Thank you for sharing your story. This is my life with my 23 year old daughter who has an ice addiction. In 3 years we've watched as her life has deteriorated. She quit uni, she quit her job, she isolated herself from her family and friends and her whole world is other ice users. She is now homeless. My husband and I are devastated and have been through all the emotions you describe. Learning to accept that we can't rescue her or fix her and that all we can do is continue to love her and hope that one day she can see a better life for herself and want to access the supports we have ready for her when she is ready.  

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds so similar what I went through with my youngest son who was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. Have you considered an ASD assessment as this could explain the meltdowns. A game changer for us was seeing an occupational therapist who helped us identify his sensory needs which significantly reduced his meltdowns. 

What an amazing young woman you are Zoe and so self aware. As a former school Principal, I was terrified when my son was refusing school from the age of 14 onwards. I very reluctantly got him into a traineeship much to my absolute horror as I thought not finishing school would ruin his life. From here he took on an apprenticeship and is nearly qualified. The world of work where he could follow his passions, and earn money was exactly what he needed. He thrived. The institutionalized nature of school is not for everyone. 

I sold my expensive engagement ring to Cash Converters for a tiny percentage of what my then fiancee had paid for it. But I was broke and needed to pay an electricity bill. He cheated on me with a friend before our wedding so I had no emotional attachment to keeping it. 

Also lobbying the government for more funding into mental health to prevent tragic incidents like this from happening.

Dear Mia, you have always inspired me which is why I respectfully ask you to consider the language you used in your article - 'monster', 'evil man', 'maniac', 'crazed murderer'. I work in the community services area, supporting some of our most vulnerable clients with mental illness and/or drug addiction. We use 'person first' language to remember it is a person with a mental illness or a drug addiction rather than a 'maniac' or 'addict'. This language also acknowledges that the person is someone's daughter, son, mother, father etc. The acts of violence the perpetrator committed against innocent people at Bondi was devastating. However, the core of this issue is the lack of funding of the mental health system. As a result, many people with a mental illness also have a drug addiction and are over-represented in the criminal justice system. Empathy and compassion come so easily for the victims of his attack. However, let's also have empathy for the perpetrator as a victim of a broken system and also take a moment to consider the devastating impact on his mum and dad. 

You are amazing being so vulnerable and sharing what's in your heart. From reading your comments I think you could be neurodiverse. It is so much easier finding your tribe with other neurodiverse people. You don't have to dim your light. I hope you find your soul sisters.