By JEN GIACALONE
I’m hanging it up.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m done with feminism.
It’s not working. We’re getting nowhere. In fact it actually seems like we’re going backwards. Someone come confiscate my “Feminist as F*ck” t-shirt, buy me a beekeeper suit and leave me to my new, non-feminist existence which will entail popping out more children and possibly listening to a lot of Katy Perry, who is an avowed non-feminist.
(The woman who dresses her tits up like cupcakes says she is not a feminist, are you surprised?).
Fighting double standards has become worse than passé. In that entire media whore-nado over Miley Cyrus and her VMA spectacle, the only person I saw pointing out that Robin Thicke is actually kind of questionable for grinding his bits on a girl who could be his daughter… was another dude.
Even we in our own circular firing squad of feminism didn’t manage to catch that one, as we were too busy deciding whether to be mad at Miley because she was demeaning herself (maybe) or because she was treating the black women onstage with her like sex dolls (probably) or because “We Can’t Stop” is a mediocre song that has gotten far more play than it deserves (definitely).
The juggernaut of terrible anti-abortion laws just keeps coming despite our best efforts to stop it.State legislatures are in a race to the bottom and still they manage to exceed my expectations.
I’ve stopped saying “It can’t get any worse,” because it’s become a dare. Statutory rape cases like the one in Montana just frustrate and depress me; a 49-year-old male teacher walked away with a 30 day sentence after a supposedly consensual relationship with a 14 year old student ended in her suicide.
I just can’t anymore.
Robin Thicke grinding his bits on a girl who could be his daughterI have arguments with otherwise entirely reasonable people who wonder aloud whether women really take enough responsibility for avoiding rape, that maybe they’re just not careful about what they wear and where they go because women’s sexuality just isn’t the same as men’s, and we don’t understand how hard it is for them to control their penises.
As if every woman in America doesn’t havea list of things in her head that she does to avoid getting raped. As if the staggering 35% of college aged guys who have admitted they would rape someone if they thought they could get away with it are beyond educating. As if we are completely wasting our time hoping for any better.
I love sex, I consider myself pro-sex, and I want to say that women should do whatever the hell they feel like with their vaginas, yet I feel like that’s a pipe dream and that it’s neither safe nor OK to do that. Because it’s not.
You might get photographed and slut-shamed on Twitter. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to avoid the rape threats or the actual rapes or any of the other fun stuff that could go along with that. Though you might just as well expect that kind of treatment for, say, campaigning for Jane Austen to be printed on some money.
And god forbid you are, or have ever been, a woman in or near the sex industry. Men can pay for prostitutes and be back in the saddle after a tearful apology and a few years out of the spotlight. But not the women they patronize. They lose their jobs and careers and lives when that kind of information gets out, even if it was 15 years ago and the woman in question now is a professional with a master’s degree.
So I’m hanging it up. Let Ann Coulter come and take away my 19th Amendment. I don’t need it. I’ll clean house in my burka* and maybe watch re-runs of “The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Damn.” It feels like the entire world is telling me to shut up and I’m tired of fighting it. Y’all can go on without me.
I’m quitting feminism. I mean it.
Except, I can’t.
Every one of the issues that I bring up here is worth an editorial (or several) of its own. Most of them have already been discussed at length in many different venues including this one. Some of them are subjects I myself still have to do some heavy lifting on to sort out a position that makes sense. But deciding that I’m tired and want to lay down my sword is not an option. The world is going to keep kicking me, and us, whether I feel like kicking back or not.
“I know you’re tired of hearing about income inequality. But fuck you, pay us.”Sometimes, when reading the news feels like living in London during the Blitz, it’s hard to remember that just because the opposition is fighting harder, it doesn’t mean they’re winning.
The worst abortion laws are consistently losing in court challenges. Ohio recently passed a law wiping the prostitution records of victims of sex trafficking, a move that in America, disproportionately helps women. Republican Governor and Tony Soprano body double Chris Christie just signed an equal pay law in New Jersey (yes, really).
The percentage of women in Congress, while still pathetically low, is higher than it’s ever been. And female leaders from journalism to politics to business are becoming household names and are standing as examples for ways to be a strong woman in the world.
