Christmas can be a difficult time of year for many families, but you know what we can all be grateful for?
The fact that we’re not Rob Kardashian.
You know those annoying relatives who you have to see at Christmas and are just so, “me, me, me!” the whole time?
Imagine having three thousand raven-haired, Internet-famous sisters. You thought drunk Uncle George was a drag? Try having a dinner-table conversation with an entire family pouting into their iPhones.
And Kanye West won’t be any help to him.
Kim Kardashian’s husband has issued strict instructions via Twitter to stay the hell out of his face until he’s completed his latest fashion and music visions.
“I’m finishing my album and my next collection,” he informed everyone, and one gets the feeling Kim and North are not excluded from this edict.
“No offense to anyone… I’m asking everyone DON’T ASK ME FOR ANYTHING TILL AFTER I’M FINISHED WITH MY ALBUM.”
Like, don’t even ask him to pass the roast potatoes, Rob.
This year’s Kris-mas is already in full swing for the Kardashian-Jenners. Their social media accounts reveal what’s in store for Rob Kardashian this festive season.
His family members will each try to outdo each other’s Christmas trees, which we not created by families listening to Christmas carols and drinking egg nog, but rather harried assistants and professional stylists.
His little sisters will reminisce about the last normal family Christmas they ever had.
His mother will dress oddly for the purpose of earning money by encouraging others to purchase equally odd outfits.
His sister’s dog will be better-dressed than him in another furred species’ skin.
People have said Rob’s got problems, that he’s paranoid. Wouldn’t you be, with this watching your every move?
His sisters will each pretend to prepare elaborate festive foods, but really pay a large staff of professionals to do it for them.
His family will only communicate with him via his sister’s personalised Kimojis which makes him uncomfortable because they’re mostly her butt or her breasts. And how do you even say, “I’ll be playing my PS4 in my room” with those?
He won’t be able to listen to Michael Buble’s Christmas album without thinking of his little sister in a seductive Christmas onesie.
His sisters will be unable to eat their Christmas dinner due to pointless Christmas-themed corsetry.
His little sister’s designer Christmas tree decorating scheme will induce feelings of anxiety and forboding.
He will be forbidden from photographing his new nephew Saint West or looking him directly in the eye and his niece North will be dressed as a tiny, diamond-studded yeti.
Top Comments
I love Rob ! He is my Favourite Kardashian ! 😊
Can we start the New Year with NO MORE Kardashian's...... enough said. Thank you.
Please, please, please! My God, those vacuous stares, those ridiculous pouts. It all has to stop. Think of Tinkerbell - they'll go away as soon as we stop believing in them.
I did not even know there was a Rob Kardashion, but I'm sure like everyone else here we are eagerly looking forward to seeing his glistening bare buttocks and reading his devastating struggles with fame obscurity as we venture into 2016.