To celebrate Mother’s Day and the launch of our first e-book, “The Gift of Sleep: teach your baby to sleep in 3 days“, we recently asked Mamamia readers to tells us what they wish they’d known before they had their first baby. We were inundated with photos and advice from our brilliant community … so inspired by the 2010 Nummies ad we all love, we made our own Mamamia video using the awesome song ‘The Day I Was Chosen By You’ by the gorgeous Amity Dry.
(For the record, here’s what I wish I’d known: Nobody is going to throw you in jail for serving fish fingers for dinner!)
Meanwhile, if you are an an exhausted mum or know one, check out our e-book which is all about teaching your little one how to self-settle. Because this Mother’s Day your whole family deserves the gift of sleep. For more information go to www.thegiftofsleep.com.au
What do you wish someone had told you before you became a mother?
Comments
69 Comments so far
Arrgghh
This video has me sobbing! I (ALMOST) want to wake up my 11 week old son for a cuddle!!
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The two second rule goes out the window
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I wish someone had told me to always buy TWO comfort toys. Otherwise you live in fear of losing it!
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We’ve had some amazing testimonials come in about the book in the last week. I thought I’d share them here. First one is from Bev:
Hi Elizabeth, Mia and Bec
Before starting The Gift of Sleep our twin girls (Ruby & Anisha) were waking up in excess of 20 times a night and ultimately sleeping in our beds from about 3am onwards. We tried patting, rocking, music, dummies feeding them & taking them into our beds just for some sleep. Nothing was working! The small amount of sleep they were getting was diminishing & during the day they were not happy campers – sleeping if we were lucky 45 minutes the whole day. It was overwhelming for us all.
On Sunday I picked up the paper and was flicking through it not really reading and saw an article The Gift of Sleep, I went onto the website downloaded the e-book and read it. I begged my husband to offer any amount of money to Elizabeth Sloane to come and help us!! He said we should try the Gift of Sleep book ourselves first. Discouraged I said I would think about it (surely someone else doing it would be easier). How wrong I was.
On Tuesday at 7pm with both girls crying and not showing any signs of sleep I decided there and then to start the program — anything was better than this. I followed the program word for word, sitting on a chair in the hallway book in hand waiting for the hysteria. It did not come. Forty minutes later and both babies asleep. A few resettles and some knocking during the night and our 2 beautiful babies woke up happy — no signs of trauma from the night. The next day following the same principles they both slept for 3 hours in total!! I was overjoyed! On night two, with some trepidation as they had slept so well during the day, I did not believe they would settle as easily. Within 8 minutes & one resettle both babies were asleep. That night they only needed to resettle a few times and they slept until 6.30 am. That day 3 hours sleep again when I got home from work I noticed a change in my babies — they looked brighter and happier playing independently and full of energy.
Night three and both babies were asleep within 5 minutes of putting to bed, no crying no grizzling. Nothing! Not a peep! For the first time in 10 months we have had a full night’s sleep. Our precious babies woke up at 6.15am in their own room in their own cots. We went and got one each and yes took them back to our bed where they played happily.
I am thankful to Elizabeth and the Gift of Sleep team at Mamamia!
Bev, Ruby & Anisha
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Here’s one from Robyn
Hi Bec, Elizabeth and Mia,
I don’t even know where to start. THANK YOU is probably the best place! Your The Gift of Sleep ebook release timing could not have been more perfect – my 6 month old son Hugo was a dummy addict. I’d breastfeed him to sleep each night, then pop the dummy in. He’d usually sleep through from 7.30pm til about 12.30am, then from that time til morning I would usually be up at least 3 or 4 times during the night, popping the dummy back in or breastfeeding him again to get him to fall back to sleep. In the 3 or so nights before your book was released I couldn’t get him to fall back to sleep so was bringing him into our bed, which is something we definitely did not want to encourage. When I saw The Gift of Sleep book was available, I bought it straight away and read it in one sitting late that night. We had a friend staying with us though, so we only started the program 3 nights ago. AMAZING! The first night was pretty trying on my Hugo and I – it took about 45 mins to get him to settle at the beginning, but we followed the steps perfectly and got there in the end. Then he woke at about 12.30am, and didn’t settle til almost 2am, however slept through until 7.30am! Day sleeps were good – only a few minutes of crying then off to sleep. The next night was easier – only 12 mins to get him off, then a period of only about 10 mins during the night where he was awake. Then last night at 7.30 he cried for a minute, then fell asleep. I heard him stir at 6am, then he put himself back to sleep! It’s now 7.30am and my little boy is waking up – I can hear him blowing raspberries in his cot through the monitor!
