My six-year-old son told me last week that some kid at school said, “You have the worst dad in the world because he is in a wheelchair.”
Almost hysterical, he was taking great gasping breaths as he told me.
My son, for the first time, was exposed to the preconceptions surrounding disabled people. And it fractured my heart a little.
In his mind “Dada is stronger than the Hulk”, and he couldn’t understand why someone would say his Dad was anything less than totally awesome.
A little boy saying something mean to my son, allowed me to explain how some people, unfortunately, think negatively about the disabled.
“But why Mama, why do people think those things?”
Good question baby.
The kid actually articulated what a lot of adults also seem to think – disabled people are incapable of looking after themselves, let alone their children.
Disabled people not only have their own autonomy and competence, but also, their parenting capability questioned more frequently than able-bodied people.
“Is he okay to look after the kids?” a woman once asked me right in front of my husband – the children’s father!
When managing his daughter’s epic toddler tantrum, an old lady tried to lift her from his arms, assuming she was more proficient at settling a screaming child than a guy in a wheelchair.
Others have asked me “Is that safe?” motioning to my son sitting on Kev’s lap as he wheels along the footpath.
A lap he has sat upon since infancy.
Years ago, my father in law carried Kev in a backpack, down over slippery beach rock, lost his balance, flipped over backwards and landed upon his infant son. Yet not a soul asked him if that was safe.
Being treated in a patronising manner is part of life for many disabled people, with strangers feeling compelled to push a wheelchair without permission in the belief they are doing a good deed, or spouting condescending comments instead of a simple “How’s it going?” Frequently, people direct questions that should be addressed to Kev over his head to me, such as “Does he need some help?”
Somewhere they seem to have forgotten disabled people are just ordinary people.
Children learn from watching the actions and hearing the opinions of adults. It is important that they learn to treat others the way they would like to be treated, not how they feel they should treat people because someone may be watching, or worse, may not be watching.
Having a disabled parent can teach children understanding, compassion and empathy, about diversity, and that yes, sometimes life is hard. A parent succeeding despite obstacles demonstrates resilience, teaches strength of character, and gives kids a profound appreciation for a strong and healthy body, which helps foster a realistic body image.
Children with a disabled mum or dad understand that disabled people are just normal people, worthy of respect. And respect is something seriously lacking in our society today when the President of the United States thinks it’s okay to mock the disabled.
There may be limitations on their abilities, as there are on all parents abilities, but every disabled parent I know would drag themselves across the floor, if required, to get their kid a sandwich, use their teeth to hold a kid’s backpack on their lap as they wheel them to school, and do whatever else is necessary to give everything they can to their children.
The wheelchair dance group that will blow your Beyonce mind. Post continues...
Yes my husband is in a wheelchair, but he takes our kids camping, skiing and mountain biking. He teaches them about the natural world, space and astrophysics, buys them milkshakes if they ride their bikes all the way to the BMX track and back, and reads stories with a silly voice at bedtime.
But above all he loves them deeply and is always there for them.
It’s true that he might not do well in the schoolyard “My dad can run faster than your dad” competitions, but providing a lap for resting weary little legs is a pretty special gift.
And that’s something able-bodied parents just can’t do.
This post originally appeared on Broken, Emma White's blog about relationships, travel, life and spinal injuries. It was republished here with full permission.
Emma White is the author of Broken, you can buy the book here.
Top Comments
The beginning of another generation thinking that it's ok to discriminate based upon disability. I would be talking to the child's parents and turn this into an educational experience for him. Behaviour and attitude are generally learned from their role models. For those interested, abc2 aired a documentary called "the ugly face of disability hate crime" that talked a lot about these perceptions and disability based hate crime. The sad fact is that this is the beginning of that kid potentially growing up to be someone who thinks it's ok to discriminate and even commit hate crimes.
I think that's a bit of a stretch. Id talk to the school as there is obviously a bit of education needs to be done around people with disabilities
That goes without saying about talking to the school. Any sort of discrimination is not ok and usually a learned behaviour. And maybe, just maybe, the parents will learn something too
I understand that the author feels defensive and wants to educate people about disabilities but calling a child a brat is too low. He's a child! He's still learning about the world and all the different people who live in it. You cannot expect a child of that age to understand the complexities of being disabled and to be able to rationalise everything that they experience at that age. The anger and frustration would be better directed towards adults who should know better but instead of anger it should be education. Tolerance and understanding needs to work both ways.