Enormous surprise: New book reveals Hugh Hefner is a manipulative misogynist.

The Playboy Mansion isn’t the non-stop orgy Hef would have us believe.

For every aspiring model/actress who lands in Los Angeles seeking fame and fortune, there’s a very real threat: an octogenarian whose primary wardrobe consists of a bathrobe and a cravat.

Hugh Hefner’s robe was to be an indication of his flannelette-heavy nocturnal activities with his tribe of “girlfriends”, according to former number-one girlfriend Holly Madison in her new book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny.

Madison, now 35, met the ageing lothario in 2000 when she was apparently facing homelessness, and turned to the only safe haven she could think of: her mum’s house the Playboy Mansion.

When she met Hefner, he offered her a Quaalude and was approving when she declined, telling her that he only offered because they’re “thigh openers”.

The first night Madison spent at the Mansion, she writes, she got to see the super-sexy bedtime routine each of the girls have to undertake.

Watch a report on the book from ET (Post continues after gallery):

Get your fans ready, because it’s steamy.

First… they had a bath. Then! They put on pink flannel pyjamas.

It’s actually disturbingly similar to my own bedtime routine from ages zero to 12.

Madison writes that all the girls “hated” the night time routine and “tried to get it over with as quickly as possible,” reports People.

“When I think about it now, it’s almost comical. Every red-blooded American male has no doubt fantasised about what went on in Hugh Hefner’s bedroom with his harem of blond bombshells. The answer? Not a whole lot,” Madison writes

She writes that there would then be a sex session, in which the girls would take it in turns to be intimate with Hef.

“My turn was over as quickly as it started,” Madison writes, adding that there was no kissing or intimacy.

Who knew? Hef’s a dud root.

Well, we did, really. A man who wants all his women compliant, indistinguishable from one another, and on the payroll is clearly not super concerned they’re satisfied in bed.

“Prior to moving into the Mansion, I’d been a fairly confident person, but it didn’t take long for my self-worth to crumble,” Holly writes, adding that she even contemplated ending her own life.

Hefner berated Madison for changing her hair or make-up and dragged down her self-esteem.

“I learned Hef was the manipulator and that he pitted [the girlfriends] against one another. I realised I wasn’t treated well. I’m done being afraid of people. I don’t have any loyalty to Hef. I haven’t talked to him in four years, so there’s no reason to reach out now. Besides, it’s the truth,” Madison writes.

Here’s some more on Holly Madison’s new book…Post continues after video.

She finally left the Mansion, after Hef tried to get her to stay by offering her $3 million in his will, and is a married mother of one child, Rainbow.

Ooh wee! Hef is going to be pissed.

Can you see the appeal of becoming a Playboy bunny?

Remember the “Australian Hugh Hefner” who has tried to recreate the Playboy Mansion on the Gold Coast? Bet there’s a whole load of pink flannies going on there too. Let’s look and laugh at him.