I saw a sign in my neighbourhood today.
Outside an op shop, it read:
Please do not leave goods outside. We have “cameras” and you will be “fined” by the “council”.
Fortunately, their imaginary cameras didn’t catch me. “Phew.”
GRAMMAR NERDS; prepare yourselves. This will be painful. And “fun”:
15 times quotation marks were “pointless”.
1. So, do I eat it? I should probably eat it.
2. A man received this on his first day of work. Good for his “morale”.
3. I’m not sure I want to put these in my ears any more.
4. Close enough. It’s not the size that counts, anyway…
5. I think I’ll use “someone else”.
6. Do I have to go? Or is this one the same as our other “meetings”?
7. No thanks.
8. This was in a restaurant bathroom, where they like to keep up appearances.
9. Does BBC News know something? IS SNAPE JUST HIDING?
10. Okay, okay, you got us. It’s raw vegetables.
11. You call them “children”, we call them “devils”.
12. What the hell has even happened here?
13. Mmmm. I think I’ll pass.
14. Australia, China, Iceland what’s the diff?
15. This is a sign from a retirement home. Security is “tight”. (Also, no time to write ‘building’, because we have shit to do here, aight?)
“Good work”, everyone! So close, yet so far.