by RICK MORTON
Last year after recovering from the deep shock to my system that starting work at Mamamia induced (it’s an office full of huggers, there was always going to be an adjustment period) I wrote a post about the things I’ve learned working for a women’s website.
1. Women can sustain multiple conversations at once.
I work in a room with three women around me who have been known, on occasion, to maintain conversations over Twitter, phone and in person. Simultaneously. It’s like working at the stock exchange just before close. Not only can they do this but they can also remember what was being said, with a degree of smugness that is admittedly earned. In the rare moments when I am distracted by cleverly captioned dinosaur pictures on the Internet I can never remember the slice of conversation I missed. Indeed, sometimes I wake up several hours later on the side of the road wondering what happened.
2. They can also talk about anything. Anything.
That’s actually the whole point of Mamamia, the fact that we can talk about anything and everything without ever being too serious or too flippant. But even I was surprised after I first started, having put the finishing touches on my Libya cheat sheet to find we were also posting about the Great Wall of Vagina. On the same day. Apart from staring at a litany of vagina post-its on our planning wall, this is remarkably OK.
3. The MM crew have memories like elephants.
Seriously. “Oh Rick, do you remember 18 Wednesdays ago and you said you’d write this piece? No? It was about 10.37am in the morning and you were wearing a pink tie at a 35 degree lean. It clashed with everything you were wearing. Yeah, that one!” Don’t be fooled by the apparent lack of consciousness when you’re talking to them. That’s just because they are busy carving out neural pathways so they can remember every tiny detail about what you just said so it can be used against you in the future. They really should have read me my Miranda Rights when I started here. I have the right to remain silent, but anything I say can and will be used…
4. (Most) women have no personal boundaries.
They say sharing is caring. Which is all well and good if you have a sultana bun and your co-worker is hungry, but not so good if they’re discussing somebody’s sex life with all the forensic class of a romance-less anthropologist. This is the kind of information they share with each other and so, rightly or wrongly, they demand it of me. “Do you have a boyfriend Rick? Why do you not have a boyfriend Rick? When was the last time you had a boyfriend? Why is the sky blue? Why are you never allowed to go back to that zoo again?”
I’d prefer to just talk about Syria, to be frank.
Phew. None of that has changed!
But I’ve learned some other things too.
5. I have almost (almost) learned to love tangents. An editorial meeting here can start out planning the day and end up with Mia on Google showing us a weird image search she’d stumbled on to the night before. Our editorial meetings can end up resembling Drunk YouTube night at a college party, but I’ve learned to accept that.
6. The people that bring you Mamamia are the best. They are bonkers. They are quirky. They are stupidly aware of what makes a good conversation. They work hard. Hard. And I have learned a decade’s worth of knowledge from them in little more than a year.
So the thing is, I’m leaving. Barricade your hearts, fortify your emotions. This is going to be as hard for me as that time I had to let the magpie go back into the wild even though I’d named him and there was a stiff breeze.
I’ve decided to go back to my roots and have taken a new job … which I’m unable to announce publicly yet! Safe to say I’m beyond excited and particularly looking forward to the break I will get between now and July.
I’m going to take the longest holiday I’ve had since I started full-time work at the age of 17 (three weeks!) and do what approximately 1.25 billion other people in the world are doing: write some more of a book.
I will miss these colourful halls, but a new adventure awaits.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
In the extremely unlikely event that you wish to keep in touch with Rick, you can follow him on Twitter here or find him on Instagram (rickofawesome) where he posts pictures of silly and insignificant things.







Comments
169 Comments so far
Oh my god, i totally missed this was his ‘ciao’ post?!?
Sad.face
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Miss you sooooo much already Rick…
Your charm and witty way with words always brightened up my day. MM is just not the same without you!
Good luck xx
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I followed you here a I shall follow you anywhere!
Best of luck Rickus xx
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you’ll be sadly missed Rick
But you were meant for far better things than this forum. Best of luck for your future
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Oh bugger, Rick! I have such a girly squee when you comment on my posts
I’ll miss your fabulousness and your exquisite turns of phrase.
Best of luck. Splitter!!
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Only just heard the news – loved your sense of humour and your snappy turn of phrase Rick – good luck with everything.
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Ric… we already miss you! i seem to be a non-commenting reader EXCEPT for one time on one of your posts… i had to make it two times so I could say bye to you! you’ll be seriously missed, but I hope your new adventure fills your heart with excitement, a good amount of fear and pure joy! all the luck in the world – not that you’d need it with your talent
xxxxx
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Found this thread a bit too late – I too wonder at the decision to kind of bury the news here…I think a hearty farewell should have been in order, and I don’t think I am alone in this thought.
Best of luck in your endeavours, Rick – this place won’t be quite the same!
