Mia Freedman
by MIA FREEDMAN
This week I heard two pieces of news. One made me happy, the other sad and the strength of both emotions was unexpected.
The first news broke via a sharp in-take of breath from a co-worker. “Oh!” she gasped while looking at Twitter. “Jennifer Aniston is engaged!”
Involuntarily, I clasped my hands together in a weird kind of hybrid clap/prayer. “Oh!” I repeated. “That’s awesome!” As the news quickly circulated, small squeals and yelps could be heard each time it reached another woman in the office.
Our joy was genuine and there was something else there too: relief. “Thank God!” exclaimed one. “Finally!” exclaimed another. We all nodded and beamed. Wait, stop.
What an absurd reaction from people who know nothing about Jennifer Aniston’s life except for what we read and imagine in our heads and maybe talk about over wine with our girlfriends and sometimes our mothers ever since 2005 when her then-husband Brad Pitt ran off with Angelina and they established their photogenic rainbow family with astonishing speed.
That. There, I said it. Yes, I am relieved that Jennifer is engaged because I’ve been worried about her on and off for seven years. Reading that sentence back just now, I do sound a lot like a crazy person. I’ll cop that. So will my husband with whom I’ve never discussed Jennifer Aniston because he would have little to contribute.
To confirm this, I asked him this week if he’d thought about her since The Divorce. Puzzled silence. “No. Why would you?” Top question. Seriously, I can’t quite identify why so many women reacted to Jennifer Aniston’s engagement with a “Yay! Phew!”. Why am I emotionally invested in someone I’ve never met?
Jennifer doesn’t even want my investment. For seven years in 1000 interviews she’s tried gamely to knock the ghosts of Brad and Angelina off her lap. And yet they’re still there, obscuring our vision of a 43 year old woman who swears she’s content. NO REALLY.
While Brad’s narrative has moved at whiplash pace Aniston has been typecast as The Sad Girl in a movie called “Why Can’t This Woman Get A Man?” despite insisting she doesn’t need one to complete her.“If I’m the emblem for ‘This is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting on with her life,’ then so be it.” she shrugged in 2009. “It’s fine. I can take it. I can make fun of myself.” Later that year she added, “I have a really great relationship with myself and that’s a lifelong process. I have a great job, a great family and great friends. I have my health and I love what I do.”
In 2010, there was this: “I think it’s about really finding that person that means something and not settling. There are a lot of single people who are as happy as a lark. There are a lot of married people not as thrilled as they would like to be.” And in 2011, this: “I’m really happy,” she told People magazine. “Really!” Just a few months ago, her patience wore thin: “It’s very narrow-minded, I think. [Being unmarried] doesn’t measure the level of my happiness or success in my life or my achievements.”
Damn straight. Writer Sarah Wilson deals with this perception constantly. “When you’re 38 everyone worries about your being single.” she told blogger Gala Darling last week. “Seriously, I get asked almost every day: ‘Why do you think you’re single?’ It’s part concern, part a sociological enquiry. People find it odd that someone can be happily, robustly, independently single. From my POV, to be 38 and single and happy with it, you have to keep defining your life on your own and being confident in it…”
Helen Gurley Brown
My single friends are awesome. They know who they are. Their lives are full. They’re loved by friends and family. And yet, do I hope they will find romantic love? I do. Because sharing your life with someone in that way is lovely.
As one of my single friends says, “I’m only interested in someone who adds value to my life, not takes it away.” And so it should be. In it’s purest, most healthy form, romantic love is not about completing or transforming something but enhancing it.
Which brings me to this week’s second piece of emotive news: the death of Helen Gurley Brown, founder of Cosmopolitan magazine and someone I did actually know in real life. She was 90 years old and the world is a little less vibrant without her in it.
Helen literally wrote the book that changed a generation’s perception of single women and sparked a revolution in 1962. Sex & The Single Girl sold millions of copies, became the blueprint for Cosmo and was based on Helen’s one revolutionary idea: women can be happy in their lives and enjoy sex even if they’re not married. “…if you’re single and 33, you don’t have to go to the Grand Canyon and throw yourself in.” she famously stated. “Don’t use men to get what you want in life – - get it for yourself.” It’s a message that’s still potent 50 years later and one Jennifer Aniston would wholeheartedly endorse as she celebrates her engagement. Congratulations. And Vale Helen Gurley Brown.
Some of our favourite unmarried celebrities include:
Tracey Grimshaw
You can also check out the Jennifer Aniston/Justin Theroux love story in pictures over at our sister site iVillage here.
Why do we find it so hard to believe someone who is single when they say they’re happy?
Comments
154 Comments so far
I think it’s important to spend time out of a relationship so that you can refocus and remember who you are, but secretly I think most people are just waiting to share their life with someone
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A lot of the women in your gallery are in relationships or have just come out of long term relationships…
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Couple of years ago i was thinking, no, i can’t be single and happy! One relationship later, i’m seriously loving being single. Like a lot of people say, i dont want to be single forever, but i know i won’t. A few years of it will do though!
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Although I am in a happy and loving relationship, I know deep down that I could absolutely be this happy if I was single. I am with my partner because we love each other and he adds to my life, not because I am scared of being alone.
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I JUST REALISED I AM A HYPOCRITE OF MASSIVE PROPORTIONS!
I harp on and on about the fabulous single girl. My mantra is single? No worries you can still be fabulous, fun, sexy, popular and adored!
BUT then when I think of the single man above 40 or 50 I picture a ciggie-yielding derelict, in a pub perched below the dog races wolf whistling women who walk past on the street.
I know this is horribly sexist of me. Just thought I’d confess…
I do know some lovely single 40 something men and none pertain to this view so I know I’m crazy!
