I joined Facebook when my first child was a baby. I was living in a different state from my family, I’d moved to a suburb away from my friends so I could afford a house, I somehow missed out on mothers’ group and I was taking extended maternity leave from my job.
I didn’t have a village around me. But I did have Facebook.
I never felt that isolation that motherhood can bring. I didn’t drift away from my friends because they were right there, on my computer and on my phone. I could still chat to them about politics and reality TV, in between nappy changes. I got glimpses of music festivals and hot new bars through them, even though I had no hope of getting there, with a baby attached to my breast. I heard about their new jobs and checked out their new boyfriends.
They could see what I was up to. I shared loads of cute baby photos and didn’t feel bad, because I knew they could just scroll past them if they weren’t interested. I talked about the hilarious stuff my kids did. I posted status updates while in labour with my second child and my friends posted encouraging comments. (“Push!”)
I could deal with being at home because it wasn’t just me and a gurgling baby – I was having adult conversations too. I was happy to sit for ages in playgrounds and play centres while my kids clambered around because I could catch up with my friends on my phone. (Yep, that mum checking out Facebook was me.)
Gradually I made friends in my new suburb, although it took a long time to find people I really connected with. Facebook was always there for me, with my old friends. For a mild introvert like me, it was just what I needed to get by.
What the heck is going on with Facebook right now? Cambridge Analytica and the whole ‘data hacking’ scandal explained. Post continues after audio.
I know everyone’s hating on Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg right now. I know Facebook has been sharing information about its users – including, reportedly, with Cambridge Analytica, who allegedly used that info to try to sway the result of the 2016 US election.
Yes, Facebook needs to reassess what it does with its users’ information, and we all need to be aware of how much we’re sharing.
But I can’t hate Facebook. I’m not going to delete Facebook. I know I would have struggled in those first years of motherhood if I didn’t have Facebook.
For that, I will always be grateful.
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Top Comments
Were you really having adult conversations on FB, or just having chats about your kids with adults? Part of the depressing thing about FB is when some of your friends disappear into the baby matrix - it becomes the only thing they talk about.
FB is a relatively staged and deceptive platform.
Anything you did over FB could have been done over email, phone calls and coffee catch-ups. You most likely would have met new people quicker if you got off FB and actually interacted with them (ie at the playgrounds and play centres). Quite possibly you would have enjoyed more quality time with your child and salvaged the privacy of your child at the same time.
If the current FB issues aren't raising alarm bells with people, especially in regard to minors, then what the hell will?!?
I think the number of new Facebook accounts was declining before this anyway. None of kids/teens want to be on the same platform as their parents and I can’t imagine anyone rushing to join after the current events. It’s a giant monster and it will take a while to kill the beast but I think we are seeing the beginning of the end.
I think I, and many others have enough sense to use FB without it affecting our time with family and friends. I do use email, regularly have coffee or other face to face catch up with friends and family as well as phone chats. FB is just another avenue to share and keep in touch. I don't put anything up that would cause me a security risk and use the privacy settings. BUT i am also aware that it's unlikely to be completely private and open to abuse. It's like many other things, people can moderate themselves.
The story specifically states the writer spent her time in parks and playgrounds behind her phone despite wanting to meet new people. Those are missed opportunities to chat to other parents or watch and interact with your child.
As for security - are you aware you also jeopardise the privacy of non-Facebook users with your harmless use? Facebook has the capacity to access all of your contacts etc and set up shadow profiles. Whereby you are exposing people who do not give consent? The consequences of this is far reaching and it’s very naive to think tightening your security in fb is an adequate measure...
You are right about mothers and fathers on phones while their children are playing right in front of them, often trying to get their parent's attention. I have seen it often. They are probably on all sorts of social media, news sites or whatever. This is negative aspect of technology and it's up to people to moderate themselves. No phones at dinner, or when out with children or parents. Boundaries do need to be set. It's quite an anti social thing. But I still find photo sharing etc which i mentioned in previous comment, work better for me than email or drop box; both of which i use for different purposes.
I do agree the security of fb needs addressing and take your point about facebook's capacity to to access information. I suppose because I have never seen any evidence directly it hasn't been a deterrent for me. Hopefully things will change in this area.