I honestly feel like I have a new little boy. He really does seem happier and more content, and has a much bigger appetite now! I gave him lots more food yesterday and he wolfed it down, must be to do with all the sleep he is now getting – and the fact that he’s no longer getting milk during the night. Also we are now 3 days dummy-free and that is amazing!!! I realise now that I had been abusing the dummy, and feeling like I needed it more than he did. So in the last 2 days I didn’t even bother taking it to places where I thought I’d need it – the shops, a doctors appointment – and he was perfect, didn’t ”need” it at all.
For what it’s worth, I don’t care if these methods are or aren’t similar to those advocated by Tizzie Hall or Gina Ford (or any other author for that matter) – I haven’t bought those books, but I found your The Gift of Sleep format the best – a quick simple read (that’s all it should be), that I can read on my Kindle and iPad/iPhone late at night.
I can’t thank you all enough. The program is so easy to follow and it has worked for us. Next step for me – dealing with my massive boobs in the morning that aren’t used to not feeding during the night!
Robyn xxx
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Another one from Sam:
Hi Mia, Bec, and Elizabeth,
I need to thank the three of you for changing my life. Last week when you released ‘The Gift of Sleep’ I was at the point of breaking down. Again. I was feeding my daughter to sleep for every night, nap, and every time she woke up during the night. It had worked well for 8 months, but for the last month she wasn’t having a bar of it. Every sleep was a fight. I was constantly trying to shove my boob in her mouth, she was constantly trying to do anything but eat, I was going insane.
Every feed was lasting for at least forty five minutes, thirty minutes of that would be a fight. I knew it wasn’t working, I knew I needed to do something else, but I didn’t know what, or how. This combined with some old issues that had reared their head resulted in a lovely diagnosis of post-natal depression.
Then, you released ‘The Gift of Sleep’. I never thought that controlled comforting was something I would do, until I tried it. My little girl fell asleep within half an hour that first night, and slept until 6 the next morning. She has only woken up twice during the night over the last week. For the last three days there isn’t even grizzling before she falls asleep. She babbles to herself for about two minutes and then is asleep. It’s amazing!
We are both more rested. We are both more relaxed. My hubby is no longer on tenterhooks wondering when I will snap/melt down next. I now enjoy my little girl again.
I can’t believe how much my life has changed in just a week. I honestly can’t express just how thankful I am. I don’t know how I would have survived another night with no sleep. You’ve saved my family.
Thank you, I owe you more than you’ll ever know.
With love,
Sam.
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And one from Jacqui …
Dear Elizabeth, Rebecca and Mia,
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I’ve just finished night 3 of The Gift of Sleep sleep program with my 21 month old daughter, Ava. And I want to cry… I’m so relieved! She is going to sleep on her own, without her bottle (her previous addiction!) and soothing herself back to sleep when she wakes during the night.
I downloaded your The Gift of Sleep e-book on Monday after reading about it in Mia’s column (thanks Mia – love your work!). I was at wits end. I work full-time, as does my husband who travels for work. So sleep is precious. Ava has not been sleeping well since last August and we’ve tried everything… or so we thought. She was waking 3 to 4 times per night. I figured hey, I’m smart, surely I can fix this… Well no I couldn’t and that just made me feel worse. I’d actually become quite ill and rundown. Besides being just well, plain grumpy!
And for the price of my weekly coffees, The Gift of Sleep book has solved the sleeping crisis. Ava is eating better. Breakfast had previously been a battle. And yes, it is only day 4, but I know that we have a happier and brighter little girl. Even though she was always happy. She just seems happier in herself. And I feel human!!!
And even though The Gift of Sleep suggests having support at home to get through it, I didn’t as my husband was away (he is a pilot) as were my parents. I say this not to brag, but to say to all the Mum’s out there thinking about it, YOU CAN DO IT! Yes it is a challenge, but the improvements are immediate and enough to get you through the next day and the next. I couldn’t put it off another day so I just started and it worked!
I had so much more energy last night that I baked a cake and painted my nails… Now that hasn’t happened in a very long time!
