It’s official: Beach sex gets you nothing except sand in your privates and a place on the sex offender’s register.
Last July, Jose Caballero and Elissa Alvarez had sex on a beach in Florida for nearly 30 minutes in broad daylight as dozens of people watched. The two then fell asleep for hours before waking to publicly start to sex it up again.
Earlier this month they were convicted of the brilliantly named crime of lewd and lascivious exhibition for having sex in public, including in front of a 3-year-old child.
Now Elissa has been sentenced by a judge who has decided that the time she has served in jail already is sufficient – but she will now be placed on a Sex Offender Register.
Outside the court, her defence barrister said,”We have a 20-year-old young lady who made some poor choices and the consequences, which she never, ever intended; she never intended for this to hurt anybody, for any children to be involved — and now she has to live with this the rest of her life.”
Obviously, it was a surprise to her that there might be kids on the beach during the day. But let’s put it in perspective, she could have been jailed for 15 years…
Her lawyer continued: “She’s been designated a sex offender so for the rest of her life, as it stands now, she has to report and be treated as a child molester.”
Ouch.
So that’s the lesson here, people. If you do it in front of kids, you may be treated like a sex offender.
Previously, Mamamia wrote…
This couple were caught – on camera – having sex on the beach.
In the middle of the day.
Surrounded by families.
Not even under a towel.
Just all… out there.
Because shame is officially dead.
Image via Fox News
Elissa Alvarez and Jose Caballero decided to spend a lovely day soaking up some rays on a popular (and crowded) beach. But it didn’t take long for Elissa and Jose to decide that building sandcastles is for chumps, so they did the next best thing to do on a beach filled with families and kids: Have sex. Sex each other. Sex it up. Touch special places. Bump uglies. Put the salami in the doughnut. Etc.
A witness told Fox News: “The beach was full of families, and it’s like they thought that nobody was there but them.”
Apparently they lasted about 25 minutes, before taking a very satisfied nap that lasted a few hours. “We literally wondered if they were dead,” the witness said (who apparently didn’t bother to check).
Luckily the couple were alive and well, and they soon got up and went for a quick dip, before coming back to the sand and beginning Round Two of sexy times.
At least, they attempted to begin Round Two, but were finally stopped by a parent who had seen about enough peen for one day. She kept their private parts separated until police arrived, who arrested the couple.
Here’s Jose doing a handcuffed walk of shame in thong/budgie smuggler hybrid:
And here’s the video (don’t even try to pretend like you don’t want to watch it):
So… yeah. That’s pretty much where the human race is at now.
Over to you now… What’s the most outrageous place you’ve had sex?
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Top Comments
I was in a hostel and a couple decided to bonk even though they were in a shared dorm. Their friend was asleep and they must have thought I was too. I heard everything and it was sooo awkward. I didn't even want to admit I could hear them. I didn't know what to do and it was late at night so why should I have to leave the room!? I wish they were more respectful and went to the bathroom or a park because they weren't quiet. They might have been drunk but they knew what they were doing and they should have just paid $5 more to get a private room. They left very early the next morning, I'm sure they knew they were loud and although they didn't care in the night I think they were ashamed to see anyone the morning after. I would have liked to flick the light on or take photos to shame them into stopping. But I was scared they'd go off at me and say I was jealous or whatever. I can only assume that passion and alcohol consumed them. I couldn't do it, privacy is precious but maybe they get off on people being in the same room, they're young and obviously don't care/think it"s a joke
What were they on and what is wrong with these people??
Good job that they she is on the sex offender Register!