What do men look for in a partner?
It was an unfortunate coincidence that I had my furniture epiphany at roughly the same time that my husband sat down to watch the Rugby. We’d bought a new table and it just wasn’t in the right place, I needed to move a few things around.
As the words “Do you think you could give me a hand shifting this furniture…” made their way out of my mouth, I realized just how ridiculous the timing of my request was. With a look of disbelief my husband looked at the Rugby and looked back at me. He looked at the Rugby again and then said “unless you plan on moving the furniture while naked, you must know that you have no hope of getting my attention right now”.
I knew he was telling the truth, he really wanted to watch the Rugby and getting naked was the only thing that would have distracted him.
While doing my weekend scan of the newspapers I discovered this little article about what men really want from women. I don’t usually bother with these sorts of headlines (I read enough Cleo/Cosmo magazines in the 90′s) but I was interested that the information was compiled by a research company. It was going to be presented at the Australian Market and Social Research Conference in Sydney over the weekend.
Within the first paragraph of the story I was told the shocking news that men “are highly attracted to nice breasts and a cute backside”.
Who knew?!
The second point of the article was that it was possible that “they (men) have matured through political correctness and have been socialised not to say everything they think”.
Get out of town!
Were they telling me that for all of those years in my twenties, while I stood at bars and men told me I had pretty eyes and a lovely smile, it was possible they were just trying to get me in to bed?!
It was truly ground breaking research.
I am a 42 year old mother of 4. I have breastfed 4 babies and my exercise regime involves walking my children to their classrooms, pushing a shopping trolley through the supermarket a couple of times a week and very sporadic visits to the gym. In a nutshell, I am of average size (12 -14) with wobbly bits. My boobs have seen better days, my upper arms wave with me when I say goodbye and my thighs and I are no longer on speaking terms.
Having shared this with you, I can also honestly say, if I was to ring my husband right now and suggest he meet me in a hotel room near the office, he would possibly sprint down the stairs of his high rise, rather than wait for the elevator to get there. My wobbly bits don’t seem to bother him.
Thankfully, halfway through the article, I was to learn that men also valued traits such as togetherness, honesty, respect, a sense of humour and friendship (they’d just like you to have great boobs and a nice bum as well).
Really?
Having worked in the bar of a Football Club, I’ve heard some pretty atrocious comments made about women by men, but I also think it’s safe to say that most men when making a long term decision on love, aren’t just thinking about the DD’s. I did a quick survey on my male friends and asked how or why they chose their partner. Unsurprisingly, not one of them stated the number one reason as “she had a great set of jugs”.
When it comes to choosing a mate, I think we can give the blokes a bit more credit. We all know that most men (particularly heterosexual men) appreciate the female form, but when it comes to finding a long term mate, a mutual love of travel, an interest in home renovation and “she liked fishing as much as I did” were all reasons supplied by my male friends. And, yes I know, according to the research my mates are just saying that because they have been raised in a world of political correctness. I’d like to give them a bit more credit than that.
When it comes to my husband, whether I’ve been big, small, pregnant or in bed with a nasty head cold, the relationship has pretty much stayed the same. Some days we don’t like each other very much, but for the most part we’re best friends. And, even better friends when I’m naked.
Do we give men enough credit? Do you really think that men and women are looking for different things in their partners?
Comments
72 Comments so far
I’ve always had a “type” tall ie; 6″3 or more!!! Chunky, heavy build.
I’ve been seeing the loveliest man for the past couple of weeks who is nothing like this. He’s great. It’s great being with him.
There is so so much more than body type… men who are good and kind and respectful. Thank God I’ve finally learnt this!!!
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My ex liked my bum . It makes me a bit sad seeing women here saying that their men want them no matter what and when they see them naked they want them too and can’t get enough of them . In the end my ex wouldn’t even touch me . And I tried , even begged . How pathetic . Just shows me that there are men out there who desire their partners .
