According to a very famous philosopher best known as Jay-Z: “30 Is The New 20.”
Well, I guess that’s why he’s a rapper and not a philosopher because no, 30 (as much as we want it to be) is not the new 20.
I am 26. I am in that contradiction of an age where you are young enough to go out but too exhausted to. Or maybe I’m just too exhausted to. Maybe 30 is the new 20, if you don’t have a child.
I am a mother of one — a baby who just hit one years old. I study my son as if he’s an alien, baffled by his energy as he runs in circles. I am so tempted to ask him for his secret but he can’t talk yet.
Between work and my son, I wonder: can I still maintain my friendships on top of it all?
Sadly, while I’m in the midst of a demanding five-days-a-week work schedule, then coming home to eat dinner with dada (yes, that has officially become my partner’s name), feeding dinner to Carter and then attempting to keep my eyes open for Game of Thrones, my friends get lost in the middle. It doesn’t help that my iPhone gets taken by my child as soon as I walk through the door.
Hi, my name is Courtney and I am an hours-late-text-message-responder.
As I have to bail or reschedule on a friend yet again, I wonder: “can a woman really have it all?” The times I do manage to get a phone call in, my son (aware that he doesn’t have my sole attention) freaks and comes over to my ear to yell and cry until I say, “I’ll have to call you back.”
So, let’s be clear, I don’t get to text or get to make calls, so how am I supposed to maintain my friendships?
I receive a text message… “I’ll have to respond later, its bath time.”
My phone rings… “I’ll have to respond later, don’t want to talk and wake Carter.”
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, I wonder.
If I can’t even get a phone call in, how do I even get outside? One of my best friends from childhood and I have been trying to plan a dinner date for weeks since we never get to see each other and live in the same town. Both of us keep having to reschedule due to, well, life.
For those mums that have more than one kid, I mean this sincerely: bless you (and please also leave me some tips)!
In the invisible competition that mums have with each other, I am losing in the multitasking department. I really need to finish this article but I’m being pulled in yet another direction…
But again, I breathe a little bit easier when I remind myself 30 isn’t the new 20.
This was originally published on the Huffington Post and has been republished here with full permission.
Courtney Carter: Television journalist and writer. Pop culture encyclopedia.
Over to you: are you the ‘worst mum friend’? How do you maintain friendships now that you’re a mum?
Top Comments
My friends grew scarce long before my baby arrived... It started when I got involved in a serious relationship with my boyfriend who is now the father of my baby. Most of my friends and myself (being in our early 20's) were living care-free lifestyles that consisted mainly of bar-hopping, driving long distances to see bands, dance parties, and you name it. After Mikee (a man I knew would be a good father one day, but wasnt expecting it anytime soon) and I started dating, I spent less and less time doing those things with my friends, not because he didn't want me to, but because he was clean and sober and had a very positive influence on me. As soon as I found out I was pregnant everything changed. I quit smoking and drinking and didn't involve myself in any potentially hazardous activities for my baby. Along with my fluctuating hormones, it wasn't easy, but I did it (cold turkey). My priorities changed drastically, it wasn't all about me anymore. Of course my friends understood and supported me. They showed up for the baby shower, but that was all I really saw of them. My baby is now 14 weeks old and none of my so called friends, after promises of coming to visit, have met her yet. I'm not bitter about it, it's not like I have the time, energy, or brain capacity for socializing now anyway and I have an amazing supportive family. My friends and I still seldom catch up via text or phone calls, but it's not the same, we don't share much common ground anymore. I know that people change and naturally out-grow each other and it's truly a positive thing.
I imagine it's difficult at both ends of the spectrum. As the still single thirty year old, I am finding it difficult as many of my friends are getting married, having babies and moving on to the next stage of their lives. And yes, we both have to make more of an effort to stay close. But generally we make it work. Sure its different, but it still works. If anything, one of my best friends' children have brought us closer.