As prominent Australia fashion designer/model Jodhi Meares goes through a very public fight with her fiance, we’re reminded that domestic abuse can happen in any postcode.
Trigger warning: This post deals with domestic violence and may be triggering for some readers.
Every time a celebrity is attacked by their partner or in their home, it proves that domestic violence can happen to anyone, anywhere, any time.
Jodhi Meares’ fiance, Jon Stevens, will appear in court today following a violent incident at their home in Point Piper on Monday evening. He has been charged with assault and police are applying for an interim AVO against him to protect Meares. Meares says there is no history of violence in their relationship.
This incident is obviously painful for the people directly and intimately involved. But it’s also a painful reminder to the community that domestic and intimate partner violence occurs in every class, culture, and community and that the privileges of fame and fortune do not inoculate against gender-based violence.
As Australian of the Year Rosie Batty so aptly says, “Family violence happens to everybody. No matter how nice your house is, how intelligent you are. It can happen to anyone, and everyone.”
And yet, people hold onto the false belief that domestic violence is primarily born out of poverty and lack of education. They imagine it as an issue that plagues the lower and working classes, but is atypical and unusual in upper middle class homes.
Emotional abuse. This is how it happens.
Imagining it this way makes people feel safer at night to believe that their homes, and the homes of their friends, neighbours, colleagues and relatives, are protected. It’s the most convenient way to frame a complex, frightening issue.
And most of all, they imagine it, because as a community, we still fundamentally misunderstand what causes gender-based violence in the first place.
It’s woefully unhelpful to frame the perpetrators of abuse as lower-class, uneducated, and possibly dealing with drug or addiction. It’s equally unhelpful to imagine victims as unintelligent, uneducated or un-resourceful.
I’ve known feminist women with PhDs who have experienced relationship abuse.
I’ve known professional, high achieving women who sit on boards and run meetings, who go home to husbands who check their email, phone, and kilometres on their car, before bursting into jealous, accusatory rages.
I’ve also known teen girls who attend the most exclusive private schools on Sydney’s North Shore, who are dating boys from equally prestigious private schools in the area, who are told by their boyfriends what to wear, which other boys they are ‘allowed’ to speak to, and what they need to do sexually if they expect to stay in the relationship.
We are kidding ourselves if we think that these kinds of things don’t happen in leafy green suburbs.
When we fail to acknowledge that intimate partner and family violence can happen in any home – regardless of income, education or social clout – not only do we conceal the violence occurring in suburbs like Point Piper, but in doing so, we continue to stigmatise the issue.
On one level this makes it harder for victims to speak out and access support. It also makes it more difficult for friends and family to identify and respond to disclosures of control and abuse, especially if they do not already realise that these things can happen to anyone.
This is why it’s important that when a celebrity case like this hits the headlines, the media resist the urge to treat it as an anomalous, curious sensation.
Because we know all too many famous women who have experienced intimate partner violence and the experience is neither sensational nor curious to them.
We’ve heard the stories of Madonna, Nigella Lawson, Rachael Taylor, Rhianna – and many, many others.
We’ve also heard copious amounts about Chris Brown and other African American musicians and athletes who have been charged with assault against their partners. But we shouldn’t forget the likes of extremely privileged, Caucasian stars such as Matthew Newtown, Sean Penn, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Christian Slater or Edward Furlong – all of whom have faced domestic violence related charges.
And if you’re still not convinced that even the most erudite, charming, and seemingly refined men can be guilty of atrocious views on domestic violence, let’s all remember Sean Connery’s views on the subject:
True, this quote comes from 1965. But this is how he backed it up to Barbara Walters two decades later:
It’s time we change the conversation. And that we realise that this sort of violence can happen anywhere, to anyone.
If you find yourself in a situation similar to this phone 1800RESPECT or go to the website for support and detailed information about domestic violence. The website has a specific information on applying for domestic violence orders in every state and territory. On that website, you’ll also find information on safety planning – but it’s important to remember, if you, a child or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 000 immediately.
Top Comments
I didn't realise there were so many right wing men on here - whenever women talk about domestic violence it seems to attract men who want to talk about female violence against men. It isnt a competion. I feel equally bad when men or women are victims.
Anyway what I wanted to say is that I think most people know that domestic violence occurs in all families regardless of their socio economic status. One of the problems is that I think people have this blame the victim mentality and this is why they feel immune to it not because they have money etc - its because on some level they believe that the woman wants to be treated that way or deserves it. As a survivor of domestic violence I felt ashamed and I really think people blamed me for it. I have been shunned by my family and friends yet my ex has moved on to another partner, seems to be doing well financially and even though he has a long history of domestic violence with several other women - the police told me this and told me to get away from him - there are no repercussions for him - I was the victim and remain as one.
Not sure that bringing information to people would be termed right wing.
The point we generally try to make is that DV is not a gender issue, it is a violence issue. So why do we concentrate on only one gender?
For instance, the gist of this article is that DV can happen to ANYONE regardless of wealth, age, class, education or location. But you MUST also be female.
Why do we "concentrate on one gender"? Simply because predominantly domestic violence is against women. That is factual.
More than 95% of dv cases in Australia are men against women. The remaining 5% is mostly women who assault men when defending themselves and for retribution for past assault.
Of course men are also victims of DV (please note I am referring to heterosexual relationships, as there is much higher abuse of men in homosexual relationships). But it is a very small amount.
We need to be very careful to acknowledge that violence against any gender is not acceptable. But we also need to be very careful that mens groups do not manipulate the statistics as they are known to do.
I'd be curious to see how many instances you can find where a man has died at the hands of a woman in domestic violence situation, compared with how many women die every week at the hands of men in a domestic situations.
The fact of the matter is, more women are seriously injured or killed at the hands of men in domestic situations than men are.
Sure, in a small number of cases, men are abused in a domestic environment. But, more often than not, a man's injuries will come from a woman defending herself. Women rarely instigate violence. Men are more likely to be victims at the hands of other men, not women.These are facts. Face up to them.
are you for gender equality or just rampant feminism?