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this article is ok but.. We’re not in the ’50s and it’s not fair or reasonable that we still associate the words single and childless with unhappiness. i’m honestly tired of discussions (not only on mamamia) of this kind..such as “is it possible to be single and happy?” or “childless and happy”. Not everyone has the same dreams and/or life does not go according to plan sometimes. And if a woman is single or childless we shuoldn’t even be talking about it..
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Totally agree. In regards to my previous comment, circa 1890′s we might’ve seen the headline ” Is it really possible to masturbate and be happy?” -or earlier still – “Is it really possible to only have one husband and be happy?” – or maybe even “Is it really possible to be gay and be happy?” The list could go on, and on…
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It wasn’t all that long ago – even into the 20th Century- that women with a healthy libido, who happened to enjoy fantasising and masturbating were diagnosed with “nymphomania” and had their clitorises removed, or were institutionalised my medical doctors. The worst part about this story is that many women were subjecting themselves to clitoridectomies VOLUNTARILY, so unhappy and desperate were they to cure themselves of this shameful “condition”.
In the same way, singledom does seem to bring unhappiness to people, not necessarily because of a physiological need for romantic love, but because society has politely suggested that singles SHOULD be unhappy.
In years to come, unhappiness over being single might seem as silly as unhappiness over a vivid imagination and a fantastic self-stimulated orgasm
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Well said! Very interesting and relevant KcJan.
To me, the only unhappiness in singledom is other people who are coupled up (for now, might I add) sticking their uninvited opinion, noses and judgements into what is ‘wrong’ with you.
There is something wrong with people who think that there is something wrong with being single. People in relationships that feel sad for, sorry for or pity single people – that says more about them than the single person. I hope that they don’t end up in divorce courts and single again because they’d have a major melt down.
I have found that if you’re happy and secure in yourself, you can be happy either way, and also happy for and respectful of other people’s choices.
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Unfortunately for many women, especially in their 30′s it is not a choice to be single.
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Unfortunately for many women, especially in their 40s and 50s, it is not a choice to be married – but they are economically bound.
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Sign of weakness.
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Mia, I share your joy that Jennifer Aniston is engaged, but not your relief. I am happy when I hear about anyone celebrating a “happy” event – engagement, wedding, birth, anniversary, dream job, new house….the list goes on.
I’m surprised by the comments on this article. It seems like a lot of people think that you can be happy single or happy as part of a couple, and we all have to choose.
I’ve been single pretty much all of my adult life, and I confidently say that I am very happy. Would I be happy in a loving relationship? Undoubtedly. Would I be happier than when I’m single? Probably not. It’s just a different life.
Yes, we all know women who are single and wish they weren’t. First, that doesn’t mean we all feel the same. Second, it doesn’t mean they are miserable with their entire life. Do you think that someone who is upset that their job doesn’t pay as much as they want, or who hasn’t found the perfect apartment yet, is automatically unhappy with their life? No? So why assume that someone (particularly a woman) who wants a partner and children must be unhappy without them?
Third, women can be happily single AND looking for a partner at the same time. I would like to find a partner to share my life with, but until that happens I am still happy. I like to compare it to the lottery. I can increase my chances by buying more tickets (meeting more people), but at the end of the day it is out of my control. My life would be better if I won a million dollars (found a husband), but it can be (and is) pretty damn good without it. I would like to find a partner, but if I don’t, my life is not a failure.
Have a listen to Beccy Cole’s “Single Girl Blues” – always makes me feel good!
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There is such thing as being single and happy.
It really depends on you as a person.
I find when I am unhappy with myself on the inside I place much more importance on finding someone.
When I am happy with myself, my job, my friends and my outlook on life I am much more content being single.
I think if I was single I’d feel angry that people viewed me with pity. If I’m happy and have a great job and fantastic friends then why should I put up with your pity over me?
I am in a relationship now but it happened naturally, not because I was unhappy with myself and desperate to fill the void.
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Had been single for 10 years until I recently started dating someone. I was extraordinarily happy as a single woman in my 30′s. I still have no urge to procreate, no urge to marry, I am taking this new relationship one day at a time and I know that if it doesn’t work it won’t be the end of my life because I will just go back to enjoying being single. Different strokes for different folks. Enough with the judgement. I know single women who desperately want to meet someone, I know single women who are just as happy as I was being single. I know people in relationships who are unhappy and people in relationships who are exceedingly happy. It’s just life.
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E—xactly! None of us know how long we get in this life… so make the best of your situation and health and enjoy it every day
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I don’t know anyone who cares at all about Jennifer Aniston getting married (or being single, or whatever).
I was happy and single, now happy and married – as long as you’re happy, who cares. And if you think someone is just ‘pretending’ to be happy? Why does that matter to you?! What, you want them to be crying all the time?
Also – r.e. all those people who look at single older women and worry about their ‘clock ticking’ – think about those women you know who don’t want kids. They don’t have a clock – so don’t assume everyone does!
I believe women can be single and happy – the only thing is when people say they ‘prefer’ being single – if you could find the right person, I dont think you would prefer being single. I think you could have your exact same life, but with someone else as well
The only thing I prefer about being single is that I feel like I can fall into ‘helpless’ mode a bit as a wife. You know, I’ll be like “oh, I’m tired, can you bring the groceries in?” or “I can’t be bothered figuring out how to fix that – can you fix it?”. When single, you are forced to be more independent and strong, and I find that as a married person, I can fall into ‘weaker’ behaviour if I’m not careful. Which is not a good thing.
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At 22 I came out of a 2 year relationship.
I moved out of my parents place for the first time, got a new challenging job and had a wonderful social life!
A lot of the time my housemates were out. I relished the time alone. I grew more confident and never felt “lonely”.
The single part only last a few months, and sometimes I wish it lasted a little longer, just to enjoy the freedom of it all.
I have happily been with my partner, almost 3 years now, but still like having alone time. It’s the perfect balance for me.
So I totally agree that would don’t need someone to be happy. I think if I was single now at 25 (or any age) I would take advantage of it as much as possible, and just enjoy the ride.