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I’m in the same position Buttercup, though we’re still married! I’m hoping it’s just male PND……..
I reckon if I was to ring my husband and say we meet in a hotel room, he’d first have a go at me for spending money, then ask why the hell we’d want to do that when we’ve got a perfectly fine house and the dogs would be left home alone.
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Great fun, Kirsty – agree 100%. As does my husband who once described lust not as a deadly sin, but as a vital sign
(needless to say, a shared sense of humour is also important!)
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Oh Kirsty you are one of my favourite writers on here! I laughed and nodded all the way through your post.
What do men want? I have no idea! This may or may not be the reason I’m still single haha. I was talking to my friend the other day about men being confused about whether to approach girls or not.
It has been a long time since I have been asked out on a date. Most girls can get sex, no problem – just make friends with someone at the local pub and you’ll be dancing buddies in no time. But an actually date? Whatever happened to those…
Then I thought maybe guys want girls to ask THEM out. Turns out no they don’t as the guy is supposed to enjoy ‘the chase’ and that’s the way it should roll (according to these dating books anyway!)
So I am well and truly f*cked because I have no clue what young men want in a woman.
Someone enlighten me please.
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Love your writing kirsty! Hilarious…
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Do women not watch rugby? In the states that follow AFL, the woman would be just as likely to be watching the football too.
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I’m an AFL supporter but I married a Rugby person. He’d have a hard time getting me away from the TV if it was an AFL game, naked possibly wouldn’t work.
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Men are attracted to nice breasts and cute backsides !
Get out of this city !
I found this to be true at a very early urge…
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I remember once being in Officeworks once and seeing the most DIVINE man with red hair. It’s not something that you usually seek out in men but this guy was just HOT. He looked like a redheaded James Dean, all in black leather and fresh off his motorbike…. I was mesmerised. I still think about him sometimes when people diss redheaded men – like, ha! If only you knew.
The point of this story is that you can think you have a type, but ultimately sometimes someone catches your eye for any number of reasons. An unusual hair colour, a cute smile, lovely eyes…
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I’m married to a sexy red head… He looks like the red head dr from greys
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ooooo that guy is one sexy hunk of man!
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I dated a red-headed guy once who was incredibly handsome and had the most beautiful (in a masculine way) body I’ve ever seen (in my bedroom).
He was very sexy.
Maybe it was the same guy?! There couldn’t be 2 of them, could there? haha
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David wenham. I rest my case.
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I’m currently in lust with a tall red head. My type is short & dark. But I think in realiy our “type” is more personality than looks.
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Ideal man: Blond, brown eyes, fit, non smoker, keen dancer
Hubby of 9 years: dark hair, blue eyes, smoker, 120kg when we met, cannot drag him onto the dance floor.
I told him this when we started going out, and how much I love him and how hot I think he is.. Just goes to show.
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who says men being “highly attracted to nice breasts and a cute backside” doesn’t stay true but vary from man to man on what their preference for breasts and backside actually is?
“Nice” and “Cute” don’t tell me large or small – they tell me eyes of the beholder likes them.
Men prefer a woman who is confident with her body, no matter what shape it comes in. Boys might still like plastic toys.
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I agree. It’s interesting how many “boob men” end up partnered with women who feel they are lacking in the boob department. I’ve just had a think about what my “type” would be, I’m not sure if I have one? I’m not in to the “beefcake’ look. I wonder why?
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I think it’s more a case of at first they were attracted to you for whatever trait (juggs, bum, legs, eyes) and then found there is more to you than that and the reasons they stay with you change.
Much like women attraction does first come with looks, luckily what we all think is good looking varies hence we all end up with different sized and shaped partners, then it’s the humour and everything else that convinces us to stay.
