The age of the damsel in distress is dead. And I for one, couldn’t be happier.
We no longer look at women and think they can’t possibly know how to change a tyre or swing an axe to chop some firewood.
No, the world has finally realised women are capable of doing kick arse things.
But there is a new epidemic plaguing our country. The ability of people to blatantly ignore a human in distress. When did we stop pulling over and offering a helping hand to our fellow Aussies?
When I heard that familiar little thump of a flat tyre on a drizzling Friday morning in Melbourne, I considered my options. I could collapse into a sobbing, distressed damsel on the footpath. Or I could just get on with it. My mind immediately went into problem solving mode.
I rolled into a servo on one of the busiest intersections in Brunswick, dodging drenched cyclists and honking, frenzied commuters. I popped on my raincoat, pushed up my sleeves and thanked my lucky stars that my dad taught me to change a tyre a few years ago.
As I worked, a cluster of suits amused themselves, watching my struggle as they waited for their tram.
As I jacked up my trusty Commodore, no longer able to distinguish between sweat and rain, they headed off to work without looking back. Dozens of people drove straight past me to fuel up, carefully avoiding eye contact. No one offered to help. No one so much as offered a sympathetic glance in my direction.
Covered in muddy grease but determined, I was tightening the final nut when I heard a voice behind me say, "excuse me..."
This is it, I thought. Someone is finally going to ask if I need help. Steeling myself with a smug grin, I turned to tell my would-be saviour to say, "It's alright, I've got this."
Clearly I am a strong, independent, feminist woman who is perfectly capable of changing a tyre. My progress is testament to that. (Providing I don't drive off lopsided, as my wheel ricochets across two lanes of traffic.)
But it turns out, the woman wasn't offering help. She was asking for it.
My blood boiled as I had to tell her, "no I do not have any idea how to work the vacuum cleaner."
It's a perfect feminist metaphor. And it reinforced the fact that help will only ever be given to those who ask for it. If at all.
Everyone seems to hold the assumption that someone else will stop. It's the same in instances of disaster, when each shocked bystander assumes another person has called Triple 0. Time winds on, and no help arrives.
I can hear the uncomfortable murmurs of, "but I don't know how to help," coming from the women who, like me, are a bit clueless when it comes to car stuff beyond changing a tyre or topping up the oil.
And yet I've made a habit of stopping to help. When I see a bonnet up, it's instinct. It could be the small-town, trusting, country girl in me, but I can't drive past without slowing, rolling down my window and asking, "you right, mate?"
Who knows what they might need? It could just be a phone to call the RACV, or a second pair of hands.
And often, they just want to be acknowledged and at least offered help.
Listen: In the little town of Theodore, there's always someone to lend a helping hand.
Curious as to why so many people just keep on driving, I asked around. I discovered there's one big thing that's stopping people from stopping.
Fear.
Sure, there's the fear of a strange man on a dark, secluded road. As women we're constantly reminded that we are vulnerable, victims in waiting. Remember the urban legend of the woman who pulled over when she spotted a baby cradle on the side of the highway and was attacked?
But it's also more than this. It's the fear of being rejected if that person don't actually need help. For men, it's the fear of insulting a woman by implying that they are a damsel in distress. It's the fear of being told you're mansplaining.
And the fear isn't only present on the wide, open road.
It rears it's head every time we awkwardly side-step past a homeless person and don't stop to chat because we might say the wrong thing. It's every man and woman for themselves out there. It's the our self-preservation mode when our fight or flight response kicks in, and it's going to make the world a very lonely place.
Do you stop to help when you see someone broken down?
Top Comments
I had a similar problem just yesterday- however I was about 350km north west of Cairns, half an hour from the nearest township of 300 people.
I was a single woman driving the PDR (peninsular development road - the mostly dirt road from Cairns to Weipa) by myself.
Unsurprisingly there is no reception there!
About 20 cars drove past me. Not even slowing down to ask or check if I needed help.
I was doing ok, but it was a bit frustrating that nobody on such a remote road even stopped to ask.
I was prepared also, thanks Dad, & when it got to the final tricky bit like getting the new giant 4WD wheel on, I had a nice couple stop to help!
That was mostly because I stood on the side of the road & looked helpless. I know I could have done it, but in such a remote place you would think people would help?
Makes me glad I always slow down & ask!
Ugh, I am a woman and I have no interest in chopping wood, or changing a tyre for that matter. I pay RACV to do the car fixing stuff for me. Surprisingly in the 20 years I have had road side assist, every call out has been responded to by male mechanics. Maybe some things are better done by men because they are naturally stronger than women and it is easier for them. I could chop wood, push a car, do all sorts of things, however if a man is available and happy to help, I will default to them. Why should I strain myself when a man could do the same job easily. No wonder people get jack of feminists, all this "I can do it myself, so leave me alone" bs. Maybe no one stopped to help you because you were giving off a negative vibe. Every time my car has broken down, within minutes men have stopped to offer assistance.
Oh my Lord. Are you serious?
Mechanics is a male dominated industry, so it's hardly a surprise that when you call for help it's a male mechanic!
"Maybe some things are better done by men because they are naturally stronger than women and it is easier for them."???
If you don't want to change a tyre that's fine, just own your laziness or your inability to learn - but it's not rocket science - anyone who wants to learn can do it. Why should you have to hunt down someone to do it for you when you could do it yourself so easily?
And rather than a 'leave me alone' attitude, maybe 'feminists' are just being accountable and getting things done - how strongly is a negative vibe felt when passing someone on the side of the street from inside a vehicle by the way?
I suspect that you put it out there quite obviously, and make it very clear you are a damsel in distress that must be saved.
I don't put it all out there, I am just nice, not defensive. And I never said I cannot change a tyre. In my post I clearly said I am capable of many things, however MEN ARE STRONGER THAN WOMEN. that is a fact. I was just pointing out that my preference it to defer duties to the more capable party. My husband is 10 times stronger than me so he can do the heavy lifting. I have breasts with milk, so I breast fed our babies. I am better at accounting so I do our budget. See where I am going here? The beauty of being a real feminist is not only equal rights but also appreciating the strengths of each gender. The woman who wrote this article starts out all righteous saying she can do everything, she is a female warrior, then she gets sooky that no one offered her assistance. I am raising 3 boys to be polite and courteous. That will include offering up their seat, opening doors for people etc. I will also teach them that if a woman gives them grief for their politeness, that is her issue, not theirs. By the way, how is having road side assist lazy? Paying $80 a year for 6 roadside call outs is called smart, not lazy.