Headphones in Ears’ affects women the world over. Apparently one in five women are suffering. (That’s two in ten ears).
The issue of ‘Headphones in Ears’ attracted unprecedented public attention last week. It was a battle of the sexes. Some males said they had a right to interrupt a woman wearing headphones. Some women said that was a violation of their privacy. Much name-calling and spitefulness was thrown about.
But one video from Honest Monster, created by comedy duo Deirdre Devlin & Vana Dabney, has revealed the true issue here.
That ‘Headphones In Ears’ is actually a condition. A sickness that men are doing their very best to cure women of.
The cure? It’s called The Douchebag Cure.
It’s when a man approaches a women wearing headphones – the mere fact she is wearing the headphones means she is heavily afflicted with the condition – and takes the earbuds out.
Cured. Just like that.
Some instances of The Douchebag Cure have lead to marriage. Happily-ever-after stories of headphone-free walks in the park.
The Douchebag Cure has resulted in the type of life these women never would have dreamed of, if it weren’t for the douchebag who came and removed their headphones. What a reason to be grateful.
Watching this video, it becomes clear that 'Headphones in Ears' is a condition of selfishness. A mindset where we think it's okay to have some downtime, some space, a void of peacefulness in between the demands of our day. Clearly sufferers are delusional. Maybe it's a form psychosis?
It's time we stopped focusing all our attention on the absolute delight that is a Hamish & Andy podcast, or music, or just white noise (who needs meditation when you could be finding a husband?). There are more important things at stake.
So the next time a man taps you on the shoulder and interrupts your headphone time, remember; he is actually doing you a favour. Realise that this douchebag could actually represent a life of happiness. Maybe you'll marry him. Maybe he'll teach you to live your life headphone-free; how to find human connection instead of singing or learning or dancing with yourself.
Smile at him. Open yourself. Don't be in such a hurry to shut out the world.
(And then, continue smiling at him as you tell him to 'get f**ked' and dance yourself away. He's kidding himself if he thinks he's got anything on Hamish & Andy.)
Top Comments
I do actually have a psychotic disorder and I often wear headphones in public because I experience paranoia and when I become paranoid it sets off my delusions which usually ends with me self harming and then becoming hospitalised. So I don't care if people think I'm being rude. For me it's a way to keep calm and distract myself from the belief that people are stealing my thoughts.
Flissby thank you for sharing such a personal story. I know the strength it must take to block out and keep calm. I promise not to judge if I see people with headphones and would not bother or upset someone.
Public spaces are not hunting grounds and women are not waiting to be hunted, saved or discovered.
Thank you. I wish other people wouldn't be so quick to judge.