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Single , 40 ,childless. Never admit it to anyone but I bloody hate it.
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My best friend is 40, just met a bloke (came out of nowhere) and was pregnant 6 weeks later! She thought for at least the last few years this wasn’t going to happen for her though she really hoped it would, and now it has. Hang in there and good luck, it happens!
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Im not too keen on the gallery as most are in/out of relationships, not truely single women.
I do question the ‘single forever’ scenario that my sister in law faces. Lives in city on own, never had relationship, lives by self. I dont think she is lonely, but content with life. She has close relationship with parents, speaks to them 10 times a day; watching something funny on tv – ring mum to talk about. Has plenty of friends and an active social life. BUT what happens when mum and dad grow old, her friends are all getting married and having children – surely there will come the day that she wants more……
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Oh. Claire I agree. I just think iis quite unsettling for many single women who dont have children . There is that panic especially if they are heading towards 40. I feel sad for them, especially if they do rave a family of their own.
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Anna, you are so condescending. I feel sad that you are so delusional about the marriage fantasy and have been a slave to biology.
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I don’t thi k she is a slave, I thi k she just got what she wanted. A man & babies. Majority of women want that too. Not being a slave. I wonder why you are so bitter and angry.
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M, not bitter, just really offended. Anna’s comment is offensive – the part where she feels “sad for them”. If she had any idea of my life, she would possibly envy it: I have pursued my dreams, nothing has held me back. Unfortnately, I just don’t think she has the capacity to imagine anything other than her own situation, nor does she seem inclined to want to, which is ignorant.
And my comment was more tongue in cheek to be honest, returning the “sad” feeling for her situation, even though I don’t have any insight into it.
People like you piss me off, resorting to the cheap and easy “bitter” label for single women that defend themselves when passively aggressively insulted by those that believe quite naively that they have their situation sorted.
Good luck to Anna who assumes she is in a superior position. I hope it lasts and her own words don’t bite her in the arse. Single mother is much harder than single childless.
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WHY DO YOU FIND IT SO UNSETTLING???? This is the kind of rubbish woman like myself have to fight against. What…do you lose sleep at night over woman like myself?? JESUS. You are so bloody patronising I could puke.
And M…there may be anger but there is no bitterness here thanks ta very much.
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I am happy for J Anniston even tho I don’t know her…but I baulk at the thought of an 8 karat diamond..is that really true? …hmm a bit gauche methinks !
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I dont believe it when women in the 30′s are childless and single for a long period of time claim they LOVE being SINGLE…. They can try all the convincing in the world, but really nobody buys into it. Their clock is ticking and they are anxious, competition is fierce, no wonder they over indulge in vino.
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Anonymous, I bet you are a MAN! Not all women on this planet want to breed or are desperately waiting for a man to ‘save’ them from singledom. I am single, in my late 30′s & have no desire to breed & yes I am heterosexual. I am also not an alcoholic. So tell me about you?
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Married 2x kids..
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haha – don’t even bother. I wouldn’t even honour ‘Anonymous’ by farting in their presence!
Now, I don’t have any more time to reply, as I can hear a huge tick tick tick noise in my head – must be that darned biological clock! Gotta go run and find myself a man, my life is worth nothing without one. I can’t even think straight from all the hormones! Oh dear. I am soooo miserable because I am 30-something and possess a vagina – woe is me!
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LMBDG I love you! Let’s get married & make our miserable man-less lives complete. Hahaha.
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I have to agree with anon, I have 6 close friends all single , there is plenty of talk about being miserable being 3 years off 40 . There is plenty of wine surrounding them and talk of getting a man and having a baby. Panic in the single woman in their mid 30′s and beyond.It is alive and well and messing with their heads.
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Anna – or shall I say “smug married”? You agree that single women in their 30s overindulge in wine do you?
Maybe you are just a misery magnet – you don’t come across as sympathetic at all – so glad you’re not a friend of mine. Good luck in keeping your relationship on the boil!
Thanks for your generalised comment.
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Sorry to offend any single women out there, I was just making an observation that many single women Icomplain about their status – no kids and partner coming up to 40. I feel very sorry for them as their preference in life is to have a life partner, have babies and be loved and love. What is so nasty about that ladies ? I only want them to have the happiness they so deserve.
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You are just plain rude. Your comments make you unattractive and show your ignorance. I feel sad for you and the people around you personally and professionally.
I don’t give a fig for hearing or speculating about your gender, sexuality, marital status, age. None of that makes you a happier, smarter, better or more enlightened person – as you have demonstrated perfectly.
You do not sound like someone I would want to either spend time with or switch places with for any amount of time or money.
PS. Your use of the word ‘vino’ really does prove you are a tosser; and overindulge is one word, not two.
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Gosh, angry anonoymus1… did i hit a nerve ? I simply just dont buy it. thats all, no need to get your knickers in a knot.
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Nah, you didn’t hit a nerve – you’re way off. You do come across as someone who likes to be provocative and aim for that though. You seem unnecessarily proactively defensive.
Have you considered that your intended audience may not have you in mind as buyer for what they are selling? I don’t think anyone is trying to convince you, or cares if you are convinced. You sound like you’re off the market and well out of the loop or relevance to this topic.
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See, Anonymous, I might actually believe that you were extraordinarily happy with your married + 2 kids life if you didn’t feel the need to post your thoughts is such a nasty manner.
Instead of making (fairly unimaginative) generalisations like they are anxious and over-indulge in wine, how about you try looking at your own life and figure out what is making you so miserable that you need to question in such a way the choices that others have happily made, choices that have no bearing on your own life?
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You may speak the truth anon and this is what is frightening many single women, but it is your tone that is not so nice.
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This is the same troll (aka Nat) who posts on ALL stories about people who dare claim to be single and happy. The comments are always the same and are really quite boring. Just ignore them.