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this may seem very shallow i know and i know everyone is different and their tastes in women and men vary but i’m just really curious about this topic. In your past relationships etc. have all your boyfriends/girlfriends been a certain type or looked a certain way? All tall? all brunette? and if so is this because its your preference or just because its worked out that way? Im in my 20s so things are probably a bit different with gen y but everyone i know usually has a quite a specific preference…. eg. one of my guy friends is highly attracted to blondes, as soon as he see’s blonde hair in a crowd he zones in for a better look….regardless of height/weight/face etc. my brother on the other hand only goes for very petite girls…. thin, below 5 foot 2, small frame. every girl he goes out with has the exact same figure regardless of hair, face, style etc. Just curious to hear your thoughts and if its different through the various ages/generations….
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I’m 21 and I never go for the same type twice. I don’t really know anyone who does either, my friends dating history is so eclectic, it could be a blonde tradey one day, a dark haired professional the next.
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I’m 24 and my visual taste definitely various, but the personalities I date are all the same. However a friend of mine has not and will not ever date a blonde.
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No, my three serious relationships have been with someone with dark hair, skin and eyes, someone with white blond hair and blue eyes and now my dark blond, green eyed hubby. Different builds too.
Some guys do seem to have a certain type, but I think for the most part we’re pretty flexible with finding different people attractive for different reasons.
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Your friends and brother’s (and your?) taste might change with time.
Or not.
Depends on whether you/your friends want to find a deeper connection than the physical one you’re probably after at the moment?
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Anon to Anonymous, I have to comment here. My son is pre-teens and girls to him are pretty or cute. He likes blondes more than brunettes and a pretty face with a great smile. Really! He only looks like the outer shell at the moment. My thinking is that it all starts superficially and as men mature so do their requirements where a woman is concerned. The looks may have been important but over time the personality and connectedness to one another become more so….ok so perhaps it takes until they get into their 30s and then some
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My boyfriends have been completely different (one a stud red-head)… However I remember taking a photo of a guy last year (I’m a photographer) and thinking he was super good looking.
I happened to see the photo again recently and noticed how similar he looked to my current man.
I think if you fall head over heels for someone you think their look is the most beautiful…
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My husband and my ex are both very similar physically, just not personality and temperamentally, thankfully. So much so that people think my son (to my ex) resembles my hubby. We often don’t bother to correct people anymore.
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I love asking couples how they met and how they knew it was “right”. Thanks to you my new question will be “do you have a type” – actually that might be a great MM piece?! Can I do that one next Lana?
When I first met my husband it wasn’t an immediate thing and I remember a friend telling me he wasn’t my “type” (that friend ended up being the MC at our wedding).
I can tell you the exact moment the attraction came with my husband, we were at a dinner party and he said something that really struck a chord with me and that was it. We were together from then on.
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My current and ex husband share the same birthday.
And I always go out the oldest one in a family of four. I only just realised this recently Bizarre!
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Looks may attract but personality keeps
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Yes, looks may attract and personality keeps but sadly if you don’t have the right look it won’t matter what your personality/character/intelligence is.
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This might come as a shock, but we men are NO WHERE NEAR as obssessed with how you girls look as you are yourselves. Just look at this site, and think of what proportion of posts have a theme related to body image , god give us a loyal woman with real curves that enjoys having sex with us, and we are happy as pigs in mud. It must be exhausting being a woman and being so controlled by this tripe, and for why? We love and lust you regardless, and just want the same in return
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I believe that, my boyfriend is just as you describe. As long as he gets to see me naked, he’s happy.
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“We love and lust you regardless, and just want the same in return.”
Awwww… meltdown moment
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It’s great that you say that but I am doubtful. I have been with so many men who want a size 8-10! They are so selective and critical.
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That Barbie doll looks like Kate Ritchie.
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Give men some credit, absolutely. Sometimes I have wished my hubbie cared MORE about my looks. When I go to the trouble of losing weight its “oh, have you, didn’t notice. You always look pretty good to me”
In fact, I think I’m much more shallow than he is. His love and desire for me has always been unconditional to whether I fat or thin, depressed or grumpy. I feel pretty fortunate.