Thanks again… I’m off to wipe my happy tears!
Jacqui xoxo
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So beautiful – I’m about to feed my gorgeous one week old little boy and know I will cuddle him that little bit tighter after watching this video. Love it!
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a day will come when you will watch a smaltzy video or other people and their kids- whilst ignoring your own kids.
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a child will fill a hole in your heart you never knew you had!
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I agree.
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Your kids/babies (for a while at least) will be better dressed than you…..
And Mia…. This too shall pass is the motto I live my life by
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Having a pajama day today… I had planned to have a sneaky day off to myself ( drop miss 6 to school, then go to a movie by myself) but she was smart she worked out that when I wasn’t dressed before I woke her up I must not be going to work. She begged to stay home with me. So glad I said yes. We are tucked up in bed in my bed, I have coffee she has a hot chocolate, I am reading mamamia and she is reading her book on jungle animals. Bliss.
What I wish some one had told me when I was 23 and pregnant : motherhood will not change who you are, it just makes you more of what you already were.
That a baby doesn’t mean the end of life as you know it, and you can still achieve anything you set your mind to.
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These photos are just beautiful – lots of tears right now from someone that would really love to be a mom but is fast running out of time. Happy mothers day to those celebrating this weekend…
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1- You won’t know the meaning of being tired until you have a baby. I know this is condescending to childless women, but in my opinion, those first few months, particularly with your first, are just a blur! I had 3 colickly unsettled babies which also didn’t help!
my grandmother always used to say ‘ you don’t worry until you’re a mother’, and I think this is soo true!
2- How much I would worry. I always thought I was a relaxed, easygoing person, and I was prior to having children, but I can’t believe how protective of them I am, and ok I admit, borderline neurotic
3- On the subject of worry, if you are worried about something to do with your children, don’t google it! The internet is filled with horror stories of worst case scenarios. I’ve panicked myself way too many times. Talk to a trusted friend, a child health nurse or your doctor, I repeat, don’t google!
4- Don’t wish their babyhood away, with my first I later felt like I was always thinking about when she would crawl, when she would walk, talk, feed herself etc, focus on the now and savour that precious baby stage that goes way too fast!
5- I was told countless times it would be the hardest thing I would ever do, and that is definitely true, but it’s also the most rewarding of anything I’ve ever done. The thought of my kids can bring a smile to my face on the worst of days. I adore my husband, I have some wonderful friends, but there is no stronger love than what I have for my kids.
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Thanks to those who’ve commented on the song! I wrote it for my son, so it’s very special to me. And to him, he’s 6 now and can sing it by heart!
As it says in the post you can buy it on iTunes, or if you want to hear it live (and you’re in Adelaide) you can come and see ‘Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life – The Musical’ next weekend! Details at http://www.motherwifemusical.com
Happy Mother’s day everyone, hope you all get spoilt! Xx
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I wish I had known that I was incomplete. My kids complete me.
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Oh dear, that just made me cry! So very true x
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i wish someone had told me that no matter how hard it is, when they’re grown up and leaving, you’ll wish you could wave a wand and make them babies again.
What seems like an eternity will all be over in a heartbeat.
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Wow, need a tissue. I especially Lana’s advice – you will want to tell them you love them in their sleep. So true.
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Once, when I was eight months pregnant, I spent thw whole day with my maternity pants on inside out and back to front.
I do believe in baby brain. Both before AND after baby is born.
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Without wanring to put a dampener on everything, what about ”you will feel guilt?’ – yep, it’s been one of those days…
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Gee that was gorgeous … made me all teary! And doesn’t Amity have a stunning voice!
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lovely mamamia girls (and boys!)
well done
x
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Things like this will make you cry……
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That was beautiful.
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This is gorgeous. And Bec, how gorgeous are you looking. You may not be getting much sleep but it’s not showing on your face – you glow, and you look about 12 years old!
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Im sitting here 31 weeks pregnant & crying! Great messages, and a beautiful video… the one about the epidural especially applied
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The reason toddlers are so darn cute looking is so their mothers think twice about throttling them when tantrums strike.
You’ve gotta love evolution.
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That if i practised staying up later than my usual early bed time it would have been soooo much easier getting up for night feeds.