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Get some employment and meaning in your life
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Yep I agree Jules need to get some meaning , perspective and perhaps a job.
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Yeah, they’re just LYING. Those filthy lying happy single women. Who do they think they are?!
Sadly, you haven’t mentioned the plenty of married mums who sit at home drinking and sucking down mummy porn like there’s no tomorrow, whilst hubby has an affair with one of his work colleagues and the kids are in counselling for their endless behavioural disorders and learning problems. There’s drama on both sides of the fence; likewise there are happy marrieds and happy singles. It all depends on the person, generalising just makes you look ridiculous.
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Hear hear!!!
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Sandra Bullock has sh!t taste in men.
She should’ve gotten together with Benjamin Bratt when she had the chance!
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Two of these women are gay and not allowed to marry according to current law.
I think including them is (unintentionally) disrespectful, insensitive and hurtful.
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Didn’t Justin T leave his partner of 14 years for Jennifer? I don’t really know the details but am curious. It seems like people are so keen for ‘poor jen’ to find love that they’re willing to overlook where it came from (and whether it was already taken).
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I, too, hate hearing about “poor ol’ Jennifer Aniston.” The fact of the matter is: people are allowed to fall in and out of love. Brad is not a bad person for choosing to end his relationship to pursue someone else, who–despite what the author and millions of other obnoxious woman want to admit–happens to be a better match for him. It’s a well-established fact that no cheating occurred; he ended his relationship with Aniston, then pursued Jolie. Get over it already!
The most obnoxious part of this article, however, is that the author says, “And yet, do I hope they will find romantic love? I do. Because sharing your life with someone in that way is lovely.” So you have to be married to experience “romantic love”? What utter bullshit. What about same-sex couples who are denied the right to get married? Poor them, they’ll never be able to experience romantic, contract-bound “love.”
Personally, I feel that marriage is an optional institutionalization of love; it has nothing to do with my personal happiness OR my ability to love someone fully and romantically. Despite the weak point the author claims she is trying to make (that you can be single & happy), I feel like articles like these are exactly why old-fashioned, rubbish ideas of love & happiness still exist. In fact, I feel like more and more Mamamia articles are like this: insincere claims of support for women issues that are neither truly supported or representative of the women who write them.
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Where does the Mia mention you must be married?!?!
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She doesn’t specifically say that. But I agree with this commenter that these articles are condescending nonetheless. “We all clap for joy that Jen’s off the shelf, but we shouldn’t really because sometimes unfortunate unmarried spinsters find a little joy in life”.
It’s the tone – the judgements shouldnt be there in the first place.
Brides are brides, whether married or still looking. Singles don’t want to be brides.
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Revised/re-written, removed all ‘bad’ language and other personal references. Is this acceptable?
I personally don’t understand how you feel sorry for a woman who its now been proven wasn’t cheated on, who rather than Brad leaving her, she chose her career over him and a family and left him, who has with her Publicist Huvane, milked and manipulated the poor victim act, when she was the instigator. She, Courteney, Brad, Angelina, David, everyone involved and all their friends admitted there was no affair.
Yet even though Aniston was the first to move on with Vaughn, she got annoyed at Brad moving on thus changed tack and threw Brad under the bus, fuelled the flames of ‘Team Aniston’ which has caused woman to feel sorry for this manipulative woman for 8 years and fuel a vendetta against an innocent man and woman, all for publicity gain. You see, the great irony is that Aniston is a homewrecker slut who stole Justin Theroux from his partner of 14 years, with whom he shared a home, a life and love. Yet its amazing that people gloss over Aniston’s ill-gotten gains or they simply were not aware she seduced and slept with a taken man on set, broke up a fourteen year relationship – because, afterall, the Huvane and Aniston have the media solely in their pocket. She is able to get away with her homewrecking her pr worked over-time to ensure what she did was kept quiet, even though she met with Heidi and paid her silence.
Its amazing that a manipulative evil person can convince and dupe a whole group of women to feel sorry for her, when nothing was done to her, yet where is the sympathy for Heidi? Is it acceptable that a rich woman can get away with sleeping her way to the top and stealing men because she is rich, Heidi is an unknown and the rich can pay off people and the less rich person can’t defend themselves so should just keep quiet to allow this charade of Aniston sweet apple pie miss pure as the driven snow sainted victim, when she is the opposite? Its been 8 years; 7 years of an innocent man and woman in Brad and Angelina being hounded and lied about when they did nothing wrong to deserve it, their children called names, racism like ‘rainbow family’, all to prop up the myth of Aniston being a ‘nice’ ‘sweet’ little victim. Yet, people turn a blind eye when she does the exact same thing to a woman who doesn’t have the money that Ms Aniston has, to defend herself. The irony is people are happy for a homewrecker to destroy the life of a fellow woman, why? Because she is Jennifer Aniston and deserves to be happy, no matter at whos expense or who she hurts to get it. Why don’t people ask Heidi Bivens about Aniston and if she is happy for her ex and Aniston? Lets face it, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you, and I cannot wait for karma to make Aniston feel the pain she inflicted on Heidi. She is a homewrecker who cares naught who she hurts, and Justin is a cheating creep. They deserve each other and I cannot wait for him to do the same to Aniston, boy has she ever built up epic bad karma since 2005 and I cannot wait to see her be exposed for who and what she truly is.
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Ummm…..okay…….
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Heidi? is that you?
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Anonymous, while you make some valid points, your message and integrity is undone by two things:
1) your intensity freaks me out a little, and
2) your use of the phrase “a homewrecker slut” – it is very derogatory about women’s sexual identity.
I do agree with this point though: “if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you”. Psychologist Toby Green put it this way: If you got your man from another woman, then he is gettable.
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Isnt it amazing that ‘anonymous’ is willing to call people out as sluts and liars, and yet wont be accountable for their words with a name?
Nice try, credibility comes with fact, and accountability. You have neither.
