once posited that people express and experience love in five different languages: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. You can even take a quiz to see which category you fall into.
All Vanessa wanted to hear from Chris was that he was attracted to her and while we knew from his interviews that he was, this wasn't communicated to Vanessa. Instead at the end of the episode, he asks her (albeit awkwardly) if she wanted to be "tucked in".
In all fairness, it was a weird romantic flex but we literally just watched two strangers get married, so weirder things have happened.
You see, Vanessa's love language is 'words of affirmation' and Chris' love language is 'physical touch,' and yeah... take that John Aikin. Also, this couple is most probably doomed to fail.
For everyone else, LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES. It'll make you better people.
What were your favourite moments from Wednesday night's episode of MAFS? Tell us in a comment below.