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bahaha – i love it “Nobody is going to throw you in jail for serving fish fingers for dinner!” In our house we call it a ‘shit dinner’ what ever you can find in the freezer and throw it in the oven, dim sims, wedges, chicken nuggets – and 99% of the time you feel like shit afterwards for eating all that crap !
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*doing a
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easy dinner :heat up 1 litre of water, through 1 packet of 2 mi noodles with the spices ,add some vegies like sliced carrot,Jucchinni,whatever you got and boil for 5 mi.dissolve 1 tablespoon of cornflour ,add to soup and simmer,add 2 beaten eggs,simmer .season with ground pepper according to your taste.so easy and tasty.I invented it while I was pregnant and it saved my life after throwing out 3/5 times a day.
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I would have to add to that list one of Gretchen Rubin’s from “The Happiness Project” – The days are long but the years are short. I think of that often.
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Oh that’s good! LOVE IT. x
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I have this exact quote stuck to my fridge. It has stopped me from going crazy some days. Well less crazy anyway.
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Bit too cheesy for my taste. Some beautiful photos though.
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This is a beautiful video. It makes we want to leave my desk and smother my boys with kisses and cuddles. (They’ll wrestle me in return, naturally.) Children truly are such a gift despite all the niggles. Love.
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I love looking at all the expressions on the mothers’ faces… such awe and love ( and tiredness)
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Is that Chrissie Swan in one of those pics?
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Yes. She sent us in a photo of herself with Leo. (Brisbane people might also recognise Emily Jade O’Keefe with her daughter Millie). xxxx
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This made me cry, and made my heart swell with love for my son and my unborn baby. Yes, you WILL sleep again. And you WILL miss the 3am feeds when it was just you and the baby in a quiet house, cuddling. (I NEVER thought I’d say that.)
As hard as it is, multiply that by 10,000, and that’s how GOOD it gets.
Love this video.
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I Know! Not long after my daughter stopped waking for her 2.30am feed I still couldn’t sleep through the night and I was massively tempted to grab her and give her a cuddle in the quiet of the early early morning. I don’t miss being tired of looking like a old, old woman, but I do miss the mummy and me time
) And I try to tell everyone expecting their first that they are the moments worth treasuring.
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Totally agree !! with our first baby we were swamped with visitors for weeks, I cherished those midnight feeds no phone, no TV, no doorbell no talking. Then at 14 weeks he stopped waking for it I was so sad
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I once boasted about how great my daughter’s poos are!
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My 3.5 y/o was potty training when he did it first time on his own I said what a beautiful poo you did.
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Made me cry! On a day when I am sitting at work doing a job I no longer love like I used to (on top of coming down with a cold), made me want to go and pick my babies up from child care and after school care and just be with them.
The one about your baby going to high school pariculary got me as my biggest baby started year 7 this year. Goes way to quick.
What do I wish someone had told me? That there are days you will feel like your life will never be the same. It won’t, but in a wonderful, unexpected way.
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I wish I’d known how as soon as you have a baby you start talking about yourself in the third person. Yesterday I heard myself say, ‘Mummy needs to wee.” LOL!
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haha yes this is so true!
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I am fairly sure I knew everything I was in for but knowing about what may happen and experiencing the actual stress of mothering are two very different things! Fundamentally I think I am a very selfish person and the challenge of being responsible for kids and maintaining my sense of self is hard to reconcile. Oh how I miss spending money on myself, sleeping in, not carrying so much responsibility, the list is endless!
Happy mothers day to all those mums out there that never stop giving of themselves for the sake of their children. And to those who don’t have children thanks for allowing me this selfish moment of self indulgence, I know I am blessed and shouldnt complain xxx
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And this is what terrifies me about motherhood. As a teen and early twenties I always thought I didn’t want children but when I visited family overseas I adored all my cousins kids. The problem is I’m in a serious relationship now with a man 11 years older than me. A man who wants children and I think I want kids too but I am incredibly selfish and sleep A LOT and am vain and love alone time away from anyone because I just like being alone. The idea of putting on weight, not fitting into clothes, not being hot anymore, losing sleep, being “the mum” while my man goes to work with pretty girls in high heels and make up, talking about poos and wees like anyone actually cares scares the complete CRAP out of me. I don’t want to be one of those parents who wishes they didn’t do it but I’m scared I might be. I will probably have at least one but I don’t know whether it’s because I think I should or because it’s what I really want. My partner is 37 and all his friends are married with kids and I know he’ll want that too if not before then by the time he’s 40 and I am terrified he won’t see sexy me anymore and that I’ll just be the mother of his children and the wife who cleans up after him. That’s how my parents marriage is but I know there are happy exceptions but from what I know and what I’ve seen all too many marriages go downhill once kids arrive. Any advice for one scared little cookie?!