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You are a tad intense anonymous. And it’s hard to take your opinion seriously when you refer to someone as a ‘homewrecker slut’. Makes you sound crazy…
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Why is it always the woman who is the “homewrecker” and not the man who was in the home? I was always under the impression that it was a partnered person’s responsibility to remain faithful to their partnership. Oh wait, I forgot. Women are now responsible for men’s bad choices and unethical decisions, aren’t they. And if it were a woman who was seduced away from her marriage by a man? Let me guess: she’s just an “evil slut”.
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Absolutely can’t stand Jennifer Aniston. Am totally sick of hearing about ‘How Poor Jen’s doing Since The Divorce’. Don’t care at all that she’s engaged and don’t understand this bizarre attachment people seem to have to her life. She’s so boring & beige. Get over it people!
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To be fair, it’s not Jennifer Aniston writing the stories for Woman’s Daze/No Idea/whatever mag is running with her this week. I don’t think you can blame her for what the media puts out about her.
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“I’m only interested in someone who adds value to my life, not takes it away.” – pah! Wrong attitude, maybe why you’re single? Love is not about what you expect to get, but about what you expect to give. Which is everything.
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Not sure how exactly this is the wrong attitude? Unless you want someone who is a domestic violence abuser, cheats on you ect. I think that’s what she meant. I’d rather be alone then treated badly.
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Seahorse, love comes & goes in this lifetime. Just because you may be married now, does not mean you will be happily married forever or for the next five years, as there are no guarantees in this life. There are plenty of married or unmarried couples out there who are quite miserable & lonely in their relationships but too afraid of being alone (or broke) to find real happiness. Some of them are my clients. I get to hear it all…
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My husband does too, he is a psychologist. He has informed me when a single woman over the age of 35 comes in to see him, he knows there are plenty of issues she is dealing with and some they never overcome. 2 biggest disappointing issues for them. Childlessness and their single status. It sends most of them quite mad.
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It’s very sad. But the reason these women are sad is because so much emphasis is placed on the institution of marriage in the first place.
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That doesn’t supply a broad view though.
He does have a pretty narrow research pool that is inclined to feel that way. I mean, these are people that come in WITH issues in the first place to work through their unhappiness. The many single 30 something women that DON’T come in to see him are … Happy !
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Just As in Sex & the City, the 4 single gal pals in their 30′s claimed they were happy being single & dependant, , but all they talked about were men. Did they want a man to be with and love? Hell yes. 6 years of listening of 4 single women moan and complain & discuss men. Obviously women were on their page as the series was a bloody success. Happy ending for all 4 when they all settled and were loved and in love.
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Sorry but I gotta disagree!
1. Sex and the City (SATC) was fictional, with characters. Not a documentary with real women. So it isn’t a valid reference point. It was entertainment.
But I’ll keep playing along and dissecting your point…
2. I don’t recall any of them saying they were single by preference and not interested in men. I thought the idea was they were relatively happy singles (everyone has their off weeks in life, right?! Esp. cynical Miranda) however, would probably feel even happier in finding love (although happy to find a nookie in Samantha’s case) In fact, Charlotte and Carrie were pretty open about a desire to find a long term partner.
3. You mention” 6 years of listening of 4 single women moan and complain & discuss men” – the series is called SEX and the City – if men aren’t discussed, how does the Sex part come into the show? I was out Friday night for dinner with three girl friends and we didn’t discuss men or relationships at al. It was all current affairs, work and social stuff such as films, art and travel. That’s a real life foursome of women right there. What I always found entertaining about SATC was the conversations these women had because my friends and I – in fact no women I knew – discussed men and relationships like that!
4. I’d have much preferred the series to end with Carrie single, not with Big – I never felt that was the right ending for her character. In the final show, when Big meets up with Carrie’s friends, I think Miranda and the others give him the nod or go-ahead to fly over and get her for their own personal reasons, rather than Big being the right guy for her. They just missed her a lot. She was having a bad time in Paris and with that Russian guy, but she’d have flown home herself within days – remember before Big arrived in the hotel, she’d already split with the Russian.
* But remember – these are not real people and none of this ever actually happened! lol *
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@ another fab is sing gal. Why did you and every other is single woman watching the show get disappointed when Carrie & the other girls end in love and happy? That is my question. It is interesting that single women felt let down when Carriie and the girls all had a relationship and were happy. Is it because single women felt duped? They believed that single sassy women want singledom forever ? Sorry I think the show portrayed what really women ultimately want in life, good friends. Success and to be loved and in love. That is why it ended on a high, where all 4 girls wanted to be.
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* Note: this is actually a reply to Missie’s comment below at 9.42am, without a reply button *
Missie, you assume I was single in 2004, eight years ago, when the final Sex and the City episode ended and frame your response to my comment in that context.
I may be single at present, but in 2004, I was very much in a relationship. Single is not a permanent “infliction” (neither is being coupled up). Either status can change in a matter of just 24 hours.
In regards to Carrie and Big: just as I wish for my own friends and family members, if they were to be with someone, I wanted the girls to be with the right partner who brought out the best in them and enriched their lives, not just ‘in love’. That is why I thought Carrie and Big didn’t work. I preferred Aiden actually. So a single Carrie would have been a better outcome. Better single than unhappily paired up.
I know lots of people trapped in marriages with kids that are beyond miserable – it must feel awful. I am happy for those that are happily paired up though. If you have your health and are free to pursue your own definition of happiness then that’s what it all comes down to
Some of the married women on here seem to want to see their single friends paired up with someone ANYone rather than single. Isn’t a healthy happy relationship with mutual trust and respect more important?
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Does your psychologist husband also vote for Tony Abbott? A woman’s place is in the kitchen after all, isn’t it? You must be a very happy little suburban wife eh?