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Cant believe it. I’ve had to search to find this after seeing it in best and worst. All the best, I want to know where you are working next so I can follow you – stalker!!!! (I mean on the interweb..) Xx
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I don’t post often but I’m an avid reader (I blame MM for my lack of productivity!) but this certainly warrants a post. I’ll miss your articles, comments and wit Rick! Best of luck in your next venture – and enjoy your holiday!
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Whatttt?!?! How could I have missed this when it was first published? Rick you are one of the BEST writers that mamamia had and very sad to see you leave. Much luck to you in the future and especially with your book. You enjoy your holiday and hopefully you’ll still continue to contribute sporadically to the site???? Please say yes?
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Nooooo!!!
Are you guys mad for letting this one get away???
And very discreet about his departure. Don’t blame you very unpopular decision!!
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All the best, Rick. I’d love to think the book is a fabulous expose of what REALLY goes on at MM – but suspect you’re too much of a gentleman.
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Farewell Rick! Will miss your witty repartee here at MM but am very excited to read your book. You know it will be a best seller because everyone here will be sure to buy it. Good luck with your new adventure!!
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Me too. Rick you made this site so special. Massive loss for MM. Big things for you ahead.
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I missed this post too and came via link from another story!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RICK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
We all love you…I can’t bear to see you go
Good luck…she says begrudgingly.
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Can’t believe I missed this post and came to it via a link.
All I can think of is …NOOOOOOOOOO!
Rick, so sad you’re going. You’ve been such a fantastic addition to the mamamia team, but good luck and congratulations on your next adventure. Hope I get to read more of your writing in the future.
From one of your many dedicated fans.
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Rick, I am so sorry to hear you are leaving. I loved your version of the news each morning and I loved to read the comments in that section too.
Thank you so much for the great Coal Seam Gas post you did. Even though it was not a popular post, I was so happy you took the time to delve into, and construct a very well written piece so that we could all have an understanding of it.
Good luck in your next adventure!
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I read this post but didn’t read the bottom.
I can’t believe you’re leaving us Rick. Wwwwwhhhhyyyyyyy? I am so sad.
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How bizarre is this?! I can’t believe I only read about this because someone posted the link on another page.
Just let it be known that this is a real shame. Please, MM, please find a new male to fit in. A male to balance it out a little. That would be great!
I really felt a bit gutted reading the news… But I am sure Rick is off to do some wonderful things! I truly will miss his input. I could say more words of admiration but I don’t want to appear creepy
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Oh Rick I missed this post! Here’s me thinking I know enough about women! So sorry you are leaving, I always cracked a smile or two reading your work. Best of luck in the big wide world!
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Oh I missed this post too. Sorry to see you go Rick! All the best on your future endeavours!
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I can’t believe I missed this post. Rick, I am truly sorry to see you leave Mamamia. Your posts have brightened me up on more occasions than I can count. You had such talent for tackling prejudice and ignorance with comedic flair but a definite foundation of immense intelligence and insight. Mamamia was lucky to have you as long as they did and I consider myself lucky to have enjoyed your writing.
Be sure to let us know when that book is ready. I’ll pre-order. Good luck xo
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Rick, I’ll truly miss you on MM. Your writing was really what kept me coming back – so witty, funny and relatable. I can’t express how much I adore you! I too wish there’d been more notice that you were leaving; only found out by a link provided by another reader in the comments. I wish you all the best, can’t wait for your book
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Aw, Rick, I do hope this means we will get that book of yours soon and that you will be embarking on some real, serious journalism. I have said it before, but I do think you are one of the most talented and engaging writers on this site. I don’t buy into the conspiracy about your departure being suss – it is clear that there are bigger things in your future. There is nothing wrong with writing for MM, but you are so young and there is a whole world of writing out there. You’d be selling yourself short if you didn’t grab other opportunities with both hands see where the wind takes you. I seriously doubt the team at MM would have expected someone with your ability to stick around for years when you have dreams to pursue. Mia has followed hers and I am sure she is thrilled that you are following yours. All the best… I want an autographed copy of your book when it comes out please X
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Rick. Gone?
*Gutted*
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I missed this article and only found out about Rick’s departure through a link from another story! Despite the protests from Mia and staff I smell a rat. And from reading all 136 comments it seems I’m not the only one. Why not just tell it like it really is? I think your loyal readers deserve better.
And if Rick didn’t want a huge send off maybe HE should comment to that effect.
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What? What? Wait, What?
Rick you have been a gem of a man to have around, thanks for all your funny one liners in the comments as well as your articles. Good luck!!
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What? I can’t believe it! Why was this not placed more PROMINENTLY WITH IMPORTANCE? How did I miss it? Rick has been such a valuable part of this site, I can’t believe it can just be mentioned like that and then poof! He’s off! Good luck Rick and looking forward to hearing about your new adventure! Don’t forget to pop over here occasionally… *sniff*
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I agree! Can’t believe I missed this last week. Gutted
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Nooooooooo!!!
