My daughter’s sexy-dancing at seven and I don’t know who to blame.
I could blame music videos, although she barely sees them.
I could blame those bump-and-grind dance classes, but she doesn’t go to them.
I could blame her friends, but when I see them together, they are much more likely to be running and swimming and climbing stuff than gyrating.
I’m sure it’s someone’s fault.
“Where did she get that from?” is a question every parent likes to ask, loudly, when their kid does something they’re not comfortable with. Swearing. Talking back. Saying they’d like to punch Donald Trump. Swinging their bum around like a seasoned pole dancer.
Watching my girl dancing solo around the living room, having the time of her life, I am tormented by one of my most tedious companions – feminist parenting angst. Like a million other mothers, I worry about my daughter becoming “sexualised” too soon.
I don’t want her to be taught that “hotness” is a woman’s most-valuable currency. I don’t want her to be preoccupied with being a recipient of an approving male gaze when she should be focusing on pulling up that maths performance and, you know, learning to tie her shoes.
But hey, maybe that’s just how she dances. Wiggling your bum feels great, right?
While our children are small, we parents love to think we can control everything they do and say and wear and think. We are hyper-aware of them being exposed to any stuff that doesn’t fit with our view of the world, anything that clashes with our “values”.
Tracey Spicer voiced many, many mothers frustrations about this yesterday in a Fairfax column called Why Do Men Think It’s Okay to Comment On My Pre-Teen Daughter’s Looks? In it, Spicer recounted a conversation between herself, her 10-year-old daughter and an acquaintance at a barbecue.
Top Comments
i often sang "baby's got back" at the age of about 10-11. kids love the word butt!
You know what? I find that guy at the BBQ's comment off (and unusual) and it doesn't even have a little barb in it for me.
From my observations, it's mostly the women in my daughters' environment that are sexualising them, or rather, teaching them that beauty is to be coveted and of prime importance.
As a man, I'm very careful to distance myself from any hint of impropriety towards girls and young women. There's no way in the world that I (or my friends) would have made such a comment to a young girl.
I actually have to counter or supplement the comments made by my daughters' female relatives to try and give them an alternate viewpoint of their self-worth. Their girlfriends teach them the booty moves. I can't think of many instances when an adult male (or any age) has complimented or mentioned their looks, but I can think of many, many comments from female friends and relatives.
That's certainly true of my experience growing up - it was always my female relative and family friends who commented on my appearance, not the men. And that 20-25 years ago before people were so quick to accuse men of "impropriety" as you put it! It was my mother who made me feel like my appearance was highly important and compared me to others. I know she didn't mean any harm, but it was my father who always made me feel more valued for my personal qualities.
I agree. I have a very tall and thin daughter and it's always my mothers friends (age 55plus) commenting on how she's going to have a lovely figure, she's lucky to be so skinny etc etc..... now my daughter is 8!!!!!!!!!! I get very very cross and defensive about such comments (luckily them seem to have got the messsge now)
Yes, that was definitely my experience. It was the women in my life who made me so self-conscious
*"geez, your dad is gonna have a hard time when you're a teenager!" when I was about 8
*"ooh, she's growing little boobies already!" when I was 10
*"not sure she's got the legs for shorts" when I was 13
and many more examples. I can't recall anything like that from any men.