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Oh missy, I work with my husband in his practise and don’t live in Suburbia. It is what my husband has observed over the years dealing with single childless women over 35 that see him. Unsettling to many women, possibly yes but the fact is , plenty of women( not all) struggle with internal issues , the why am I here on earth questions, lack of purpose & the stigma attached to being single & childless at a certain age.
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Why is this just a comment on single women? A lot of my guy friends have that issue. Unless your husband thinks they are here to spread their seed on earth?!
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Seriously? The photo gallery should have named divorcee heaven. Most of these women aren’t unmarried as much as they have recently become divorce.
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Rude intrusive person “So why are you single? Are you seeing anyone? Why not? Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want to have a life?”
Me “Ah because I am totally awesome..”
I think I will just be regurgitating this response to the rude & inappropriate people who feel the need to ask me why I am single. Heaven forbid I be 26 years old & single. I must be miserable.
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Do you really care that much???
I know I don’t.
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That was to anonymous and the wall of vitriol.
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I couldn’t help but notice, but in the gallery of favourite unmarried celebs….quite a number of those shown are very recently divorced or currently running around with toyboys.
So, most are in relationships or between publicity opportunities.
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Aaaah! Spambot ate my comment!
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There are two types of happy singles:
1. Those who are happy, but would like to be even happier by having someone to share their life with (99% of happy singles, I’d say).
2. Those who are happy being single and want to remain that way.
I only know one woman who is truly happy being single and has absolutely no intention of getting into a relationship – ever. She’s in her 60s and hasn’t had a partner for over 10 years. She likes it that way. She doesn’t date. She’s not looking. And, no, she’s not bitter and twisted. She’s content. I think it’s cool!
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God I’m glad I don’t know Mia Freedman or anyone of her ilk in real life. I can’t imagine how it would be to be around such judgemental people! My friends worry about ME as a person, and my happiness as a PERSON. I find that has very little to do with my relationship status. I’m in my early twenties, pretty, blonde, smart and very much single. I could be in a relationship in a heartbeat if I wanted. And I don’t want. God, I’d be looking for new friends if the people in my life went around subtly thinking that I might be unfulfilled or unhappy.
Sorry, as the daughter of a fucking fantastic single mother who is perfectly happy as a single mother, and as a single woman myself … how dare you feel sorry for me on the basis of my relationship status!!!
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I don’t feel sorry for you because you’re single. The bitterness, on the other hand…
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Anonymous, as I wrote, I have never believed my single friends to be unfulfilled or unhappy.
I think perhaps you were looking to take offence or didn’t read my column properly.
I certainly don’t feel sorry for you.
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I think the problem, Mia, is you don’t seem to really be making any point with this article. “Of course we shouldn’t feel sorry for single women” you say on one hand. And then you say you wish Jennifer Aniston would find love. This just seems to be 1000 words of blather with no central point at all. So I understand how some people are reading it one way and other people another.
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That’s the thing about written word. It is completely subjective and depends on the frame of mind the reader is in and their particular bent. (and some people are bent)
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There some married people I know who I wish THEY would find love (or sex even) – with each other that is. It’s nice when it works. Can we please have an article on that? Or “where do you get your love from?”
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Wow, bitter much? You totally read a different article from me because your take-away has no bearing on the actual piece – who said anything about feeling sorry for you for being single?
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Er, isn’t that the premise of the entire article? That people feel sorry for their single friends, but they shouldn’t always rush to that judgement?
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You’re lucky you have people in your life who understand, I certainly don’t. My family, friends, work colleagues and everyone else cannot understand how Iam happily single. I constantly get asked, judged ect about it.
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This is the 21st Century – marriage is no longer a ‘rite of passage’. If women want a child, a house or a lover, marriage is no longer a prerequisite.
‘Smug marrieds’ operate on the assumption that single people are unfulfilled, lonely and envious. Not so. The meringue dress has led so many dear friends into a life of suffocating co-dependency, suburban stagnation and loss of personal agency that they are (by their own assessment) ‘old before their time’.
My single friends (some divorced) don’t sit by the phone, wishing Prince Charming would come along to affirm their desirability and legitimacy as women. Precisely the opposite. Which is why they choose autonomy.
We aren’t in the 1950s anymore – love and commitment, security, motherhood – all are possible and thoroughly enjoyable without ever being a wife.
Run, Jennifer, run!
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I don’t know if everyone who is single can truly be happy… I have 2 friends, bth in mid / late 30s who, despite appearances confide that they aren’t fulfilled. They want babies, they want a partner to love and share their lives… They want to be loved and to be someone’s priority. Neither girl know many single men, not ones they fel chemistry with… Both are attractive, have a good educations and jobs … Neither has had sex or dated in nearly 2 years. I put it to them that they can be happy but they look at me, their married friend as if I’ve gone mad. For the true singles it’s a jungle out there and it’s hightened by the ticking biological clock. Maybe there isn’t someone for everyone ? Maybe these girls are holding out for something at doesn’t exist, a mystical passion where it’s knee buckling love at first sight… They don’t seem to want to compromise but they feel they are being left behind in life …. I don know the answer but I put t forward that we all want to lob and be loved and to be someone’s first priority…that’s first not after husband or child or etc… We can love our single uncoupled friends but can we truly love them enough to remove the sense of lonely nights and the fact they may just not get to have a family or find a committed partner?
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At 21 years old, I get asked all too often if I’m dating and why/why not. I’m not one to get into relationships for the fun of it. I have close friends who bounce around from relationship to relationship – and have done ever since high school – and I honestly just don’t get it. Maybe I’m just selfish, but I know I’m not ready to share my life with someone in that way just yet. I want to enjoy being young and single. I don’t have to think about or consider other people when I make decisions, I can spend my nights and/or weekends alone of I choose without people questioning me, I can go overseas tomorrow and not come back for 12 months without having to worry about someone else (not that I would actually do that, but, you know, the option is there…)
I’ve only ever been in one ‘serious’ relationship and from that time on, I decided that before I started dating again, I had to learn to love myself. Which is exactly what I’ve done. Much like Jennifer Aniston said “I have a really great relationship with myself” – I’ve learned to embrace everything about myself and I thoroughly enjoy my own company.