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You stop reading MM for a few days, and look what happens! I can’t believe I missed this.
Rick, you are the highlight of my MM reading and I will miss your delightful writings here, but wish you all the best for your new adventure – hopefully your writing will be coming to us asap in a new form.
You sure can turn a phrase – keep it up, sir. We are all hanging out for the book. xx
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Oh, Rick – sad news for all of us that you’re leaving MM – and sad for all those MM colleagues as well!
But – wherever you go, may the road rise to meet you … !
I hope your leaving party is a blast, with heaps of fish!
xx
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Best of luck Rick. I will really miss your witty articles, you have brought a giggle to my day on many occassions. And I am so pleased you are a fellow introvert!
Like so many others who have commented, I nearly missed your announcement which I think is a real shame as I am sure many of your readers have missed the opportunity to say good bye.
Onwards and upwards, I think you are destined for big things.
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Oh, sad. I’ll miss your pieces, Rick, so I hope your work pops up somewhere else soon, or your book does – if you’re doing something a bit tangential yourself. You’ve definitely grown on me, in the nicest possible way. A happy Introvert is a beautiful thing.
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Rick I feel your proud sibling. Actually, seeing as I am Very Old and you are just a baby, Proud Mum might be more apt. I don’t know you, I’ve never met you but because I’m one of the many who have followed you and all your bizarre aliases (purple mongoose et al) on twitter for what seems like an eternity, you do indeed feel like part of my circle of friends. Creepy, I know.
Your words – whether they be in the form of a 1000 word post or a 140 character tweet – never cease to engage, enlighten, or provoke thought and debate. You have such a gift.
Don’t ever stop doing what you do. Can’t wait to hear what you’ve got on the horizon. Or what on earth you’re going to call your book. Best of luck Rick xxx
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No!!!! Rick you’re a good egg, no you’re a great egg.
Good luck!
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I’ve only just read this post and I have to say I’m surprised and sad to think that Rick will no longer be on MM.
I wish you all the best for your future, it is obvious you will have a great career. You will be missed.
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Bye Rick
( Best of luck in whatever you are doing next..
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I have a sneaking suspicion that Rick is on to bigger and better things (not that Mamamia is small or bad!), so I can’t help but feel this a happy occasion. I am confident that this is not the last we’ll hear of Rick Morton and I look forward to seeing what big things the future has to offer. Congratulations & good luck!
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I am SO GLAD I clicked on this post or I wouldn’t have known you were going! How cheeky of you, Rick! Your articles are always excellent and engaging, and I love that you interact with all of the readers (even the doober-heads). I’ll miss reading your posts, hurry up with that book! It can sit next to Mia’s on my book shelf. Best of luck for your next adventure, you’ll be great x
ps. Look out for a new Instagram friend! Apologies in advance for the 200000 pics of my puppy in a variety of tints
pps. If there’s a job opening at Mamamia, I can be there on Monday…
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Rick.. it feels a bit silly saying goodbye knowing that I’ll still be texting you ridiculous memes all the time, but here I am. We’ll miss you, your words and your delicious-smelling spag bol lunches. xxx
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Really? Well damn! I love reading what you write and will miss you madly. Congratulations and I hope your new job offers you all you wish and much more.
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Rick, I am devastated! I feel like you are one of my besties! (Promise I’m not a stalker!!) I love reading everything you write. I can’t wait to see what is next in store for you. xxxx
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Aww crap
I’ll really miss your posts Rick and take on the news. Some good, intelligent and often heartfelt writing. That book will be a cracker
Have a good holiday mate. You’ve left behind some very big shoes to fill.
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all the best Rick!! You are a superstar!! Can’t wait to follow you wherever you go and read your bestselling novel
your writing will never go out of style my friend xxx
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Awwww
I hope you do some more pieces cos I love your writing! But congratulations on the job and wish you the best of luck.
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Ach, conspiracy theories rule! Sometimes, people see an exciting opportunity somewhere else and are brave enough and ready enough to take a leap!! And leave us…..and we all need to move along, in sorrow or in joy. And not blame them for going or those who couldn’t keep them in one place. So thanks and good luck with the next adventure Rick…….
And good luck to Lana, too. I’ve loved your work, and meeting you in Central Park is still one of my special NYC moments!!
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But…but…you’re IRREPLACEABLE! *sniff
Please find some time for the occasional post, won’t you?
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Rick – thrilled that we managed to get at least one fab day working together. Always sad when good things come to an end but you have so much excitement and achievements ahead of you – we will all be watching with interest! I can’t wait to see you bring your love of the Jurassic to the big wide world my dear. Xxxx
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Good luck with the new venture, Rick. MM will not be the same without you.. ;-(
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