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Maybe agree to have a 3 or 5 year plan and decide what you’ll do by then together.
Don’t think that just because you have kids you’ll just become an unsexy, overweight, stay at home drudge, who never gets a moment to herself. The early days can be busy/tiring etc, but childhood is full of change.
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Oh Candice I really empathise with you. I was never sure I wanted kids but my husband was desperate. It was a hard road getting pregnant and once I started the journey I was petrified. The uncertainty, the trepidation, the ansgst were all a part of impending motherhood. I never felt ready to have a child until my first child was born and even then it wasn’t love at first sight.
As I commented above I still find parenting a struggle and at times I resent the enormity of the responsibility I am forced to endure. But……I love my kids from the bottom of my heart, I love the perspective they bring and the sheer joy of being part of a family. I don’t think parenting comes naturally to everyone. I know I am still growing into the role.
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Thank you for your response. One of my friends is in her forties and has three kids; she’s always telling me how if she had her time over again she would have said no to her husband. I wish I could know how I would take to it but people’s advice that I should look after someone else’s kids to get some experience is not helpful because I do enjoy children for a few hours – they can be a lot of fun and adoreable! But full time parenting is a whole different story and I’m scared I’ll just resent them for changing my life beyond anything I have ever known. And truth be told I want to be my partner’s number one love, I don’t want to share his love with anyone else. I realise how selfish that sounds and I must sound like a terrible person but I’m not really, I’m just scared that I won’t be any good or enjoy something that I’m supposed to “want” and yet so many people pray for…
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Candice
You are not a terrible person just an honest one. For what it’s worth I personally didn’t feel overwhelmed when we just had one child. At that time we could still do mostly as we wished. It was easy to take him travelling with us, it was easy to get help from family and friends and the financial burden was manageable. However going from one to three, we had twins has been far more of a shock. The demands on me have grown exponentially and so too has the occasional resentment. Although I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling in retrospect I think I may have coped better with one child.
Just a thought!
Best of luck with your decision, I really feel for you and understand the turmoil you are going through.
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Candice, this is your life, live it the way you want to, not for anyone else or in the way you think you ‘should’ live it. Having children is a massive commitment and to quote a line from the movie Eat, Pray, Love – ‘having children is like getting a tattoo on your face; you’ve got to be really sure’!
Having kids is bloody hard work, even when you’ve yearned for them for years. My advice would be to really know yourself and what is right for you. Having kids is not a ‘must do’ just because your body has the ability to produce a child.
Listen to your heart xo
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My partner keeps asking me what on earth I’m typing out on the laptop; if only he knew! But perhaps he should know…I’m just terrified to tell him that I don’t know what I want. I’m scared he might not want me anymore and will find someone else who definitely does want kids. If my choice is between having him and having a child or not having him at all I don’t know if I’d have the strength to say no to him. But maybe it doesn’t have to be no, maybe it can be “not yet” and one child instead of the two he insists is a fabulous idea. All good things for me to think about I suppose. Thanks ladies xx
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Your honesty is refreshing and I can relate. I put off having a baby til I was 35, and he’s now 6 months.
I won’t lie it’s extremely hard work, but if you have lots of family support, which we don’tI think it makes a huge difference.
The love I feel for my son really makes it all worth it I must say, and I was extremely selfish and spoiled for a long time lol. I miss being able to shop for myself on weekends, to read, sleep in, spend big bucks on whatever I want, but honestly when he smiles at me and lights up when he sees me it is all worth it.
I know it sounds cliche and I’ve had my days where I think what the hell have I done, but I am so glad I did it, and wish I’d done it earlier.
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Lil, what a great and honest comment!
Candice, to quote Oprah: ‘Doubt means don’t.’
By the sounds of things, I don’t think you’re ready to be a mother. You’d only be doing it for your partner and that’s not a good enough reason. Also, why does the burden fall completely on your shoulders? If you’re wrestling with the idea of becoming a parent for him, he should be wrestling with the idea of not becoming a parent for you. Ultimately, you have to decide how much you both want to be together and what kind of lifestyle you’d be happy with going forward.
