by LISA LINTERN
I am a mother; therefore I must be dumb. Well, that’s what everyone keeps trying to tell me, right?
I got my first hint when I returned to work after becoming a mother.
“Don’t call yourself a ‘working mum’. They won’t take you seriously. You have to be professional at work and calling yourself a ‘working mum’ isn’t very professional,” was the advice given to me by a senior female executive.
Followed up by this: “Don’t tell anyone you have to leave work early to be with your kids. Trust me. Make something up – you, your partner, your dog – but never ever say it’s your kids.” I wrote about this before here.
Yep. Seems being a mum in the workplace doesn’t do much for your credibility. Best sit quietly and listen to the blokes talk sport (of which I might also have an opinion, but that doesn’t really count because I’m just a girl, right Campo?).
Then I started to write a blog and became part of an online community. An online community routinely ridiculed for being “self-centred bored housewives exploiting their children for cash because they can’t be bothered to go and get a real job”.
Because that’s why we do it, us mummy bloggers. Lazy…the lot of us. Oh, and the free washing powder, because we’re all desperate for the free stuff. And we only ever write about nappies and cupcakes too, because that’s all we’re capable of having an opinion on. No political or social commentary here thanks. We’re mummy bloggers.
Fortunately the good folk on ABC’s Media Watch set things straight about us mummy bloggers, especially when they gave some of Australia’s most talented bloggers those shrill bimbo-esque voiceovers.
And whatever you do, don’t mention the words mummy bloggers over the meeting table to those online experts at work. It’s enough to make their heads spin and spew green bile all over the meeting room walls.
Meanwhile it’s also been suggested that I shouldn’t use photos of my kids as my Facebook profile because that’s just lame. And at dinner parties I must suppress any urge to discuss the pressures of parenting alongside political and social issues because I might bore everyone, especially the men in the room.
Sigh.
Why is it in so many areas of our lives we are encouraged to conceal our motherhood like it’s something to be ashamed of?
Never mind that being a mother is the hardest, most demanding thing I’ve ever done. I’ve worked on some hairy corporate projects in my time, but nothing compares to the stress of negotiating a shopping mall with two children under the age of three.
Never mind that my productivity skyrocketed when I became a mother. I may not have as much time on my hands as I used to, but when I do work, I work hard and fast to produce the most productively rich hours possible. Long lunches or chats over coffee are a thing of the past for me.
Never mind that when I do sit down to work during those childfree hours my mind is fertile with ideas, because damn it, this is my chance to engage my brain in something other than taking the sheets off the washing line.
Never mind that the mummy bloggers I read are actually talented storytellers who even sometimes write about stuff other than “life behind the wheel of a pram”. I know. Shocking.
Never mind that I’ve witnessed social media brilliance from some of these mummy bloggers that would give some so-called online experts a run for their money, while costing less to produce than an advertising guru’s morning coffee.
Never mind that I’m deliriously proud that my children are a major part of my identity and if I’m doing a good job pulling off this bloody hard mothering business, well then I’m going to sing it from the Facebook roof, sister.
Never mind that if some of those blokes at the dinner party listened to my rant about parental pressures they might see how they could help ease the burden their own partners might feel as they attempt to juggle motherhood and work. Or fatherhood and work. Whatever the situation. Whoever the primary carer.
Never mind that we keep banging on about the importance of good parenting to support a healthy society…and yet for some reason we don’t want to talk about the gritty detail, or come up with any real solutions to help us all fulfill our parenting roles as best we can.
Never mind all that.
Because I’m a mum and clearly for some people that makes me dumb. So I should just keep quiet.
Lisa Lintern is finding her own voice as a freelance writer and on her blog Melodramatic Me while running a corporate communications business. She is also a deliriously proud mum.You can follow her on Twitter here.
What do you think? Do you have kids? Have you ever felt like you’ve had to conceal the fact that you’re a mother from other people?
Top Comments
I have two young children & a career (part time for now).
Balancing work & 'the rest' is a challenge, but I've recently realized that complaining about how 'hard' it is is disempowering and exposes my lack of perspective.
I feel more competent, more in control & infinitely more satisfied when I think differently about my experience as a mother with a career - I'm grateful for my two healthy kids, I'm grateful for the activism that has meant I can pursue a meaningful career as a woman, grateful to have been born in Australia & been able to access an quality education etc etc
Being a Mum is rewarding, challenging & stimulating. Having a career is rewarding, challenging & stimulating. I'm infinitely grateful to be lucky enough to experience both & I hope my daughter, when she grows up, feels equally empowered about doing both if that is what fits best for her in her life.
i had fertility issues.... so had to go on meds and finally had my baby after a long time of uncertainty and stress trying to conceive.
I wanted her so much in my life and felt blessed when she arrived. I was totally ready to have a baby a long time of waiting and praying. But despite feeling so happy and grateful to have her in my life, I found adjusting to motherhood hard. Particularly early on. I felt like I couldn't admit that to anyone because of judgement. I own it - it was my decision to have a baby, but I think I have the right to be honest and say it's hard, I am struggling. Because it was the reality. Ok, so some people don't find it hard - but really I think heaps of people do. And being able to say it was hard and not beat myself up for it because and get support really helped my mental state. What I find hard about these discussions is that we can be so judgemental. Everyone's experience is different. I don't think motherhood is the hardest job in the world. I would still say it is hard - particularly to do it well and balance it with other parts of your life. And I think whether or not you find it hard depends on you and your baby. I was a perfectionistic person, who was too self-crtical, and would get consumed by the guilt of everything. My baby also had a "spirited temperament" (as described by the maternal health nurse) and so was not easy to manage. Motherhood is a journey - and I am finding it easier because I'm changing my ways to be more relaxed and understand my baby in a different way. It's a learning experience that evolves and changes. It might be easy at some points, harder at others. You might have an easy baby, but a difficult teenager. Your primary aged child might get really sick, but you might have a healthy baby. This will affect your life differently. Different stages and different experiences.