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I agree, I have been married for 40 years and my husband says the same thing, or he comments that I look nice after i have told him I have lost weight. We met because we were interested in the same sport, which we haven’t played in 25 years.
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I’ve just turned 20, so the ‘men’ I deal with get as much credit as they deserve. Most of them are met in clubs, which are disgusting, can’t stand that. Time to try some new venues and perhaps a little older?
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Don’t give up hope on clubs and pubs just yet! I just turned 21 and I met my boyfriend at a pub when I was 19. He’s the best man I’ve ever met. Before him I met a few nice guys, and a few losers, whilst out. Wherever you go, there will be both types, a nicer venue unfortunately doesn’t mean better quality guys in my experience.
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Met my hubby in a bar when I was 23! There ARE diamonds in the rough.
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My hubby and I had a discussion about this not long ago and his view was that when guys are not ready to settle down they go for a more ‘obvious’ look but when they’re ready to settle down they go for the more wholesome looking girl who they would like to take home to mum. Therefore the same guy can like totally different types of girls, depending on what he’s looking for!
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You are hilarious!
I’m fairly sure my bare midriff in 1995 didn’t hurt when hooking my now husband. But if he was only interested in that, and that only, he wouldn’t stick around because let’s face it, 3 kids in, I am not the same as I was 16 years ago.
I’d like to say it’s the intellectual conversation I bombard him with, but I think it comes down to whether you can hack each other on a day to day basis because in all honesty, you stop looking at each other. It is nice to remember to do that from time to time.
I love your writing K x More please.
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‘Can you hack each other on a daily basis?’ Vintage Bern. But should be in everybody’s vows.
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are you inside my head? are we long lost twins?
i could have written this. well actually i couldn’t have as i am not much of a writer but i relate so much to this.
thanks for a brill post
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My thoughts exactly. Only difference is my husband doesn’t want me to like ‘fishing’ (or in his case ‘golf’) as much as he does. This is one of the few things he gets to enjoy on his own with his mates.
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Does anyone really think that there is a “one-size-fits-all” answer to what men want? Or what women want? Why don’t we just work on the theory that each person is an individual and may or may not want what other people claim they do?
Even if you declare that all men/women want an attractive partner the way individuals define ‘attractive’ will vary wildly. There is nothing wrong with that. I agree that we should give guys more credit – but I think that we should all give ourselves more credit and stop trying to define “what men want?”
Maybe we can think about what individuals want, and more particularly whether we want the same things or are able to provide what the other person wants.
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I couldn’t agree more. Here we are in 2011 and people are still presenting “research” on what men really wanted. You said it perfectly “we should all give ourselves more credit”
As a mother of daughters it worries me that even though I think both of my girls are smart enough to take information like this with the proverbial pinch of salt – the message of boys just wanting tight buns and good set of jugs is out there.
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I asked my partner what got his attention when we met. His answer my smile then my eyes then my boobs. I know he loves me no matter what I look like. He has been there when I have vomited, he held my hand before surgery and was waiting for me when I was wheeled out of recovery. No matter how I ‘think’ I look I know that by the time we go to bed I will have slapped his hand away from my ass at least 5 times and lets not even begin to count the boob grabs. I’m not a size 8, haven’t been since I was 15 but the minute clothes come off for any reason I know he is looking at me wondering when he can get me into bed. How do I know this … he gets a look in his eye that I call his dirty look and says lets go to bed lol
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Love this article and agree with it all wholeheartedly. If theres body issues in my marriage its my own issues with myself, my husband loves every bit of me wobbly or not
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Most of my experiences with men, particularly my husband, have been negative so unfortunately I can’t really comment.
But I’m looking forward to seeing everyone else’s responses!
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I can’t believe someone as nice as you won’t meet someone nice one day…hang in there cupcake!