I’ll be the first person to admit that there have been times when it’s been really shitty, but you just have to give yourself a kick in the butt and remember that it’s not the end of the world. And probably also remind yourself that you’re amazing.
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I couldn’t have said it better myself Gabbie
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So gabbie, I’m pretty sure we may be the same person – 21, one serious(ish) relationship, very happy with being young and single, aware it can be shitty sometimes.
I get asked why I’m single a lot, particularly in a group of friends all in long term relationships but I wouldn’t have it any other way
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I kind of got the feeling that this article was more about older women thatn those in their twenties….
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Yup, let us know if you’re still single in 22 years time and how you feel about it then, Gabbie. Might be a different story! : )
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I also think it’s interesting to have input from people of all age groups.
And I wholeheartedly agree, I’m sure it will be a different story if I’m single in 22 years time. But this is my opinion on the matter as it stands for me right now.
Oh Claire, my friends are the same! I’m so glad we’re on the same page
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Clearly some of these people will be in sexual relationships with people, of their own sex or the opposite sex. What defines them is that they are unmarried. Why their marital status should reflect their happiness or otherwise is bizarre.
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It all depends on what stage you’re in in your life. I’m a divorced woman with 2 adult children. I have no intention of remarrying however it would be nice to have a partner. Bit it is not as easy as most coupled up people think. I get sick and tired of being asked, so are you seeing someone? At least 10 of my closest friends are in a similar situation to me – empty nest, finacially independent, divorced – we’ve all tried Internet dating without much success. What now?? I love living by myself – I can have vegemite sandwiches every night for dinner if I choose. However I do feel sorry for women in their mid thirties who have not found the one to make babies with.
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Sure you can be single and happy, but it’s the loneliness that is the killer. That’s why most men would rather be in an unhappy relationship then be single and alone.
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So true! My dad lived with a number of poisonous bitches just to avoid going home to an empty house.
My sister and I gave him a card that said ‘it is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life’. I think he got the hint.
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I own that mug
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Loneliness is a state of mind.
You can be lonely in a crowd. And perfectly content alone.
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Happiness is a choice…
Single or attached, just make the most of the days you have left.
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Hear Hear – the most intelligent comment on this story.
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Interesting that the photos of single women include lots of ladies who have been married and subsequently divorced. Not sure what ‘angle’ that creates for us??
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Probably goes back to the obsession with Jen Aniston. Who, after all, was married for quite a few years before becoming so famously “single”
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Maybe it’s after you reach a “certain age” that people stop concerning themselves about your supposedly unhappy singledom?
I can’t recall just *when* it happened, but it did happen.
Hooray.
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Maybe it’s when they ‘give up’ on you having babies? 45?
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So true ! When I turned 45 last year the comments magically stopped. BTW I am 46 single & quite content : )
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Hmm…I wish I could accept the fact that I’m single and just be happy.
But in reality, when you are surrounded by couples and always playing 3rd/5th/whatever wheel, it doesn’t really add up. I know this is what a lonely, single person says, but when I hear my friends complaining about relationship problems, the only thing I think is “at least you’re lucky enough to have someone to fight with.”
I know I don’t need someone to complete ME, but I do need someone to complete my life.
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I’m in the same boat, totally agree! xxxx
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I think that people can feel equally lonely and like something is missing when they are married too. If the divorce rate is anything to go by, having someone to fight with doesn’t make people any happier.
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I know what you mean MJ, my thoughts are totally illogical. But sometimes when you’re feeling particularly lonely (those days when everywhere you look there’s a couple holding hands) and all your friends seem to do is complain about their partner, you just wish it was you. I know being in a relationship isn’t an instant happiness fix, and obviously not all relationships end well, but I’m sure it helps ease the loneliness.
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I have a group of 5 girls who are my best friends. If I feel lonely or down I call one of them and I know I’m not alone.
I think the aspect of a relationship that eases the loneliness is friendship, not the holding hands/sleeping together parts.
The cure to loneliness is loving people who love you back, whether they are friends or family or a partner. Or a pet.
The exception to all of this is of course Hugh Jackman, who is Hugh-Jackmany enough to solve aaaall of life’s problems.
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I have very supportive female and male friends and family, who are always there for me. But they can’t fully provide what I’m looking for – not sex, but the feeling of being someone’s top priority, someone to share life’s moments with. I want to be the centre of someone’s world and vice versa. I think there’s a difference between calling my girlfriends for support and having the shoulder of a partner to cry on.
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I get what you mean Anon. I spent a long time feeling like that – wanting to be a day-to-day priority in someone’s life. It was like it didn’t matter what time I got in because there was nobody there to care anyway, or whether I got sick, or whether my plane crashed (extreme lonely thoughts). It was loneliness. I just wanted to be part of my own team with someone. I think that’s a normal human yearning.
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Hi – this isn’t really related to the topic, but I feel a strong urge to blurt out “Bec Sparrow – you are a classy lady!”
I love that your comments are always thoughtful, intelligent and kind. You handle constructive criticism and differing opinions (like that above) with bucket loads of grace. That’s all
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Gosh Nat Peck – thank you so much. I am having one of those blah days today so your comment has put a smile on my face.
Thank you!! xxxx
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Im glad – hope your day got better. Ps my original comment was posted in reply to yours about the gallery – don’t know how it ended up here
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Being married does not mean happiness, they are two different entities. If you’re lucky you can be happy, married, and happy to be married. Just as you can be happy, single, and happy to be single. Or not.
Celebs give too many interviews, and we buy too heavily into their lives. And they make fartoo much money for what they do.
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and you would be married!
