The other day, I was confronted by my past.
A girl I went to high school with in Bathurst left a message on my public Instagram page: “Did you hide behind being a bully too … because of your body image issues? You were so horrible to go to school with.”
This really made me think about my past and what I was like at primary and high school. Yes, this girl was right — I was a bully.
I went to an all-girls high school in the 90s and man, it was bitchy.
There were around 80 of us going through puberty, all in one courtyard. As you can imagine, there were some nasty things that were said and done. I never got to see how boys bully each other, but us girls can really be ‘mean girls’.
I finished high school in 2001 and, to be honest, I’ve put most of it behind me. But clearly the experience is still affecting my old classmate, for which I feel terrible.
During our school years together, I was constantly referred to as ‘the fat loudmouth.’
I was picked on by bullies and it was always about my weight. Maybe it’s a survival technique, but in turn, I was replicating that to her.
I’m not making excuses here, and I’m sure parents and teachers see this cycle over and over.
Listen: Famous Aussies write letters to their high school selves. (Post continues after audio.)
I was just like any other mean girl; I called people names and excluded classmates from our group if they didn’t fit in. I made people feel like s**t because that’s how I was feeling.
For this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things I said at school. I’m sorry for the things I did at school to upset or hurt you or anyone else.
I’m sorry I didn’t understand at the time what effect my actions had on someone else. I’m sorry I bullied her and others.
Maybe I was just following the crowd? Maybe I was just being a bitch? To be honest, I will never understand why I chose to act this way.
I hope one day to be a parent, and if my child comes home and says they’ve been bullied, I’ll at least have some idea of the cycle of this behaviour and I’ll tell them my story.
I’m not proud of it but I cannot change what I did at school, nor can I take away the pain that I caused this girl or anyone else.
But what I can do is tell my story in the hope young people won’t make the same mistake as me.
I’m proud of the person I am today and I wish I knew then what I know now. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?
Heidi Anderson is a radio host on hit92.9’s Heidi, Will & Woody show. To follow Heidi’s adventures, or get in touch, visit www.realheidi.com.
Top Comments
I was bullied at school too, i never in turn bullied another girl. I felt really uncomfortable reading this. I'm not sure if it was written to help others or more to justify a comment that made her look less then ideal to her fans. I'm sorry, but I'm so over people "realising" later in life what a bully they were in High School....you knew what you were doing at the time and I'm sure you know what your doing now in the workplace.
I was bullied at school and it left me with life-long scars.
The alpha girls' group would be my 'friends' one month and then target me the next. This cycle continued as it was a small primary school and I really wanted to be accepted. They fixed on my search for acceptance, and over a year or two, made my life hell.
High school arrived and either there were more bullying choices or the group broke up. Either way, I wasn't a target anymore.
However, the bullying kicked my self-esteem to pieces and also affected my confidence in choosing friends. Over 50 years have gone by, and I still do not trust my judgement of people. I stay away. It's safer.