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Awwwww thanks John
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I don’t want thanks…just bring me cupcakes!
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I’m going to try making Cookie Monster cupcakes. So they will be cupcakes AND chocolate chip cookies.
Is that ok?
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Why are you single?
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women have negative experiences with men no matter what they look like – or how much they might compare to society’s current ideals.
Putting on a bit of weight and stopping bleaching my brunette hair, I’ve noticed that the quality of man I attract has improved. More substance, usually.
I don’t want to attract men who are attracted to Barbie types now that I’m looking for someone to settle down with and start a family with.
Good luck to both of us, Cupcake, they’re out there waiting to meet us!
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Same! I’ve had some horrid ones. My friend just on formed me I do hAve a “type” manly men who all seem to be aggressive! Not what I want at all!
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I’m hearing you Cupcake! (HUGS)
I’ve come to the conclusion (After more bad experiences then good) men make great mates, colleagues and lovers, sometimes. LOL.
But as life partners? I don’t think so anymore.. :/
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Same here Cuppy. All my experiences with men have been negative. My ex-husband didn’t like me putting on weight, even when pregnant, and would make horrible cutting comments. All his girlfriends before me had been small and thin. I realised later that he had a lot of personal body hang ups himself.
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Kirsty I’m with you – I don’t think we give guys enough credit.
Sure, like women, I’m sure physical attraction has a lot to do with the initial stages of a relationship (but even then my partner said he picked me out of a crowd of my girlfriends even though they’re taller, bigger boobs etc – he though I was the ‘cutest’ (sweet!)) but when it comes to sticking around long term, my partner mentions that he loves that I’m not ‘high maintenance’ (ie that don’t take 10 hours to get ready to leave the house), that I’m easy going, get along with his friends and family, that I’m hardworking and we have the same values re family, relationships etc.
And he’d jump me even if I had the flu on a fat day. Bless.
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haha – what’s the response when you have the flu though? Mine would be thanks but feck off.
Maybe just feck off.
;D
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“Having shared this with you, I can also honestly say, if I was to ring my husband right now and suggest he meet me in a hotel room near the office, he would possibly sprint down the stairs of his high rise, rather than wait for the elevator to get there. ” LOVE IT! More positive stories like this please – give men some credit.
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I’m with R because she’s my best friend…my soul-mate, if you like…she’s 63, so some of her wobbly bits are a bit wobblier than they used to be, but when she asks me how old she looks, I have to honestly say “I don’t know”. To me, she looks the same way she did when I first met her 19 years ago. I can’t/don’t see her aging…
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JJ I said it before.. you are a gem. You must have a single brother or friend hiding away that you would like to share with a pocket rocket Ossieleo..
It is my dream and inspiration to have a man say this about me. Maybe one day x
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…my brother (who IS NOT AnIdleDad) is married and 66…so, maybe out of reach…
I have 4 nephews…one is Gay, 2 are in relationships…so there’s one left…but he’s a ginger…and given that he’s in his late 30s and still single, maybe not the kind to commit…
sorry…
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JJ, you make my heart glad. Have just hooked up with somebody 15 years younger and SO worried that he’s going to look at me one day and think me a hag. So it really doesn’t matter?
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Nope, doesn’t matter…if he’s the one, he’ll just keep seeing “you” the person, and not “you” the age…
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lol..so you’re ruling him out for being a ginge. glad to know im not the only person with a no gingers policy (although it didn’t work – my current lovely b/f is ‘auburn’)
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Awww, come on guys… I have red hair and was reading this thread with a lovely, warm, squishy feeling until I got to your ‘no gingers’ policy- BAM. You might get all defensive and think it’s ‘just in good fun’ but I’m sure not having fun anymore. If this means I lack a sense of humour, I don’t care, because I’m just so exasperated that gingers are the default whipping boys nowadays.
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I love gingers! I wish there were more lovely auburn lads around where I am
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Awwwwwww. Just. Gorgeous.
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