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I’m happily married but I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than to just be married! I don’t know why we can’t just accept the fact that some people are HAPPY being on their own, some people are HAPPY being in a relationship without being married and some people are HAPPY being married.
My mum has two friends who are sisters, they are now in their late 50s and have never been married, BUT they are happy and you would think after all these years people would shutup about them finding ‘the one’…. well maybe they just haven’t found ‘the one’ or maybe shock horror they never wanted to!
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Married or unmarried, does Julie Bishop really make anyone’s favourite celebrity list?
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She doesn’t meet the criteria for admiration on this site, or any of the feminist media clique. She is on the right side of politics, you know, the one who believes that racking up 300 billion dollars worth of debt on our Chinese credit card, with nothing to show for it, might have a little bit of an impact on how we can fund health, education and welfare into the future. The interest ALONE will cripple us when the mining boom slows.
In the real world of common sense, that is inhabited by 80% of the population, she is greatly admired as a single, strong and independent woman with a fabulous career and dignity.
A woman who hasn’t rolled over to the demands and machinations of faceless men.
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No, she’s played the pathetic deputy leader to three different leaders instead.
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Like Swan (Beazley, Rudd, Gillard)? Oh, but thats ‘different’, isn’t it? Rolls eyes.
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No it’s not different, it’s wrong. Swan was never deputy until 2010 when Gillard became PM. Gillard was deputy to Rudd, and before that Macklin was deputy to Crean, Latham and Gillard. Five seconds on Wikipedia would’ve told you that.
If you argue similarities between Bishop and Macklin you’d have a point.
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Did I miss the photos of Julie and her empty bowl of fruit or does she have to show a bit more ambition for that to happen?
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What an interesting comment, Molly M, particularly following on from the debate on feminism in another article and given the media heat that Ms Gillard is facing at the moment.
Perhaps you’d like to give us some examples of Ms Bishop’s character flaws, personal beliefs and career catastrophes that so offend you. Or are you simply parroting what you’ve been told?
At the very least, she doesn’t collect husbands … other women’s husbands.
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I spend a lot more time worrying about my unhappily married friends than I do angsting about my single mates.
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Bravo. I don’t think there’s too much to worry about if you live alone in Australia with a decent lock your front door. There’s a LOT to worry about if there’s a nutjob there in your abode with you.
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I know I was far more misersable in my marriage than I ever was single.
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Yes! I can identify with this article so much. I am 30, female and single and get asked constantly why I’m not in a relationship or whether I’ve Met someone yet. Relatives offer their opinions of why this is so and offer well-meaning advice as to how I might snag a man. I always leave these conversations feeling like there’s something desperately wrong with me.
In fact, it’s tempting to get in a relationship with a man I don’t particularly want to be with just to avoid these awkward conversations.
It’s always my happily coupled friends who keep bringing up this lack of love in my life.
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Great article and so true re Jen. How do you get over the love of your life running off with a sex siren and having six kids really quickly? No wonder it took so long for someone else to feel right. I think any guy who dumps a wife and hitches up quickly, or has kids quickly, is weird. As a gross generalisation, they seem to be able to swap one life for another in a way that I think most women couldn’t. I couldn’t just switch off the old life and not look backwards, but I know plenty of guys who have done that.
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Most men don’t leave a happy marriage to hookup with someone else. Not sure about all the timing with Jen/Brad/Angie but if it was a happy fulfilled marriage, they’d still be together.
Saying this as someone who met her husband 6 weeks after he left his wife – and moving in together pretty quickly afterwards. Should we have waited a designated timeframe before getting together?
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Yes agree with below Dannii Minogue single and happy? I dont think so.. Demi , doubt it very much..
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Technically, they’re recent divorcees, not single-by-choice. If you are someone who values and longs for marriage, then of course you will be unhappy single. Single people are also unhappy when someone they love betrays them. Everyone is.
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Great article Mia but that gallery is a bit of a joke. Demi Moore happy being single? Don’t think so. Dannii Minogue? Still devastated about her break up I would think. Sophia Vergara is engaged and almost half of the rest of them are in long term relationships so hardly single.
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SO agree!
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Good point about Demi!
But I think the whole point of the gallery is that even if you’re in a relationship but not married — the world still sees it as a problem. Jennifer Aniston has been in plenty of relationships but everyone just wanted her to be *married*.
Same with Kylie.
They must just want to say to the world: BACK OFF!
We’re so prescriptive about what happiness should look like. It’s ridonkulous.
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And what about Sandra Bullock? She was absolutely devestated by her husbands indiscretions 2 years ago… I hope she is happier now, but I don’t know that you can possibly make any judgements about how happy she actually is. Or any of the other women in the gallery for that matter.
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Really good point. So I’ve changed that sentence! Thanks for the feedback.
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Hi Rene,
The gallery was purely about women who are single not a commentary on their emotional state so much!
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Fair enough. It is just confusing when we all have different definitions for single. Some define it as “unmarried”, while others, like me, define it as not being in a relationship. Tricky!
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My parents asked me recently if the single parent pension is enough to live on. I live with my partner of 9 years and our 2 children aged 8 and 5. We moved in together about 18 months before my eldest was born and have lived together ever since. I am not a single parent!
Maybe it’s a generational thing: not married = not a real relationship.
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That is gob-smackingly unbelievable. Single parent pension? Wow.
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I agree! Have been divorced and ‘single’ for over a decade. Strangely though, there’s this bloke that’s been living at my place for most of that decade. Hmm… wonder where I fit in?
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Most of those women are not single! They are divorced, most with kids!
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Which puts you back in the status of single.
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But it’s not the same as never having been married or had babies!
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You’re still single though. After work you still come home to an empty house, or look after your kids by yourself.
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But the article is called ‘Of course you can be single and happy’, so it would seem fitting to have a gallery of women that seem to be just that. Happy is an emotional state.
And by the way, I’m really happy for Jen too.
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Yes I agree. You are NOT single if you are in a relationship!!
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