The Democrats’ current best hope for the presidency in the next election cycle is Hillary Clinton. People are flocking to the banners of Elizabeth Warren and Wendy Davis. PBS has turned The News Hour over to Judy Woodruff and Gwen Ifill.
And I defy you to find one person over the Labor Day Weekend who wasn’t talking about Diana Nyad’s historic swim from Cuba to Florida. When it’s incremental, progress can feel like it’s not happening. When there are a lot of bombs going off, it’s hard to notice that a lot of the flying rocks are not actually hitting you.
So, yeah. I know you’re tired of hearing about rape culture. But I’m tired of my friends getting raped.
I know you’re tired of hearing about abortion. I am too. So stop trying to tell me what to do with my uterus, and I promise you won’t hear another word from me about it.
I know men and women are different from each other. I’m just tired of that fact being used to excuse the inexcusable.
I know you’re tired of hearing about income inequality. But fuck you, pay us.
This is how it works. We get mad, we fight, we get tired, we get mad, we start again. Rinse, repeat. Feminism isn’t without its flaws, and it doesn’t seem able to speak with one voice or crystallize answers on the darker, stickier aspects of human nature and sexuality. But if I may get Rumsfeldian for a minute, this is the army we have. The fight comes to us whether we seek it or not, whether we want it or not, and whether we are ready or not.
So might as well be ready. Ready, and maybe even happy, to die on the hill.
Here’s a gallery of some awesome female celebrities who are feminists:
Prince Harry Joseph Gordon-Levitt, actor and writer Emma Watson, actress and Goodwill Ambassador for UN Women Leighton Meester, actress Beyonce, singer The Dalai Lama Daniel Craig, actor John Legend, singer Lena Dunham, writer and actress Peter Gallagher, actor Rashida Jones, actress Taylor Swift, singer Lauren Jackson, basketballer Penny Wong, senator Caitlan Moran, author Cate Blanchett, actor Michelle Obama, US First Lady Lisa Wilkinson, television presenter Rachel Griffiths, actor Hilary Clinton, Chrissie Swan, radio host and columnist Em Rusciano, comedian/broadcaster Julie Bishop, Minister for Foreign Affairs Georgie Gardner, journalist JK Rowling, author Madonna, singer Kylie Kwong, chef Quentin Bryce, Australia's first female Governor General Meshel Laurie, radio host Missy Higgins, singer Nina Funnell, social commentator Julia Baird, journalist Terri Irwin, TV personality Adele, singer. Ita Buttrose, businesswoman and journalist Tracey Grimshaw, journalist Kate Ellis, federal MP Helen McCabe, editor Lady Gaga, performer Tanya Plibersek, Deputy Leader of the Opposition Sarah Hanson Young, senator Sarah MacDonald, author Leigh Sales, journalist Germaine Greer, author and activist Caroline Overington Betty Friedan, author and activist Liz Broderick, Sex Discrimination Commissioner Julia Gillard, Australia's first female Prime Minister Marieke Hardy, author Anne Summers, author Annabel Crabb, newspaper columnist and commentator Mia Freedman, publisher and author Susan Faludi, author Eva Cox, commentator and activist Mia Freedman, publisher and author Jane Caro, author and commentator Helen Reddy, singer Melinda Tankard-Reist, commentator Miles Franklin, author Susan Ryan, Age Discrimination Commissioner Virginia Haussegger, journalist and author Billie-Jean King, sportswoman and activist Naomi Woolf, author Virginia Woolfe, author
*The burka use here is satirical, it does uphold a problematic cultural habit of it being shorthand for female oppression, so my sincere apologies to anyone I’ve offended with this.
This article was originally published on Women Rise Up Now. It has been republished here with full permission.
Jen Giacalone is a graphic artist, blogger, and co-admin of the Facebook page “Women Rise Up Now”. She lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, with her husband Pier, and two boys, ages six and seven.
Do you identify as a feminist? Why or why not?
