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It’s not often Australia gets the hero we so deeply deserve.
But on this season of Married At First Sight that’s exactly what we got.
Her name is Cyrell and she likes to smash fruit bowls and yell “I AIN’T SCARED OF YOU BRUTHA” at unsuspecting security personnel.
Sometimes she feeds her fake husband chicken feet and giggles a lot, and sometimes she kicks off at dinner parties because there be cheatin’ scandals that need to be exposed.
On Sunday night’s episode of MAFS, Cyrell and her fake husband Nic chose to leave the experiment.
With their departure went all the fruit bowl smashing goodness from the show. Now, all we’re left with is Jessika with a k and Dan with the thick neck doin’ a cheat. And Trish saying “intimacy” a lot.
Here’s all the hilarious things Cyrell did this season:
1. She stopped swearing in front of the food.
During her wedding episode, when Cyrell and her brother Ivan were fighting over the fact she was going to fake marry a stranger on TV, their mum interrupted and said…
“DON’T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE FOOD.”
And they… stopped swearing in front of the food.
2. She waxed Nic’s butt and giggled… a lot.
During ‘yes week’, Nic made Cyrell wax his butt as… punishment. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
She loved it.
Never has anyone giggled so much while waxing the back, crack and sack of someone they met two weeks ago and married for no logical reason.
3. Then she fed him chicken feet and a goose egg.
Nic then made Cyrell wear a maids outfit while she cooked him traditional Filipino food.
Being the hilarious bogan of all our dreams, she did a sneak and gave him chicken feet curry for the main and a goose egg for dessert.
It made her giggle… a lot.
She spilled her wine all over herself. And possibly peed her pants a little.
4. She started sh*t at the dinner party.
When Elizabeth refused to get upset about her fake husband cheating on her with someone else's fake wife, she convinced her that kicking off was exactly the right thing to do.
"Think about how stupid Bronson looks right and also how entertaining this will be for the rest of us."
5. She told Sam he "ain't King Dingaling".
During a particularly heated commitment ceremony, Cyrell told Sam he "ain't King Dingaling".
No truer words have ever been spoken.
No man has ever needed to be told you "ain't King Dingaling" more than Sam.
6. She smashed a fruit bowl.
When Martha told Nic that Jessika said Nic had "touched her leg" during a dinner party, Cyrell did what Cyrell does best.
She kicked off.
She stormed down to Martha's room and confronted her while she was wearing a face mask.
She did a yell and then a grab of Martha's dressing gown.
When that didn't get her message across she smashed a fruit bowl.
After that, she packed up all her things and went and sat in the gutter because it was hard for her.
7. She started sh*t at the dinner party... again.
During last week's dinner party, after Cyrell got a whiff of a second cheating scandal, she decided to start some more sh*t.
She did a yell at Jessika for wanting to bang someone else's husband and then tried to blow the whole scandal open.
However, because it was coming from fruit-bowl smashing Cyrell, no one really believed her.
And Jessika with a k and Dan with the thick neck, continued to do a cheat behind their respective spouses' backs.
8. She walked away from the experiment loving herself more than ever.
On Sunday night's episode, when Cyrell and Nic both chose to leave the experiment, Cyrell explained that she had learned some stuff about herself.
She told the experts she had learnt that smashing fruit bowls on national telly is silly and so is... violence.
But she also said she wouldn't change who she is and what she said because she was "surrounded by fake personalities".
"Really, in real life, I don't go and lash out like that," she explained. "From the beginning of this experiment, I've been a woman of my word and anything that ever comes out of my mouth, whether it's brutal or nasty, it comes from my heart."
In the end Cyrell chose... Cyrell.
"I didn't find love in this experiment, but I'll tell you one thing, I've never loved myself more than I do right now," she said.
This might just be the beginning of John Aiken's most successful match to date.
Top Comments
After countless hours rewinding and reviewing the contestants from MAFS, The Bachelor and the The Bacheorette. I've finally made my choice.
Whoever (whomever) has the best eyebrows, mascara and eye shadow gets my tick of approval - I don't care if they are mean to puppies, orphans or kittens.
What an odd way of framing the actions of a woman who assaulted someone, was needlessly loud, angry, aggressive and thoroughly unlikable.
'The hero we so deeply deserve'? She was revolting.