I’ve spent a lot of time at public pools this school holidays. My kids have improved their swimming skills. I’ve checked out some very interesting tattoos. We’ve had to avoid certain pools because of the odd “code brown”, but at least we haven’t been stung by jellyfish. It’s been mostly fun.
But there are always a couple of people who push the boundaries of what’s acceptable at a public pool. There was the woman I saw feeding her baby granddaughter while the baby was floating in a swim ring in the water. Come on, now. I also have an issue with kids who repeatedly sneeze in the pool. You’ve just got to hope that the chlorine is doing its job.
My biggest problem has been with not-so-young boys in women’s change rooms. I don’t object to this in itself. I wouldn’t send my son on his own into a men’s change room until I felt he was old enough to deal with anything that might happen, because you just can’t be too careful with kids and unrelated adults. But if your son, who’s eight or whatever, is going to come into the women’s change rooms at a public pool, I ask you one thing. Tell him not to stare at women getting changed.
I’m not particularly self-conscious. I don’t mind pulling off my wet swimsuit in an open change room and pulling on my dry clothes. But that’s because the other women, in general, are not sitting there and staring at me while I’m doing it. We’re all just getting changed and getting out of there.
Twice, recently, while I’ve been in the women’s change rooms, there’s been another mum who has brought her children in, and one of them has been a boy. Both times, I’m guessing that boy has been about seven or eight. Both times, that boy has sat and stared at me – and most probably other women – while I’ve been changing. One time the boy had a big grin on his face.
Sure, I could grab my clothes and go and change in some wet shower cubicle or unhygienic toilet, but I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to.
On This Glorious Mess, the creator of the Kids Alive campaign, Laurie Lawrence, shares his best advice for keeping kids safe around water this summer. Post continues below…
There’s an unspoken etiquette in change rooms, and that is that you don’t stare. Of course, you can’t help catching sight of other people’s naked bodies. But no one should be made to feel like their bodies are on public display, just because they’re in a change room.
Look, I understand why mums bring their not-so-young sons with them. Sometimes the family change rooms have a long queue, and some pools don’t have family change rooms at all. And, of course, protecting kids from paedophiles has to be everyone’s top priority. But please, if you’re going to bring your son with you, just have a quick word to him beforehand. Like, “Most people don’t like being stared at while they’re naked, OK?” Or maybe hand him your phone and let him play Fortnite for the few minutes that you’re all in there.
I’m not prudish. I’m all for people being comfortable with nudity. But it’s the staring I have an issue with. If I feel uncomfortable about being stared at and grinned at while I’m changing, I’m sure other girls and women do as well.
Would you have a problem with being stared at in a change room? Let us know in the comments.
Top Comments
I would not be bothered much by being stared at.I am used to it because i don;t look like or dress like most people, i got long purple hair and wear lots of makeup.Plus i have been a stage dancer.So i expect looking and some unfiltered mannerisms.I ignore them.If anyone smiled i would take it as a compliment.Everyone in a changing room is too busy changing to be concerned about what others are doing
Kinda feel like the reason the child might also be staring is because nudity is an oddity and he (or she) is interested in the novelty of the naked human body. Might be a good idea if we ALL relaxed on that issue and educated our kids about bodies and all the rules around their bodies. By telling a kid not to stare, you're just making it more mysterious. And more tempting to stare when you're not looking. And you're going against the grain of what kids are supposed to do: learn about their worlds.
Introducing a child to body parts, their names, and purposes, and making sure he sees them on men and women is the perfect way to introduce him to concepts like "my body, my say" or "ask, don't assume." This helps protect them from predators. My son, who just turned four, can tell you a lot about female anatomy and even menstruation--more than some adult men can. It's not a mystery to him. He doesn't seek it out, except in talking to me in our home because he knows I'll give him straightforward answers and we will laugh (because seriously, your body sets up a home of blood that delivers food and water and air EVERY month and then when no baby comes to visit, it just washes the whole thing out and starts over on the chance a baby will stop by NEXT month? how silly and ridiculous is THAT?) and he doesn't expect anything from other women (staring, touching, etc.). He knows the knowledge isn't forbidden nor the sight, so going into a locker room or bathroom isn't a big deal. He's more likely to be fascinated by the woman's backpack, frankly.