Let’s be real: this week wasn’t really a week.
The last five episodes have purely served Channel Nine to show us how DELICIOUS McDonald’s is. And how REGULARLY the contestants eat it. And how much it FUELS the hard working muscly men. And how it has TEA and SALADS for the people who own fallopian tubes (women… I mean women).
Anyway, #seamlessproductplacement aside, we’re here because I promised to do this Block recap every week, and forgot that “spare bedroom week” is a thing. For the record, “spare bedroom week” should not be a thing. Namely because people give zero shits about spare bedrooms. Contestants and producers and Scott Cam included.
Especially considering most riveting thing to happen was Ronnie deciding what breakfast wrap he wanted. I wish I was kidding.
If contestants are getting bored/going to the movies/deciding to do other rooms at the same time, IT SHOULDN'T BE A WEEK. I mean, we have some couples doing ensuites and walk-in robes this week, and others just... not.
It's a bloody mess.
In better news, Turtleneck Judge clearly got my memo and is back in his necessary uniform. Thank gawd.
Okay, to ~ze room reveals~
Sticks and Wombat: 26.5/30
You guys, I don't know if you got the memo, but MEN are decorating this house. ACTUAL MEN! With their dangly bits and hairy limbs and testosterone and everything. The judges find it important they remind us of this every time they step into a room by Sticks and Wombat. Because MEN.
As science has shown us since the dawn of time, only women have the DNA that allows for the selection of artwork, throw cushions and blankets, making Sticks and Wombat positively mind-boggling.
How did they... make the bed? Aren't their hands too... big for that? How do they know... which colours look nice together? Didn't their... doodles get in the way?
It's all very confusing, and probably explains why they came last, if I'm honest.
Click through for Sticks and Wombat's spare bedroom:
Sarah and Jason: 27/30
I really enjoyed Jason calling Sarah "just to say I love you" this week. Aside from that, I remember very little about their spare bedroom journey.
OH WAIT. People kept calling their choice of wall colour "daring" and "brave" and "a risk". Despite the fact their wall was, well, it was grey. More specifically, a slightly darker shade of grey than we're used to.
:') they're so brave.
Their room's cool, and I'm thrilled they didn't end up going for that heinous beetle design. I swear the wallpaper delivery people didn't actually eff up the order, they just didn't bring the beetle paper as a favour.
I'm told Sarah and Jason's new wallpaper is supposed to be "flowers". Instead, it resembles what I'd imagine swine flu to look like under a microscope.
I really, really like it.
Click through for Sarah and Jason's spare bedroom:
Hannah and Clint: 27/30
Of one thing we can be certain: Hannah and Clint deserve a magical pony and to be made national treasures. They had a terribly hard week, but still managed to finish their room and I refuse to make fun of them because they're officially the underdog of the competition and are going to do this in memory of Clint's grandfather and PLEASE GOD MY HEART HURTS LET THEM WIN AT LEAST ONE WEEK.
Their room was lovely. It was bloody lovely. Shaynna even said they dressed their bedside tables well, which as we know, is an extremely vital life skill everyone should master before they reach middle age. Bedside table dressing is of the utmost importance.
Hannah and Clint 4eva.
Click through for Clint and Hannah's spare bedroom:
Elyse and Josh: 27.5/30
Elyse and Josh are those people you really don't want to like because they're actually flawless and it's extremely annoying but they're also super nice and delightful people and it's utterly selfish and I just don't like it. I need an excuse to hate them, okay? I NEED AN EXCUSE.
They're like... the sun. I don't want to keep looking at Elyse's face because it kind of hurts my soul and makes me feel like a potato and makes my boyfriend question my sexuality but I can't look away because she's like a surfing bogan goddess with the hair of an angel.
Ahem. Back to their spare bedroom.
I don't know if my comprehension skills are poor, but Le Vogue Judge said their room "has bags of personality... through the plantation shutters" and my brain hurts.
While all that was going on, Turtleneck was vigorously rubbing the bed head. Don't ask questions.
The room was also called "utterly perfect"... despite not receiving a single 10.
Click through for Elyse and Josh's spare bedroom:
Ronnie and Georgia: 28/30
These two are actually just taking the piss now. They're TOO GOOD at this.
I have nothing to say, other than the judges jizzed over their "ceiling rose" and “industrial style lamps that have a little hint of 1930s about them".
Sadly, their curtain rail looked like a peasant should own it, and that's why they didn't get a perfect score. For shame.
Click through to see Ronnie and Georgia's spare bedroom...
Until next week, ya filthy animals!
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