Top Comments
Women wonder why men are so sick and tired of feminism. Let me explain. Feminists tend to be white, middle class women. In a western country in the year 2014, white middle class women are some of the most pampered people on the entire planet. Because of this, we don't take seriously your constant whining about how oppressed you are. The world doesn't owe you a living just because you have a vagina. Feminists always go on about how strong, empowered and independent they are. Yet women instigate the vast majority of divorces, and feminists see nothing wrong with a feminised Family Law system which allows women to shag their pool boy and then financially ruin their poor husbands through alimony. Shouldn't an independent, empowered and strong woman have no need to steal her ex husband's money? Feminists call for quotas for cushy public sector positions and board positions, but I am yet to see a feminist complain about how unfair it is that the vast majority of garbage disposal people are men. Where is the demand for quotas in these positions? Isn't is also demeaning to have 'men's' and 'women's' tennis competitions? We are all equal aren't we? Of course, no woman could ever cut it on the tour, so they allow that privilege to remain. So much hypocrisy from the feminists, and men can see straight through it. Also, feminists show a lack of respect for the accomplishments men have made in creating the modern world we live in. Think about, who is mainly responsible for building skyscrapers, planes, even feeding the population? It might not be the comfortable truth for feminists who tend to push papers in offices, but it is largely men who have built civilisation. What about all the men who have fought in wars, and work in dangerous occupations? A bit of respect wouldn't be too much to ask, would it? Now, all this isn't to say that most men aren't reasonable. They absolutely believe that some parts of feminism are most definitely justifiable. Equal pay for equal work. The right for a woman to choose how she lives her life and who she sees or has relations with, etc etc. In 2014, if you don't just a PERSON on their merits - well, you haven't got much of a clue. But when are feminists going to understand that with freedom comes responsibility and consequences for your actions. For example, the ridiculous 'SLUT WALK'. Obviously, it is never acceptable for a man to rape a woman. But if a policeman tells me not to walk into a dodgy area expensively dressed, with Rolex watch and flashing my cash around, isn't that just sound advice? It is never ok for me to be robbed, but I can most definitely limit the chances of myself being a victim if I act like someone with half a brain.
So in summary, men and women are different. They can both be wonderful in their own ways, but being successful, intelligent etc is not unique to one gender. Please stop using feminism as a crutch, because all it does is make men lose respect for women. That is unfortunate to all the intelligent, successful and DECENT women who have made it on their own. That is called TALENT, and is something feminists very rarely seem to have
Not the equal pay furphy again. Other than that it is a great article. I don't like late term abortion, where babies, evidently, are ripped apart, but sadly it is law in this country.
Please, just one instance where a woman in Australia, or America, is paid less than a man, just because she is a woman. Just one.
Women are paid less, on average, than a man, but there are many reasons for that, none of which is the vagina issue.
Also, why are feminists not up in arms that the Labor Party has a quota for women in parliament? Surely, if women need quotas to be given the job, the party is saying that women are inferior to men, hence the leg up.
Same with blacks, homosexuals, even if they are male, the very fact of their colour and sexual orientation requiring them to need a quota to be given a position, means they too are inferior to (other) males.
And why were the feminists up in arms over Abbott's front bench? Isn't that what feminists fought for, equality for all? Where is the equality for all when women must be given a job to reach a quota? Just curious is all.
The burqa comment should not have been satirical. Sadly, very sadly actually, the feminists are very quiet when their sisters are oppressed and abused and treated like cattle, married off at very young ages (the 8yo girl in Yemen who recently died on her wedding night is a perfect example of this abomination), have their clitorises and other labial bits chopped off. Evidently a disgusting culture suppresses their avowed feminist ways, all to avoid causing offence to reprehensible and pathetic males in their male dominated religion and culture. Why are feminists scared to offend males anywhere? Abbott does not get this courtesy, and only a moron would think his supposed misogyny and sexist ways (none of which is true) are worse than the males in the muslim world.
And until feminists do indeed start talking out about it, well, feminism these days is a joke. Same with the black communities, where little girls (and boys) are raped and sodomised, with no protection from those whose job is to protect them.
That is the true shame of Australia. Not Abbott's front bench, where vitriol and scorn issued forth from the feminists, but silence on beautiful children raped and sodomised, and silence on the disgusting way women are treated in that 7th century, barbaric culture.