Do NOT let people (parents, siblings, extended family, girlfriends, random women) pressure you into having a child by telling you you won’t regret it. How would they know? You might regret it! It is one of the only decisions in life you can’t undo. I’m sure if you had kids you’d love them and make the best of it, but what if it wasn’t really the right move for you to make? There’s no going back.
I’d highly recommend some couples counselling about this. The counseller will guide you and your partner through the decision-making process. Best of luck!
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Lil. THANK YOU.
Your posts alone have helped me to feel less guilty about feeling EXACTLY the same.
Thank you sooooo much.
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I know SO many hot Mums! You can be “your old self” again, just with more dimensions, and THAT is sexy. Its not selfish or vain to care about your appearance when you’re a Mum, if that’s what makes you feel confident. Nor to make your relationship a priority – I make sure my husband sees me as a woman and his wife, and not just a Mum, and i guarantee you, its a very desirable thing!
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Thank you for your words of encouragement. I do appreciate it and I do notice all the beautiful mums who look amazing and have wonderful outfits! But then I look at the women in my family – my mum and sister in law – and I just think “my God I don’t want to end up like you, just a former shell of myself”. But I think their choices contributed to where they are; both don’t know how to say no, both have husbands who insist they do everything for them and around the house and both have made their children their entire universe. Maybe I can be different but it’s not just the appearance stuff that scares me; it’s the “losing” who I really am in nappies, school runs, lunches, homework, the constant intrusions, etc, etc. PS your husband sounds like one lucky man
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I ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Ever since I was a tiny little thing. However, the reality of having kids hit me hard…..it is f*&king hard, I do miss parts of my old life, I miss sleep and i miss my old breasts. i used to naively think that EVERY WOMAN would love being a mother if they did it. Now, i truly believe motherhood is not for everyone. Having said all this, it is for me. it’s not bliss 24/7, which I thought it would be, but the cuddles, smiles and love I have for my son is priceless. I wish everyone could experience what i experience. but, it is not for everyone. I also made a pact to myself whilst pregnant that I would not let myself go, that i would fit into my size 8 clothing once again and that i would continue wearing high heels!
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I had the same fears, almost exactly as you have said, even loving time alone,!! being honest with yourself is the first step. Talk to your partner about your fears. The outcome may be is that if you want different things then it might not work. …however, it never occurred to me that I would love my kids though. I know it sounds strange to say that but I underestimated how they would make me feel. And kids change you. I know of many guys who changed their ways the minute their child was born they start to think more like a protector and provider and really treasure their partner. And now when I do have that elusive time to myself I feel like part of me is missing. Sorry to bang on about this. One more thing, discussing poo and nap times is just the way us insecure mums assure ourselves that we are doing the right thing as mums.
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Candace your honesty on this is refreshing. I too like you was torn. My husband always wanted at least 2 kids, but it wasn’t until I was 29 that I even became interested in the idea. We decided to have one child and see how we went. We are stopping at one.
He has been full on from day one, even the midwives made comment in the hospital. He was a breach baby so the last trimester of pregnancy was awful. Then he had colic and reflux. He stopped throwing up the day after he turned one. Now it’s tantrums galore.
I thought I knew what I’d be in for but it’s been way harder than I imagined. That said, I can’t believe how much I love him and how I can just watch him sleeping for ages.
If I could have my time over I would do it again though. I would make sure I had better support around me though. Instead of people sending flowers galore to the hospital I would be upfront and ask people to chip in for a cleaner once a week, give you some home cooked frozen meals and a baby sitter once a week. Forget about the stuff. Little outfits and toys may be cute and people love shopping for them but it’s help that you really need. The most important thing though is to get sleep, without it you go bonkers. Get people to watch your baby whenever you can and sleep, sleep, sleep!
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Lovely, just wish I could go back to when my big kids were babies sometimes.
To take a look at my article: The Top Five Pearls of Wisdom for New Mothers go to http://www.redlilymama.com
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Beautiful….and it made me cry! Going to wake up my sleeping 8mth old and give him a cuddle xx
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Nooooo! It’s beautiful but not THAT beautiful
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Never wake a sleeping bub! Even though you might want to sometimes
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