I like to think of myself as a reasonable person, I really do.
When it comes to birthday parties, I always chip in my share. I am polite. I come armed with a gift. I like to celebrate and show up for my friends. Which is why when a close friend of mine told me she was celebrating her 30th birthday in style, I was there for it.
The night started at a fancy bar. I proceeded to the bar to buy drinks.
One for me, one for my partner and one for my friend, as birthday etiquette would dictate. I pulled out my credit card, paid for a soda and two espresso martinis and walked over to her as she was flocked by a group of friends who had just arrived.
“Oh, thank you but there’s a bar tab!” she explained as she collected an espresso martini from my hand, “Make sure you use it.”
Nice! I thought to myself. She did the same as more and more people began to arrive.
Still, I didn’t drink all that much as I hadn’t been feeling well all week and my partner was driving, hence the soda. But I thought it was a lovely gesture from my friend.
Soon enough canapés began to zoom around and I was really enjoying the evening.
After a few hours at the bar, drinking and eating, the group moved onto an up market club in the heart of Sydney’s CBD where no expense was spared. There were velvet ropes, a sectioned off area, table service, you name it.
We stayed for one drink, again on the hostess, but my partner and I didn't party into the early hours of the morning like the rest of the group. I was taken aback by the extravagance of the whole thing, but my partner and I had both chipped in for a very expensive gift and after seeing her go all out, we were glad we got her something so nice. It was her 30th, after all.
We said our goodbyes and went home around midnight. The next morning, I woke up to a Facebook message on my phone. I could read the first line or so in preview. "It was so lovely to celebrate with you and Tim last night!..." the message began. That's so kind and thoughtful, she's sending around thank yous to those who came to the party, I thought.
I opened the message to read the rest of it and let her know what a great time we'd had, when the contents of the message left me thinking WTF...
"It was so lovely to celebrate with you and Tim last night! Thank you for your thoughtful gift, I love it. Your portion of the evening comes to $250 for the two of you, if you could please let me know when you've transferred to my bank account I'd really appreciate it. Chat soon xx"
What. The. Hell.
We'd been told the evening was on my friend. We had bought her an expensive gift. I'd even PAID for my first drink and barely had any after that. My partner was drinking sodas. And now I was looking at a bill of $250 with bank account details included? My partner was equally floored.
It was pretty obvious everyone who had attended had received a bill, but we couldn't get our heads around the amount. There was no break down of the cost and it felt as though my friend had just plucked a number that sounded good out of thin air.
This is the point where I need to clarify, I have no problem with paying my share.
What I would've preferred was my friend be upfront if we were expected to chip in, which I would've been more than happy to do. I would've also preferred my partner and I paid our own way, as we were already planning to do. Our night out in no way would have amounted to that price if we were paying for it ourselves as we went.
But not wanting to cause tension, I responded to her message, thanked her for having us and let her know I would tell her once I had made the transfer to her account.
I don't feel like it's a reasonable amount for me to pay, but I also didn't want to make a fuss or cause problems with my friend. To be honest, I found the entire situation a bit bizarre.
Should I pay the bill and suck it up or should I say something to my friend?
What would you do in this situation? Tell us in the comments section below.
We have FIVE $100 gift vouchers up for grabs. Take our survey now for your chance to win.
Top Comments
Let's see, say there were 25 people, each being charged $125 that's $3125, and you drank maybe $25 worth of drinks that you put on the tab and ate half a dozen canapes each at $2 per canape, that's just under $50 - yeah - offer her $50 for your share of the evening, If you had gone out for a 3 course dinner with pre-dinner drinks and coffee you might pay $250 for the two of you but not for some soft-drinks, a few canapes and one or two alcoholic drinks, she is trying to cover a bill that she wasn't expecting and sticking it to the people who are most likely to pay for her.
It's not necessarily either / or here - if she's a good friend, then I'd pay but also say something to her, like it whether you missed a communication from her that people would be contributing to the cost of the evening, and depending on the answer go from there.